Opinion
Of Domestic Violence Against Men
The term “domestic violence” includes a broad range of violent acts committed by one member of a family or household against another. It often refers to the mistreatment of a child or spouse, and includes not only physical harm but also threats and verbal, psychological, and sexual abuse. Domestic violence against men is violence or other physical abuse experienced by men in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. As with domestic violence against women, violence against men may constitute a crime, but laws vary between jurisdictions. Men who report domestic violence can face social stigma regarding their perceived lack of machismo and other denigrations of their masculinity. Violence against men is generally less recognized by society than violence against women, which can act as a further block to men reporting their situation.
Domestic violence is always discussed in relation to women. Man is always considered as the perpetrator. However, because of the socioeconomic changes affecting the family structure in recent times, domestic violence is not limited to women only. Men also are abused verbally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually. Men do not report these abusive behaviours and are silent victims of the consequences. As the laws in our society favour women as victims of violence, these hapless men do not get justice for their pitiable condition in the family and society. There is a need for gender neutral laws for domestic violence. Domestic violence should be considered as spousal violence. Social and legal reasons for underreporting In a male-dominated society, men feel that it is shameful to be beaten by a woman and they do not report the violence.
The pressure from family also prevents them from taking any legal action, and they are also afraid of getting trapped in false accusation . When men report domestic abuse and violence, people do not believe them. Also, when these men try to complain about these problems within marriage and family, no one takes them seriously. Many men are ashamed of talking about and sharing that they are beaten by their wives.The probable reasons for underreporting include belief and hope that things would get better, fear of losing social respect and position, protection, love toward their children and family, and fear of getting blamed. Complaining by men also can be perceived as feminine behaviour.Domestic Violence Against Men affects life physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. It is also a violation of basic human rights. In most cases, the issue of violence against men is largely overlooked due to the immense pressure on them to act like all is well, even when it is not. This makes more men reluctant to draw attention to their domestic abuse situation.
The sad fact remains that as at today, husband- punching, kicking, slapping, sex deprivation and killing are realities that occur in Nigeria on a regular basis. Social media has further beamed spotlight on male domestic abuse cases by providing quick access to proof through the circulation of pictures and videos of maltreatment of men by their spouses, albeit for different reasons.It would appear that recounting domestic violence from the male victim’s perspective is quite uncommon as most people are quick to assume that men are not usually known to be at the receiving end of physical aggression. In a largely patriarchal society like Nigeria, where the male folk are expected to be more dominant due to their physical strength, it can be considered shameful to hear that a man was threatened or beaten by his partner.
In comparison to women, who are usually encouraged to speak freely when they are trapped in abusive relationships or marriages, men are not known to easily voice out their grievances, not even to close friends and relations. Public ridicule and harsh criticisms are other factors withholding men from speaking out. Asides this, there is also the possibility that on reporting to appropriate authorities, tables could turn and the victim ends up being labelled as the aggressor. Male sufferers of domestic violence typically require a higher burden of proof or a more convincing story to justify their claims. In Nigeria, domestic violence against men was a rarely discussed subject, until in recent years when more men began to speak against it. Sadly, some cases have seen the brutal end of victims who died from it. While we ponder over this, we must cautiously note that domestic abuse is not about gender, size or physical strength.
There is also the need to view domestic abuse from a psychological perspective, rather than basing it on socio-cultural expectations and existing stereotypical norms. In fact, a total cultural paradigm shift is necessary to change public perception to a point where everyone should know that men and women could both be aggressors of domestic violence and it is not related to only one gender. It is also important to squash the lopsided view that it is only weak men that experience domestic abuse. Male sufferers of domestic abuse should be allowed to speak the truth without being victimised. Since it is an open secret that men too suffer from it, they should also be allowed to talk about it. Likewise, all aspects of the Nigerian criminal justice system.
By: Favour Harry
Harry writes from Port Harcourt.
Opinion
Wike VS Soldier’s Altercation: Matters Arising
The events that unfolded in Abuja on Tuesday November 11, 2025 between the Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Chief Nyesom Wike and a detachment of soldiers guarding a disputed property, led by Adams Yerima, a commissioned Naval Officer, may go down as one of the defining images of Nigeria’s democratic contradictions. It was not merely a quarrel over land. It was a confrontation between civil authority and the military legacy that still hovers over our national life.
Nyesom Wike, fiery and fearless as always, was seen on video exchanging words with a uniformed officer who refused to grant him passage to inspect a parcel of land alleged to have been illegally acquired. The minister’s voice rose, his temper flared, and the soldier, too, stood his ground, insisting on his own authority. Around them, aides, security men, and bystanders watched, stunned, as two embodiments of the Nigerian state clashed in the open.
The images spread fast, igniting debates across drawing rooms, beer parlours, and social media platforms. Some hailed Wike for standing up to military arrogance; others scolded him for perceived disrespect to the armed forces. Yet beneath the noise lies a deeper question about what sort of society we are building and whether power in Nigeria truly understands the limits of its own reach.
It is tragic that, more than two decades into civil rule, the relationship between the civilian arm of government and the military remains fragile and poorly understood. The presence of soldiers in a land dispute between private individuals and the city administration is, by all civic standards, an aberration. It recalls a dark era when might was right, and uniforms conferred immunity against accountability.
Wike’s anger, even if fiery, was rooted in a legitimate concern: that no individual, however connected or retired, should deploy the military to protect personal interests. That sentiment echoes the fundamental democratic creed that the law is supreme, not personalities. If his passion overshot decorum, it was perhaps a reflection of a nation weary of impunity.
On the other hand, the soldier in question is a symbol of another truth: that discipline, respect for order, and duty to hierarchy are ingrained in our armed forces. He may have been caught between conflicting instructions one from his superiors, another from a civilian minister exercising his lawful authority. The confusion points not to personal failure but to institutional dysfunction.
It is, therefore, simplistic to turn the incident into a morality play of good versus evil.
*********”**** What happened was an institutional embarrassment. Both men represented facets of the same failing system a polity still learning how to reconcile authority with civility, law with loyalty, and service with restraint.
In fairness, Wike has shown himself as a man of uncommon courage. Whether in Rivers State or at the FCTA, he does not shy away from confrontation. Yet courage without composure often feeds misunderstanding. A public officer must always be the cooler head, even when provoked, because the power of example outweighs the satisfaction of winning an argument.
Conversely, soldiers, too, must be reminded that their uniforms do not place them above civilian oversight. The military exists to defend the nation, not to enforce property claims or intimidate lawful authorities. Their participation in purely civil matters corrodes the image of the institution and erodes public trust.
One cannot overlook the irony: in a country where kidnappers roam highways and bandits sack villages, armed men are posted to guard contested land in the capital. It reflects misplaced priorities and distorted values. The Nigerian soldier, trained to defend sovereignty, should not be drawn into private or bureaucratic tussles.
Sycophancy remains the greatest ailment of our political culture. Many of those who now cheer one side or the other do so not out of conviction but out of convenience. Tomorrow they will switch allegiance. True patriotism lies not in defending personalities but in defending principles. A people enslaved by flattery cannot nurture a culture of justice.
The Nigerian elite must learn to submit to the same laws that govern the poor. When big men fence off public land and use connections to shield their interests, they mock the very constitution they swore to uphold. The FCT, as the mirror of national order, must not become a jungle where only the powerful can build.
The lesson for Wike himself is also clear: power is best exercised with calmness. The weight of his office demands more than bravery; it demands statesmanship. To lead is not merely to command, but to persuade — even those who resist your authority.
Equally, the lesson for the armed forces is that professionalism shines brightest in restraint. Obedience to illegal orders is not loyalty; it is complicity. The soldier who stands on the side of justice protects both his honour and the dignity of his uniform.
The Presidency, too, must see this episode as a wake-up call to clarify institutional boundaries. If soldiers can be drawn into civil enforcement without authorization, then our democracy remains at risk of subtle militarization. The constitution must speak louder than confusion.
The Nigerian public deserves better than spectacles of ego. We crave leaders who rise above emotion and officers who respect civilian supremacy. Our children must not inherit a nation where authority means shouting matches and intimidation in public glare.
Every democracy matures through such tests. What matters is whether we learn the right lessons. The British once had generals who defied parliament; the Americans once fought over states’ rights; Nigeria, too, must pass through her own growing pains but with humility, not hubris.
If the confrontation has stirred discomfort, then perhaps it has done the nation some good. It forces a conversation long overdue: Who truly owns the state — the citizen or the powerful? Can we build a Nigeria where institutions, not individuals, define our destiny?
As the dust settles, both the FCTA and the military hierarchy must conduct impartial investigations. The truth must be established — not to shame anyone, but to restore order. Where laws were broken, consequences must follow. Where misunderstandings occurred, apologies must be offered.
Let the rule of law triumph over the rule of impulse. Let civility triumph over confrontation. Let governance return to the path of dialogue and procedure.
Nigeria cannot continue to oscillate between civilian bravado and military arrogance. Both impulses spring from the same insecurity — the fear of losing control. True leadership lies in the ability to trust institutions to do their work without coercion.
Those who witnessed the clash saw a drama of two gladiators. One in starched khaki, one in well-cut suit. Both proud, both unyielding. But a nation cannot be built on stubbornness; it must be built on understanding. Power, when it meets power, should produce order, not chaos.
We must resist the temptation to glorify temper. Governance is not warfare; it is stewardship. The citizen watches, the world observes, and history records. How we handle moments like this will define our collective maturity.
The confrontation may have ended without violence, but it left deep questions in the national conscience. When men of authority quarrel in the open, institutions tremble. The people, once again, become spectators in a theatre of misplaced pride.
It is time for all who hold office — civilian or military — to remember that they serve under the same flag. That flag is neither khaki nor political colour; it is green-white-green, and it demands humility.
No victor, no vanquish only a lesson for a nation still learning to govern itself with dignity.
By; King Onunwor
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