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Principles Of Good Parenting

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In a recent article, I mentioned that most parents have
    failed to inculcate in their children from early age, the true African and Biblical tenets that will help them meet up with societal expectations and development.
Every good parent must implant in their children, a strong moral foundation of integrity, honesty, trust-worthiness, faithfulness, fairness, humility, and above all, respect for God, elders and constituted authorities, amongst other virtues.
Parents should be exceptionally close to their children. Never neglect to train the child in the way of the Lord, setting aside time every day to look at his school work, teach her the Bible, and pray with and for her (Deuteronomy 6:7-9). Every child needs to have good relationship as well as needs much attention from their parents, especially in their early growing age. When this is lacking, the child starts to have behavioural problems which could jeopardise the future of the child, and thus, frustrate God’s plan for his life (Proverb 22:6). And in order to avoid this negative attitude, every parent must live a disciplined, God-fearing life which would influence their children to live a sober and disciplined, God-fearing life as well.
Harsh Disciplinary measures should also be avoided. Discipline means training, especially of the mind and character to produce self-controlled habits of obedience. There are two weapons of discipline, according to the Bible, for correction: The Rod – Proverb 23: 13-14 and Reproof – Proverb 29:15. Parents should never hit a child, under any circumstances, because children who are spanked, hit or slapped are more prone to fighting with other children, and are more likely to be bullies and feel it is only by using aggression that disputes can be solved with others. In discipline, timing is very important – Proverb 19:18, “by neglecting timely correction, the child develops a stubbornness that will hardly ever be conquered,” (Rice, 1946). You must bear also this in mind before applying discipline: Is the child guilty? Let her know! Have you earlier taught her the correct thing? Was the offence deliberate? Don’t discipline in anger, but in love, discipline must be commensurate with the offence. Punishment should not be your goal, but repentance through correction.  
On the other hand, every child needs respect. Respect is opinion. Treat her kindly. Speak to your child politely and pay attention to her when she is speaking to you. Treat your child respectfully as this is the only way you can get respectful treatment from her too. Give that child the same courtesies you would give to any special guests. Try to please her when you can, bearing in mind that a child treats others the way their parents treat them. This is to say that your relationship with your child is the foundation for her relationship with others.
Being your child’s role model is also important. By living an exemplary God-honouring life before her, since what you do matters a lot and makes great difference in the life of your kids as they watch your every action. Always ask yourself, “what do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that needed result?”  
Parents must be involved in the total development of the child. Although this is not easy, because it requires a lot of sacrifices on the side of the parents, in terms of time, attention and hard work, but must be done for you to beat your chest and be proud of yourself and the child. It often means rearranging your priorities, sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there both mentally as well as physically. Although, this does not mean taking over your child’s homework and doing them. Allow the child do her homework. All she needs is for you to guide her from early age. Homework helps the child prove to you her understanding of what she learnt from school, and as well helps the teacher to know if the child is actually learning. This question should guide every parent fond of doing their child’s home works: As a parent, bearing in mind what Proverb 22:6 says, ask yourself this question, “If I do her home works at this early age, for how long will I continue to do it for her?
It is also necessary to foster your child’s independence. For your child to be successful in life, you must set limits and boundaries which help her develop a sense of self-control. Also encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. In most families today, many parents mistake their children’s independence with rebelliousness and disobedience whereas this is part of human nature to want to feel in control, rather than feel controlled. This is the push for autonomy and not rebelliousness or disobedience.
Adjust your parenting to fit your child. As your child grows up, keep pace with your child’s development. The same intellectual growth that makes your 12-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also makes her argumentative at the dinner table. The same drive for independence that makes your child of two-year-old say: ‘no’ all the time is what motivates her to be thoroughly trained as well.
Parents should establish and set rules: This is where obedience is very important. Obedience is never complete until it is immediate, absolute and done willingly. Obedience also, is the conditioning of the mind to follow set rules. If the child is disobedient to set rules, that means you did not manage your child’s behavior when she was growing, and as a result, she will have a hard time learning how to manage when she is old. The rules she learns from you shape the rules she applies. Every parent at every point in time, should be able to answer the following questions if asked anytime. Where are their children? What are they doing? Who are they with?
Don’t over-pamper your child in the name of love. Most parents think that by over-pampering, they are showing love to the child. Don’t spoil your child with love because it is usually the consequence of giving things to a child in place of love. Set limits and boundaries for her, and ensure you are consistent in enforcing discipline when she over-steps her boundaries.
Parents should be consistent in rules setting. This is your most important disciplinary tool. If you enforce your rules only intermittently and these rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion how will your child cope with such variations? At this point in time, her misbehavior is caused by you not her because you throw her into confusion. Identify your non-negotiable. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it.   
Rules and decisions must be understandable. Good parents have good expectations that they want their children to live up to. But if you over-explain to children and under-explain to adolescent, you may be making a costly mistake.

 

Susan Serekara-Nwikhana

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Opinion

Other Sides In Junior Pope’s Death

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The tragic boat mishap of Wednesday, April 10, 2024, which claimed the lives of popular Nollywood actor, Mr John Paul Obumneme Odonwodo, popularly known as Junior Pope, and four others, has sent shock-waves across the Nigerian movie industry, and set the social media buzzing with reactions.
A contingent of 12 movie crew members had set out for a boat journey from the River Niger Cable point, a waterside jetty at Asaba in Delta State, to cross to the other side of River Niger, into Anam, a riverine community in Anambra State, for the shooting of a movie set titled ‘Another side of Life’ produced by Adanma Luke. Unfortunately, a series of avoidable events culminated the journey into an ill-fated expedition that sent fives lives to ‘the other side of life.’ The incident made the movie’s eventual ban a nullity, having played-out its symbolic meanings in real life while in the making, rather than on envisaged screens.
An avoidable incident, it exposed our society’s casual attitudes towards marine and general safety, as well as our endemic superstitions, while telling, on several flaps, other side tales of reality in the accounts of what transpired during the production, or rather, play of Adanma’s ‘Another side of Life.’
While veteran actor and Senior Adviser on Military Relations to the President of Actors’ Guild of Nigeria, Mr Steve Eboh, claimed he missed joining the ill-fated boat because he arrived too early before the crew, and had to go back, the producer, Adanma Luke, claimed she missed it because she came too late.
A journey’s jolly take-off from Asaba, Delta state, which ended tragically in its return from the other side in Anambra State, proved to be a rascally journey that showed the other side of rascality, even as T. C. Okoye claimed that pre-performing of obeisance to some marine spirits saved his life. But it was T. C. Okoye who had to hang unto a boat’s anchor in the face of death, rather than rely on the powers of the spirits he had appeased with Fanta, to await rescue from mortal men – sensible men, whose advise that one needs wear life jack during marine journeys – he had forsook, yet gave glory to his rituals after rescue.
Conversely, one may flip the flap to consider the other side of T. C. Okoye’s rituals to ruminate on other possibilities. Could the ringing of bells, spraying of money and snacks, and pouring of Fanta, have evoked the anger of the ‘marine spirits’ as rumoured, or distracted the boat driver, to the point of accident? And as reported by The Punch, what’s the significance of T. C. Okoye ‘dashing’ ritual money to innocent children whom circumstance made to be by the riverside?
Also, the argument by Mr Steve Eboh, that “If the star actors in that boat had wanted to wear life jackets, they would have been given the jackets” holds no ground, because the guild, as well as all the marine transport stakeholders, should have enforced strict safety compliance by all voyagers. It is therefore commendable that the Anambra State Commissioner of Police, Aderemi Adeoye, has ordered exhaustive investigations into the matter to determine criminal liability of all persons involved.
However, in the melee of pandemonium that accompanied rescue efforts, Nollywood celebrities, our society’s supposed role models, prioritized superstitious rescusitation over sure medical practice, rushing victims between spiritualists and hospitals, until a ‘pope’ whose work and journey had bound with the superstitious, died amidst superstition. Indeed, it’s during crises, when people care less about ‘packaging,’ that truth and the real personality of humans stand bare and naked.
While medical personnel who got their chance late had certified Jnr Pope dead, our star-persons held unto their spiritual advisers who claimed his spirit coming back to life, up until reality finally dawned that pope’s spirit has permanently crossed to the other side of life.
Regrettably, the reality has not fully dawned, otherwise three corpses shouldn’t have been buried by the riverside as dictated by spiritualists, and Jnr Pope’s family shouldn’t be worried about what would happen, as rumoured threatened of his three children, if his corpse is not buried by the riverside. However, it appears that having encountered the influence of a frontline celebrity, the spirits have turned capricious by bending divinely demands to accepting two cows, as rumoured, in exchange for Jnr Pope’s corpse being buried elsewhere.
According to the Anambra State Police Public Relations Officer, SP Tochukwu Ikenga, a team of rescuers comprising men of the Anambra State Marine Police Command, the National Inland Waterways Authority (NIWA) and the Maritime Workers Union of Nigeria, with the aid of fisher men, rescued seven persons alive to the Anambra side, while two retrieved corpses were sent across the other side, to the Delta State Marine Police Command jetty where Nollywood officials stood waiting. Of other three victims, two corpses were rescued next day, while a third was thrown out by river tides, all of whom; Abigail Fredrick (Vice Chairman of Costumer Designers Guild of Nigeria, and Akwa-Ibom State-born make-up artist), Precious Oforum (Sound engineer) and Joseph Anointing (Gaffer), have since been buried by the riverside, according to local belief.
However, what the police PRO’s statement didn’t reveal is if Jnr Pope’s corpse was sent to the other side in Delta after all the back and forth between spiritualists and medical personnel within Anambra, or if it was sent straight upon rescue to Delta state, but mysteriously found its way back to Anam, on the Anambra side.
It’s unfortunate that Nollywood which set out in its early days to expose superstitious beliefs and practices in our societies, in the hopes of enlightening the minds of the masses, and to curb the manace, has made many believe it’s rather reinforcing superstition in the ways it condicts the movie industry business.
Members of the showbiz in general, now appear to be key protagonists of superstition to the point that, being perceived as role models, so many youths have been drawn to lives of unrealistic dreams and materialism, which often get pursued through ritualism, with its attendant crimes.
Joseph Nwankwo
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Opinion

The Value Of Books And Reading

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The quality, quantity and diversity of books produced by a society are important indicators of that society’s level of development. . . .”–Valdehusa (1985).
April 23 of every year is marked around the world as ‘World Book and Copyright Day.’ Also known as ‘International Day of The Book,’ it is a Day set aside by the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation (UNESCO), to promote reading, publishing and copyright. The Day aims to change lives through a love of books and shared reading.  The theme for the 2024 ‘World Book Day’ is: “Read Your Way.” This year’s theme calls on everyone to let go of pressure and expectations, giving children a choice – and a chance to enjoy reading.
According to Audrey Azoulay, Director-General of UNESCO: “Books have the unique ability to entertain and to teach. They are at once a means of exploring realms beyond our personal experience through exposure to different authors, universes and cultures, and a means of accessing the deepest recesses of our inner selves.”  Therefore, the power of books should be leveraged to combat isolation, reinforce ties between people, and expand our horizons, while stimulating our minds and creativity. It is critical to take the time to read on our own, or with our children.
Did you know that The Bible stands out as the most widely translated and distributed book worldwide? Yes, the Bible is by far the most widely translated and distributed book! Its wisdom has reached and helped more people than any other book or publication. 96.5 percent of the world’s population has access to the Bible. The Bible is available (in whole or in part) in over 3,300 languages, and the estimated number of copies of the Bible produced is 5billion, far more than any other book in history.  Which other book(s) do you enjoy or have you enjoyed reading? As for me, one book I am currently enjoying reading is a 400 – 500 page healthcare handbook titled, Where there is no doctor, authored by David Werner. It is a very valuable healthcare handbook that I have found to be very very beneficial! In fact, this healthcare handbook has been fondly described by some as “the ‘Bible’ of health education,” and I strongly recommend that every family should have a copy of this book at home. Apart from this book, I also enjoy reading for pleasure children’s books, such as those I have found on booksmart.worldreader.org and www.africanstorybook.org. What about you? What books have you enjoyed or do you enjoy reading? Do you know about the book industry? There are three major sectors of the book industry. They are: publishers, booksellers and libraries.
Book publishing is channelled towards promoting learning and expanding knowledge.  In a strict sense, book publishing starts from the point of conceptualisation of the ideas for the book by the author, and ends at the very last stage – the end-user (the reader). The history of book publishing in Nigeria can be traced to the establishment of the very first publishing press in Calabar, in 1846, by Rev. Hope Waddel of the Presbyterian Church of Scotland Mission. The press was used to print Bible lessons and later arithmetic books for schools.
In 1854, another Missionary based in Abeokuta, Rev. Henry Townsend of the Church Missionary Society (CMS), established a Press. Five years later (1859), he used it to print the very first newspaper in Nigeria – ‘Iwe Irohin.’ Thereafter, notable Nigerians like Herbert Macaulay established the first indigenous newspaper in 1926, called Lagos Daily News. Also, in the same year, Daily Times made its debut.  In 1949, Oxford University Press (OUP) floated a sales outlet in Nigeria. This action attracted many foreign-based publishing firms to Nigeria, such as Macmillan, Longman and others. The first published book in Nigeria by OUP was released in 1963, when its local branch published ‘Ijala Ere Ode’, a Yoruba poetry genre by Oladiipo Yemitan. Aside from the foreign companies, many other home-based publishing houses were architected by indigenous entrepreneurs. The book publishing industry in Nigeria has continued to enjoy drastic growth ever since.
However, in the last few decades, the Nigerian indigenous book publishing industry has experienced a downturn due to numerous challenges facing the industry, including: book piracy, proliferation of unqualified author -.publishers, lack of capital, and inability to provide adequate numbers of high-quality books.
Other challenges include: poor reading culture, infrastructural decay, dearth of expertise, incessant rancour among the major stakeholders, and so forth.
Therefore, here are some suggestions for developing our book publishing industry in Nigeria: Stakeholders such as government, publishers, authors, regulators, booksellers, libraries, and readers should cooperate among themselves and contribute their quota immensely towards the development of a virile book publishing industry.  Private investors such as banks, finance houses and influential individuals should participate, especially in terms of massive capital injection.
Ighakpe writes in from FESTAC Town, Lagos.
 Daniel Ighakpe
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Opinion

Let The Poor Breathe

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In  the history of our nation, only petroleum products have suffered more incessant increments in prices than electricity supply in all public products and services. Unfortunately, those are the two main things that impact mostly on our lives and national economy. While the increment in petroleum products’ prices is always attributed to the price of crude oil at the international market and the need to curb the scarcity by encouraging the supply, the increment in the electricity tariff has never had any justifiable reason and no service improvement afterwards. In fact, the electricity supply has gone far worse now that the tariff has gone up by over 300 percent. One of the underlying reasons for the planned electricity subsidy removal as unconsciously relayed by the Minister of Power on TVC News is the sabotage of the system by those collecting the subsidy money to maintain the assets. He said: “These are assets that we spend the country’s money on, and our brothers deliberately sabotage them. So, you can see that some people are hiding somewhere that do not want this sector to work”.
Just as the petroleum subsidy must go because the government is too impotent to handle the petroleum subsidy racketeers, the electricity subsidy has to also go at the expense of the poor masses and no one has been prosecuted for it.
When the oligarchs rob us blind, the poor masses are made to pay. The only tool that seems to be at the disposal of this government for the combat of economic challenges brought by the corruption of the political elites is to make the poor masses suffer deprivations.
No doubt, stopping the monkeys from the banana plantation is a Herculean task. But those with their thinking caps on will not need to destroy the banana plantation to ward off the monkeys. The Federal Government has taken several decisions in the last one year that are akin to milking the debilitated cow to feed the virile buffalo. The electricity tariff now has to go up to make more money for the oligarchs that sold our collective heritage to themselves and have been taking money from us for next-to-nothing service delivery.In order to win the supports of the poor masses of Nigeria, the tariff was classified and made to seem like it isn’t going to affect the poor, while the poor will invariably be the worse for it. Most of those on Band A electricity tariff, who are to be paying very exorbitantly for electricity are companies producing most of our consumables and utility items. With the high cost of electricity, the production cost will go high and consequently, the cost of the products.  By the time the effects of the new electricity tariffs take full manifestation, almost everything that can make life meaningful will be beyond the purchasing powers of most Nigerians.
I can not help but to wonder what exactly is left for us to benefit as citizens of this country. Nigeria is rapidly moving towards a capitalist nation, where everything is commercialised and profit at the expense of the citizens is the priority. Medicare and even public education are now being run for profit. The government goes about with the shenanigans of education for all, while it is making education unaffordable to most Nigerians. Even the students’ loan, as badly conceived as it is, is also with interest. Those who have been in power since our democratic dispensation belong to that generation of Nigerians that the nation had been very benevolent to. They were educated for free, got paid salaries as students and given jobs on a platter after graduation. This generation of people got everything from Nigeria and unfortunately have refused to give anything back. They have not only been ungrateful to Nigeria; they have also systematically run the country aground. What a waste of investment Nigeria has made in them! While some countries in this same Africa hardly experience power outage in a year, our own B and A category would at best experience four hours of power outage in a day. These are the ruins they have led our country to in 21st century.
The timing and manner that these anti-welfare policies were introduced are indicative of lack of concern for the citizens of this country. A lot of Nigerians have lost their lives in choking circumstances. Please, let the poor breathe! While trying to rebuild Nigeria, the poor masses should not be made to feel like the eggs in the preparation of omelette. It is very obvious that you do not care about how many eggs are broken, so long as you can have the  hen.

Abdulrasheed   Rabana

Rabana, is a public affairs analyst .

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