Marriage is a fabric of the society. In Christendom, marriage is designed for two people. It is a journey of life for husband and wife. Marriage as seen these days as almost on attack. It is common to see that couples go into marriage and in not less than six months, that marriage is threatened. Little issues that should not cause problems arise. Sometimes you may be surprised to hear what causes the problems. Unfortunately, couples do not say the truth when issues are made public.
Different people have different opinions when conflicts occur in marriage. Some argue that women should be the custodian of love in marriage. There are women who cannot exercise patience in things that concern husband and wife. When they are undergoing challenges, they are asked to remain, especially those who have children. There are those who may not continue in marriage even when they have a hundred kids in a home. The number of children a woman has may not stop her from ending a marriage if she is not comfortable.
A believer’s trust in God will make her succeed in marriage. There is a relationship between marriage and the scripture. In marriage, you do not allow your partner to work alone. It is for companionship before children start arriving.
A woman may ask herself if companionship in marriage is what it should be. There should be words of encouragement when things are not normal.
Before going into marriage, women should develop the capacity to cope. It is not that you may not have other friends, but your partner needs your cooperation and understanding to make it work. Be a good partner and ensure a balance between the two of you.
Women should avoid selfish motives in marriage. It is a fact that marriage challenges are so much, but women should do things without expecting credit. One may ask: “What will I gain from marriage?”. Of course the benefits are enormous. If marriage does not work for one, it does not mean that it will not work for another. Things concerning marriage are seen in different perspective by different people.
There must be good communication between a husband and wife, effective communication indeed. Communication is learnt and it is effective when your meaning equates that of your spouse. Communication is a skill. Couples must learn how to communicate, not by shouting when communicating. A woman should not shout her spouse down during discussions. Communication enforces bonding. Communication is a live wire of marriage. The bond of marriage should be strengthened so that marriages can last longer. Words are powerful. Words are spirit in the life of your spouse. Listening strengthens marriage. Actions must align with what you say, when and how you say it. The way you say it must be understood.
A woman should put herself in the shoe of her spouse. Showing empathy to your spouse will go a long way in strengthening your marriage.
When you talk about love in marriage, there are many skills. Listening takes patience. It is a skill that needs patience. It is good to listen for several hours for your spouse to empty his heart.
In marriage, offence will definitely come especially when the marriage is new. There must be differences because husband and wife are coming from different backgrounds. Limited understanding can cause conflicts in marriage so giving way to one person can help in marriage. No offence should remain permanent. Women can overcome challenges and do not let conflict tear your marriage apart.
Interestingly, experts in marital affairs have come with tools that can make marriage work. Such tools are shared resources.
Truly, for women to be steadfast in marriage, there is a lot to do. Creating a community where you share wisdom is necessary, a healthy community, indeed. No matter how smart a woman may be, there are things she may be ignorant of.
Most importantly, it is wrong for a woman to discipline a child in her care by putting pepper or painful substances into a child’s private part. Some women also have the habit of tearing a girl’s dress, especially foster child in the public due to one provocation or the other.
Community activity is important for a woman to excel in marriage. Bathing together by couples will strengthen their marriage. Although some wives may not like it. It may shock you to know that some couples bathed together only when they got married newly. A woman who was interviewed by her counsellor when she encountered a problem in her marriage concerning bathing together, replied that it was only when they got married newly. That was after about 15 years.
Marriage requires much to keep it moving from one level to another. Other activities involve commitment, hard work and diligence just to mention but a few.
Attending professional marital seminars can help solve some problems. It is good to locate community, positive ones where couples learn and share ideas, express their problems and challenges and seek solutions and remedies.
Norms, experiences, values and others are the factors responsible for marital sweetness and uniqueness.
Marriage is like a template. What you log in is what you get. No two marriages are the same and there is no comparison in marriage. The principles in marriage work provided you apply them well. The principles must be backed up with examples.
The principles of friendship in marriage work depending on how you apply them. An application that worked in your marriage may not work in another’s marriage. It is wrong to copy what may not work for you.
The principles also work with time. Creating quality time together can help make a unique marriage.
Years back, only men worked to fend for the family while the women stayed at home to nurture children and do other house chores. Nowadays, the woman too work or engage in other businesses as the men may not be able to handle upkeeps alone. You discover that their schedules are very tight that they don’t have quality time for themselves.
Some persons are addicted to their devices that they may not have enough time for their spouses. For marriage to be sweet, partners must create quality time for themselves. Family time should be created to include the children. As couples continue to be engaged in jobs and day to day businesses, they must create time. For you to have a unique marriage, a neutral time should be created for couples to interact. There are women who feel that quality time with their spouses depend on the expenditure involved. They prefer a situation where their spouses take them outside home for relaxation.
Culture is another problem affecting uniqueness of marriage. There are men who prefer to spend time with friends and kinsmen instead of spending such time with their wives. They see the woman as one whose time should be spent only in the kitchen. In some people’s culture, women can never stay where men gather and discuss.
For women to build marital sweetness, building resilience in relationship is key as well as romantic adventure. Women need to build very strong resilience to be in marriage. Resilience is the capacity to withstand challenges and unforeseen circumstances.
Many marriages are doing well on their own but challenges like sickness, poverty, lack of children (infertility), infidelity, etc, go a long way to destroy them. A lot of relationships standing today have undergone many problems for marital sweetness to be achieved. It is not a bed of roses.
Marriages nowadays have chances of disintegrating but some couples are able to make up. Resilience builds strong marriage. Standard of living, family upkeep, intimacy and finance to buy things in the home affect marriage.
Marriage undergoes phases. There are times when couples abuse themselves but being a resilient partner can help your marriage survive. Consistently make up your mind that your marriage will succeed.
As a woman, getting pregnant and taking delivery of a baby at the ninth month, nursing and nurturing such baby take a lot of challenges, so also is marriage.
If you can determine that your business must grow with resilience, then, your marriage can also grow.
Little talks from wives normally make their spouses take some decisions in marital affairs. Let us assume that your spouse returns late from work or business with a troubled mind, you should be able to encourage him or her.
Gratitude to partners and appreciating each other’s efforts in little things at home help in building marital sweetness.
Building problem-solving skills help you maintain resilience in marriage.
Identify what the problem is. Do not deal with the symptoms. Take series of questions. For you to be resilient, you must know how to solve problems. If you are not a good problems-solver, you may be creating a problem. Be patient because all problems cannot be solved in a day.
A woman may take a break without violence and as you leave the house, you don’t bang the door.
Being a problem solver, you should be able to manage your mental health. Mental stability is very important in marriage.
Avoid being an unteachable spouse. A woman should learn from experts in marital seminars and workshop.
All hands must be on deck to ensure that couples keep to marital vows.
Your marriage like a house should be built in such a way that when flood comes, it is not washed away.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

Since the return of democracy in Nigeria, in 1999, women have really been carried along in politics. Although their involvement may not have been enough, but it has gone a long way to showcase their intellectual ability towards the socio-political development of the various states and Nigeria at large.
Women were carried along during the former President Obasanjo’s tenure when his late wife, Stella Obasanjo championed the course of Nigerian women.
Within a very short time in office, the wife of late President Musa Yara’dua also contributed to the welfare of women.
Contribution made by Mrs Patience Jonathan, Phd, who became the First Lady of Nigeria went a long way to empower women who have done well. She advocated for 35 Affirmative Action for women during her husband, former President of Nigeria, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan’s tenure, since then, women have got more appointive and elective positions especially in Rivers State.
As a Rivers daughter, her contribution towards the emancipation of women in Rivers State was enormous as well as Nigeria in general.
Indeed, as governance continued, various state government including Rivers heeded the call of involving more women in governance.When you talk about how well Rivers State has done since its creation 58 years ago in relation to women, I can say that it has produced capable persons who have served and are still rendering quality services wherever they found themselves.Since its creation on May 27th, 1967, the role of women in the development of the state can never be over-emphasized.
The story of politics, governance and democracy in Rivers State cannot be complete without recalling the impact of women.
Rivers State has produced Justice Mary Odili, a retired Supreme Court Justice. She is an eminent jurist.
During the administration of Governor Peter Odili in Rivers state, Justice Mary Odili’s gesture in terms of community development programmes and relief efforts were second to none. As the First Lady then, she initiated programmes that have direct bearing on youths and women. One of them was The Adolescent Project (TAP), where education, health improvement, social rehabilitation and empowerment services to vulnerable adolescent girls were advanced.Over 500,000 citizens were directly impacted and which went on to win the Global Health Council Award for Safe Motherhood in Washington DC in May 2001.
She was the Pro-Chancellor and chairman of council of Rivers State university.
Rivers State government became women-friendly to the extent that it got a woman as a Deputy Governor.
The return of democracy in Nigeria in general and Rivers State in particular, brought good news to women. A lot of women formed and made up the cabinets in many states. Women were elected and appointed into various levels of governance.
Dr Ipalibo Harry-Banigo, a distinguished Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, was a civil servant in the Rivers State Civil Service. She was the Secretary to Rivers State Government (SSG)/ Head of Service during the military era. When the two positions were separated, during Dr Peter Odili’s government, she served as the Secretary to the State Government (SSG).
For us in Rivers State, it was a new dawn when the first female Deputy Governor was elected in 2015, since the creation of the state. After the general election In 2015, the medical doctor by profession was elected the first female deputy governor of the state. This was one of the signs of the dividends of 35% Affirmative Action championed by Nigerian women. It was a testament that women have really been liberated. It was also a sign that women’s education does not and can never end in kitchen.
Dr. Banigo successfully served as deputy governor of Rivers State from May 29, 2015 till May 29, 2023 under the administration of Governor Nyesom Wike.
In 2023 general election, she was elected into the Senate to represent Rivers West Senatorial District. This is laudable as a female from Rivers State is in the Red Chambers to speak for the interest of her people.Dr. Harry-Banigo is the chairman, Senate Committee on Health.
History was made as another female deputy governor was elected into office in Rivers State, because of course, the first performed well. Professor Ngozi Nma Odu, is the second female deputy governor Rivers State has produced. What some states have been yearning for without success. A seasoned administrator, she has been a pillar to the current administration. Her support to the current administration of the state governor, Sir Siminalayi Fubara, is what citizens of Rivers State deserve.
Rivers women are proud to have such personality as it is one of the best things that has happened in the history of Rivers State, women are optimistic that her wealth of experience will be brought to bear. Prof. Ngozi Nma Odu, a university don, assumed duty as Deputy Governor of the State, from May 29, 2023. Expectations are high as she will bring her wealth of experience into governance.
Prof. Odu is not new in the political development of Rivers State. She had served as Commissioner for Education during which her contributions to the development of education were second to none. In an agency that protects the rights and interests of women nationwide, she was the President of National Council of Women Societies (NCWS.
As Nigeria and indeed, Rivers State mark another year of democratic dispensation, the contribution of women in the development of the state can never be over-emphasised.Rivers women have made tremendous efforts in contributing in various fields of endeavour and their contributions have led to the rapid growth through politics, sports, education, judiciary, social, economic, medicare and engineering, just to mention but a few.
Indeed, since the creation of the state, it has not been a male dominated issue, women too have been given the opportunity to play key roles in their own little way.
Today, one cannot talk about women who made impact in the history of the state without mentioning Hon Justice Mary Odili, who served in Rivera State as a Judge. She also served in the Appeal Court. She rose to the peak of her profession in the Judiciary as the Justice of the Supreme Court (JSC).
Daisy Okocha served as Chief Judge of the state. Since the creation of Rivers State, she was the seventh judge and a woman to serve in that capacity.
Elsie Nwanwuri Thompson was a Judge of the High Court of Rivers State and Deputy Vice President of the International Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA). She was the first Nigerian to be elected to the African Court on Human and People’s Rights.
A landmark in the educational sector of Rivers State cannot be complete without looking at the contribution of the pioneer Vice Chancellor of Ignatius Ajuru University of Education, Prof. Rosemund Dieye Green-Osaghogulu (blessed memory).It was under her supervision that the official approval of the institution, Rivers State College of Education (COE), was renamed Ignatius Ajuru University of Education (IAUOE), in the administration of former Governor Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi.
In the administration of Old Rivers State, the first female commissioner, Constance Sarowinyo was appointed to oversee the affairs of higher education and later appointed as commissioner for economic development and planning. During her time at the helm of affairs of Information ministry in the state, the three arms of government media organisations, Rivers State Television (RSTV), Radio Rivers and Rivers State Newspaper Corporation (RSNC) got the best.
As Rivers State continued to grow after its creation, more women were given the opportunity to serve in various capacities.
Medline Ngo Tador was appointed Commissioner for Information and Culture under Military Admistrator, Captain Sam Ewang. She also served as Commissioner for Women Affairs and Social Development between 1997and 1999.Mrs Julie Wika was appointed Commissioner for Women Affairs and Social Development.
Under Dr. Peter Odili’s administration as governor of Rivers State, Mrs Tolu Ofili was appointed Commissioner for Women Affairs in 2003 after serving as Senior Special Assistant, special duties, in charge of social services in 2000.
Another woman who was in that cabinet was Ms Gloria Fiofori. She served as Commissioner for Women and Youth Affairs. Her resume became richer as she served as the Director, National Orientation Agency, NOA. For the first time in the history of Rivers State, a female was appointed Commissioner for Works, which is termed to be a male-dominated ministry. She is in the person of Okpete Ovai. She obtained an MSC in Mechanical Engineering.
An erudite scholar and academic, Prof. Mildred Amakiri was appointed Commissioner for Higher Education during Dr. Peter Odili’s administration. One of Rivers daughters who served for a long time in the development of Rivers State was Prof Roseline Konya. She served as chairman, Civil Service Commission. One of the impacts she made was re-instating of 200 civil servants whose appointments were erroneously terminated at that time. A university don, she also served as Commissioner for Environment in which her contribution helped in sanitising the state of environmental hazards as a result of activities of illegal refining of crude oil in Rivers State.
Still under Dr Odili’s administration, a woman was appointed Attorney-General and Commissioner for Justice. She was Dame Aleruchi Cookey-Gam. She also served as Secretary to the State Government. She was appointed the Sole Administrator, Greater Port Harcourt Development Authority. Dame Alice Lawrence Nemi, a lawyer, became Commissioner for Education.
Mrs Joeba West was for Women Affairs and Patricia Simeon Hart for Water Resources, Mrs Emmanuela Izunwa were all female commissioners in Rivers State and their impacts were greatly felt by women.
One- time Commissioner for Information and Communication, Mrs Ibim Semenitari was appointed Acting Managing Director, Niger Delta Development Commission (NDDC).
In the political history of Rivers State, such name as Betty Apiafi cannot be left out as she was the first female member elected from Rivers State into the Federal House of Representatives. She represented Abua-Odual/Ahoada East Federal Constituency at the Green Chambers. Also an elected woman who represented Port Harcourt Federal Constituency in the Green Chambers was Hon. Blessing Nsiegbe and was re-elected.
Talking about Rivers State House of Assembly, the likes of Mrs Anthonia Membere, blessed memory, Mrs Linda Stewart, Hon. Felicia Tane, Irene Inimgba as well as Victoria Nyeche, have made valuable contributions to their constituencies and remarkable growth of Rivers State in their various endeavours.
Before now, women were appointed caretaker committee chairmen of local government areas of Rivers State.
As from the Governor Nyesom Wike’s administration, the vice chairmen of the 23 local government areas of Rivers State were women. That shows how important the roles of women in socio-political development of any state and indeed the nation are.
Currently, another woman, Mrs Blessing Chigeru Amadi is representing Port Harcourt Federal Constituency II in the 10th National Assembly, House of Representatives.
Under Governor Siminalayi Fubara’s administration, in the 10th Rivers Assembly, we have such women as, Hon. Linda Somiari-Stewart, Queen Williams, Justina Emeji, Barile Nwakoh, Nkemuika Nkemjika-Ezekwe and Emilia Lucky Amadi.
Dr Roseline Uranta is the commissioner for Women Affairs.
Dr Adaeze Oreh is the Commissioner for Health. A lot of reforms are ongoing in the health sector in Rivers State. A round peg in a round hole. The determinants of health issues are women and she will use her experience as a female medical doctor to proffer solutions to problems associated with maternal and infant mortality.
Of course, no society, state or nation can develop without women.There is no doubt that women who have contributed and are still contributing to the growth of the state are all educated.
Women are important in decision-making especially in things that concern them as well as the children. Nothing should be a barrier to their full participation in politics in Rivers State. There should be policies and programmes in place to encourage the advancement of women in the political arena.
As we celebrate 2025 Democracy Day, it is important to look at where women are coming from and how far they have gone. Like Oliver Twist, women are asking for more political and elective positions in governance.
They are as beautiful as flowers. They add glamour to political programmes as they dress in different beautiful attires singing and dancing to entertain political gatherings both in the urban and at the grassroot level.

Eunice Choko-Kayode