Opinion
What Our Men Do To Us
Suddenly, the once unknown Brenda Ataga, is now a household name. In the press and blogosphere, she has become a major topic for discussion. Her beautiful picture and impressive resume displayed on various news platforms make many wonder what a husband of such a young, beautiful, accomplished and responsible woman would be looking for in a side chick.
Incidentally, Michael Usifo Ataga, chief executive officer at Super Network Company, Brenda’s husband who was allegedly murdered by his side chick, Chidinma Ojukwu, a 300-level student of the University of Lagos on June 15, who would have been in a better position to answer the question cannot do so from the morgue where his lifeless body is currently resting. May his soul rest in peace.
From time immemorial, men have cheated on their wives. But now, more than ever before, faithfulness in marriage has taken the back stage and we have heard all manner of reasons being adduced for that – it is an African thing, men are promiscuous by nature, some men have high libido, unpleasant atmosphere at home and all that.
My business here is not to argue whether unfaithfulness under any condition is justifiable or not. I am rather concerned about the pain, the agony, the disgrace such an act brings to their lawful wives. I am bothered about the danger some married women are exposed to because of their husbands’ escapade. I once had a friend whose husband’s concubine stripped naked on the road for “interfering in their love affairs”.
I also know of a medical doctor who died some years ago having been allegedly poisoned by her husband’s secretary who was dating him. Barely one year after her death, the relationship between the two illegal love birds was sealed in the church. Some women have been kidnapped, threatened, beaten and harassed by their husbands’ main and side chicks. Not to talk of the number of women that have contracted HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases owing to their husbands’ quest to test all soups – ogbono, egwusi, ewedu, atama and many more.
Back to the case at hand, from the account of the gruesome killing of Ataga, which keeps unfolding every day, and from all being said about the alleged culprit, Chidinma, it is obvious the 21-year-old girl may not be as innocent as she looks and claims. A statement credited to the elder brother of the deceased, Dr Isi Ataga, he claimed that “Usifo died a horrific death. He wasn’t stabbed two or even five times; he was stabbed multiple times. His hands were bound tightly and the marks were still all over his wrists, accompanied by evidence of torture and assault even as his corpse lay in the morgue.
“And no one in the entire building heard his screams because he was gagged. Let that sink in, he was bound, gagged and tortured!
“The now-viral video of the room with the deceased lying on the floor shows a room with blood-stained walls and floor, evidence of a ferocious struggle. One person could never have carried these out,” he continued.
The Police have also released a statement saying, amongst other things, that the suspect conspired with others, now at large, and allegedly murdered Ataga.
You can imagine what would have been Brenda’s fate had this girl wanted Usifo for keeps and had seen her as a stumbling block.
The bottomline is that any man that cannot zip up, any man that cannot stick to his legally married wife or wives (because some men who have several wives are also involved in the main chick, side chick, girlfriend, concubine madness), any man who chooses to be a cheerful giver to everything on skirt, should know the caliber of woman/girl he deals with to avoid putting his wife and children in harm’s way or disgrace.
But then, something has to be done about the moral decadence in our society today. A situation where our young boys and girls indulge in all manner of unspeakable things – prostitution, drug peddling, dating of sugar mummies and daddies, gambling, Internet fraud, kidnapping, armed robbery to make money should worry any right-thinking person, especially as we are banking on them for a better Nigeria tomorrow.
Many young Nigerians likewise the older ones have no regard for dignity of labour. Everybody wants to “blow”. However that is achieved is not important. We forsake laws, look down on the upright poor and roll out drums in praise of the fraudulent rich.
As one elder statesman said, if efforts are not made towards value reorientation, particularly among the younger generation, then the future of the country is bleak. Our political, traditional and religious leaders, educational institutions, parents, youth organisations and others must make conscious efforts towards reorienting and redirecting our youths and the society in general. People need to be sensitized and educated to imbibe the value of integrity, honesty, hard work, self-dignity and other positive ethical values needed for better citizens and a better nation.
The role of parents in forming better citizens of the country cannot be overemphasised. Each time I look at the picture of Chidinma and read all the stories of crime, drug abuse and other reckless life associated with her, I can’t help but wonder how her mother and father even though they may no longer be together, could allow their pretty child get so bad at such a young age.
Experts have always emphasised that parenting is the toughest and most fulfilling job in the world; that you are not a child’s parent merely by bringing her into the world. You have to be there for the child, boosting her self-esteem, guiding and directing her, creating time for her, communicating with her and very importantly, loving her unconditionally.
No doubt, parenting has never been as challenging as it is these days with the struggle to make ends meet, the children learning all sorts of negative things from the Internet. You talk and talk and they will not listen. But is giving up or relenting an option to be considered? I don’t think so.
By: Calista Ezeaku
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