For any project to become successful, there are rules that need be adhered to. Same goes with child upbringing. Many homes today celebrate their chldren where others bemoan theirs. The difference lies predominantly in the parenting styles.
For parents to achieve their expectations from their children, the following rules must not be toiled with.
You shall have no other interests beside your children.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord”, thus says the bible. And when these children come into the home, they should take their rightful place. It is unfortunate that many times our interest and work schedules keep us very busy that our children are often times crowded out. If you are going to catch fish, you go where the fish are. And that is true when it comes to leading and parenting children. If you are going to be an effective leader (parent) who will influence the outcome of children, you need to be where the children are. Be where the action is. Why it is important to be where the children are:-
It helps you to know your strong points. It helps you know your limitations. It helps you to be creative. It gives you chance to learn and improve on your weak areas. It empowers you to look for help. And such help could include experienced godly people, children’s media materials, seminars, and any other material or activity which will help you overcome or improve on your limitation.
You will begin to understand the meaning of the jargon used by children.
You begin to see things from the level of children. Many times we assume children see things the way we do. This is a wrong assumption.
You will be a practical and not a theoretical parent. You customize solutions based on the problems your children are experiencing. You will be scratching where it is itching.
You shall not make for yourself any idol that detracts your attention from your children.
Many times as teachers and parents, we act as if we have the whole future to train children. We should realize that these kids are just passing through our homes and classes and therefore, urgency should be our watch word.
By age 10, 50% of the adult attention span is achieved. And again by age 10, the value system of a child is established and will be perfected during the rest of his/her growing years.
“The foundation of a child is laid in the first three years of the child’s life. And it is during these years that parents need to bend the tiny twig” (Ellen White in Child Guidance pages 193-195).
Remember, Amram and Jochebed had only 12 years to train Moses. Several idols detract us from attending to children namely; Work: The Greek philosopher Socrates once said: “Could I climb to the highest place in Athens, I would lift my voice and proclaim, fellow citizens, why do you turn and scrape every stone to gather wealth and take so little care of your children to whom one day you must relinquish it all?” Visitors and friends, amusements, such as TV (watching sports, news). Radio, Websites, reading, and etc, are all distractors.
It is important as parents and caregivers, we learn a lesson from farmers and builders. Farmers know that if they are going to have a good harvest, they need to follow certain principles. And these include: planting at the tight time. Good weather. Planting together with fertilizer for most crops. Good soil, and the right amount of water.
Those who build houses know that if they are going to have a strong house, they need a strong and deep foundation. And usually the depth of the foundation is in relation to how high the house will rise. In most cases, they even study the composition of the soil.
We can liken good weather to the empowering home environment. Fertiliser can be likened to the general spiritual activities of the home and your Christian exemplary life.
The depth of the house foundation can be likened to the moral and academic upbringing of the child.
You shall not kill your children by neither destroying their self-esteem through your actions and words nor by being angry with them from morning till evening.
Remember that discipline is not punishing. You punish because you are concerned about yourself. You discipline because you want to build the child.
The strength of aero plane wings and high sky scrapers is not in their rigidness but rather in their flexibility. If they were rigid, they would snap and break. But wing’s flexibility helps them to navigate through rough winds when flying and for buildings, they are able to stand earth’s tremors and strong winds. So is discipline. Its not rigidness that is effective but firm flexibility.
Teach your child sex issues and decent dressing. In teaching children sex issues take into consideration their ages. If you don’t teach them they will get Hollywood views of sex. If you find it difficult, use a person whom you and your children respect. But that was to be don in your presence. Remember, to give sex information according to the age of your children and don’t tell them fables.
Do not steal your children’s childhood period by expecting them to behave in a manner that is beyond their developmental stage. Children will act according to their developmental stage – don’t give them tasks that are beyond there capabilities.
Don’t expose them to information that is beyond their age. This exposure could be through books, TV, Iyrics of some music, etc.
Don’t expect them to behave in church or other gatherings like a grown up (it is normal for them to fidget a little).
Don’t discuss controversies with them if they are too young and cannot understand and interpret issues in a mature manner. Let them enjoy their childhood. Allow them to develop and mature naturally.
Alozie writes for Heralds of Grace magazine.

Compiled by Sylvia ThankGod-Amadi with Report from Yetunde Alozie