Marriage is a fabric of the society. In Christendom, marriage is designed for two people. It is a journey of life for husband and wife. Marriage as seen these days as almost on attack. It is common to see that couples go into marriage and in not less than six months, that marriage is threatened. Little issues that should not cause problems arise. Sometimes you may be surprised to hear what causes the problems. Unfortunately, couples do not say the truth when issues are made public.
Different people have different opinions when conflicts occur in marriage. Some argue that women should be the custodian of love in marriage. There are women who cannot exercise patience in things that concern husband and wife. When they are undergoing challenges, they are asked to remain, especially those who have children. There are those who may not continue in marriage even when they have a hundred kids in a home. The number of children a woman has may not stop her from ending a marriage if she is not comfortable.
A believer’s trust in God will make her succeed in marriage. There is a relationship between marriage and the scripture. In marriage, you do not allow your partner to work alone. It is for companionship before children start arriving.
A woman may ask herself if companionship in marriage is what it should be. There should be words of encouragement when things are not normal.
Before going into marriage, women should develop the capacity to cope. It is not that you may not have other friends, but your partner needs your cooperation and understanding to make it work. Be a good partner and ensure a balance between the two of you.
Women should avoid selfish motives in marriage. It is a fact that marriage challenges are so much, but women should do things without expecting credit. One may ask: “What will I gain from marriage?”. Of course the benefits are enormous. If marriage does not work for one, it does not mean that it will not work for another. Things concerning marriage are seen in different perspective by different people.
There must be good communication between a husband and wife, effective communication indeed. Communication is learnt and it is effective when your meaning equates that of your spouse. Communication is a skill. Couples must learn how to communicate, not by shouting when communicating. A woman should not shout her spouse down during discussions. Communication enforces bonding. Communication is a live wire of marriage. The bond of marriage should be strengthened so that marriages can last longer. Words are powerful. Words are spirit in the life of your spouse. Listening strengthens marriage. Actions must align with what you say, when and how you say it. The way you say it must be understood.
A woman should put herself in the shoe of her spouse. Showing empathy to your spouse will go a long way in strengthening your marriage.
When you talk about love in marriage, there are many skills. Listening takes patience. It is a skill that needs patience. It is good to listen for several hours for your spouse to empty his heart.
In marriage, offence will definitely come especially when the marriage is new. There must be differences because husband and wife are coming from different backgrounds. Limited understanding can cause conflicts in marriage so giving way to one person can help in marriage. No offence should remain permanent. Women can overcome challenges and do not let conflict tear your marriage apart.
Interestingly, experts in marital affairs have come with tools that can make marriage work. Such tools are shared resources.
Truly, for women to be steadfast in marriage, there is a lot to do. Creating a community where you share wisdom is necessary, a healthy community, indeed. No matter how smart a woman may be, there are things she may be ignorant of.
Most importantly, it is wrong for a woman to discipline a child in her care by putting pepper or painful substances into a child’s private part. Some women also have the habit of tearing a girl’s dress, especially foster child in the public due to one provocation or the other.
Community activity is important for a woman to excel in marriage. Bathing together by couples will strengthen their marriage. Although some wives may not like it. It may shock you to know that some couples bathed together only when they got married newly. A woman who was interviewed by her counsellor when she encountered a problem in her marriage concerning bathing together, replied that it was only when they got married newly. That was after about 15 years.
Marriage requires much to keep it moving from one level to another. Other activities involve commitment, hard work and diligence just to mention but a few.
Attending professional marital seminars can help solve some problems. It is good to locate community, positive ones where couples learn and share ideas, express their problems and challenges and seek solutions and remedies.
Norms, experiences, values and others are the factors responsible for marital sweetness and uniqueness.
Marriage is like a template. What you log in is what you get. No two marriages are the same and there is no comparison in marriage. The principles in marriage work provided you apply them well. The principles must be backed up with examples.
The principles of friendship in marriage work depending on how you apply them. An application that worked in your marriage may not work in another’s marriage. It is wrong to copy what may not work for you.
The principles also work with time. Creating quality time together can help make a unique marriage.
Years back, only men worked to fend for the family while the women stayed at home to nurture children and do other house chores. Nowadays, the woman too work or engage in other businesses as the men may not be able to handle upkeeps alone. You discover that their schedules are very tight that they don’t have quality time for themselves.
Some persons are addicted to their devices that they may not have enough time for their spouses. For marriage to be sweet, partners must create quality time for themselves. Family time should be created to include the children. As couples continue to be engaged in jobs and day to day businesses, they must create time. For you to have a unique marriage, a neutral time should be created for couples to interact. There are women who feel that quality time with their spouses depend on the expenditure involved. They prefer a situation where their spouses take them outside home for relaxation.
Culture is another problem affecting uniqueness of marriage. There are men who prefer to spend time with friends and kinsmen instead of spending such time with their wives. They see the woman as one whose time should be spent only in the kitchen. In some people’s culture, women can never stay where men gather and discuss.
For women to build marital sweetness, building resilience in relationship is key as well as romantic adventure. Women need to build very strong resilience to be in marriage. Resilience is the capacity to withstand challenges and unforeseen circumstances.
Many marriages are doing well on their own but challenges like sickness, poverty, lack of children (infertility), infidelity, etc, go a long way to destroy them. A lot of relationships standing today have undergone many problems for marital sweetness to be achieved. It is not a bed of roses.
Marriages nowadays have chances of disintegrating but some couples are able to make up. Resilience builds strong marriage. Standard of living, family upkeep, intimacy and finance to buy things in the home affect marriage.
Marriage undergoes phases. There are times when couples abuse themselves but being a resilient partner can help your marriage survive. Consistently make up your mind that your marriage will succeed.
As a woman, getting pregnant and taking delivery of a baby at the ninth month, nursing and nurturing such baby take a lot of challenges, so also is marriage.
If you can determine that your business must grow with resilience, then, your marriage can also grow.
Little talks from wives normally make their spouses take some decisions in marital affairs. Let us assume that your spouse returns late from work or business with a troubled mind, you should be able to encourage him or her.
Gratitude to partners and appreciating each other’s efforts in little things at home help in building marital sweetness.
Building problem-solving skills help you maintain resilience in marriage.
Identify what the problem is. Do not deal with the symptoms. Take series of questions. For you to be resilient, you must know how to solve problems. If you are not a good problems-solver, you may be creating a problem. Be patient because all problems cannot be solved in a day.
A woman may take a break without violence and as you leave the house, you don’t bang the door.
Being a problem solver, you should be able to manage your mental health. Mental stability is very important in marriage.
Avoid being an unteachable spouse. A woman should learn from experts in marital seminars and workshop.
All hands must be on deck to ensure that couples keep to marital vows.
Your marriage like a house should be built in such a way that when flood comes, it is not washed away.

Eunice Choko-Kayode