Women

Domestic Violence: Who Speaks For Men Abused By Wives?

Published

4 years ago

March 17, 2023

Everyday men abuse women. Until in recent years, such abuses went unreported. Nowadays, due to advocacies by gender activists, violence against women and girls now feature more prominently in the media.
Even with the level of publicity that it receives, gender activists insist that gender-based violence remain largely under-reported.
In a twist of fate violence against men by their spouses are rarely reported nor even mentioned in public.
In some instances, women are known to have murdered their husbands due to one grievance or another. Infidelity features frequently in such cases.
For instance, in January 2020, a High Court of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja, on convicted and sentenced Maryam Sanda to death by hanging for killing her husband, Bilyaminu Bello.
Delivering judgment, Justice Yusuf Halilu said every available evidence had proved that Maryam ‘fatally‘ stabbed her husband to death in Abuja on Nov. 19, 2017.
Similarly, Symphorosa Otike-Odibi, a Lagos-based lawyer, was in 2018 murdered by his lawyer wife, Udeme for having extra-marital affairs.
Udeme on May 3, 2018 allegedly stabbed Symphorosa, to death and mutilated his corpse by cutting off his genitals at their Diamond Estate, Sangotedo, Lekki, Lagos home.
She claimed that whenever she raised the issue infidelity with him his responses were not satisfactory and nonchalant.
“When I returned to where the deceased was, I hit him on the head with the frying pan and continued to hit him on the head and used the knife to stab him in his abdomen”, she said.
Also in 2018, Rachael Adetsav, killed her husband and three children, she was said to have been having issues with her husband, which culminated into killing him and the children.
Adetsav was said to have killed her husband and immediately rushed out of their apartment to smash the victim’s car before she committing suicide.
In February 2019, a 19-year-old girl, Mary Adeniyi, was arrested by police in Lagos for allegedly stabbing her husband to death.
Adeniyi, a nursing mother and her husband, Solomon Nduka, 30 had a fight over alleged infidelity.
He allegedly stabbed him on the neck region with a knife which prompted neighbours to rush him to a nearby hospital. He later died.
Also, in 2012, Hadezia Abutu (nee Afegbua), was accused of killing her husband, Ibrahim, just two days after a new wife was welcomed into the family in December 2011.
She was said to have allegedly shot her husband, Ibrahim, in their Wuse II, Abuja residence just two days after Ibrahim married another wife.
Before he died he informed his younger brother, Obotu, that he had been shot by his wife, Hadezia.
Mrs Titilola Vivour-Adeniyi, Coordinator, Lagos State, Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team said men have difficulty reporting incidents of assault by their partners, a situation she attributes to cultural norms.
According to her, patriarchy is an enemy of everybody because it keeps people in silence.
“From a young age, males are not allowed to express themselves when they are experiencing trauma and that lingers on to adulthood”, she said.
She said between January and June 2021 there were about 194 reported assaults by wives against their men in Lagos state alone.
Fagbohungbe Oni, a professor of psychology, University of Lagos, said that one of the most common attributes displayed by a potential killer-woman display is destructive tendency.
Mr David Aloysius, a psychologist said domestic violence is committed mainly against the women but recent events show that women as also perpetrate violence against their husbands.
Aloysius said some men are daily being beaten, subjugated and traumatised by their wives, adding that most of the abuses go unreported.
This according to him is because of the notion that the man is always superior to the woman in terms of physical strength.
He said while the ‘norm’ was men abusing their spouses, the table seems to be turning against men as they now face regular abuse in the hands of their women.
He called on gender right advocates to beam their searchlight on the plight of men who are under the subjugation of women.
Aloysius said that domestic violence involving wives physically assaulting their husbands was assuming a dangerous dimension.
He said some wives not only beat up their husbands to stupor but kill them in some cases.
According to him, though men are naturally perceived as being mentally stronger in some instances the reverse is the case.
Dr Kehinde Samuel, a psychiatrist, said domestic violence could be drastically curtailed through counsel and mental evaluation of potential couples.
It is gladdening to note that the law has not spared women brought before it for abusing their spouses.
However, analysts say it is necessary for stakeholders to make conscious efforts to bring to the front burner that plight of thousands of men suffering in silence from abuse by their partners.

Women

Hearty Cheers To Nigeria’s Flamingos …Kudos To All Nigerian Women Who Chose To Excel In Male Turfs

Published

1 day ago

November 13, 2026

The Tide

For ages, football and soccer pitch in Nigeria were literally identified as areas specifically meant for the menfolk, in line with the societal expectation that physical dominance belongs exclusively to men. Our pitches and the likes were formerly mapped out as men’s domain!
As years rolled by, a new generation of daughters arose. The barriers were broken. Our women and girls graced the pitches and took solid grounds. Not, just to watch and not just to participate, but to conquer.
Nigeria’s female national football teams have consistently flown the country’s flag high, serving as absolute power houses on the African continent and earning immense global respect.
The year 2026 will forever be etched in gold. In Nigeria, and African football history as the year Nigeria’s U-17 women’s national team, the Flamingos took over the male turf, rewrote the global script at the FIFA U-17 Women’s World Cup in Morocco, emerging the first African female Team to conquer the World and bring home the World Cup.
The journey through the seven matches were clearly tough and rough but the Nigerian teenage Queens defied all odds , faced the global big hooves , beat them in their games and made Africa; Nigeria proud . They broke all barriers and won their six matches. They conquered football behemoths like Brazil in the semi-finals with a stellar 3-1 victory, and stood face-to-face with multi-time global champions, Japan in the grand finale in Rabat. When the final whistle blew, sealing a tense 2-1 victory over Japan, the Flamingos achieved the unthinkable: they became the first African nation in history (male or female) to lift the FIFA U-17 World Cup trophy. .
I hail the Midfielder, Oluebube Umejiaku , who ignited the pitch and tamed the world former bests, clinching the prestigious ” FIFA Golden Ball as “ “Player of the Tournament.” Under the tactical brilliance of Head Coach Akeem Busari, the young Nigerian girls stood firm and displayed “what they got”
They did not just win; they dismantled barriers. After an initial setback, they surged forward with six consecutive victories.
As the African Queens landed home amidst thunderous ovations, the Presidency and the Senate took turns to celebrate the Young World Conquerors. Tuesday, the Senate, following the prayers of a Motion on the Flamingos glorious outing sponsored by Distinguished Senator Abdul Ningi applauded the U-17 World best. The World record attained by the players gave room for off politics deliberations in the Red Chamber as all Senators united in commendations over this national feat. The lawmakers took turns to eulogise the female players and splashed the team with cash sum of one hundred million naira.
Senate President Godwill Akpabio, speaking on behalf of his colleagues said, “I want to commend the Flamingos, the U-17 youth team of Nigeria, for defeating major countries such as Brazil and Japan to win the Under-17 World Cup for Africa for the first time and for Nigeria.”
He also appealed to the Federal Government and corporate Nigeria to adequately reward the players and invest in the foundational development of women’s sports. The lawmakers also commended the National Sports Commission (NSC) under Mallam Shehu Dikko for his good work which yielded the world trophy to Nigeria.
Wednesday, the Senate, President and his colleagues continued the shower of praises as they hosted the Flamingos in the National Assembly.
Same day, the team was hosted at the Presidential Villa by the First Lady, Senator Oluremi Tinubu. The players at the Villa received gifts of One hundred million Naira each from President Bola Ahmed Tinubu .
From the women’s world, the victory of the Flamingos speaks volumes. It is women breaking boundaries, venturing into male – dominated terrains not just to be seen but to excel not minding systemic hurdles.
Looking back, it is already established that soccer, the field of men had expanded. No longer a male preserve but a shared terrain where Nigeria’s female teams shake the world.
Before now, the Super Falcons (Senior Women’s National Team; undisputed Queens of Africa, dominated the Women’s Africa Cup of Nations (WAFCON) with multiple continental titles and historic triumphs. They qualified for every single edition of the FIFA Women’s World Cup since its inception in 1991. The Super Falcons maintained Continental Dominance and Rankings.
The Falconets, Nigeria’s U-20 Women’s National Team in turn carved their names in gold over the years as they consistently terrified traditional superpowers at the FIFA U-20 Women’s World Cup. They have a history of reaching deep into the tournament, famously securing runners-up position (Silver medals) at the FIFA U-20 Women’s World Cup on multiple occasions, fiercely challenging powerhouses like Germany and the USA. Maintaining African Supremacy, they routinely swept the African qualifiers, proving to be the ultimate conveyor belt of talent feeding straight into the senior Super Falcons squad.
Cheers to all Nigerian Women! Our Teams are the best!

Nneka Amaechi-Nnadi

Women

Women And Artificial Beauty

Published

2 weeks ago

October 30, 2026

The Tide

Looking good is every woman’s business but looking good for some persons is more important than food. Some prefer to appear trendy instead of attending to household pressure.

Beauty they say is in the eye of the beholder. Every woman by creature is beautiful but some persons feel that the way they were created is not enough. They feel that perhaps the creator should have added more features to their physic.

Artificial beauty did not start today, it has been there as far as man exists. From time to time, there has been one form of additional make-up or the other that women especially, must add to their natural look.

When you look at some of our elders, especially women, you notice certain drills or symbols (tattoo) on their skins, mostly on their hands and legs, in form of designs with dark prints. That is a form of artificial beauty. These days, some young ones still use such to beautify themselves.

It is not only women that are involved in artificial beauty, some young men also have likeness for it. It is common nowadays to see younger male folks spend money to pierce their ears to wear earrings. They also style their hairs in various forms to appear like women so as to look more handsome. This no doubt costs them more money than being in their natural look.

Every generation grows with it’s own new systems, items, styles of artificial beauty. Before now, African women generally and Nigeria in particular had their hair in natural form.

As civilisation and westernisation continued, Nigerian women started copying, for instance, perming of their hair to look like the White women. They started using western-produced chemicals (relaxers) to make their hairs look sleepy and smoother.

Nigerian women used to plate their hair with black thread or go with their hair well cut at low level. In terms of weaving, it was without attachment. The issue of women weaving hair with attachment came with civilisation. That is also a form of make-up.

The quest for extra beauty aside the way women were created has been from one generation to another.

Two or three decades ago, ladies used mascaras to darken and thicken their eyelashes. But in this 21st century, another system has evolved. Fixing of artificial eyelashes has become the order of the day.

In that case, it becomes difficult for them to scratch their eyes Incase of any itches. Some of their eyes turn reddish because of the touch.

There was a lady who was fixing her eyelashes in a salon, unfortunately, she got a phone call that her mother was late, as she started crying, it was difficult for her to clean the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.

The reason was for fear of the eye lashes falling off while cleaning the tears off her eyes.

One funny thing about fixing of artificial eyelashes is that some persons cannot close their eyes properly. The beauty they have in mind before fixing is not really achieved as their look become something anybody cannot behold. Both the shape of their eyes and facial outlook automatically change. One begins to wonder if that is the beauty they are looking for. Instead of looking beautiful, the reverse becomes the case.

As years go by, artificial beauty becomes more sophisticated in the society. The price and cost for looking more beautiful than women were created naturally becomes higher than their natural look.

The cosmetic industry becomes one of the most viable industries worldwide because some women desire artificial beauty. Some engage in cosmetic surgery to alter any part of their body which does not give them pleasure especially the fatty parts. Some go for surgery to make their slacked breasts to return to their original shapes as well as those with big tummies.

It is interesting to note that currently, Nigerian ladies have started to give preference to their natural hair and this is attracting a lot of admiration for them. Many prefer that natural look with low cuts. With that, the cost of maintaining the hair by ladies is reduced.

I think this is commendable as it will save the women from the negative effect of chemical used in manufacturing hair relaxers.

It is also common to see ladies on low cut hairs that are either light complexion, red and other funny colours.

People have been addicted to artificial beauty to the extent that they insert certain substances into their bodies to make them become more robust and attractive to their admirers.

I don’t understand why we should be crazy about adding more to our natural look. Every woman wants to look attractive in a packaged manner without recognising the implications of artificial beauty and make-up.

In fact, women’s quest for beauty has taken different dimension as they tend to appear trendy at home, in offices and as they go about their businesses. That is just to feel belonged and achieve self-esteem.

I recall a few years back, my pastor who trained as an Engineer advised women against the use of lipstick. He said that one of the chemical components of lipstick is lead and that it is dangerous to humans. Many women may not understand the reality of what he said until it manifests.

I think those who are naturally beautiful should not go for artificial make-ups. They should be satisfied with the work of their creator. Women should not continue to paint their faces to look like masquerades and should not lose value due to artificial beauty.

It may interest you to know that persons who apply make-ups excessively are mocked instead of being admired. Make-ups can be applied lightly.

Fixing of nails is another business. After fixing nails, some women find it difficult to perform house cores. Washing their personal belongings becomes a problem. The artificial nails become so long and sophisticated to the extent that the bearer cannot handle objects properly. Those in that habit also find it difficult to eat food with the fingers.

There are people who feel they should have been born in certain colour but when the reverse is the case, they seek artificial make-up. Use of skin-toning cream and soap becomes the option for artificial beauty. This happens to the extent that the users start having dark spots on the skin. Blisters occur on their faces and legs.

Unfortunately, this is an era when there are different kinds of cancer affecting women especially. It becomes difficult to identify the kind of make-up that can be cancerous.

It is high time people had stopped following trend to the detriment of their health.

Ladies should not present themselves as laughing stock with unnecessary make-up as they can still be cherished in their natural outlook.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

Women

Women And Dangers Of Obnoxious Practices

Published

1 month ago

October 9, 2026

The Tide

It is worrisome to hear that a woman or a girl is bathed with acidic contents just because she refuses to adhere to one instruction or the other from an opposite sex.

Sometimes, you see a woman with bruises on the face, with one eye swollen as if she is an animal perhaps she demanded one or two things from her spouse.

A situation where a widow will be mandated to marry a brother-in-law for her to still belong to the family where she is married and to partake in inheritance should be looked into.

Severally, there have been talks, seminars, workshops, fora, arguments, bills and laws abolishing the issues that concern women, especially violence. But much has not been achieved to curtail the menace.

Violence against girls and women has been on the increase. From time to time, it is either girls are denied access to father’s property or a widow is denied inheritance to husband’s properties. Even when laws are put in place about things that will help women have their rights, some persons feel that culture and tradition do not permit such laws.

We are aware that some women are rich and may not want to partake in the share of their late parents’ property, but there are vulnerable ones who may need to be empowered, through perhaps, late parents’ property inheritance.

Some of the obnoxious laws were made before now without the consent of women. There was no enough representation to either argue for or against so as to be beneficial to women generally. Some of the laws were so primitive that even when civilisation came, became difficult to change. Very unfortunately, it is the women sometimes who execute the laws made by men in their absence. But women are suffering it.

If government can establish laws abolishing certain practices against women and girls, it will be better for them and should be in the presence of women while they are in the parliament so that they can contribute as well.

For long, laws against female genital mutilation and circumcision have existed but some communities due to their culture and tradition have refused to put a stop to it with reasons best known to them.

Circumcision of a full-grown girl or lady may not be the only way of attaining maturity. It is a harmful practice and the pain associated with it cannot be imagined. The illegal operation is not performed in the hospital so the dangers inherent will be much.

For those who still practise it, the menace should be discouraged as that is not a proper way of ushering a girl into womanhood. A lot of women lose their lives due to pains experienced during the process. If it was practised in the past when civilisation was not there, it is a different case, nowadays with science and technology proving it wrong, those who still practice should resist.

We know that government is doing a lot to save women and girls from some of the pains they go through but right steps should be taken in the right direction and all stakeholders intensify efforts in dealing with persons who perpetuate evil against their fellow women.

One issue that comes to mind is implementation even if policies and laws are put in place by relevant agencies. The issue has been dwelt on for decades, but it is still practised as big ceremonies in some communities.

When it comes to inheritance, a girl born into a family, married or unmarried will be denied access to father’s property.

When parents are sick, the female child will pick him or her for care and offset medical bills. If it has to do with the demise of parents, the woman and the spouse to will be mandated to provide a cow and perform other burial rites.

If the National Assembly makes laws concerning the well-being of women, community heads, molecular leaders, women groups and associations, religious organisations, Non-Governmental organizations (NGOs) and Civil Society Organisations (CSOs) should create more awareness through the media to sensitise rural dwellers.

In this digital era, it should be forbidden that a woman loses her spouse and she is mandated to drink water used on the late husband.

A legal practitioner, Tam Jacobs, said if one forcefully shaves a woman’s hair with the intention that she is mourning her late spouse, she can sue that person for assault.

He said if the woman is forced to drink water used on her late husband’s body, she can also sue for attempted murder.

According to him, several cases of girl-child inheritance have been won and documented in the law court but some cannot claim it.

“Even a widow who is handicapped may not be able to make attempts, so NGOs, CSOs should be in the forefront to support them and ensure that the laws are implemented at the grassroots level where they are practised”, he said.

A pharmacist, Eno Amos said any culture that does not add colour and value to life, especially as it concerns women should be abolished.

She added that implementation can be easy in the cities where awareness has been created but expressed fear that it may not be easy in the rural areas where culture is really practised.

A business woman, Agnes Ugwu, said tradition and culture were made by man and not God and wondered why people who claim to be educated still follow the tradition of ancestors who never went to school.

Ignorance also comes to play here. If you have watched a documentary showing female genital mutilation and the gory experience the young women go through is something else. Some of the perpetrators claim that the practice has existed for ages. Women have to learn more about issues that concern them.

A nurse, Rosy Ekeocha, said it is not about culture but about the behavior of a group of people in the community who force it on others.

According to her, let people change their behaviour and leave culture alone. It does not happen in every family and if any family allows it that is its business.

She said we are in the 21st century, certain cultures and tradition need to be reviewed to ensure that they align with today’s reality.

Culture is dynamic she said, but that implementation of laws relating to the vulnerable in the society calls for concern.

We should not behave the way people behaved twenty decades ago, after all, we do not dress the way our forefathers dressed. Time has evolved and things are getting better as it concerns women. We are getting more exposed and more enlightened about issues that concern us. Information is moving round as the world is a global village.

Talking about culture nowadays, we wear shoes whereas our forefathers never had any. They walked barefooted far distances to get family necessities but things are better now as we are mobile.

That should also happen to culture and tradition. There are certain aspects of our culture and tradition which are practised today that have expired long ago. We should get rid off them.

Sometime, the bill for prohibition of obnoxious practices against women at the National Assembly was seen as a welcome development, how far have the powers that be gone to ensure that it favours women.

It is expected that the bills abolishing obnoxious practices against women and girls in the society should have started achieving results as it concerns their wellbeing.

Eunice Choko-Kayode