It is usually said that the
three most important events in a man’s life are his  birth, marriage and death. Of these, while he   has no control over birth, he may, if willing, exercise a considerable control over marriage and has little control over death. In all, nature is often allowed to take its course with little thought of consequences.
Many young persons have always asked, “which kind or manner of woman or man will I marry and how will I know who is my wife or husband? The answer is usually, when the time comes, the will of God shall prevail. Thus young people are encouraged not  to place undue emphasis on emotional factors and  neglect the exercise of sane judgment.
Knowing who to marry manifests when you really fall in love with someone. One may again ask, what is this love into which a person is said to “fall”? Is it something supernatural, predetermined, canal, platonic or infallible? It is not mysterious but simply a state of emotional exhilaration which has been stimulated by social and physical appeal. Falling in love is a pleasant experience and a couple in love seek each other’s approval.
They avoid the mention of unpleasant circumstances, try to make favourable impressions and they are on their good behaviour. A couple with the intention to marry spend their time in recreation rather than in work. Their thoughts run to the future rather than to the realities of the cost and the present.
During courtship, a couple do not always place emphasis on those traits that are most significant in determining eventual happiness in marriage, although occasionally, one person will observe undesirable characteristics in the other. Usually the thrill of being in love prompts the false assumption that marriage is a miraculous procedure by which all the undesirable traits will be eliminated. Young people usually think or hope that there will be the perfect marriage and that they will live happily forever after but once married, they begin to assume the obligations to address themselves to work while taking life as it comes.
Before marriage, a would  be couple must investigate those qualities which are known to have a bearing on the   marriage to act wisely in his or her choice of mate.
Successful marriage implies more than just a pleasant honeymoon but a matter of “till death do us part,” and the final criterion on which a marriage must be judged.
Marital happiness is a measurable reality and is anchored on several basis which include agreement in matters of finance, their choices of friends, their selection of recreation, their philosophies of life, they have kindred interests and activities, have no regrets regarding their marriage and they do not resort to persistent complaints regarding each other’s shortcomings.
There are several reasons teenage marriages are undesirable. For instance, financial security is seldom established during the teens, so a very young couple must either continue under the parental care or struggle against such hardships as may cause them to regret the matrimonial venture. Under ideal circumstances, marriage should carry with it an awareness of independence as husband and wife cannot develop a proper regard for their home when premature marriage prevents their being able to control their own affairs.
Social research has proved that the highest percentage of happy marriages result when the groom is not less than 24 and the bride not less than 22 years of age. However, in the Nigerian system, these are arbitrary figures, but they represent average ages at which it may be assumed that personalities have reached that stage of maturity which is favourable to successful marriage.
Marriage involves a mutual agreement and genuine happiness depends as much on the husband as on the wife. This is why a woman is free to choose her husband as well as the man. Convention, however, requires that a young woman waits to be invited but it is not imperative that she must accept the first offer that is extended to her. The woman’s lifestyle as well as her accomplishments and culture may determine the number and quality of invitations she receives from a young man of high ideals if she meanwhile encourages flirtation from someone whose standards are inferior.
Many young people resent their parents’ insistence on being consulted regarding their special friendships. They fail to realise that parents have a just basis for being concerned in the future of their sons and daughters, and for realising that matrimony is a most important step in life.
Having the advantage of longer experience and broader perspective, parents desire to protect their children from the consequences of rash decisions.
Christian young people should give respectful considerations to the counsel of godly parents regarding their choice of special friends. Not only is the judgment of parents more mature and more conservative and safer, but the parents may be trusted to derive their intents from a sincere effort to spare their son or daughter from the mishaps of life.
Bearing in mind that young people will be dealing with their parents for the rest of their parents lives, they must take reasonable precaution in matters of choosing a husband or wife. Failing to do this may make the relationship between the parents and the newly chosen partner be unpleasant. When it comes to choosing a life partner, husband or wife, young people should not feel that they have arrived at adulthood and therefore, should make their choices without consulting the parents. They should not feel that it is their own home that will be established and not that of their parents.
Some prospective couples may even feel that they are in a position to avoid certain mistakes made by their parents when establishing their home. Such an attitude of independence and egotism is usually evident enough that the young persons have not yet reached that maturity which gives them an impartial perspective.
Religious affiliation is an important consideration for those contemplating marriage. Those who belong to the same church have been reared in similar surroundings and this similarity of background, as well as the common bond of religious faith, tends to simplify the adjustment to married life and to provide an assurance of continued harmony. Membership in different churches is a serious threat to marital happiness as there are some churches which require their members to keep away from “unbelieving” husband or wife.
A couple in the same church will promise not to oppose their religious exercises and will encourage and permit their children to be reared in harmony with the stated religion. Such requirements tend to force the spouses into a definite compromise. It is difficult for happiness to exist in a home where one member is expected to conform to regulations with which he is not in harmony.
The scripture is clear in this admonition as it says: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion hath light with darkness?” (2Corinthians 6:14).

Shedie Okpara

Kids in a ballet session