He is a septuagenarian living in a five-bedroom mansion on sprawling grounds in the suburb. He laboured throughout life to raise his children to the best of his abilities and within the limits of his legitimate resources. An ardent believer in the sanctity of the soul and the dignity of labour, he limited his pleasures to provide the family a life of modest comfort and bankrolled school fees and living expenses for his children in good schools both at home and abroad. His life epitomised Christian Puritanism and work ethics. When the children graduated, got good jobs and became well-off with some living abroad, his sexagenarian wife embarked on an endless sojourn with her children, travelling across the world to assist in nursing their grandchildren. As a result, our septuagenarian retiree is living a lonely life in what used to be a happy home. His children call him periodically and send money for his upkeep.
Now a pachelor (a single old man), he is on his own and has practically started life anew irrespective of his failing health and the stark realities of the ailments associated with aging. He is lonely bordering on slipping into depression. His blood pressure is high; so is his blood sugar.  Enlarged prostate has set in with the resultant difficulty in urination. Thanks to his retirement benefits, he can afford medical attention but what about the psychological effects of home care? What about servicing his egregious nature? He has learned to live with eating fast food, which he abhors. Psychologically, he feels his world is coming to a sad end yet death, an end he now wishes for, is taking its time. How long can he survive under this condition, he soliloquises in his endless quiet moments. His life flashes through his tormented mind.
Reminiscing on his life, he found a heart throb and laboured to buy an engagement ring with diamond crusts. With a freshly harvested red rose in hand on a cool Saturday evening in an exotic park, he went on his knees before her while close friends and associates watched; he took the deepest breath in his life (thus far), flipped out the diamond ring from its leathery pouch and popped the question: “Would you marry me? Please?”  The traditional pause that came on the heels of that emotion-laden expression of his heart’s desire virtually lasted eternally; for a second he thought his heart will park up. And when the answer came in the affirmative, he was overjoyed; he leaped into the sky in ecstasy believing he was set to commence a life of bliss.
The engagement party was lavished, to make the point of his love for her and demonstrate to his in-laws his preparedness for the duties and responsibilities of husbandhood and fatherhood. The traditional and church weddings furthered the statement of preparedness; the in-laws had to be convinced that their precious jewel is going to be taken care of properly. He laboured exceedingly and even took loans to bankroll these events, which came at enormous cost.   Nine months after playing to the gallery and settling in a new apartment, which was made comfortable at great cost, a little “bundle of joy” arrived with the usual voracious appetite, the metabolism of a piranha and the capacity to demand urgent attention all the time. One after another, the “bundles of joy” came in quick succession to the delight of both families and the glory of God
Incontrovertibly, women love their kids more than their husbands, no matter how good the man is. The older he gets, the less use they have for him. Again, children have greater bond with their mother; and this is natural. Therefore, men sacrifice so much but get little recognition for their hard work; rather, women harvest the sumptuous fruitage of parentage as, more often than not, the children are more affectionate towards their mother and this feeling intensifies in the old age of the woman. When their mother is not with them , the children send loads of food supplements to her and send a box of Cuban cigars and a carton of whisky to their father. And if you realise that whisky is acronym for “watch how I shall kill you”, then you know that the children are impatient to know the content of the Will.
Men should learn to incorporate plans of how to take good care of themselves at old age during their hey days. Irrespective of how caring you are as a husband and father, the fact remains that a huge percentage of women love their children more than their husband and children naturally love their mothers more than their father. Therefore, the children will inevitably grow up and start a life and family of their own and the loving wife will, of necessity, take time off to visit them; so, wife and children may not be there when you need them most. A father may not experience monthly periods, but he bleeds in his heart; yes, he bleeds from inside; not monthly but throughout the years of fending for the family and when he is not appreciated, which is more often than not, he bleeds , silently. When he is not able to provide for his family, when he is blamed for not being like his fellow men, and when he is rarely appreciated for his daily struggles to keep the family healthy, strong and together, he bleeds profusely in his heart.
Though a father does not carry a pregnancy for nine months, he spends his working life bearing the pangs of the “pregnancy” of family needs, dreams, visions and aspirations; a pregnancy he delivers only after the children are settled and doing well. He may not experience labour pains, but he endures physical, mental and emotional pains, throughout the years of raising the children. His wife, children and numerous members of the extended family on both sides of the marriage viciously suck from his unseen breasts.  When in the end he is a septuagenarian pachelor, he realises that he had slaved throughout his life; he bleeds inside till death. That is  the ordeal of man, the ultimate slave. As the saying goes, “only women, children and pets are loved unconditionally”.

By: Jason Osai

Osai is a Professor of Development Studies Rivers State University, Port Harcourt.