It has been an active sixteen days globally as activities are organised both on the international and local levels to call for action to end violence against women and girls. In Nigeria, the 16 days of activism against gender-based violence which began on November 25, the international day for elimination of violence against women and will end tomorrow, December 10, the International Human Rights Day, have seen Civil Society Organisations, women professional groups, Non-governmental Organisations (NGOs) and several other women groups at various forums talking about violence against women and girls and the need to end it.
Violence against women and girls is indeed a very big issue in our society. The traditional and social media are daily awashed with stories of young women, including infants being raped and molested by their opposite sex, married women being raped by their husbands, women being discriminated against in their work places, schools and even families on account of their gender. The issue of wife battering is almost a norm in our society. Many women are dying slowly as a result of mistreatment, abuse and beating meted on them by their husbands, but they seal their lips either for the fear of losing their marriages or for what the society will say. You see a woman being battered by her husband because due to fatigue or other genuine reasons she denied him sex. Recall the case of late gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, who was allegedly maltreated to death by her husband. These cases abound everywhere such that the 16 days are hardly enough to campaign against it.
But as we carry on with the campaign against violence on the female gender by the male, we must not fail to look at the issue of violence against men. Yes, a lot of men are daily being abused by their wives and other females in their lives but they hardly voice it out. At an event to sensitise the public on the rights of women a few days ago, a consultant gynaecologist and obstetrician with the National Hospital, Abuja, revealed that a recent research conducted by her on violence against men shows that many men are suffering greatly in the hands of their wives. According to her, she interviewed over 200men in the course of the research and over 30 percent of them narrated how they were verbally and emotionally abused by their wives. Some women who are more financially stable than their spouses talk down on their partners, reminding them daily that they are lazy and stupid and that is why they cannot provide for their families.
Some of the respondents also disclosed that their wives denial them sex. A particular man said he had not had a sexual intercourse with his wife for about seven months because the woman was angry that he did not give her money to buy an expensive artificial hair which he could not afford. Some say their partners are always tormenting them, telling their friends, family members and whoever cares to know that they are not good in bed. The truth is that some women are dealing with their partners. Have we not heard stories of how some women will beat their husband only to turn around and raise an alarm, calling attention of their neighbours claiming that their husbands have killed them? Or married women who are having extra-marital affairs, but forbid their husbands from questioning them because they are catering for the family?
These negative attitudes can lead to violence against women. Afterall, it is said that negative energy attracts negative responses. Violence begets violence. You cannot throw a ball to the wall and expect it not to bounce back and probably hit you. So, it is high time due attention was paid to the attitude of women towards their partners. Surely, there is no reason why a man should raise his hands on his or any other woman. There are better ways of handling issues other than being physical. The same should be applicable to women who torture their husbands emotionally. In the words of an author, “the scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious.” No woman, no man deserved to be abused emotionally, physically, sexually, psychologically and otherwise.
So, as the 16 days of activism come to an end tomorrow and we highlight the need for the protection of human right, it would be most appropriate for the CSOs, NGOs and other women groups to use the opportunity to also talk to the women on the need for them to respect and love their partners for peaceful, harmonious relationships.It is important that it should be drummed into the ears of women that marriage is not a do or die affair. Women who are in abusive relationships should speak up and seek help before it becomes too late. Afterall, is it not when you are alive that you have a husband? Are Osinachi and other women who died in similar circumstances alive today to talk about their husbands and their children? Waiting until something destroys you before you see how bad the thing is does not speak of wisdom.
Having said that, it is also time we address a growing trend in our society. Growing up, we were made to understand that there are specific roles for various members of the family, particularly the nuclear family. The father is the head of the family. He provides and protects the family. The woman is supposed to take care of the children and the home and assist the man when she can. The Bible calls her a help mate. These days however, many young men are abandoning the duty of providing for the family to their wives. A woman goes out in the morning hawking all kinds of things in order to get money to put food on her family’s table and to see her children through school. Some women go from one village market to another toiling to make money for the upkeep of their families. But their husbands are at home doing nothing.
Some other young men, especially the educated ones, get married to older, rich women who become the bread winners while the men turn to “oriaku”. And when their expectations are not met or the poor woman after the day’s hustle is late in cooking and serving their food or not yielding to their sexual advances, trouble ensues in their homes. There is no denying the fact that the economic situation in the country is very harsh on a lot of individuals and families. Employment opportunities are becoming more scarce every day. But that should not be the reason for a man to sit at home while the woman is weighed down by the whole burden of the family. This obviously can lead to frustration, provocation and violence. These classes of men should wake up to their responsibilities. Whoever decides to have a family should be able to make an effort to provide for his family while the woman helps. This will go a long way to minimise violence against both the female and male genders in our homes and the society at large.
The 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence are an annual international campaign. It was started by activists at the inauguration of the Women’s Global Leadership Institute in 1991. It continues to be coordinated each year by the Centre for Women’s Global Leadership. It is used as an organising strategy by individuals and organisations around the world to call for the prevention and elimination of violence against women and girls. This year, the theme is UNiTE! Activism to end violence against women and girls!

By: Calista Ezeaku