Women

Whither The Family Values?

Published

12 years ago

February 14, 2014

Children are the future
leaders of any soceity,” therefore, a broken soceity traces its decay to the family.
The family as the strength and pillar of every society is known for good moral which is usually inculcated from one generation to another through the children and even to the children unborn. It is the primary responsibility of every parent to ensure cultural values of societies do not go extinct. The family is highly regarded because character and societal value are molded from infancy. Morals and good values are passed on to the children through their parents and such trait is maintained in building a habitable society.
Today, the rate of moral decadence is so alarming that one begins to wonder where the family is heading for.
In Nigeria, each ethnic group is known for their peculiarities which is not devoid of respect, good ethics, holding of cultural values in high esteem, hospitality, respect for elders, loyalty to authorities, adherence to parents’ training, exemplary living, obedience to parents decissions, adherence to societal rules and regulations.
Disappointedly, twenty-first century families have witnessed pains in homes, different levels of immoralities, disrespect to elders, and disobedience to societal laws. This is simply becaus the family has failed in its core role of molding lives and values. Everything is shifted to the ¢hurch as the quest for wealth acquisition, education, career building, politics, has replaced the importance placed on family values in Nigeria.
However, we are today faced with a society where family values are irrelevant, culture is no longer vital, internet has replaced every importance of cultural inclination that is imbibed in people as they grow and receive training from their family starting from the cradle. We are now battling with the devastating negative influence brought to us by popular culture not only that the magnitude and approach employed the cable stations is encouraging the popular culture in strengthening their channels by capturing our airspace, dictating for us and our families what food we should eat, what:we should wear as in being trendy (fashion) , what language we should speak what our manners should look like, how we analyse issues of importance and things like that.
It is disheartening to note that with all the decadence going on, no attention or measure is put in.place to check the situation.
As each.day passes by, we are faced with more and more decay which springs from the lapses the family has created, degenerating into the larger socicty thereby resulting in high crime rate and corruption in all sectors of our economy and government.
Instead of sitting back to strategise ways of curbing our dilemma, we abandon it for more wealth pursuit while we fold our arms and watch the crime rate escalate in a geometric progression on daily basis.
It is no longer news that children cannot speak their dialect, even those leaving in state capitals of their own states cannot speak their own dialect fluently and one may begin to wonder, what will become of this nation Nigeria in 20years to come if parents still treat this decadence with laxity?
The twenty first century generation needs to be called back to order and the ball is in the court of the family to repair the damage done already. The family is the smallest group out of the larger society and if things are not properly done; we would keep suffering the crime which is usually the resultant effect of family negligence which spreads to the society at large.
We need to restructure our homes by having consistent family meetings starting from the nuclear families of just the father, mother and the children, to the larger family.
There is an urgent need to bring order and sanity to our homes. We all have a part to play if we must enjoy our old age. If we ignore these family values the way it was passed to us by our own parents, grand-parents, when men treasured culture and family values, posterity will definitely ask us and certainly, we will be held responsible for whatever harm our laxity causes in the future.
Moreso, if we keep quiet and feel it’s not our business we will be like Eli, of the Bible story, who reaped the consequence of his children’s misbehaviours simply because he kept quiet where he was supposed to and ofcourse the resultant effect was more damaging than anticipated.
In looking at this repair of family values, we must understand that children learn by example. We only make impact if we can make out time to stay with them regularly to instruct, teach and correct, not leaving them in the hands of house helps just because our work do not permit us spend quality time with them. We must choose which is more essential to us, our children or our jobs and career?
We can only make huge sacrifice if we see the need to be responsible for our families individually and collectively as a society. We will never cease to appreciate our parents who had many children and, yet they were able to nurse, carter and stand by us, made themselves avaialble at all times.
Perpahs we need to imagine what would have become of us if they had abandoned us the same way we are handling our own children today.
To all and sundry, espeically thos that are hoping to have family they would call their own it is a clarion call to note that family does not just end with marriage to a heartthrob or to the love of one’s life as we proclaim, it does not also end in producing children because one is fertile and productive. it does not end at having the money to take care of a woman and do the necessary traditional rites.
Marriage is a full responsibility that everyone who ventures into is held bound to make it work by seeing that the society which is the identity of every individual does not fail because of craze and quest for money and career.
All hands must be on deck to ensure we build a better future for our soceity. It is pertinent, therefore, to fight the raging negative influence popular culture now has on us.
The harm of cultural decadence is numerous. The incessant increase in co-habitation among young people especially in our tertiary institutions cannot be over emphasized. Parents lose their children quarterly to the young boys who impregnate them.
No child who receives proper home training would think of living with a boy or even a man who has not paid her bride prize, but, the lapse has been created by popular culture and young people now see this trend as a norm to live together without the knowledge of their parents on campuses, even in cities like Lagos, Portharcourt and every other major city in our country Nigeria.
Parents may not understand the magnitude of co-habitation in our campuses, but the truth is that it has become a trend that when anyone of both sexes says he or she doesn’t have a boy friend among their peers, they make mockery and caricature of such one whereas, where values are cherished and upheld, such can never be any issue of contention because, children raised in a family with good values always have at the back of their mind that it is not in any way allowed or permitted to live with anyone, man or woman where all the necessary traditional rites are not conducted and completed.
Personal hygiene is an aspect that is totally lacking in this generation of children. This is simply because, parents surround their children with numerous house helps, some families have as many as six maids and house chores are shared among them and the children just fold their hands on their laptops, keep surfing the net, pinging, browsing from one social media to the other and watching all manner of nude pictures and all manner of horror films, at the end, we see where rape, incest has become a life style in homes with or without the parents idea.
Parents have refused to monitor their children because of the free hand and internet access available at their disposal.
However, we can still revive our family values if we see the need to take up certain jobs that can allow us stay close to our children like teaching and entrepreneurship. The media also has a huge role to play in re-orientating people especially, the electronic media through play-lets, dramas as were seen in the days of Zebudiya. There is the need to create programmes that are family value – oriented for a better society and schools from primary school should review their curriculum and programme in such a way that various channels should be used to impact on the lives of these young ones.

Njoku resides in Port Harcourt

L-R: Permanent Secretary, Ministry Of Women Affairs, Hajiya Habiba Lawal; Minister of Women Affairs, and Social Development, Hajiya Zainab Maina; Head of The Civil Service of The Federation, Alhaji Bukar Goni-aji And Permanent Secretary, Ministry Of Tourism, Culture And National Orientation, Mrs Nkechi Ejele, During A Courtesy Visit By The Head of Service To The Minister Of Women Affairs In Abuja, yesterday.

Chidima Njoku

City Crime

Women And Dangers Of Obnoxious Practices

Published

2 weeks ago

September 12, 2025

The Tide

It is worrisome to hear that a woman or a girl is bathed with acidic contents just because she refuses to adhere to one instruction or the other from an opposite sex.

Sometimes, you see a woman with bruises on the face, with one eye swollen as if she is an animal perhaps she demanded one or two things from her spouse.

A situation where a widow will be mandated to marry a brother-in-law for her to still belong to the family where she is married and to partake in inheritance should be looked into.

Severally, there have been talks, seminars, workshops, fora, arguments, bills and laws abolishing the issues that concern women, especially violence. But much has not been achieved to curtail the menace.

Violence against girls and women has been on the increase. From time to time, it is either girls are denied access to father’s property or a widow is denied inheritance to husband’s properties. Even when laws are put in place about things that will help women have their rights, some persons feel that culture and tradition do not permit such laws.

We are aware that some women are rich and may not want to partake in the share of their late parents’ property, but there are vulnerable ones who may need to be empowered, through perhaps, late parents’ property inheritance.

Some of the obnoxious laws were made before now without the consent of women. There was no enough representation to either argue for or against so as to be beneficial to women generally. Some of the laws were so primitive that even when civilisation came, became difficult to change. Very unfortunately, it is the women sometimes who execute the laws made by men in their absence. But women are suffering it.

If government can establish laws abolishing certain practices against women and girls, it will be better for them and should in the presence of women so that they can contribute as well.

For long, laws against female genital mutilation and circumcision have existed but some communities with their culture and tradition have refused to put a stop to it with reasons best known to them.

Circumcision of a full-grown girl or lady may not be the only way of attaining maturity. It is a harmful practice and the pain associated with it cannot be imagined. The illegal operation is not performed in the hospital so the dangers inherent will be much.

For those who still practise it, the menace should be discouraged as that is not a proper way of ushering a girl into womanhood. A lot of women lose their lives due to pains experienced during the process. If it was practised in the past when civilisation was not there, it is a different case, nowadays with science and technology proving it wrong, those who still practice should resist.

We know that government is doing a lot to save women and girls from some of the pains they go through but right steps should be taken in the right direction and all stakeholders intensify efforts in dealing with persons who perpetuate evil against their fellow women.

One issue that comes to mind is implementation even if policies and laws are out in place by relevant agencies. The issues have been dwelt on for decades, but it is still practised as big ceremonies in some communities.

When it comes to inheritance, a girl born into a family, married or unmarried will be denied access to father’s property.

When parents are sick, the female child will pick him or her for care and offset medical bills. If it has to do with the demise of parents, the woman and the husband will be mandated to provide a cow and perform other burial rites.

If the National Assembly makes laws concerning the well-being of women, community heads, molecular leaders, women groups and associations, religious organisations, Non-Governmental organizations (NGOs) and Civil Society Organisations (CSOs) should create more awareness through the media to sensitise rural dwellers.

In this digital era, it should be forbidden that a woman loses her spouse and she is mandated to drink water used on the late husband.

A legal practitioner, Tam Jacobs, said if one forcefully shaves a woman’s hair with the intention that she is mourning her late spouse, she can sue that person for assault.

He said if the woman is forced to drink water used on her late husband’s body, she can also sue for attempted murder.

According to him, several cases of girl-child inheritance have been won and documented in the law court but some cannot claim it.

“Even a widow who is handicapped may not be able to make attempts so NGOs, CSOs should be in the forefront to support them and ensure that the laws are implemented at the grassroots level where they are practised”, he said.

A pharmacist, Eno Amos said any culture that does not add colour and value to life, especially as it concerns women should be abolished.

She added that implementation can be easy in the cities where awareness has been created but expressed fear that it may not be easy in the rural areas where culture is really practised.

A business woman, Agnes Ugwu, said tradition and culture were made by man and not God and wondered why people who claim to be educated still follow the tradition of ancestors who never went to school.

Ignorance also comes to play here. If you have watched a documentary showing female genital mutilation and the gory experience the young women go through is something else. Some of the perpetrators claim that the practice has existed for ages. Women have to learn more about issues that concern them.

A nurse, Rosy Ekeocha, said it is not about culture but about the behavior of a group of people in the community who force it on others.

According to her, let people change their behaviour and leave culture alone. It does not happen in every family and if any family allows it that is its business.

She said we are in the 21st century, certain cultures and tradition need to be reviewed to ensure that they align with today’s reality.

Culture is dynamic she said, but that implementation of laws relating to the vulnerable in the society calls for concern.

We should not behave the way people behaved twenty decades ago, after all, we do not dress the way our forefathers dressed. Time has evolved and things are getting better as it concerns women. We are getting more exposed and more enlightened about issues that concern us. Information is moving round as the world is a global village.

Talking about culture nowadays, we wear shoes whereas our forefathers never had any. They walked barefooted

far distances to get family necessities but things are better now as we are mobile.

That should also happen to culture and tradition. There are certain aspects of our culture and tradition which are practised today that have expired long ago. We should get rid off them.

Sometime, the bill for prohibition of obnoxious practices against women at the National Assembly was a welcome development, how far have the powers that be gone to ensure that it favours women.

It is expected that the bills abolishing obnoxious practices against women and girls in the society should have started achieving results as it concerns their wellbeing.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

Women

Early Start Of Education: The Dangers On Children

Published

2 weeks ago

September 12, 2025

The Tide

There are worries these days about the way parents are sending their kids to school earlier than it was many years ago.

A situation where children of six and nine months are sent to creche and day care centres all in the name of starting them early.

Although some parents whose schedules are tight say they have no choice than to do that since getting a house help or nanny has a lot of implications for the child and the family.

But aside that, some people feel that the benefit of sending their children to school so early will help them secure job early. And the issue of starting life early.

So many years ago, children of school age were not allowed to start school until their hands could cross from one part of their ear to another. That was the yardstick used to ascertain whether a pupil could start school or not.

It is important that our wards acquire education early but their lives should not be put on danger because parents want them to finish school early.

The truth is that parents are pushing their children into school these days as if there is competition among families and friends. This is not healthy enough for our young ones.

I don’t understand why a child of 12 years should be in Senior Secondary School (SS2). It means that the child will be and graduate at age 13 or 14 in SSS3. This should be discouraged by school managers.

Which university will admit a student of 14 or 15 when universities insist they must be 16 years-old before being admitted. I’ve seen a child who performed well both in SSCE and UTME but was denied admission by one of the universities because he was below 16 years.

In fact, the stakeholders have come up with the issue well clarified that, students seeking admission into the universities must be 16 years of age. That’s a welcome development.

Maturity is one of the factors affecting teaching and learning process. Parents should not send their children to school earlier than it should be.

No matter how intelligent a child is, he should not be allowed to jump any class. School managers should resist parents who may want their children to jump from one class to another.

Even if a child scores Excellent in all subjects in a particular class, that child should be allowed to touch all the classes, complete primary 6 of lower basic. That will make a significant impact on that child.

Many of us year back started secondary school at the age of 12 and 13 and never lost anything, as we graduated at 17, 18 and 19 before seeking admission into the university.

Back in secondary school, some students were already 20 years and never bordered being in the same class with younger persons.

There are children who are exceptionally good but that does not mean a child should be sent to school prematurely. That child may suffer inferiority complex in the midst of seniors.

Children should be allowed to move with their peers. This will give them a sense of belonging among peers. When a child begins to nurse the problem of inferiority complex, he will certainly experience withdrawal syndrome. Peer group pressure becomes a problem on the child.

Those are some of the challenges resulting from keeping younger persons among the older ones. We are not in danger so we should not put our children into such uncomfortable scenario.

Nowadays, children are getting into school at tender age as parents dictate. There are things children are supposed to learn as kids at a particular level and when they jump such level and get to a point where parents want them to be, one day, those children will definitely feel it and the significant of that particular level will manifest.

Children should be allowed to enjoy whatever thing they are meant to enjoy at every level. No level of a child’s development should be ignored. Every stage of development is important no matter how intelligent that child may be.

Stakeholders know why every curriculum is prepared in a way to sooth every child so parents should allow children to enjoy every stage in their lives.

A teacher once told me that children below 10 years who find themselves on secondary schools do not concentrate in class. They find it difficult to concentrate no matter what the teacher does.

Parents deny their kids parental care. Sometimes in schools, parents abandon their wards at the mercy of minders after school hours, up to 6:00 p. m. Whereas they should have gone home earlier to prepare for the next day.

Even at home, they are left in the hands of house helps and nannies while parents are busy looking for money. Children are denied parental care and are not getting full maturity because of these factors.

Another reason for this rush by parents is pride. A parent may be boasting that his child is either in ABC school and representing the whole world while another person’s child is at home or one “inferior” school.

Children who are pushed into school prematurely do not sustain it most times. Students of 15 and 16 years-old going into university can suffer depression according to research.

Researches have also shown that they (younger) ones risk the problem of mental health more than the older classmates.

In the case of creche and day care centres, the idea is not really to acquire education yet, some parents decide to keep their babies so that they can go about their daily businesses. It is true they need money to cater for their households, but should avoid that tender age, the best training any child can have is from parents, while teachers and caregivers are secondary.

Teaching and learning process begin with the parents. No matter how tight the parents’ schedules may be, they must take care of their kids. Parents must devote time to nurture and teach their children many things that they cannot learn in classroom. They should not rush them through life all in a bid to acquire education early.

It is worrisome that parents rush their children to school while they cannot speak and understand their languages and dialects.

One of the guidelines in the National Policy in Education is that children should be taught in their mother tongue at home while they learn foreign language in school.

The NPE also stipulates that every child at the basic level should be taught the language of the place of residence. If school managers are not obeying the instruction, parents need to do a follow-up.

Parents rush their children to school while they do not understand their environment, culture and tradition of theirs and others. Although a few schools devote little time to mark cultural day for the kids.

It is good that children start school early and graduate at 20, 21 and may be get a job at 23 and 24 as some employers will indicate.

Recently, organisations were inviting graduates of between 23 and 25 years for job offers. This caused a lot of reactions from the public. The question people asked was about when the children started school and youth corps service to seek for job in the labour market.

There was a period students secured admission between the ages of 22 and 23 years as a result of either delay in obtaining credits in their choice of disciplines and high scores in UTME. They still graduated at 27 and 28 before proceeding for national youth service.

I think this is one of the reasons why many decide to start their children early to scale through those external exams early enough.

When parents start their children early, they may be exposed to emotional and psychological problems in schools. A lot of them make more friends for protection as they are easily apprehensive.

The morals they needed both at home would have been denied them. At the end of the day, they may acquire good education but lack morals.

The family is the first school for the child but because parents are engaged, the creche and day care centres become their option.

Early start for the children affects their productivity. Factors like home, society and government are responsible.

Charity, they say, begins at home. Parents must have a balance. It is a known fact to that parents need to work to provide money for the family but must make out time to take care of the children.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

Women

Who Is A Classic Woman?

Published

1 month ago

August 22, 2025

The Tide

A classic woman is one who has identified herself in terms of fashion, occupation or the kind of business she does.

A woman can be classical in the way she entertains her audience in terms of music and movies. You will discover that some female musicians are identified with the kind of music they sing.

A classical woman is one who always wants to appear trendy.

Generally, classical women are normally identified with the kind of things they are involved in.

There are ladies that want to be identified with wearing of shorts (short trousers) in the public. They use it to showcase their beauty. They want to be identified with such things as they see it as socialisation.

Some wear trousers that are so tight just to showcase all the curves they possess.

Consultant stylists and etiquette experts say some fashions won by some persons are inappropriate because of how and when they are won.

A classic woman is supposed to dress properly. She should be able to wear clothes that will not expose hidden parts of her body. When such occurs, then it is indecent dressing.

Ladies should be known for two things, classical and beauty. One can be classic with minimisation. The minimum woman should go is to look good, decent and presentable.

Some ladies like wearing short skirts but no matter how short the skirt is, it should look elegant. The skirt should not be too short like the mini-skirt.

Dressing or fashion depends on the environment the persons finds herself. The kind of clothes won to the office may be different from the one won at home. Likewise, a dress won to a party may be different from the one won too swimming pool.

For one to look classical or decent, body shape should be taken into consideration.

Colours of a particular fashion can make one look odd or nice. Looking model does not mean that one should go naked or dull.

Don’t wear clothes that you need to drag from time to time in order not to expose yourself.

Eunice Choko-Kayode