Women

How Women Can Manage Issues In Marriage

Published

2 years ago

August 23, 2024

Marriage is a fabric of the society. In Christendom, marriage is designed for two people. Marriage as seen these days is almost on attack. It is common to see that couples go into marriage and in not less than six months, that marriage is threatened. Little issues that should not cause problems arise. All hands must be on deck to ensure that couples keep to marital vows. Sometimes you may be surprised to hear what causes the problems. The most annoying thing is that couples do not say the truth when issues are made public.
Different people have different opinions when conflicts occur in marriage. Some ague that women should be the custodian of love in marriage. There are women who cannot exercise patience in things that concern husband and wife. When they are undergoing challenges, they are asked to remain, especially those who have children. There are those who may not continue in marriage even when they have ten kids in a home. The number of children a woman has may not stop her from ending a marriage.
A believer’s trust in God will make her succeed in marriage. There is a relationship between marriage and the scripture. In marriage, you don’t allow your partner to work alone. It is for companionship before children start arriving.
Ask yourself if your companionship in marriage is what it should be. It is a journey for husband and wife. There should be words of encouragement when things are not normal.
Before going into marriage, develop the capacity to cope. It is not that you may not have other friends, but your partner needs your cooperation and understanding to make it work. Be a good partner and ensure a balance between the two of you.
Women should avoid selfish motives in marriage. It is a fact that marriage challenges are so much, but women should do things without expecting credit. One can ask: “What will I gain from marriage”. Of course the benefits are enormous. If marriage does not work for one, it does not mean that it will not work for another. Things concerning marriage are seen in different perspective by different people.
There must be good communication between a husband and wife, effective communication indeed. Communication is learned and it is effective when your meaning equates that of your spouse. Communication is a skill. Couples must learn how to communicate, not by shouting when communicating. Couples must learn how to communicate, not by shouting when communicating. Communication enforces bonding. Communication is a life wire in marriage. The bond of marriage should be strengthened so that marriages can last longer.
Words are powerful. Words are spirit in the life of your spouse. Listening strengthens marriage. Actions must align with what you say, when and how you say it. The way you say it must be understood.
A woman should put herself in the shoe of her spouse. Showing empathy to your spouse will go a long way in strengthening your marriage.
When you talk about love in marriage, there are many skills.
Listening takes patience. It is a skill that needs patience. It is good to listen for several hours for your spouse to empty his heart.
In marriage, offence will definitely come especially when the marriage is new. There must be differences because people are coming from different backgrounds. Limited understanding can cause conflicts in marriage so giving way to one person can help in marriage. No offence should remain permanent. You can overcome challenges and don’t let conflict tear your marriage apart.
Experts in marital affairs have come with tools that can make marriage work. Such tools are shared resources.
A woman should not shut her spouse down.
For women to be steadfast in marriage, there is a lot to do. Creating a community where you share wisdom is necessary. A healthy community indeed. No matter how smart a woman may be, there are things she may be ignorant of.
Most importantly, it is wrong for a woman to discipline a child in her care by putting pepper or painful substances into a child’s private part. Some women also have the habit of tearing a girl’s dress in the public due to one provocation or the other.
Community activity is important to a woman to excel in marriage. Bathing together by couples will strengthen their marriage. Although some wives may not like it. It may shock you to know that some couples bathed together only when they got married newly. A woman was interviewed when she encountered problem in marriage. A counsellor asked when she had a bath last with her husband, she replied that it was only when they got married. After about twenty fifteen years they had not.
Marriage requires much to keep it moving from one level to another. Other activities involve commitment, hard work, diligence just to mention but a few. Attending professional marital seminars can help solve some problems. It is good to locate community, positive ones where couples learn and share ideas, express their problems and challenges and seek solutions and remedies.
Norms, experience, value and others are the factors responsible for marital sweetness and uniqueness.
Marriage is like a template. What you log in is what you get. No two marriages are the same and there is no comparison in marriage. The principles in marriage work provided you apply them well. The principles must be backed up with examples.
The principles of friendship in marriage work depending on how you apply them. An application that worked in your marriage may not work in another’s marriage. It is wrong to copy what may not work for you.
The principles also work with time. Creating quality time together can help make a unique marriage.
Years ago, only man worked to fend for the family while the woman stayed at home to nurture children and do other house chores. Nowadays, the woman too works or engages in other businesses as the man may not be able to handle upkeeps alone. You discover that their schedules are very tight that they don’t have quality time for themselves. Some persons are addicted to their devices that they may not have enough time for their spouses.
For marriage to be sweet, partners must create quality time for themselves. Family time should be created to include the children. As couples continue to be engaged in jobs and day to day businesses, they must create time. For you to have a unique marriage, a neutral time should be created for couples to interact. There are women who feel that quality time with their spouses depend on the expenditure involved. They prefer a situation where their spouses take them outside home for relaxation.
Culture is another problem affecting uniqueness of marriage. There are men who prefer to spend time with friends and kinsmen instead of spending such time with their wives.
They see the woman as one whose time should be spent only in the kitchen. In some people’s culture, women can never stay where men gather and discuss.
For women to build marital sweetness, building resilience in relationship is key as well as romantic adventure. Women need to build very strong resilience to be in marriage. Resilience is the capacity to withstand challenges and unforeseen circumstances.
Many marriages are doing well on their own but challenges like sickness, poverty, lack of children (infertility), infidelity, etc, go a long way to destroy them.
A lot of relationships standing today have undergone many problems for marital sweetness to be achieved. It is a not a bed of roses.
Marriages nowadays have chances of disintegrating but some couples are able to make up. Resilience builds strong marriage. Standard of living, family upkeep, intimacy, finance to buy things in the home affect marriage.
Marriage undergoes phases. There are times when couples abuse themselves but being a resilient partner can help your marriage survive. Consistently make up your mind that your marriage will succeed.
As a woman, getting pregnant and taking delivery of a baby at the ninth month, nursing and nurturing such baby takes a lot of challenges, so also is marriage.
If you can determine that your business must grow with resilience then your marriage can also work.
Little talks from wives normally make their spouses take some decisions in marital affairs. Let’s assume your spouse returns late from work or business with a troubled mind, you should be able to encourage him or her.
Gratitude to partners and appreciating each other’s efforts in little things at home help in building marital sweetness.
Building problem solving skills help you maintain resilience in marriage.
Identify what the problem is. Don’t deal with the symptoms. Take series of questions. For you to be resilient, you must know how to solve problems. If you are not a good problems-solver, you may be creating a problem. Be patient because all problems cannot be solved in a day.
A woman may take a break without violence and as you leave the house, you don’t bang the door.
Being a problem solver, you should be able to manage your mental health. Mental stability is very important.
Discretion is important in building resilience. You consider who is qualified and who is not qualified. Having mentors in marriage is good especially those who have been in marriage for many years.
Avoid being an unteachable spouse. A woman should learn from experts in marital seminars and workshop.
Your marriage like a house should be built in such a way that when flood comes, it is not washed away.

Women

Women And Artificial Beauty

Published

2 weeks ago

October 30, 2026

The Tide

Looking good is every woman’s business but looking good for some persons is more important than food. Some prefer to appear trendy instead of attending to household pressure.

Beauty they say is in the eye of the beholder. Every woman by creature is beautiful but some persons feel that the way they were created is not enough. They feel that perhaps the creator should have added more features to their physic.

Artificial beauty did not start today, it has been there as far as man exists. From time to time, there has been one form of additional make-up or the other that women especially, must add to their natural look.

When you look at some of our elders, especially women, you notice certain drills or symbols (tattoo) on their skins, mostly on their hands and legs, in form of designs with dark prints. That is a form of artificial beauty. These days, some young ones still use such to beautify themselves.

It is not only women that are involved in artificial beauty, some young men also have likeness for it. It is common nowadays to see younger male folks spend money to pierce their ears to wear earrings. They also style their hairs in various forms to appear like women so as to look more handsome. This no doubt costs them more money than being in their natural look.

Every generation grows with it’s own new systems, items, styles of artificial beauty. Before now, African women generally and Nigeria in particular had their hair in natural form.

As civilisation and westernisation continued, Nigerian women started copying, for instance, perming of their hair to look like the White women. They started using western-produced chemicals (relaxers) to make their hairs look sleepy and smoother.

Nigerian women used to plate their hair with black thread or go with their hair well cut at low level. In terms of weaving, it was without attachment. The issue of women weaving hair with attachment came with civilisation. That is also a form of make-up.

The quest for extra beauty aside the way women were created has been from one generation to another.

Two or three decades ago, ladies used mascaras to darken and thicken their eyelashes. But in this 21st century, another system has evolved. Fixing of artificial eyelashes has become the order of the day.

In that case, it becomes difficult for them to scratch their eyes Incase of any itches. Some of their eyes turn reddish because of the touch.

There was a lady who was fixing her eyelashes in a salon, unfortunately, she got a phone call that her mother was late, as she started crying, it was difficult for her to clean the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.

The reason was for fear of the eye lashes falling off while cleaning the tears off her eyes.

One funny thing about fixing of artificial eyelashes is that some persons cannot close their eyes properly. The beauty they have in mind before fixing is not really achieved as their look become something anybody cannot behold. Both the shape of their eyes and facial outlook automatically change. One begins to wonder if that is the beauty they are looking for. Instead of looking beautiful, the reverse becomes the case.

As years go by, artificial beauty becomes more sophisticated in the society. The price and cost for looking more beautiful than women were created naturally becomes higher than their natural look.

The cosmetic industry becomes one of the most viable industries worldwide because some women desire artificial beauty. Some engage in cosmetic surgery to alter any part of their body which does not give them pleasure especially the fatty parts. Some go for surgery to make their slacked breasts to return to their original shapes as well as those with big tummies.

It is interesting to note that currently, Nigerian ladies have started to give preference to their natural hair and this is attracting a lot of admiration for them. Many prefer that natural look with low cuts. With that, the cost of maintaining the hair by ladies is reduced.

I think this is commendable as it will save the women from the negative effect of chemical used in manufacturing hair relaxers.

It is also common to see ladies on low cut hairs that are either light complexion, red and other funny colours.

People have been addicted to artificial beauty to the extent that they insert certain substances into their bodies to make them become more robust and attractive to their admirers.

I don’t understand why we should be crazy about adding more to our natural look. Every woman wants to look attractive in a packaged manner without recognising the implications of artificial beauty and make-up.

In fact, women’s quest for beauty has taken different dimension as they tend to appear trendy at home, in offices and as they go about their businesses. That is just to feel belonged and achieve self-esteem.

I recall a few years back, my pastor who trained as an Engineer advised women against the use of lipstick. He said that one of the chemical components of lipstick is lead and that it is dangerous to humans. Many women may not understand the reality of what he said until it manifests.

I think those who are naturally beautiful should not go for artificial make-ups. They should be satisfied with the work of their creator. Women should not continue to paint their faces to look like masquerades and should not lose value due to artificial beauty.

It may interest you to know that persons who apply make-ups excessively are mocked instead of being admired. Make-ups can be applied lightly.

Fixing of nails is another business. After fixing nails, some women find it difficult to perform house cores. Washing their personal belongings becomes a problem. The artificial nails become so long and sophisticated to the extent that the bearer cannot handle objects properly. Those in that habit also find it difficult to eat food with the fingers.

There are people who feel they should have been born in certain colour but when the reverse is the case, they seek artificial make-up. Use of skin-toning cream and soap becomes the option for artificial beauty. This happens to the extent that the users start having dark spots on the skin. Blisters occur on their faces and legs.

Unfortunately, this is an era when there are different kinds of cancer affecting women especially. It becomes difficult to identify the kind of make-up that can be cancerous.

It is high time people had stopped following trend to the detriment of their health.

Ladies should not present themselves as laughing stock with unnecessary make-up as they can still be cherished in their natural outlook.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

Women

Women And Dangers Of Obnoxious Practices

Published

1 month ago

October 9, 2026

The Tide

It is worrisome to hear that a woman or a girl is bathed with acidic contents just because she refuses to adhere to one instruction or the other from an opposite sex.

Sometimes, you see a woman with bruises on the face, with one eye swollen as if she is an animal perhaps she demanded one or two things from her spouse.

A situation where a widow will be mandated to marry a brother-in-law for her to still belong to the family where she is married and to partake in inheritance should be looked into.

Severally, there have been talks, seminars, workshops, fora, arguments, bills and laws abolishing the issues that concern women, especially violence. But much has not been achieved to curtail the menace.

Violence against girls and women has been on the increase. From time to time, it is either girls are denied access to father’s property or a widow is denied inheritance to husband’s properties. Even when laws are put in place about things that will help women have their rights, some persons feel that culture and tradition do not permit such laws.

We are aware that some women are rich and may not want to partake in the share of their late parents’ property, but there are vulnerable ones who may need to be empowered, through perhaps, late parents’ property inheritance.

Some of the obnoxious laws were made before now without the consent of women. There was no enough representation to either argue for or against so as to be beneficial to women generally. Some of the laws were so primitive that even when civilisation came, became difficult to change. Very unfortunately, it is the women sometimes who execute the laws made by men in their absence. But women are suffering it.

If government can establish laws abolishing certain practices against women and girls, it will be better for them and should be in the presence of women while they are in the parliament so that they can contribute as well.

For long, laws against female genital mutilation and circumcision have existed but some communities due to their culture and tradition have refused to put a stop to it with reasons best known to them.

Circumcision of a full-grown girl or lady may not be the only way of attaining maturity. It is a harmful practice and the pain associated with it cannot be imagined. The illegal operation is not performed in the hospital so the dangers inherent will be much.

For those who still practise it, the menace should be discouraged as that is not a proper way of ushering a girl into womanhood. A lot of women lose their lives due to pains experienced during the process. If it was practised in the past when civilisation was not there, it is a different case, nowadays with science and technology proving it wrong, those who still practice should resist.

We know that government is doing a lot to save women and girls from some of the pains they go through but right steps should be taken in the right direction and all stakeholders intensify efforts in dealing with persons who perpetuate evil against their fellow women.

One issue that comes to mind is implementation even if policies and laws are put in place by relevant agencies. The issue has been dwelt on for decades, but it is still practised as big ceremonies in some communities.

When it comes to inheritance, a girl born into a family, married or unmarried will be denied access to father’s property.

When parents are sick, the female child will pick him or her for care and offset medical bills. If it has to do with the demise of parents, the woman and the spouse to will be mandated to provide a cow and perform other burial rites.

If the National Assembly makes laws concerning the well-being of women, community heads, molecular leaders, women groups and associations, religious organisations, Non-Governmental organizations (NGOs) and Civil Society Organisations (CSOs) should create more awareness through the media to sensitise rural dwellers.

In this digital era, it should be forbidden that a woman loses her spouse and she is mandated to drink water used on the late husband.

A legal practitioner, Tam Jacobs, said if one forcefully shaves a woman’s hair with the intention that she is mourning her late spouse, she can sue that person for assault.

He said if the woman is forced to drink water used on her late husband’s body, she can also sue for attempted murder.

According to him, several cases of girl-child inheritance have been won and documented in the law court but some cannot claim it.

“Even a widow who is handicapped may not be able to make attempts, so NGOs, CSOs should be in the forefront to support them and ensure that the laws are implemented at the grassroots level where they are practised”, he said.

A pharmacist, Eno Amos said any culture that does not add colour and value to life, especially as it concerns women should be abolished.

She added that implementation can be easy in the cities where awareness has been created but expressed fear that it may not be easy in the rural areas where culture is really practised.

A business woman, Agnes Ugwu, said tradition and culture were made by man and not God and wondered why people who claim to be educated still follow the tradition of ancestors who never went to school.

Ignorance also comes to play here. If you have watched a documentary showing female genital mutilation and the gory experience the young women go through is something else. Some of the perpetrators claim that the practice has existed for ages. Women have to learn more about issues that concern them.

A nurse, Rosy Ekeocha, said it is not about culture but about the behavior of a group of people in the community who force it on others.

According to her, let people change their behaviour and leave culture alone. It does not happen in every family and if any family allows it that is its business.

She said we are in the 21st century, certain cultures and tradition need to be reviewed to ensure that they align with today’s reality.

Culture is dynamic she said, but that implementation of laws relating to the vulnerable in the society calls for concern.

We should not behave the way people behaved twenty decades ago, after all, we do not dress the way our forefathers dressed. Time has evolved and things are getting better as it concerns women. We are getting more exposed and more enlightened about issues that concern us. Information is moving round as the world is a global village.

Talking about culture nowadays, we wear shoes whereas our forefathers never had any. They walked barefooted far distances to get family necessities but things are better now as we are mobile.

That should also happen to culture and tradition. There are certain aspects of our culture and tradition which are practised today that have expired long ago. We should get rid off them.

Sometime, the bill for prohibition of obnoxious practices against women at the National Assembly was seen as a welcome development, how far have the powers that be gone to ensure that it favours women.

It is expected that the bills abolishing obnoxious practices against women and girls in the society should have started achieving results as it concerns their wellbeing.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

Women

What A Woman Wants In A Man

Published

2 months ago

September 25, 2026

The Tide

A woman needs a man that is honest, trustworthy, nice, loving and financially stable.

There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money, it is always difficult.

Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire shall be unto you……..

That is one aspect the woman expects her husband to take care of.

A woman wants a husband that is not lazy, at least helping to do one or two things. A man that is educated and intelligent.

She knows that there is a trait that her husband has. Traits of taking care of people, giving freely to people and caring for her family.

A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family, remembering his family even as he is away from home.

A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.

According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.

It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit. Don’t be a monitoring spirit. Don’t allow anything to take your joy.

Don’t loose trust in your husband.

The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.

The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man. A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.

Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.

A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.

By: Eunice Choko-Kayode