Opinion
Marriage As A Life Commitment
Marriage is a relationship, it is also an eternal concept. It is meant to be a loving, intimate, selfless relationship between a man and a woman that lasts as they both live. The Bible admonishes husbands to love their wives (Ephesians 5:25) and teaches the young women … to love their husbands (Titus 2:4). Love in marriage can be deeper and more selfless than in any other relationship. It is this type of love that Jesus expects of His followers, and it is the virtue that couples need the most. Marriage involves spiritual, emotional, and physical closeness. In the Old Testament, we are taught, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Married couples are meant to be unified in every possible way. Sexual intimacy is an expression of love that brings happiness and unity into a marriage. It is also the power by which married couples can “multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). Intimacy is also a blessing that can lead to the incomparable joy of children as part of the eternal family unit. Most marriages are founded on love—but it is choosing to maintain and grow that love that poses a challenge. That is where commitment comes in. God considers marriage to be an agreement between a husband and a wife as well as a commitment between the couple and Him. He expects us to dedicate ourselves to the relationship, and to recognise our responsibilities, duties, and loyalties both to our spouse and to God.
The road to a happy marriage is far from easy. And as today’s divorce statistics demonstrates, it is easy to blame high rate of marital failure on things like not spending enough quality time together, allowing bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep communication lines open. There is no end to books, articles and seminars that tell you how to improve these and many other aspects of your relationship. Until these problems are addressed, no amount of external behaviour modification will work. It takes effort to protect, nurture, and grow a marriage. Between work schedules, children, and other obligations, sometimes it can seem impossible to maintain that partnership. When problems arise, some couples find that it is healthier to divorce and go their separate ways. For others, it is a better choice to work on the relationship. If you want to stay with your partner and avoid divorce, there are proactive measures you can take. Commit to your relationship: toying with the idea that you might be better off outside of your marriage can put a major strain on your relationship—even if you never voice those thoughts.
In fact, the thought alone might cause a major break in your motivation to try to improve your marriage. To combat the risk to your relationship, decide ahead of time that divorce is not an option. Making the commitment will help you focus on making your partnership stronger rather than thinking about what life might be like outside your marriage. Honour and respect your partner: People inevitably change over time. Understanding, appreciating, and adapting to those changes are critical for any relationship. Start by making a list of your partner’s best qualities to remind yourself of the wonderful person you married. This exercise will help you remember why you fell in love with her in the first place. It also helps to vocalise how much you appreciate your partner’s quirks and eccentricities. Let your partners know every day—through compliments or thank-you—that you appreciate all that they do. These little expressions are like deposits in the bank. You do not want to make withdrawals from your marriage without ever making any deposits. So, be sure you are doing things that honour your partner for who he or she is and communicate regularly: In this age of smartphones, netflix, and work-from-home lifestyles, it is easy to get distracted. You might find that you often go days without having a real conversation with your spouse. Communicating openly about your life, interests, dreams, frustrations, and feelings is an important way to foster intimacy in a relationship.
Share financial expectations because many marriages are fraught with disagreements over finances. Couples often bring different expectations about money to a relationship. Each partner can find it difficult to see the financial situation from the other person’s perspective. Coming to an agreement about how your money will be handled is a critical component of a successful marriage. Agree on a budget and approach to debt, and make a plan to live within your limits. It’s also important to differentiate between needs and wants. While both are legitimate, couples can face problems if they try to fulfill all their wants without considering their budget. One of the hardest things to balance in a marriage is the right amount of time to spend together. When your partner needs space or a night out with friends, offer to watch the kids or run the errands to ensure they can get that time. On the other hand, you also want to make time to spend with your partner. If babysitting issues or financial constraints make that difficult, plan a fun, cost-effective date night at home.
Work on wellness: It is easy to get into a routine of being overly casual, especially if you have been with your partner for many years. An easy way to rekindle romance is to think back to those early days of dating—preparing for date night with an at-home manicure, getting a fresh shave and haircut, or choosing a fun outfit. There are plenty of ways to feel attractive and energized. Keeping up with your physical fitness boosts your confidence and sense of well-being. It can also double as a way to spend time with your partner. Have date nights: another way to keep the flame burning in a marriage is to continue courting your spouse. Try to make time for a date night every week—even if it is just to get ice cream or cook a new recipe together. If money is a concern, consider trading babysitting with another couple looking to have a date night. You can also just put the baby in a stroller and take a walk around the mall or go to the park. Continue doing the things you did when you were dating. Many couples report that small, thoughtful gestures help them feel like newlyweds. Try leaving your partner little love notes where they will find them, make them coffee in the morning, or buy their favourite snack at the grocery store. Forgive quickly: Marriages often begin to fall apart when one person is holding a grudge. Research has shown that feeling contempt toward your partner almost always festers and can lead to divorce if it is never resolved. Try to forgive your partner as quickly as possible. Remember that forgiveness is just as much a gift you give yourself. Holding a grudge takes up mental and emotional space and almost always impacts your health and stress levels. Do not try to control your partner. In healthy marriages, both partners have mutual respect for one another and do not demand their own way.
This can mean different things to different couples. Partners who attempt to control one another risk becoming emotionally abusive. They might display signs of financial abuse—which frequently leads to divorce. Find help If you are still having challenges in your marriage or you fear that divorce might be imminent, consider counseling or couples therapy. Navigating issues in a marriage can be challenging. To persevere in the relationship and prevent divorce, both partners need to commit to doing the work and putting in time and effort. While the goal is to save the relationship, you will ultimately have to decide if staying together is the right choice for both of you. If you and your partner need more help, consider working with a marriage counselor or a religious leader if you share the same faith. These individuals can help you get a new perspective and can point you toward additional services if needed.
By: Favour Harry
Harry writes from Port Harcourt.
Opinion
Good Friday: Timeless Message Of Sacrifice, Redemption
As the sombre clouds gather and the world pauses to observe Good Friday, it presents an opportune moment for deep reflection on the profound significance of this day in the Christian calendar. At Good Friday, the most solemn day in the Christian calendar, we commemorate the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, a pivotal event that carries profound implications for believers and non-believers alike. Beyond its religious connotations, Good Friday serves as a timeless reminder of the enduring themes of sacrifice, redemption, and the human capacity for transformation.
At its core, Good Friday embodies the ultimate act of selflessness and love. The narrative of Jesus willingly accepting crucifixion as a means to atone for humanity’s sins speaks to the depths of compassion and empathy. In a world often charactersed by selfish pursuits and division, the message of Good Friday transcends religious boundaries, resonating with all who aspire to emulate the virtues of sacrifice and compassion in their lives.
The concept of redemption lies at the heart of the Good Friday narrative. Through his suffering and death, Jesus offers a path to redemption and forgiveness for all. This notion of divine grace transcends mere theological doctrine, extending an invitation to individuals of every background to confront their shortcomings, seek forgiveness and strive for spiritual renewal. In a world, a country, Nigeria, marked by brokenness and despair, the promise of redemption offers a beacon of hope and restoration.
Good Friday therefore brings a message of hope to suffering Nigerians with the assurance that the whole problem will one day come to an end; that as Jesus, crucified on Good Friday conquered death and resurrected on Easter morning, there will certainly be light at the end of the tunnel.
Good Friday is also a day that reminds Christians that they must die, and offers them the opportunity to reflect on where they will be after death and how they have contributed both individually and collectively to the current poor state of Nigeria across all sectors.
Today, Christians of various denominations troop to churches, some who for several reasons cannot make it to their places of worship will get glued to their television sets to participate in Good Friday activities, including the last station of the Cross for the Lenten season (for Catholics), the veneration of the Cross among others. Often, one wonders what better society it will be, particularly in Nigeria, if Christians who make up a large proportion of the nation’s population will put the lessons of Good Friday into practice instead of seeing it as a mere annual ritual.
To what extent has this impacted on the lives of Christians in the country? Do they recognise and accept suffering and pain, as a will of God for their salvation or reject them as “not their portion?” Often, we have heard some Christians including some renowned leaders, claim that suffering is not from God but from the devil. Today’s remembrance, therefore, presents these and other Christians a good opportunity to reflect on the significance and centrality of the Cross in their lives.
Jesus was a selfless leader who bore all these travails for the unwavering love he had for mankind, capping it with a shameful death on the Cross, even though He committed no crime. Can we find such altruistic leaders among Christians in Nigeria? As leaders in our homes, offices, societies, churches and other spheres of influence, can the believers of Christ in the country say they sacrifice all for the people they lead or is it the other way round?
In Ephesians 5 : 1-2, St Paul said, “be imitators…and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God,” Jesus submitted his own life to sacrificial service under the will of God (Luke 22 : 42), and he sacrificed his life freely out of service for others (John 10:30). He came to serve (Matthew 20:28) although he was God’s son and was thus more powerful than any other leader in the world. He healed the sick (Mark 7:31-37), drove out demons (Mark 5:1-20), was recognised as Teacher and Lord (John 13:13), and had power over the wind and the sea and even over death (Mark 4:35-41; Matthew 9:18-26).
Yet, in John 13:1-17 we see him giving a very practical example of what it means to serve others. He washed the feet of his followers, which was properly the responsibility of the house-servant. He did that out of love, a show of a leader who was ready to render service for his followers when the need arises, a leader who wanted to set an example for his followers to follow.
Can it be said that Nigerian Christians and non-Christians who occupy leadership positions both in religious and secular organisations display this servant-leader style that Jesus teaches? A situation where they lord it over their followers or subordinates, abuse their offices, take undue advantage of the poor to enrich themselves and oppress the people does not show that they are true imitators of Christ. Sometimes when you see the arrogance and mannerism of some Christian leaders, you wonder where they learnt their own version of Christianity from.
Our country today is in dire need of direction. Darkness seems to have covered the land. There is an unprecedented level of insecurity in the land. No one is happy, no one is safe. Kidnapping for money is now a thriving business. Corruption and rabid treasury looting, injustice and ethnicity are the order of the day. Poverty, lack of employment and hunger are now the lot of majority of the populace.
But the question is, are Christians playing any role to remedy the ugly situation in the country? Do we not think that if the Christians live according to the teachings of the gospel and fail to join the bandwagon in a life of debauchery the story would have been different? We were told that the followers of Jesus were first called Christians in Antioch because their deeds were similar to that of Christ. Can the same be said of Christians in Nigeria, some of whom cheat in the markets, sell fake and adulterated goods and commit other atrocities to make money? How has their adherence to the life and teaching of Jesus impacted on the national ethos and values?
The marking of passion and death of Jesus Christ by crucifixion should, therefore, be used by Christians to reflect deeply on how they have followed the example of Jesus in both their private and public lives. Christians in Nigeria should seize this opportunity to identify those attitudes that are not in conformity with Jesus’ teaching, which put Christianity in a bad light and root them out.
It is expected that the gains of the 40-day spiritual exercise and the triduum which culminates in the resurrection of Jesus from the dead, on Easter morning, will be deployed by Christians towards making Nigeria a better country.
Jesus expressed His love for mankind by His selflessness, compassion and kindness. By His love, He diminished the distinction of tribes and tongues and brought all people together. Nigeria needs these virtues more than anything now in order to move this nation forward. The message of Good Friday will help the nation a great deal when every Nigerian, Christians and non-Christians, realises that He does not need to be selfish. Jesus could not have successfully accomplished his salvific mission if he was selfish.
The crucifixion of Jesus stands as a testament to the unjust suffering endured by countless individuals throughout history. It calls attention to the plight of the marginalised, the oppressed, and the downtrodden, urging us to confront injustice and stand in solidarity with those who suffer. In a world rife with violence, the message of Good Friday compels us to work tirelessly towards building a more just and compassionate society.
By: Calista Ezeaku
Opinion
Easter: Hope For Humanity
Easter means so much to humanity, especially Christians. It is one of the happiest moments or events those who have realised the value of the death and resurrection of Jesus love to associate with. Did you know why?
It is the event that reminds regenerated humans through faith in atoning sacrifice of Jesus, that the “old account has been settled long ago” by Jesus who is the propitiation of our sin. Through His vicarious suffering and atoning sacrifice, Jesus paid the supreme price for sin, no human could have paid in a life time. And thus becomes our Saviour, our Redeemer and indeed our kinsman-Redeemer.
Easter is a testimonial and testimony that Jesus is alive, because He has the power to lay down His life and to take it. Hallelujah. It is attestation to the fact that Jesus conquered death, the grave could not stop Him from resurrecting.
This inspires confidence in Christians that death has lost its power. That death is a gate-way to eternal life. It lends credibility to the saying: “If our hope is only in this life we are of all people most to be pitied”.
For everyone that has truly encountered the Lord Jesus, with an inside-out transformation, the thought of Easter deepens commitment to Jesus Christ and the Statement of Faith on Him which states: We believe in the deity of our Lord Jesus Christ. We believe in His virgin birth. We believe in His sinless life. We believe in His atoning sacrifice and His vicarious suffering and death. We believe in His bodily resurrection. We believe in His ascension to the right hand of God the Father. We believe in His return to reign one thousand years.
When each of the strands of the Statement of Faith is considered in its merits, the Central message is “Jesus is God”. He is the Lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world. He is the only Way, Truth and Life
Easter gives hope for depraved humanity that by faith in the finished work of Jesus on Calvary’s cross, there is salvation and redemption. Paul, the intrepid apostle and foremost missionary said: It is a faithful saying and worthy to be accepted that Jesus died to save sinners… Therefore, if we confess our sins, Jesus is Faithful and Just to forgive and cleanse us from all unrighteousness
Easter gives validity and significance to Good Friday. If Jesus has not resurrected men will describe Him as a mere impostor. Jesus’ death would not have been different from my father’s which occurred in 1978. And he is still in the grave. There would not be a distinction between Jesus and the several founders of religions who are dead and are still lying in their graves. And on their grave it is emblazoned, “Here lies the remains of…,”. But concerning Jesus the angel said, “He is Risen. He is not Here (not in the grave). Praise God.
Easter makes false theories on the resurrection of Jesus by enemies of the Christian faith, arrant fabrications. Some of those theories are: the Disciples of Jesus stole His body; that Jesus swooned (fainted and got revived in the grave); that those who claim that Jesus has resurrected are suffering from a disease of the mind known as hallucination; that where Jesus was buried was not known to Mary Magdalene and the visitors to the grave.
Giving the benefit of the doubt to those who propound those theories, one would ask if Jesus did not resurrect as they claim, where did fearful disciples derive their boldness from? Where comes the power of salvation or regeneration – the power that changes a sinner to a saint? Why are people giving their life to a “dead” Jesus? Why are people being baptized in the Holy Spirit with the initial physical evidence of speaking in a language a person has not learnt in keeping with His word “tarry in Jerusalem until you are endued with power (And the baptism in the Holy Spirit was received by the 120 in the Upper Room, 50 days after the resurrection of Jesus). No doubt, a lifeless being could not fulfilled his promise.
I can go on and on to ask. And every conscientious and sagacious person will pick holes in the spurious assertions of those who contest the validity of Jesus’ Resurrection. Bible’s Paul, the apostle by divine inspiration in his apologetics on the resurrection evolved the following propositions: And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain: you are yet in your sins. Then they who are fallen asleep in Christ are perished. If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable. But now is Christ risen from the dead and become the first fruits of them that slept. (1 Corinthians 15 verses 17-20).
Easter, therefore speaks volumes of the death of Jesus Christ, His sinless life (a lamb of God without spot and blemish. He was tempted at all points, yet did not sin), His bodily resurrection, His return to reign a thousand years.
The resurrection of Jesus is an attested fact of history which gives Jesus power over Satan and the kingdom of hell, hence He declared without equivocation, “All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me,”, And consequently, Jesus delegated power of sonship (heritage) and authority to all believers in him, over the hordes of hell when He said: I give to you power to tread on serpents, on scorpions and on every works of the enemy. And nothing shall hurt you”. A dead fellow lacks the capacity to command: lift up your heads oh you gates and be lifted you everlasting doors and let the King of glory come. He could not have ascribed to Himself,” The Lord mighty in battle, Strong and Mighty, the Lord of hosts, the King of Glory. Such audacious declaration could not have come from an impostor, a dead person.
Let us celebrate Easter in the consciousness of its significance. Jesus is risen and this existential reality gives us a foretaste of the resurrection of all people, some to eternal life and others to eternal condemnation, depending on who and what they believed.
By: Igbiki Benibo
Opinion
Restoring Service Commission As Professional Gatekeeper
On the 13th of December 2023, President Bola Ahmed Tinubu inaugurated the newly reconstituted Federal Civil Service Commission (FCSC), and gave a marching order to the Commission to “competently facilitate the transformation, reorientation, and digitisation of the federal bureaucracy to enable, and not stifle, growth and enhanced private sector participation in the development of the Nigerian economy, in full adherence to the renewed hope agenda of his administration.” The FCSC has since interpreted this mandate as a charge to interrogate a fundamental question: What has the FCSC failed to do to institutionally gatekeep the federal civil service and safeguard its professional integrity, dynamics of efficiency and structural parameters despite many years of consistent and sustained administrative reforms in Nigeria?
To answer this question in a resolute way demands first the admission that given the institutional degeneration of the FCSC itself in the wake of the system-wide decline of the public administration system in Nigeria, it does not have the requisite structural and institutional parameters, to complement any forthright system-wide reform to reform the civil service reform and thereby participate in bringing to fruition the Renewed Hope Agenda of His E xcellency, President Bola Ahmed Tinubu. This therefore, requires a concerted reflection outside the box in measure that will instigate the critical injection of fresh and innovative ideas, insights and models of performance that are potent sufficiently, to compel the repositioning of the federal civil service in terms of its operational capability readiness, redoubled managerial acumen and policy professional policy professionalism that could add up to become a game-changing event for the successful implementation of the Renewed Hope Agenda of the Federal Government. This is the mandate of the renewed FCSC.
And in pursuing this fundamental mandate, we must never forget to situate the FCSC within the context of the ongoing service-wide reforms, especially the performance bond-enabled central policy and service delivery coordination framework of the Presidency and the Federal Civil Service Strategy and Implementation Plan of the Office of the Head of the Civil Service of the Federation.
The FCSC reforming the reform mandate is essentially a complementary task whose significance adds to the overall health of the federal public service system in Nigeria.
And in complementing this ongoing reform, the FCSC is compelled to focus on the broader picture of reforming the reforms to encompass the rehabilitation of the public service in Nigeria.To clarify: this larger challenge faced by the FCSC involves answering the loaded question: Who is a Nigerian public servant? This of course looks like a very simple question. However, we begin to see how complex it is when we place it in the context of how majority of Nigerians see the public service and public servants—politicians, the police, immigration and customs, the fire system, national electricity, education boards, and many more.
How have a large majority of Nigerians encountered public servants in these ministries, departments and agencies? The answer is simple: Nigerians encounter bureaucratic inefficiency aggravated by bureaucratic corruption. And the Ease of Doing Business Index demonstrates this from year to year. It is difficult to clear your goods at any of Nigeria’s ports. It is a traumatic experience to get the police to be your friend. Nigerians pay for electricity they do not enjoy, and they are even bullied by overzealous officers in the process. Let us not even talk about the police and the politicians. Long story short: the perception of public servants by Nigerians is bad.
The public service has become bureaucratic because there are so many impediments and obstacles that have prevented the system from becoming creative and innovative in rethinking its own internal operations, processes and procedures that would have made for optimal functioning.
When any ordinary Nigerian visits the federal secretariat in any state of the federation, the lack of inter-sectoral collaboration, for example, or the near-absence of technology-enabled system’s capability ensures that such a Nigerian is frustrated in making simple administrative transactions. And that terrible perception reflects badly not only on the capability readiness of the FCSC to efficiently gatekeep the professionalism of the system, but also the systemic efficiency of the public service to backstop the government’s policies that lead to good governance. And so, attending to these institutional debilitations demands a focus onthree general and systemic components around which reform reflection and action must converge.
First, there is the urgent need to challenge and reengineer the traditional Weberian— “I-am-directed”—bureaucratic tradition which essentially rides on outdated administrative practices, analogue operating system, red-tape bureaucratic culture and poor stewardship with regards to the consideration given to, and the rights of the citizens as the customers who consume public services. In other words, the old Weberian system around which the Nigerian public service system still revolves crucially undermines bureaucratic efficiency. It will therefore be a wrong choice of operational mechanism to hinge the success of the Renewed Hope Agenda of the Tinubu administration. Reforming the reform of the Nigerian public system therefore implies rethinking the basis of its institutional efficiency to get service delivery done effectively.
Second, reform must confront the low organisational intelligence quotient (IQ) of the public service workforce and especially its top echelons. This has not only impacted on the essence of public spiritedness and professionalism of the public servant, it has also triggered the breakdown of public service values that makes the public service all over the world a noble calling. The root cause of this decline in the vocational spirit of a public servant can only be redressed by a consistent, coherent and strict metrics of re-professionalisation.
Third, bureaucratic efficiency must be connected with the ultimate objective of achieving an effective and efficient democratic service delivery that defines what good governance is for Nigerians. And this demands that the public service must be compelled to become a performing and productive institution that holds its workforce to metrics of performance accountability. And a culture of structural performance can only take off when reforms reduce the series of systemic constraints that limit the effectiveness of the system to deliver public goods to Nigerians. We have a good example in how the President himself has got all the key governance players in the government to sign on to a performance bond with a dedicated policy coordination backend.
Fourth, a key component of performance management for productivity is a functional competency-based human resource management practices which, in the case of the Nigerian public service system, are already compromised. Two structural issues are responsible for this compromise. The first is the collapse of internal control mechanism, and the second is the rampant bureaucratic corruption aggravated by the lack of the culture of deferred gratification.
The consequence of all these institutional weaknesses is the bloated and inefficient status of the administrative system that allows it to keep generating redundancies and ad hoc structures and units of government agencies that compete with the existing bureaucratic structures in order to achieve what is often taken to be a flexible administrative arrangement unencumbered by administrative codes, rules and regulations. There is also the unfortunate replication of these parallel structures across each state of the federation. The result is the explosion of the cost of governance in ways that burden the capacity to allocate needed funds to critical governance projects speaks more to the infrastructural needs of the citizens than mere overheads.
Olaopa, an online contributor wrote in from Abuja.
By: Tunji Olaopa
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