Opinion
Complementarity As Basis For Co-Existence
The difference between complementary and complimentary goes beyond e and i, such that many users of the words rarely appreciate their real meanings. When two persons join in relationship such that the inherent quality in one brings out the best missing in the other, then there is complementarity. On the other hand when you commend or express admiration for someone or something, then it is a compliment. Relationships among humans are characterised by harmony or the opposite, largely on the basis of complementarity.
Factors which cause disharmony and bitterness in human relationships are quite many, one of which is the absence of matching qualities among the parties. In medical practice blood transfusion is usually preceded by a matching test, to ensure mutual compatibility in the blood chemistry. But it is in marital relationship that parties can bond together without prior matching tests. Arising from this folly many couples go through bitter experiences and needless pains, without knowing why. Matching qualities are not identical but complementary, in the sense that one party completes what is missing in the other, thereby bringing about a harmonious chord.
Apart from the issues of complementarity and matching tests in marital relationship, there is also another rarely known factor responsible for failures and bitter experiences in marriages. Known in medical circle as Turner’s Syndrome, this is a genetic disorder whereby a woman has male hormones in her blood system or vice versa. Cases of such sex distortions are many, arising from many factors.
Infertility, barrenness, frigidity and other abnormalities experienced in marital relationship can be traced to some wrong but persistent activities of a remote past. Various motives and reasons account for individuals coming together in various relationships, but it is in rare cases that the impetus remains the same to the end. Reasons commonly cited as accounting for failed marital relationship include infidelity, financial strains, lack of sexual satisfaction, childlessness, among several others. In all such cases, not all the remote or carry-over factors are known, because there are missing links in the natural history of every individual; neither is it necessary to know everything.
Matching qualities which account for complementarity in marital relationship are not made on earth or by parents, but individuals come into incarnation with them. Thus there is element of destiny or links fashioned or “made in heaven” in this matter. So far, there is no known means of ascertaining matching qualities in men and women going into wedlock. Personal choices coupled with wise observations and decisions based on genuine love, feature in this matter. But in spite of this, love alone cannot render matching qualities unnecessary!
In Shakespeares’ All’s Well That End Well, we are given the impression that happy and successful marriage comes by destiny, just as we are told that life is a shuttle. It is a pity that humans get so engrossed with mundane aspirations and pursuits that no time is invested in recognising what God has put together in the mechanism of life or human destiny. Couples suited for and complementing each other deserve to have their union preserved, respected and honoured.
Complementarity as the basis of human co-existence demands that emphasis should be focused on the basic unit of relationship, because harmonious and happy couples translate into an ideal society. An ideal marriage is not one that has the highest degree of material comfort, free from cares and worries, but one which bears complementarity as the basis of mutual loyalty and devotion. Mutual loyalty and satisfaction rarely place material comfort as principal goal, but some aspirations of higher and lasting values. Ideal relationships enhance mutual ennoblement and lasting values to life.
What the human body requires in ideal relationships include recreation, harmony, rest and nourishment, and not stress arising from incompatibility. What men detest most in female companions are such domineering attitude that combines nagging with disloyalty and a care-free home keeping lifestyle. The task of an ideal home rests more on the woman, which can be fostered by a man knowing that every woman longs for attention, admiration and affection. Give these to a woman and every other joy shall be added unto you.
A study of how Nature blends diversities to foster a healthy and sustainable up building should occupy the attention of every serious-minded person. Once a wrong foundation has been laid through human vanity, will fullness or indolence, the process of repairs of the harm done would involve tears and agonies. An ideal point to start such study is to explore what God has put or joined together, which goes beyond marriage. With regards to human relationships, including political groupings, it is vital to take the idiom of “uneven yoke” quite seriously.
There is no way that forced and arbitrary blending or putting together strange bed-fellows or unwilling partners can foster harmony or unity. On the contrary such myopic and arbitrary unions of incompatible parties perpetual instability in human society. Root causes of domestic and political challenges and predicaments arise from unbalanced, one-sided putting together of persons and groups who do not share common interests, identity and aspirations. The democratic principle of freedom of personal choices and decisions is rarely observed with honesty but often abused and corrupted.
Where imbalances, suppression of personal volition and in harmony remain unchecked for a long time, disintegration usually follows. Harmony expresses largely in people working joyfully together in up building and meaningful projects, including making personal sacrifices in loyal commitment towards such project. From the home circle to wider political arena, people perform better when they are happy and in a state of harmony. Such happiness and harmony arise from a wider environment which fosters free expression of personal abilities.
There is a Law of Reversed Efforts which stipulates that wherever there exists imbalance or conflict between the personal conviction of individuals and what they are compelled to do or accept, failure would arise. In every union or relationship this law operates because where there is no complementarity and compatibility, vital up building elements are lacking. Ideal co-existence demands respect for grassroots identity rather than desecrate it.
By: Bright Amirize
Amirize is a retired university lecturer
Opinion
Wike VS Soldier’s Altercation: Matters Arising
The events that unfolded in Abuja on Tuesday November 11, 2025 between the Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Chief Nyesom Wike and a detachment of soldiers guarding a disputed property, led by Adams Yerima, a commissioned Naval Officer, may go down as one of the defining images of Nigeria’s democratic contradictions. It was not merely a quarrel over land. It was a confrontation between civil authority and the military legacy that still hovers over our national life.
Nyesom Wike, fiery and fearless as always, was seen on video exchanging words with a uniformed officer who refused to grant him passage to inspect a parcel of land alleged to have been illegally acquired. The minister’s voice rose, his temper flared, and the soldier, too, stood his ground, insisting on his own authority. Around them, aides, security men, and bystanders watched, stunned, as two embodiments of the Nigerian state clashed in the open.
The images spread fast, igniting debates across drawing rooms, beer parlours, and social media platforms. Some hailed Wike for standing up to military arrogance; others scolded him for perceived disrespect to the armed forces. Yet beneath the noise lies a deeper question about what sort of society we are building and whether power in Nigeria truly understands the limits of its own reach.
It is tragic that, more than two decades into civil rule, the relationship between the civilian arm of government and the military remains fragile and poorly understood. The presence of soldiers in a land dispute between private individuals and the city administration is, by all civic standards, an aberration. It recalls a dark era when might was right, and uniforms conferred immunity against accountability.
Wike’s anger, even if fiery, was rooted in a legitimate concern: that no individual, however connected or retired, should deploy the military to protect personal interests. That sentiment echoes the fundamental democratic creed that the law is supreme, not personalities. If his passion overshot decorum, it was perhaps a reflection of a nation weary of impunity.
On the other hand, the soldier in question is a symbol of another truth: that discipline, respect for order, and duty to hierarchy are ingrained in our armed forces. He may have been caught between conflicting instructions one from his superiors, another from a civilian minister exercising his lawful authority. The confusion points not to personal failure but to institutional dysfunction.
It is, therefore, simplistic to turn the incident into a morality play of good versus evil.
*********”**** What happened was an institutional embarrassment. Both men represented facets of the same failing system a polity still learning how to reconcile authority with civility, law with loyalty, and service with restraint.
In fairness, Wike has shown himself as a man of uncommon courage. Whether in Rivers State or at the FCTA, he does not shy away from confrontation. Yet courage without composure often feeds misunderstanding. A public officer must always be the cooler head, even when provoked, because the power of example outweighs the satisfaction of winning an argument.
Conversely, soldiers, too, must be reminded that their uniforms do not place them above civilian oversight. The military exists to defend the nation, not to enforce property claims or intimidate lawful authorities. Their participation in purely civil matters corrodes the image of the institution and erodes public trust.
One cannot overlook the irony: in a country where kidnappers roam highways and bandits sack villages, armed men are posted to guard contested land in the capital. It reflects misplaced priorities and distorted values. The Nigerian soldier, trained to defend sovereignty, should not be drawn into private or bureaucratic tussles.
Sycophancy remains the greatest ailment of our political culture. Many of those who now cheer one side or the other do so not out of conviction but out of convenience. Tomorrow they will switch allegiance. True patriotism lies not in defending personalities but in defending principles. A people enslaved by flattery cannot nurture a culture of justice.
The Nigerian elite must learn to submit to the same laws that govern the poor. When big men fence off public land and use connections to shield their interests, they mock the very constitution they swore to uphold. The FCT, as the mirror of national order, must not become a jungle where only the powerful can build.
The lesson for Wike himself is also clear: power is best exercised with calmness. The weight of his office demands more than bravery; it demands statesmanship. To lead is not merely to command, but to persuade — even those who resist your authority.
Equally, the lesson for the armed forces is that professionalism shines brightest in restraint. Obedience to illegal orders is not loyalty; it is complicity. The soldier who stands on the side of justice protects both his honour and the dignity of his uniform.
The Presidency, too, must see this episode as a wake-up call to clarify institutional boundaries. If soldiers can be drawn into civil enforcement without authorization, then our democracy remains at risk of subtle militarization. The constitution must speak louder than confusion.
The Nigerian public deserves better than spectacles of ego. We crave leaders who rise above emotion and officers who respect civilian supremacy. Our children must not inherit a nation where authority means shouting matches and intimidation in public glare.
Every democracy matures through such tests. What matters is whether we learn the right lessons. The British once had generals who defied parliament; the Americans once fought over states’ rights; Nigeria, too, must pass through her own growing pains but with humility, not hubris.
If the confrontation has stirred discomfort, then perhaps it has done the nation some good. It forces a conversation long overdue: Who truly owns the state — the citizen or the powerful? Can we build a Nigeria where institutions, not individuals, define our destiny?
As the dust settles, both the FCTA and the military hierarchy must conduct impartial investigations. The truth must be established — not to shame anyone, but to restore order. Where laws were broken, consequences must follow. Where misunderstandings occurred, apologies must be offered.
Let the rule of law triumph over the rule of impulse. Let civility triumph over confrontation. Let governance return to the path of dialogue and procedure.
Nigeria cannot continue to oscillate between civilian bravado and military arrogance. Both impulses spring from the same insecurity — the fear of losing control. True leadership lies in the ability to trust institutions to do their work without coercion.
Those who witnessed the clash saw a drama of two gladiators. One in starched khaki, one in well-cut suit. Both proud, both unyielding. But a nation cannot be built on stubbornness; it must be built on understanding. Power, when it meets power, should produce order, not chaos.
We must resist the temptation to glorify temper. Governance is not warfare; it is stewardship. The citizen watches, the world observes, and history records. How we handle moments like this will define our collective maturity.
The confrontation may have ended without violence, but it left deep questions in the national conscience. When men of authority quarrel in the open, institutions tremble. The people, once again, become spectators in a theatre of misplaced pride.
It is time for all who hold office — civilian or military — to remember that they serve under the same flag. That flag is neither khaki nor political colour; it is green-white-green, and it demands humility.
No victor, no vanquish only a lesson for a nation still learning to govern itself with dignity.
By; King Onunwor
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