Women
Just Before You Say “I Do”
As cases of marriage today divorce tomorrow make regular headlines on the dailies, some sound minds and marriage counsellors, are of the view that this enigma if not checked, could possibly bring marriage; a hitherto ordained institution of integrity to disrepute.
Mrs Nzokurum Mercy, a marriage counsellor and educationist (nurse educator) with 35 years of nursing/occupational health practice and a mother of 3, is one woman that is passionate about the development of the marriage institution.
In her books, “Living For One Another and Marital Bumps … How To Ride Them In Style”, which were recently launched, Mrs Nzokurum unraveled some possible obstacles that tend to pose serious challenges to couples and possibly terminate a relationship that was supposedly intended for a life time.
She also, highlighted the importance and criticalities of family health; its impact on marriage and family at large, while also unraveling the bumps which militate against some marriages.
Describing bumps as such that tend to slow down speed, make people give extra attention to their course, pose danger and draw attention to the need for a fix, she stated that marriages are not exempted from it even though they are contracted with the intent of bliss.
However, she insisted that the responses of the key players to these challenges determine to a great extent how much of the goals are attained, hence the need to pray for God’s guidance while in search for life partners as well as be duly guided before they say “I do”.
In her words, “when health challenges ensue, there is the need to be resilient, hold on to the rock of their union, keep to their vows in sickness and in health”.
Mrs Nzokurum, who believes that bliss full marital relationship is realistic agrees that though couples could come from different backgrounds with diverse cultural differences, it is imperative on them to blend as the author of marriage (God) demanded.
On why some marriages work and others don’t, the marriage counsellor maintained that the divergent views in marriage stems from the fact that some key factors enter into it without commitment to working it out, pointing out that with the pressure of life, this grade of people are bound to give up.
On the other hand, she continued, “some people who have not witnessed their parents breakthrough in marriage find it extremely difficult to break the vicious cycle while some get determined to make it in spite of all odds and because they are positive, it works for them”.
According to the educator, some of the decisions taken prior to marriage could mar or make it eventually. A priority to health status like getting to know genotypes and possibly bowing out of the proposal for a lifelong relationship when not suitable, rather than adamantly going into it must not be risked, she insists.
In her words, “we have seen some people take that bold step and make it eventually, it all depends on one’s faith in God and the kind of health challenge faced. Some would-be couples discover a partner is HIV positive or they are both sickle cell carriers and still forge ahead to marry, trusting God for healing and medical care, it may have paid off for some but some have had to burry spouses untimely of course the case of sickle is better imagined than experienced.
Generally, Mrs Nzokurum is of the opinion that those with genotype ‘AS’ should find out that of their would-be spouse early enough before their love gets established. They should ensure they pair up with AA to forestall the procreation sickle cell children and its heart-breaking effect on the family.
Youth, she advised should endeavour to adhear to the advice of marriage counsellors as a guide to successful marriage.
Mrs Nzokurum, who wishes to run an NGO that would act as marriage mentor where such individuals who may not have access to marriage counsellors could be helped, advised parents to see themelves as role models and avoid lives that are not worthy of emulation so as not to cause the young ones to fail in both their marriages and service to God and humanity.
Women
The Wise Woman
The wise woman builds her home. Mothers are supposed to live exemplary lives. The roles of mothers in the building of the modern Christian home cannot be overemphasized.
The function of the mother is to help the man build the home. She is a helper. A helper to the husband when the man is not doing well. It is important for the wise woman to assist when the man is not able to meet up with the items needed in the home.
A wise woman needs to reference God first and then the husband. Also the wise woman should respect her husband.
Caring for her own children as well as others is very crucial.
Do not despise children from other mothers. Discipline the child who is going the wrong way.
Ensure family bonding, show love and don’t discriminate. Connection with children is very important, especially the females. Find out who is her friend. Also find out the kind of lives they live. Caution, counsel and guide so that they make good partners.
Teaching children the dos and donts should start from birth. Inculcate the word of God in them so that when they grow, will not depart from it.
From the Scripture, some women influenced their families positively. Virgin Mary influenced the world, she never destroyed herself hence she gave birth to Jesus Christ.
Elizabeth, despite her age, God blessed her as she waited patiently.
A wise should curb favouritism in the family and love children equally. Whether a child is your biological child or not, it is necessary to show love equally. Reprimanding the children should be the function of both man and wife.
Women
The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage
Marriage is beautiful when there is love. Before and after marriage, couples show love to themselves. But you discover that after some years, that same love turn to be something else. A lot of people start going through emotional trauma in the hands of their loved spouses.
There are many things the woman desires to keep the love on as far as marriage is concerned.
Women are blesssed with feminine abilities that can be used for good in husbands lives. With your abilities, you can create a marriage that will last till couples get old.
A woman needs
man that is honest, trustworthy, nice, loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, if there is no reasonable finance, it is always difficult to manage the home.
Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3: “Your desire shall be unto you…….. “
What this means is that whatever the woman desires in life shall be provided as far as she performs her role in her home. There are many things the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy, at least helping to do one or two things when he is at home.
A man that is educated and intelligent so that they will transfer such traits to their children.
Knowing that there are traits that her husband has, traits of taking care of people, giving freely to people and caring for her family. She expects him to exhibit them.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family, remembering his family even as he is away from home.
No matter where he finds himself, he is not destracted by external influence. He returns home to his loved ones.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.
According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that a woman builds her home. As far as he rreturns home, you accept him as your own.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit. Don’t be a monitoring spirit. Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband. The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.
You can show some form of jealousy, but to an extent. Cooperation, respect and being honoured from time to time is what the woman desires.
The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man. A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.
Women
The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage
A woman needs a man that is honest, trustworthy, nice, loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money, it is always difficult.
Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire shall be unto you……..
That is one aspect the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy, at least helping to do one or two things. A man that is educated and intelligent.
She knows that there is a trait that her husband has. Traits of taking care of people, giving freely to people and caring for her family.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family, remembering his family even as he is away from home.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.
According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit. Don’t be a monitoring spirit. Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband.
The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.
The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man. A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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