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Rules Of Parenting

Published

7 years ago

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For any project to become successful, there are rules that need be adhered to. Same goes with child upbringing. Many homes today celebrate their chldren where others bemoan theirs. The difference lies predominantly in the parenting styles.
For parents to achieve their expectations from their children, the following rules must not be toiled with.
You shall have no other interests beside your children.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord”, thus says the bible. And when these children come into the home, they should take their rightful place. It is unfortunate that many times our interest and work schedules keep us very busy that our children are often times crowded out. If you are going to catch fish, you go where the fish are. And that is true when it comes to leading and parenting children. If you are going to be an effective leader (parent) who will influence the outcome of children, you need to be where the children are. Be where the action is. Why it is important to be where the children are:-
It helps you to know your strong points. It helps you know your limitations. It helps you to be creative. It gives you chance to learn and improve on your weak areas. It empowers you to look for help. And such help could include experienced godly people, children’s media materials, seminars, and any other material or activity which will help you overcome or improve on your limitation.
You will begin to understand the meaning of the jargon used by children.
You begin to see things from the level of children. Many times we assume children see things the way we do. This is a wrong assumption.
You will be a practical and not a theoretical parent. You customize solutions based on the problems your children are experiencing. You will be scratching where it is itching.
You shall not make for yourself any idol that detracts your attention from your children.
Many times as teachers and parents, we act as if we have the whole future to train children. We should realize that these kids are just passing through our homes and classes and therefore, urgency should be our watch word.
By age 10, 50% of the adult attention span is achieved. And again by age 10, the value system of a child is established and will be perfected during the rest of his/her growing years.
“The foundation of a child is laid in the first three years of the child’s life. And it is during these years that parents need to bend the tiny twig” (Ellen White in Child Guidance pages 193-195).
Remember, Amram and Jochebed had only 12 years to train Moses. Several idols detract us from attending to children namely; Work: The Greek philosopher Socrates once said: “Could I climb to the highest place in Athens, I would lift my voice and proclaim, fellow citizens, why do you turn and scrape every stone to gather wealth and take so little care of your children to whom one day you must relinquish it all?” Visitors and friends, amusements, such as TV (watching sports, news). Radio, Websites, reading, and etc, are all distractors.
It is important as parents and caregivers, we learn a lesson from farmers and builders. Farmers know that if they are going to have a good harvest, they need to follow certain principles. And these include: planting at the tight time. Good weather. Planting together with fertilizer for most crops. Good soil, and the right amount of water.
Those who build houses know that if they are going to have a strong house, they need a strong and deep foundation. And usually the depth of the foundation is in relation to how high the house will rise. In most cases, they even study the composition of the soil.
We can liken good weather to the empowering home environment. Fertiliser can be likened to the general spiritual activities of the home and your Christian exemplary life.
The depth of the house foundation can be likened to the moral and academic upbringing of the child.
You shall not kill your children by neither destroying their self-esteem through your actions and words nor by being angry with them from morning till evening.
Remember that discipline is not punishing. You punish because you are concerned about yourself. You discipline because you want to build the child.
The strength of aero plane wings and high sky scrapers is not in their rigidness but rather in their flexibility. If they were rigid, they would snap and break. But wing’s flexibility helps them to navigate through rough winds when flying and for buildings, they are able to stand earth’s tremors and strong winds. So is discipline. Its not rigidness that is effective but firm flexibility.
Teach your child sex issues and decent dressing. In teaching children sex issues take into consideration their ages. If you don’t teach them they will get Hollywood views of sex. If you find it difficult, use a person whom you and your children respect. But that was to be don in your presence. Remember, to give sex information according to the age of your children and don’t tell them fables.
Do not steal your children’s childhood period by expecting them to behave in a manner that is beyond their developmental stage. Children will act according to their developmental stage – don’t give them tasks that are beyond there capabilities.
Don’t expose them to information that is beyond their age. This exposure could be through books, TV, Iyrics of some music, etc.
Don’t expect them to behave in church or other gatherings like a grown up (it is normal for them to fidget a little).
Don’t discuss controversies with them if they are too young and cannot understand and interpret issues in a mature manner. Let them enjoy their childhood. Allow them to develop and mature naturally.
Alozie writes for Heralds of Grace magazine.

Compiled by Sylvia ThankGod-Amadi with Report from Yetunde Alozie

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City Crime

Women And Dangers Of Obnoxious Practices

Published

2 months ago

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September 12, 2025

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It is worrisome to hear that a woman or a girl is bathed with acidic contents just because she refuses to adhere to one instruction or the other from an opposite sex.
Sometimes, you see a woman with bruises on the face, with one eye swollen as if she is an animal perhaps she demanded one or two things from her spouse.
A situation where a widow will be mandated to marry a brother-in-law for her to still belong to the family where she is married and to partake in inheritance should be looked into.
Severally, there have been talks, seminars, workshops, fora, arguments, bills and laws abolishing the issues that concern women, especially violence.  But much has not been achieved to curtail the menace.
Violence against girls and women has been on the increase.  From time to time, it is either girls are denied access to father’s property or a widow is denied inheritance to husband’s properties.  Even when laws are put in place about things that will help women have their rights, some persons feel that culture and tradition do not permit such laws.
We are aware that some women are rich and may not want to partake in the share of their late parents’ property, but there are vulnerable ones who may need to be empowered, through perhaps, late parents’ property inheritance.
Some of the obnoxious laws were made before now without the consent of women. There was no enough representation to either argue for or against so as to be beneficial to women generally.  Some of the laws were so primitive that even when civilisation came, became difficult to change. Very unfortunately, it is the women sometimes who execute the laws made by men in their absence. But women are suffering it.
If government can establish laws abolishing certain practices against women and girls, it will be better for them and should in the presence of women so that they can contribute as well.
For long, laws against female genital mutilation and circumcision have existed but some communities with their culture and tradition have refused to put a stop to it with reasons best known to them.
Circumcision of a full-grown girl or lady may not be the only way of attaining maturity. It is a harmful practice and the pain associated with it cannot be imagined.  The illegal operation is not performed in the hospital so the dangers inherent will be much.
For those who still practise it, the menace should be discouraged as that is not a proper way of ushering a girl into womanhood. A lot of women lose their lives due to pains experienced during the process. If it was practised in the past when civilisation was not there, it is a different case, nowadays with science and technology proving it wrong, those who still practice should resist.
We know that government is doing a lot to save women and girls from some of the pains they go through but right steps should be taken in the right direction  and all stakeholders intensify efforts in dealing with persons who perpetuate evil against their fellow women.
One issue that comes to mind is implementation even if policies and laws are out in place by relevant agencies.  The issues have been dwelt on for decades, but it is still practised as big ceremonies in some communities.
When it comes to inheritance, a girl born into a family, married or unmarried will be denied access to father’s property.
When parents are sick, the female child will pick him or her for care and offset medical bills.  If it has to do with the demise of parents, the woman and the husband will be mandated to provide a cow and perform other burial rites.
If the National Assembly makes laws concerning the well-being of women, community heads, molecular leaders, women groups and associations, religious organisations, Non-Governmental organizations (NGOs) and Civil Society Organisations (CSOs) should create more awareness through the media to sensitise rural dwellers.
In this digital era, it should be forbidden that a woman loses her spouse and she is mandated to drink water used on the late husband.
A legal practitioner,  Tam Jacobs, said if one forcefully shaves a woman’s hair with the intention that she is mourning her late spouse, she can sue that person for assault.
He said if the woman is forced to drink water used on her late husband’s body, she can also sue for attempted murder.
According to him, several cases of girl-child inheritance have been won and documented in the law court but some cannot claim it.
“Even a widow who is handicapped may not be able to make attempts so NGOs, CSOs should be in the forefront to support them and ensure that the laws are implemented at the grassroots level where they are practised”, he said.
A pharmacist, Eno Amos said any culture that does not add colour and value to life, especially as it concerns women should be abolished.
She added that implementation can be easy in the cities where awareness has been created but expressed fear that it may not be easy in the rural areas where culture is really practised.
A business woman, Agnes Ugwu, said tradition and culture were made by man and not God and wondered why people who claim to be educated still follow the tradition of ancestors who never went to school.
Ignorance also comes to play here.  If you have watched a documentary showing female genital mutilation and the gory experience the young women go through is something else.  Some of the perpetrators claim that the practice has existed for ages. Women have to learn more about issues that concern them.
A nurse, Rosy Ekeocha, said it is not about culture but about the behavior of a group of people in the community who force it on others.
According to her, let people change their behaviour and leave culture alone.  It does not happen in every family and if any family allows it that is its business.
She said we are in the 21st century, certain cultures and tradition need to be reviewed to ensure that they align with today’s reality.
Culture is dynamic she said, but that implementation of laws relating to the vulnerable in the society calls for concern.
We should not behave the way people behaved twenty decades ago, after all, we do not dress the way our forefathers dressed.  Time has evolved and things are getting better as it concerns women. We are getting more exposed and more enlightened about issues that concern us.  Information is moving round as the world is a global village.
Talking about culture nowadays, we wear shoes whereas our forefathers never had any.  They walked barefooted
far distances to get family necessities but things are better now as we are mobile.
That should also happen to culture and tradition.  There are certain aspects of our culture and tradition which are practised today that have expired long ago. We should get rid off them.
Sometime, the bill for prohibition of obnoxious practices against women at the National Assembly was a welcome development, how far have the powers that be gone to ensure that it favours women.
It is expected that the bills abolishing obnoxious practices against women and girls in the society should have started achieving results as it concerns their wellbeing.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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Women

Early Start Of Education: The Dangers On Children 

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2 months ago

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September 12, 2025

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There are worries these days about the way parents are sending their kids to school earlier than it was many years ago.
 A situation where children of six and nine months are sent to creche and day care centres all in the name of starting them early.
Although some parents whose schedules are tight say they have no choice than to do that since getting a house help or nanny has a lot of implications for the child and the family.
But aside that, some people feel that the benefit of sending their children to school so early will help them secure job early. And the issue of starting life early.
So many years ago, children of school age were not allowed to start school until their hands could cross from one part of their ear to another. That was the yardstick used to ascertain whether a pupil could start school or not.
It is important that our wards acquire education early but their lives should not be put on danger because parents want them to finish school early.
The truth is that parents are pushing their children into school these days as if there is competition among families and friends. This is not healthy enough for our young ones.
I don’t understand why a child of 12 years should be in Senior Secondary School (SS2). It means that the child will be and graduate at age 13 or 14 in SSS3.  This should be discouraged by school managers.
Which university will admit a student of 14 or 15 when universities insist they must be 16 years-old before being admitted. I’ve seen a child who performed well both in SSCE and UTME but was denied admission  by one of the  universities because he was below 16 years.
In fact, the stakeholders have come up with the issue well clarified that, students seeking admission into the universities must be 16 years of age. That’s a welcome development.
Maturity is one of the factors affecting teaching and learning process. Parents should not send their children to school earlier than it should be.
No matter how intelligent a child is, he should not be allowed to jump any class.  School managers should resist parents who may want their children to jump from one class to another.
Even if a child scores Excellent in all subjects in a particular class, that child should be allowed to touch all the classes, complete primary 6 of lower basic.  That will make a significant impact on that child.
Many of us year back started secondary school at the age of 12 and 13 and never lost anything, as we graduated at 17, 18 and 19 before seeking admission into the university.
Back in secondary school, some students were already 20 years and never bordered being in the same class with younger persons.
There are children who are exceptionally good but that does not mean a child should be sent to school prematurely. That child may suffer inferiority complex in the midst of seniors.
Children should be allowed to move with their peers. This will give them a sense of belonging among peers.  When a child begins to nurse the problem of inferiority complex, he will certainly experience withdrawal syndrome. Peer group pressure becomes a problem on the child.
Those are some of the challenges resulting from keeping younger persons among the older ones. We are not in danger so we should not put our children into such uncomfortable scenario.
Nowadays, children are getting into school at tender age as parents dictate. There are things children are supposed to learn as kids at a particular level and when they jump such level and get to a point where parents want them to be, one day, those children will definitely feel it and the significant of that particular level will manifest.
Children should be allowed to enjoy whatever thing they are meant to enjoy at every level. No level of a child’s development should be ignored. Every stage of development is important no matter how intelligent that child may be.
Stakeholders know why every curriculum is prepared in a way to sooth every child so parents should allow children to enjoy every stage in their lives.
A teacher once told me that children below 10 years who find themselves on secondary schools do not concentrate in class.  They find it difficult to concentrate no matter what the teacher does.
Parents deny their kids parental care.  Sometimes in schools, parents abandon their wards at the mercy of minders after school hours, up to 6:00 p. m.  Whereas they should have gone home earlier to prepare for the next day.
Even at home, they are left in the hands of house helps and nannies while parents are busy looking for money.  Children are denied parental care and are not getting full maturity because of these factors.
Another reason for this rush by parents is pride.  A parent may be boasting that his child is either in ABC school and representing the whole world while another person’s child is at home or one “inferior” school.
Children who are pushed into school prematurely do not sustain it most times.  Students of 15 and 16 years-old going into university can suffer depression according to research.
Researches have also shown that they (younger) ones risk the problem of mental health more than the older classmates.
In the case of creche and day care centres, the idea is not really to acquire education yet, some parents decide to keep their babies so that they can go about their daily businesses.  It is true they need money to cater for their households, but should avoid that tender age, the best training any child can have is from parents, while teachers and caregivers are secondary.
Teaching and learning process begin with the parents.  No matter how tight the parents’ schedules may be, they must take care of their kids. Parents must devote time to nurture and teach their children many things that they cannot learn in classroom.  They should not rush them through life all in a bid to acquire education early.
It is worrisome that parents rush their children to school while they cannot speak and understand their languages and dialects.
One of the guidelines in the National Policy in Education is that children should be taught in their mother tongue at home while they learn foreign language in school.
The NPE  also stipulates that every child at the basic level should be taught the language of the place of residence. If school managers are not obeying the instruction, parents need to do a follow-up.
Parents rush their children to school while they do not understand their environment, culture and tradition of theirs and others. Although a few schools devote little time to mark cultural day for the kids.
It is good that children start school early and graduate at 20, 21 and may be get a job at 23 and 24 as some employers will indicate.
Recently, organisations were inviting graduates of between 23 and 25 years for job offers. This caused a lot of reactions from the public. The question people asked was about when the children started school and youth corps service to seek for job in the labour market.
There was a period students secured admission between the ages of 22 and 23 years as a result of either delay in obtaining credits in their choice of disciplines and high scores in UTME.  They still graduated at 27 and 28 before proceeding for national youth service.
I think this is one of the reasons why many decide to start their children early to scale through those external exams early enough.
When parents start their children early, they may be exposed to emotional and psychological problems in schools. A lot of them make more friends for protection as they are easily apprehensive.
The morals they needed both at home would have been denied them. At the end of the day, they may acquire good education but lack morals.
The family is the first school for the child but because parents are engaged, the creche and day care centres become their option.
Early start for the children affects their productivity.  Factors like home, society and government are responsible.
Charity, they say, begins at home.  Parents must have a balance.  It is a known fact to that parents need to work to provide money for the family but must make out time to take care of the children.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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Women

Who Is A Classic Woman? 

Published

2 months ago

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August 22, 2025

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A classic woman is one  who has identified herself in terms of fashion, occupation  or the kind of business she does.
A woman can be classical in the way she entertains her audience in terms of music and movies.  You will discover that some female musicians are identified with the kind of music they sing.
A classical woman is one who always wants to appear trendy.
Generally, classical women are normally identified with the kind of things they are involved in.
There are ladies that want to be identified with wearing of shorts (short trousers) in the public. They use it to showcase their beauty. They want to be identified with such things as they see it as socialisation.
Some wear trousers that are so tight just to showcase all the curves they possess.
Consultant stylists and etiquette experts say some fashions won by some persons are inappropriate because of how and when they are won.
A classic woman is supposed to dress properly.   She should  be able to wear clothes  that will not expose hidden parts of her body. When such occurs,  then it is indecent dressing.
Ladies should be known for two things, classical and beauty.  One can be classic with minimisation.  The minimum woman should go is to look good, decent and presentable.
Some ladies like wearing short skirts but no matter  how short the skirt is,  it should look elegant. The skirt  should not be too short like the mini-skirt.
Dressing or fashion depends on the environment the persons finds herself.  The kind of clothes won to the office may be different from the one won at home. Likewise,  a dress won to a party may be different from the one won too swimming pool.
For one to look classical or decent, body shape should be taken into consideration.
Colours of a particular fashion can make one look odd or nice.  Looking model does not mean that one should go naked or dull.
Don’t wear clothes  that you need to drag from time to time in order not to expose yourself.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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