Women
Why Marriages No Longer Last
One of the institutions
of God that man has embraced with every sense of eagerness and satisfaction is marriage. It is something that every man and woman irrespective of religion or race craves for, something that spreads’ joy across the families of both the bride and groom, something that gives some sense of life’s fulfillment in every human being across the globe.
It is esteemed high to the extent that the absence of it in the life of an average man or woman poses some level of irresponsibility, depression and even tension.
It has become a normal thing in recent times, every weekend is packed with marriage ceremonies in village squares, churches and or event places with happiness on the faces of attendants.
It is a wonder however, that such an event of life with all its show of beauty, creativity, joy and blessings, could still be attended to with levity so much that, the more wedding ceremonies, the more cases of divorce.
Divorce, as it were, has become part of life among couples, to the extent that is seen as the best option where any form of supposed irregularity is found in marriage. The accompanying shame and stigma has been trivialised so much that “it does not matter, life goes on”.
Supprisingly, divorce was not as rampant even in the late 1980’s as it is now. Challenged with this worry, The Tide’s Women’s Desk was poised to unravel the mask behind the scene.
A close investigation of the issue reveals that there are cases of marriage that lasted for just a month. Very shocking was the news of a marriage that ended just after the couple’s honey-moon, where they parted ways on their way back from the ‘moon’.
Some however, took months and even years before divorce sets in.
A manager of one of the renowned beauty homes in Port Harcourt who pleaded anonymity, told this desk that there are a lot of factors that contribute to the high rate of divorce in recent times.
“The world today cannot be compared to that of yesteryears. There are so many changes such that you need a partner that will share your ideas and help you to accomplish your dreams as a woman. Unfortunately, some of these men are just not there to help you grow. Instead, they are out to drain every aspect of your life and for any wise woman, there is no need sharing your life with such a man but to get out and get going,” she said.
She explained that the incompatibility of the man and woman is enough reason for the marriage not to continue because it could lead to an untimely death of one of the partners.
According to her, “some men are just irresponsible that no significant interest is shown in the progress of the union. They are just after the sharing of bed” she revealed that such was the situation she endured for three years after which she decided to call it a quit.
Mrs Celestina Hekerem, a banker with Eco Bank was of the view that the present hard economy was a contributory factor to the issue of divorce.
“Today’s economy is very sophisticated and highly demanding. It requires all hands (husband and wife) to be on deck for the family to push on. Apart from those that I would describe as being highly favoured by God, most couples are either unemployed or one of them making do with one meager salary paid job or the other.
It takes an enduring partner to stay through the marriage otherwise, it is divorce.” Celestina also said that to avoid divorce most young men and young women would not want to marry an unemployed person ‘because until you have the experience, you will not understand, she added.
According to Mr. Tonye Fiberesima, “how can you continue with the marriage that you entered into with the mind that your bride is a virgin only to discover that she is not.”
Fiberesima maintained that marriage was supposed to be built on sincerity and devoid of every form of pretence. Unfortunately, he noted, most marriages are founded on untruthfulness and pretence and because they must be exposed someday, the marriage can’t continue.
Doctors Blessing Amadi and Godstime Ike of the University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital were of the view that Infertility/Sterility among couples are major causes of divorce.
“Ofcourse, one of the basic reasons of marriage is for procreation and where this is absent after many years of marriage, it is somehow bound to crash except for very few enduring couples.”
They also revealed that the libido or romantic aspect of a partner can contribute to the rise and fall of a marriage.
Pastor Anyalebechi Nnunukwe of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, Port Harcourt, attributed the cause of divorce to adultery, intolerance and lack of patience among couples.
He said “a lot of couples today for reasons known to them have lost sight of the original nature of marriage that a man would leave his father and mother and cling to his wife and both of them shall become one flesh. They have relegated this injunction by God and turned to sharing their flesh with two or even multiple fleshes.
Besides, they are different entities coming together to live their lives and share a common goal. This requires a high level of tolerance and patience. Unfortunately, these virtues seem to be lacking in most couples resulting to divorce.
On his part, Chief Nsan Enerene said “marriage is to foster posterity. Your marriage should provide you with a son that will continue your lineage. Your wife could give you only female children and you might be lenient enough to pick another wife to give you the male sex child but your wife may not agree with you and so, the best thing is to get divorced.”
A 92- year old retiree of the federal civil service, Pa Akande Ishaya, lamented that today’s marriages are made up of youngsters who are immature and unknowledgeable of the nitty-gritty of marriage, stating that it is a major cause of divorce.
It seems that the quest for marriage among young men and women has neglected the idea of courtship. Most of these issues would have been resolved and the marriage formed with every sense of understanding, tolerance and hopefulness.
Moreso, life itself is a check and balance, the absence of which would result to unfathomable chaos. Thus, what can not be changed, I think, should be rationally endured the original beauty of marriage could be returned.
Lady Godknows
Women
The Wise Woman
The wise woman builds her home. Mothers are supposed to live exemplary lives. The roles of mothers in the building of the modern Christian home cannot be overemphasized.
The function of the mother is to help the man build the home. She is a helper. A helper to the husband when the man is not doing well. It is important for the wise woman to assist when the man is not able to meet up with the items needed in the home.
A wise woman needs to reference God first and then the husband. Also the wise woman should respect her husband.
Caring for her own children as well as others is very crucial.
Do not despise children from other mothers. Discipline the child who is going the wrong way.
Ensure family bonding, show love and don’t discriminate. Connection with children is very important, especially the females. Find out who is her friend. Also find out the kind of lives they live. Caution, counsel and guide so that they make good partners.
Teaching children the dos and donts should start from birth. Inculcate the word of God in them so that when they grow, will not depart from it.
From the Scripture, some women influenced their families positively. Virgin Mary influenced the world, she never destroyed herself hence she gave birth to Jesus Christ.
Elizabeth, despite her age, God blessed her as she waited patiently.
A wise should curb favouritism in the family and love children equally. Whether a child is your biological child or not, it is necessary to show love equally. Reprimanding the children should be the function of both man and wife.
Women
The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage
Marriage is beautiful when there is love. Before and after marriage, couples show love to themselves. But you discover that after some years, that same love turn to be something else. A lot of people start going through emotional trauma in the hands of their loved spouses.
There are many things the woman desires to keep the love on as far as marriage is concerned.
Women are blesssed with feminine abilities that can be used for good in husbands lives. With your abilities, you can create a marriage that will last till couples get old.
A woman needs
man that is honest, trustworthy, nice, loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, if there is no reasonable finance, it is always difficult to manage the home.
Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3: “Your desire shall be unto you…….. “
What this means is that whatever the woman desires in life shall be provided as far as she performs her role in her home. There are many things the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy, at least helping to do one or two things when he is at home.
A man that is educated and intelligent so that they will transfer such traits to their children.
Knowing that there are traits that her husband has, traits of taking care of people, giving freely to people and caring for her family. She expects him to exhibit them.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family, remembering his family even as he is away from home.
No matter where he finds himself, he is not destracted by external influence. He returns home to his loved ones.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.
According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that a woman builds her home. As far as he rreturns home, you accept him as your own.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit. Don’t be a monitoring spirit. Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband. The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.
You can show some form of jealousy, but to an extent. Cooperation, respect and being honoured from time to time is what the woman desires.
The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man. A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.
Women
The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage
A woman needs a man that is honest, trustworthy, nice, loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money, it is always difficult.
Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire shall be unto you……..
That is one aspect the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy, at least helping to do one or two things. A man that is educated and intelligent.
She knows that there is a trait that her husband has. Traits of taking care of people, giving freely to people and caring for her family.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family, remembering his family even as he is away from home.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.
According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit. Don’t be a monitoring spirit. Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband.
The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.
The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man. A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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