The difference between complementary and complimentary goes beyond e and i, such that many users of the words rarely appreciate their real meanings. When two persons join in relationship such that the inherent quality in one brings out the best missing in the other, then there is complementarity. On the other hand when you commend or express admiration for someone or something, then it is a compliment. Relationships among humans are characterised by harmony or the opposite, largely on the basis of complementarity.
Factors which cause disharmony and bitterness in human relationships are quite many, one of which is the absence of matching qualities among the parties. In medical practice blood transfusion is usually preceded by a matching test, to ensure mutual compatibility in the blood chemistry. But it is in marital relationship that parties can bond together without prior matching tests. Arising from this folly many couples go through bitter experiences and needless pains, without knowing why. Matching qualities are not identical but complementary, in the sense that one party completes what is missing in the other, thereby bringing about a harmonious chord.
Apart from the issues of complementarity and matching tests in marital relationship, there is also another rarely known factor responsible for failures and bitter experiences in marriages. Known in medical circle as Turner’s Syndrome, this is a genetic disorder whereby a woman has male hormones in her blood system or vice versa. Cases of such sex distortions are many, arising from many factors.
Infertility, barrenness, frigidity and other abnormalities experienced in marital relationship can be traced to some wrong but persistent activities of a remote past. Various motives and reasons account for individuals coming together in various relationships, but it is in rare cases that the impetus remains the same to the end. Reasons commonly cited as accounting for failed marital relationship include infidelity, financial strains, lack of sexual satisfaction, childlessness, among several others. In all such cases, not all the remote or carry-over factors are known, because there are missing links in the natural history of every individual; neither is it necessary to know everything.
Matching qualities which account for complementarity in marital relationship are not made on earth or by parents, but individuals come into incarnation with them. Thus there is element of destiny or links fashioned or “made in heaven” in this matter. So far, there is no known means of ascertaining matching qualities in men and women going into wedlock. Personal choices coupled with wise observations and decisions based on genuine love, feature in this matter. But in spite of this, love alone cannot render matching qualities unnecessary!
In Shakespeares’ All’s Well That End Well, we are given the impression that happy and successful marriage comes by destiny, just as we are told that life is a shuttle. It is a pity that humans get so engrossed with mundane aspirations and pursuits that no time is invested in recognising what God has put together in the mechanism of life or human destiny. Couples suited for and complementing each other deserve to have their union preserved, respected and honoured.
Complementarity as the basis of human co-existence demands that emphasis should be focused on the basic unit of relationship, because harmonious and happy couples translate into an ideal society. An ideal marriage is not one that has the highest degree of material comfort, free from cares and worries, but one which bears complementarity as the basis of mutual loyalty and devotion. Mutual loyalty and satisfaction rarely place material comfort as principal goal, but some aspirations of higher and lasting values. Ideal relationships enhance mutual ennoblement and lasting values to life.
What the human body requires in ideal relationships include recreation, harmony, rest and nourishment, and not stress arising from incompatibility. What men detest most in female companions are such domineering attitude that combines nagging with disloyalty and a care-free home keeping lifestyle. The task of an ideal home rests more on the woman, which can be fostered by a man knowing that every woman longs for attention, admiration and affection. Give these to a woman and every other joy shall be added unto you.
A study of how Nature blends diversities to foster a healthy and sustainable up building should occupy the attention of every serious-minded person. Once a wrong foundation has been laid through human vanity, will fullness or indolence, the process of repairs of the harm done would involve tears and agonies. An ideal point to start such study is to explore what God has put or joined together, which goes beyond marriage. With regards to human relationships, including political groupings, it is vital to take the idiom of “uneven yoke” quite seriously.
There is no way that forced and arbitrary blending or putting together strange bed-fellows or unwilling partners can foster harmony or unity. On the contrary such myopic and arbitrary unions of incompatible parties perpetual instability in human society. Root causes of domestic and political challenges and predicaments arise from unbalanced, one-sided putting together of persons and groups who do not share common interests, identity and aspirations. The democratic principle of freedom of personal choices and decisions is rarely observed with honesty but often abused and corrupted.
Where imbalances, suppression of personal volition and in harmony remain unchecked for a long time, disintegration usually follows. Harmony expresses largely in people working joyfully together in up building and meaningful projects, including making personal sacrifices in loyal commitment towards such project. From the home circle to wider political arena, people perform better when they are happy and in a state of harmony. Such happiness and harmony arise from a wider environment which fosters free expression of personal abilities.
There is a Law of Reversed Efforts which stipulates that wherever there exists imbalance or conflict between the personal conviction of individuals and what they are compelled to do or accept, failure would arise. In every union or relationship this law operates because where there is no complementarity and compatibility, vital up building elements are lacking. Ideal co-existence demands respect for grassroots identity rather than desecrate it.

By: Bright Amirize
Amirize is a retired university lecturer