After delivering a lecture at a private occasion, there was an appeal to have the material published for the benefit of a wider public. Despite some slight modifications, the central issue is that women are meant to be a present source of comfort, solace and inspiration for men; more so, in moments of stress.
Without going into an engineering principle of tribology which has to do with greasing and lubrication, women can rightly be described as lubricants in human relationships. Whether or not they are aware of this natural role peculiar to them, the truth is that women infuse into men a motivating power and impetus to spur them. It is not wrong to say that behind every successful man, there is always or woman. The reverse may also be the case, unfortunately.
This motivating feminine power also has some taming tendency which, when applied without tact, can turn a woman into a shrew or a tyrant which manifests in nagging. It is wrong to describe women as weak, because they are endowed with some unique countervailing power serving as a balancing complement to that of men. This counten-balancing and complementary arrangement in sex-roles is meant to produce harmonious checks and balances.
The concept of “pairs of opposites” as we find in Jewish cosmoging or “yin and yang” in Chinese philosophy may be too complex to delve into here. But briefly, we find that species split into two sub-units for the purpose of effective collaborative operation, whereby one cannot do or function independently without the other. A commonly used example for illustrative purpose is the transmission of electric current which demands a combination of negative and positive lines, to produce power. So, we find this process of split and collaboration as a fixed law.
Like every positive phase of energy, men are aggressive, pushing and possibly ruthless in nature, while women balance these raw masculine tendencies through the infusion of a taming and healing balm. It is not weakness on the part of women that they are soft, subtle, passive and alluring, but these attributes constitute a present necessity for the purposes of lubrication, pacification and direction. In the household of nature the feminine leads and sets the standard, while the masculine executes. Without such conmplementarity, the dynamics of energy would be chaotic and mis-directed.
Matrimonial partnership is not necessary for the natural qualities of the sexes to manifest, although the family circle can be an appropriate point where these qualities can be perfected and put into practice. Problems and distortions arise where these qualities are misapplied, such as a female engaging in activities and behavioural patterns that are masculine, or vice-versa. Female hormones can be affected by such distorted activity pattern, leading to quite unpleasant consequences.
Thus, when a woman abandons her natural line of activity and behaviour and inclines towards the male pattern, she runs the risk of distorting the nature of her sex. When a woman becomes masculine in thought, behaviour and actions, then she would lose the peculiar feminine qualities which include being a soothing balm in moments of stress. She would become incapable of enjoying harmonious relationship with men, although she would rarely know the origin of her plight. Effects of past unresolved errors rarely manifest immediately.
Unhappy and broken relationships, fastidiousness, domineering attitude, frigidity and several other plight that women experience usually arise from the failure of a woman to keep faith with her sex-role as a complementary, soothing companion. Having lost the value of complementarity as a result of distortion of her sex attributes, a woman also loses the quality of being a soothing lubricant.
While men are also guilty of several wrongs that women complain about, it would be more proper for women to recognise the lubricating and taming power which they possess. To apply such power in the form of pepper rather than a soothing balm in situations of stress and conflict rarely helps in human relationships.
It is not by nagging and tantrums that women can wield the subtle power which they have over men, but by true feminine homeliness. When a woman is said to be homely, it means that she has the grace, charisma and nobility of character which a man would give anything to have as the foundation of an ideal home. A woman does not need to be perfect, to cultivate the aura of homeliness. A soothing, rather than a scolding tongue, is an asset for a woman.
Dr Amirize is a retired lecturer, Rivers State University, PH.