Women
Psychologist Warns Parents On Children’s Dev Disorder
A psychologist at the University of Abuja Teaching Hospital, Gwagwalada, Dr Andrew Zamani has urged parents to improve communication with their children to avoid development disorders.
Zamani, in an interview with newsmen in Abuja on Monday, said development disorder, called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), is caused by a troubled mind.
In his words “Restlessness, inattentiveness, hyperactivity are symptoms of a developmental disorder whose major cause is anxiety and sense of insecurity.
“ADHD is derived from a troubled mind beleaguered by a sense of loneliness, insecurity, separation, anxiety and fear of rejection, whose unconscious processing results in distractibility and attention seeking behaviour and restlessness.’’
Zamani advised parents to limit the way they punished their children because it aggravated the situation by either intimidating them into silence or increasing their hyperactivity.
He urged parents to show love to their children to make them feel appreciated and important, adding that love gives confidence and courage to live a fulfilled life.
“Children who are loved and appreciated by their parents tend to be achievement- oriented, good risk takers and don’t shirk responsibility in any way.
“Such children even take responsibility for wrongdoing without much objection; they will always have high self esteem”. He added.
“Possessive parents place limitations on the emotional growth and development of their children; they cause them to doubt themselves and to give up trying.
“Parents and children should be friends in every sense of the word to strengthen emotional bonds.’’ He continued.
The psychologist described discipline as a character trait which required parents to be genuine, consistent and firm in the lessons they teach their children.
Zamani said that children learn more from a character of integrity than authoritarian force.
He said a parent who instills discipline in children, combines reward and punishment appropriately.
According to him if a child did not do well in school, parents should take time to find out the reason because the child might not be at fault.
The psychologist said the child might be suffering victimisation from teachers or the teachers might not be qualified.
He further advised parents to also teach their children at home as children tend to learn faster when taught by their parents.
“It pays for parents to teach their children life skills to enable them to deal with peer pressure and social challenges that may have lifelong impact in their lives,’’ he added.
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It is worrisome to hear that a woman or a girl is bathed with acidic contents just because she refuses to adhere to one instruction or the other from an opposite sex.
Sometimes, you see a woman with bruises on the face, with one eye swollen as if she is an animal perhaps she demanded one or two things from her spouse.
A situation where a widow will be mandated to marry a brother-in-law for her to still belong to the family where she is married and to partake in inheritance should be looked into.
Severally, there have been talks, seminars, workshops, fora, arguments, bills and laws abolishing the issues that concern women, especially violence. But much has not been achieved to curtail the menace.
Violence against girls and women has been on the increase. From time to time, it is either girls are denied access to father’s property or a widow is denied inheritance to husband’s properties. Even when laws are put in place about things that will help women have their rights, some persons feel that culture and tradition do not permit such laws.
We are aware that some women are rich and may not want to partake in the share of their late parents’ property, but there are vulnerable ones who may need to be empowered, through perhaps, late parents’ property inheritance.
Some of the obnoxious laws were made before now without the consent of women. There was no enough representation to either argue for or against so as to be beneficial to women generally. Some of the laws were so primitive that even when civilisation came, became difficult to change. Very unfortunately, it is the women sometimes who execute the laws made by men in their absence. But women are suffering it.
If government can establish laws abolishing certain practices against women and girls, it will be better for them and should be in the presence of women while they are in the parliament so that they can contribute as well.
For long, laws against female genital mutilation and circumcision have existed but some communities due to their culture and tradition have refused to put a stop to it with reasons best known to them.
Circumcision of a full-grown girl or lady may not be the only way of attaining maturity. It is a harmful practice and the pain associated with it cannot be imagined. The illegal operation is not performed in the hospital so the dangers inherent will be much.
For those who still practise it, the menace should be discouraged as that is not a proper way of ushering a girl into womanhood. A lot of women lose their lives due to pains experienced during the process. If it was practised in the past when civilisation was not there, it is a different case, nowadays with science and technology proving it wrong, those who still practice should resist.
We know that government is doing a lot to save women and girls from some of the pains they go through but right steps should be taken in the right direction and all stakeholders intensify efforts in dealing with persons who perpetuate evil against their fellow women.
One issue that comes to mind is implementation even if policies and laws are put in place by relevant agencies. The issue has been dwelt on for decades, but it is still practised as big ceremonies in some communities.
When it comes to inheritance, a girl born into a family, married or unmarried will be denied access to father’s property.
When parents are sick, the female child will pick him or her for care and offset medical bills. If it has to do with the demise of parents, the woman and the spouse to will be mandated to provide a cow and perform other burial rites.
If the National Assembly makes laws concerning the well-being of women, community heads, molecular leaders, women groups and associations, religious organisations, Non-Governmental organizations (NGOs) and Civil Society Organisations (CSOs) should create more awareness through the media to sensitise rural dwellers.
In this digital era, it should be forbidden that a woman loses her spouse and she is mandated to drink water used on the late husband.
A legal practitioner, Tam Jacobs, said if one forcefully shaves a woman’s hair with the intention that she is mourning her late spouse, she can sue that person for assault.
He said if the woman is forced to drink water used on her late husband’s body, she can also sue for attempted murder.
According to him, several cases of girl-child inheritance have been won and documented in the law court but some cannot claim it.
“Even a widow who is handicapped may not be able to make attempts, so NGOs, CSOs should be in the forefront to support them and ensure that the laws are implemented at the grassroots level where they are practised”, he said.
A pharmacist, Eno Amos said any culture that does not add colour and value to life, especially as it concerns women should be abolished.
She added that implementation can be easy in the cities where awareness has been created but expressed fear that it may not be easy in the rural areas where culture is really practised.
A business woman, Agnes Ugwu, said tradition and culture were made by man and not God and wondered why people who claim to be educated still follow the tradition of ancestors who never went to school.
Ignorance also comes to play here. If you have watched a documentary showing female genital mutilation and the gory experience the young women go through is something else. Some of the perpetrators claim that the practice has existed for ages. Women have to learn more about issues that concern them.
A nurse, Rosy Ekeocha, said it is not about culture but about the behavior of a group of people in the community who force it on others.
According to her, let people change their behaviour and leave culture alone. It does not happen in every family and if any family allows it that is its business.
She said we are in the 21st century, certain cultures and tradition need to be reviewed to ensure that they align with today’s reality.
Culture is dynamic she said, but that implementation of laws relating to the vulnerable in the society calls for concern.
We should not behave the way people behaved twenty decades ago, after all, we do not dress the way our forefathers dressed. Time has evolved and things are getting better as it concerns women. We are getting more exposed and more enlightened about issues that concern us. Information is moving round as the world is a global village.
Talking about culture nowadays, we wear shoes whereas our forefathers never had any. They walked barefooted far distances to get family necessities but things are better now as we are mobile.
That should also happen to culture and tradition. There are certain aspects of our culture and tradition which are practised today that have expired long ago. We should get rid off them.
Sometime, the bill for prohibition of obnoxious practices against women at the National Assembly was seen as a welcome development, how far have the powers that be gone to ensure that it favours women.
It is expected that the bills abolishing obnoxious practices against women and girls in the society should have started achieving results as it concerns their wellbeing.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
A woman needs a man that is honest, trustworthy, nice, loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money, it is always difficult.
Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire shall be unto you……..
That is one aspect the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy, at least helping to do one or two things. A man that is educated and intelligent.
She knows that there is a trait that her husband has. Traits of taking care of people, giving freely to people and caring for her family.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family, remembering his family even as he is away from home.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.
According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit. Don’t be a monitoring spirit. Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband.
The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.
The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man. A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.
By: Eunice Choko-Kayode
A classic woman is one who has identified herself in terms of fashion, occupation or the kind of business she does.
A woman can be classical in the way she entertains her audience in terms of music and movies. You will discover that some female musicians are identified with the kind of music they sing.
A classical woman is one who always wants to appear trendy.
Generally, classical women are normally identified with the kind of things they are involved in.
There are ladies that want to be identified with wearing of shorts (short trousers) in the public. They use it to showcase their beauty. They want to be identified with such things as they see it as socialisation.
Some wear trousers that are so tight just to showcase all the curves they possess.
Consultant stylists and etiquette experts say some fashions won by some persons are inappropriate because of how and when they are won.
A classic woman is supposed to dress properly. She should be able to wear clothes that will not expose hidden parts of her body. When such occurs, then it is indecent dressing.
Ladies should be known for two things, classical and beauty. One can be classic with minimisation. The minimum woman should go is to look good, decent and presentable.
Some ladies like wearing short skirts but no matter how short the skirt is, it should look elegant. The skirt should not be too short like the mini-skirt.
Dressing or fashion depends on the environment the persons finds herself. The kind of clothes won to the office may be different from the one won at home. Likewise, a dress won to a party may be different from the one won too swimming pool.
For one to look classical or decent, body shape should be taken into consideration.
Colours of a particular fashion can make one look odd or nice. Looking model does not mean that one should go naked or dull.
Don’t wear clothes that you need to drag from time to time in order not to expose yourself.
By: Eunice Choko-Kayode