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Women

Divorce: Solution To A Crumbling Marriage?

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One of the institutions of God that
man has embraced with every sense of eagerness and satisfaction is marriage. It
is something  that everyman  and woman irrespective of religion or race
craves for.  It spreads joy across the
families of both the bride and groom, while ensuring sense of life’s
fulfillment in every being across the society.

It is highly esteemed, so much that the absence of it in the
life of an average man or woman poses some level of irresponsibility,  depression and even complex in the course of
life. Its attendant reverence and favour have rendered at a necessity to every
mature adult hence it has become a normalcy that in recent times, every weekend
is packed with marriage ceremonies in village squares, churches and event
places with happiness on the faces of attendants.

It is a worrisome however, that such an event of life with
all its show of beauty, creativity, joy and blessings could still be attended
to with levity, such that, the more wedding ceremonies, the more cases of
divorce, contrary to the oath of “till death do us part”.

To say however, that divorce is gradually topping the list of
cases attended to in the magistrate courts of late is to say the least, grossly
understatement.

Divorces, as it were, has become part of life among couples.
It is seen as the best option where any form of supposed irregularity is found
in a marriage. A supposed solution to a crumbling marital union. The shame and
stigma that hitherto attended this act have been so trivialized that  it no longer matters, afterall, life goes on.

Hence, The Tide’s women’s Desk was poised to find out
why many are opting out of an institution that others are yearning to embrace.

A close investigation on the issue reveals that there were
marriages that lasted for just a month. Very unique was the marriage that ended
just after the couple’s honey moon, where they parted ways on their way back
from the ‘moon.’

“Most women need partners that would share ideas and help
them accomplish their dreams. When these expectations are not met, it is rather
considered wise to opt out and get going” says a divorcee who pleaded anonymity

She explained that the incompatibility of the man and woman
is enough reason for the marriage not to continue because it could lead to an
untimely death of one of the partners.

According to her, some men are just irresponsible they don’t
want to be  committed in their
relationship. They are just after the conjugal bliss, a situation she endured
for three years after which she decided to call it a quit.

Mrs Celestina Hekerem, a banker with Eko Bank was of the view
that the present hard economy was a contributory factor to the issue of
divorce. According to her, today’s economy is very sophisticated and highly
demanding. It requires all hands (husband and wife) to be on deck for the family
to push on.

Apart from those that I would describe as being highly
favored by God, most couples are either unemployed or one of them making do
with one meager salary-paid job or the other.

It takes an enduring partner to stay through the marriage otherwise,
it is divorce, she said.

For Mr Toney Fiberesima, dishonesty could be the bane of any
marriage.

According to him, how could anyone continue with a marriage
entered into with the understanding that the bride is a virgin and later
discover that she is not.

Fiberesima maintained that marriage was supposed to be built
on sincerity and devoid of every form of pretence. Unfortunately, he noted that
most marriages are founded on untruthfulness and pretence and because they must
be exposed someday, the marriage can’t continue.

Doctors Blessing Amadi and Godstime Ike of the University of
Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital were of the view that infertility  among couples is a  major cause of divorce.  “Ofcourse, one of the basic reason of
marriage is for procreation and where this is absent after many years of
marriage, it is somehow bound to crash except for very few enduring couples.”
They added

They also revealed that the libido or romantic ability of a
partner can contribute to the rise and fall of a marriage.

Pastor Anyalebechi Nnunukwe of the Seventh Day Adventist
Church, Port Harcourt, attributed the cause of divorce to adultery, intolerance
and lack of patience among couples.

He said a lot of couples today for reasons known to them have
lost sight of the original nature of marriage – that a man would leave his
father and mother and cling to his wife and both of them shall become one
flesh, they have relegated this injunction by God and turned to sharing their
flesh with two or even multiple fleshes.
They are different entities coming together to live their lives and
share a common goal. This requires a high level of tolerance and patience.
Unfortunately, these virtues seem to be lacking in most couples resulting to
divorce.

On his part, Chief Nsan Enerene, said marriage is to foster
posterity. Your marriage should provide you with a son that will continue your
lineage. Your wife could give you only female children and you might be lenient
enough to pick another wife to give you a male child but your wife may not
agree with you and so, the best thing is to get divorced.

A 92-year old retiree of the Federal Civil Service, Pa Akande
Ishaya, lamented that today’s marriages are made up of youngsters who are
immature and lack knowledge of the nitty-gritty of marriage, this he views as a
major cause of divorce.

It seems that the quest for marriage among youngmen and women
has neglected the idea of  courtship
where most of these issues would have been resolved and the marriage formed
with every sense of understanding, tolerance and hopefulness.

Moreso, life itself is a check and balance, the absence of
which would result to unfathomable chaos. Thus, what cannot be changed, I
think, should be rationally endured thereby returning the original beauty of
marriage and then, it would be a worthwhile adventure.

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Women

What Women Should Know In Marriage

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Every married person should be able to quit childish ways for a long lasting marriage.
Growing up in marriage means keeping the vows made during holy matrimony, obeying the rules guiding marriage. Love your spouse and treat him/her kindly. Growing up is being able to hold intelligent discussions with your partner.
Do not allow problems to make you expose your spouse in the public.
When married, you kick out childish behaviours. These days, you see a lot of people unable to manage their emotions well.
Do not take up relationship when you still think like a child. If you are not ready to take up responsibility, do not go into marriage. You may be having money or being financially buoyant, but maturity matters a lot. How you respond to issues matters a lot in your marriage. When arguments come up, it should not lead to a point where couples start destroying valuable items in the home.
Do not get angry all the time. Anger causes destruction in a home that might have been built for several years. Do not be like kids, who want to throw away toys when they get angry.
In marriage, the woman is responsible to the husband and the man should be accountable to the wife. Marriage requires new skills in communication if it will work well.
The woman needs to grow up to be able to manage the home. Managing the home is not a child’s play.
You have to build a home that will suit your taste. Sweet homes were built by people. When your spouse gets angry, you put yourself into his or her shoes. Showing empathy to each other will help to run the family smoothly.
Appreciating the woman who does all the house work alone is good. From childbearing through nurturing them till they become adults rest squarely on the woman.
Building formidable marriage is not just for two people but for everybody around them. The woman should care for her in-laws and others in her care. Treating other children like her biological children.
In marriage, treat your spouse better than you handle your phones. Priority should be given to your spouse instead of phones. Some women can get glued to their phones for a longer period instead of attending to their husbands. Activities in your phones should not take all your time as your spouse is more important than them.
Some men often complain about their wives’ addiction to their phones.
There was the issue of a woman that was accused by her husband about getting glued to her phone always and the reason she gave was that her husband was not coming home when he should come. She said as a result of that, she needed something to keep her busy.
Avoid the habit of sleeping with your phones. It is disrespectful when a spouse is talking to a partner and she is attending to a phone or internet. This is a habit women should work on as it is in many homes. Experts say that it leads to emotional gaps.
In marriage, communication is key. Communication must be a two- way thing. When a partner is talking, the other must respond and not just nodding his or her head.
Couples need to be together for bonding. Relationship with children is temporary while that with spouse is more permanent. When children grow up and get married, they will leave the home while husband and wife will live on forever. You see where husband and wife will be living in a big house.
A spouse should be able to accommodate eath other’s weakness.
Do you know that home is a person. Life can give you everything you desire but can be disastrous if there is no love.
Do not allow fear to rule you while trying to show love in building your home. A situation where you think that after building a home and it tears apart in future. This should be discouraged.
When you grow up in marriage, you build formidable marriage.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

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Women

Women Can Eradicate Child Abuse In Homes

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It is disheartening to note how in the 21st century, some women abuse the rights of both their children and wards. No day passes without getting information on how a child was beaten with an object or harmful substance used on a child for little errors that should not lead to provocation.
The role of women in
curbing child abuse can never be over-emphasised.  Mothers are the ones who nurture and groom their offsprings and wards whether, biological children or adopted.
It is necessary that any child who falls under the supervision of a mother, be responsible to that woman.
Shaping the life of a child depends so much on the mother, even if certain percentage of care is being expected from a father.  The mother starts nurturing a child from age zero till the adolescent stage.  She should always do a follow-up at every stage of development of every child in her care.
Within the period of growth, if there are negative tendencies exhibited by the child, the mother should be able to identify before the child goes to school. This is because the child starts learning from the home.
When you talk about child abuse, it starts from the home and the way every child is treated matters a lot.
The menace called child abuse is something that every hands must be on deck to ensure it is eradicated in the society. The major agent of eradication is the mother.
There are various forms of child abuse.  You may discover that for every form of the menace, the woman is involved and should be held responsible for its consequences.
Of course, it is clear that child abuse does not have any positive impact on the society except the perpetrators of the act.  Some persons derive joy in seeing either their own children or other’s children being denied their rights to accomplish their own goals.
According to UNICEF in 1989, child abuse is the portion of harm to children that results from human action or inaction  that is proscribed, proximate and preventable.
The African Network for the Prevention or Protection against Child Abuse or Neglect (ANPPCAN), looked at child abuse as the intentional, unintentional or well-intentional act, which endangers the physical, health, emotional, moral and the educational welfare of the child.
Broadly, it means maltreatment of a child. It is any form of action that brings about physical, mental, psychological and social torture to the child.
When you talk about child labour, which includes buying and selling, most times, a woman will intentionally send the child out for hawking with the aim of making money. A situation where a woman’s children will be in school and she finds pleasure in sending a house help out potends danger to that child.
Just recently, when pimary and secondary schools resumed for third term, a woman told her househelp to resume school one week after resumption, thereby dening her classes for the first week of resumption.
A woman should not send an adopted child out to the neighbourhood alone to fetch water when her own children are idle because her role is to protect every child in her care, whether biological or not.
When you talk about child trafficking, apart from children being in school, the mother should be aware of the location of the child at every time. Monitoring the children should be the watchword of every committed mother. When a woman is careless about the whereabouts of the child, that child can be picked up from any location without her knowledge.
A woman should not express anger on everything the child does at home.   A child/ward can be corrected for wrong doing without being battered.  It has been discovered in some homes that child battering has led to death or deformity of some children. A mother should know the kind of punishment a child deserves for correction.
An undergraduate teenage student who was housed by another woman because the student was unable to secure accommodation in the university had it rough with the woman that it got to a point where she slapped the girl during examination period. She never considered that maltreating her could affect her performance in the semester academic work.
No matter the level of provocation, you don’t slap a student who is writing examination.
Some women neglect their children by sending them to others for inability to provide basic needs in the home.  Every responsible woman should be able to have the number of children she can cater for.  While the child is in another woman’s house, no one knows how many meals he or she takes in a day.
Sending a child out for hawking, especially a female, signals danger to the girl.  That is a simple way of exposing her to sexual abuse.  Some irresponsible persons with the pretence of buying something from her can lure her into undesirable sexual abuse.  The danger in this is that it can lead to unwanted pregnancy and contracting of STDs and HIV/AIDS.
Most rape cases that have been recorded are as a result of sending a girl out to hawk.
There is no harm in asking children to assist in selling so as to make up in the home, but if they are to sell in a kiosk no matter how little it may be, a mother can monitor the children there.
A mother should know that giving a child under the age of 18 out for marriage is an abuse. Women must nurture the children to maturity before sending them out in marriage because the dangers of underage marriage are devastating. When an underaged girl is given out for any reason for marriage, it must be remembered that any consequences that arise from that will fall back on the mother.
A mother should not send her child or ward out for prostitution in order to make money.
Parents and guardians, especially mothers should be more educated and more awareness acquired on why they should pay more attention to their children and wards.

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Women

The Wise Woman

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The wise woman builds her home. Mothers are supposed to live exemplary lives. The roles of mothers in the building of the modern Christian home cannot be overemphasized.
The function of the mother is to help the man build the home. She is a helper. A helper to the husband when the man is not doing well. It is important for the wise woman to assist when the man is not able to meet up with the items needed in the home.
A wise woman needs to reference God first and then the husband. Also the wise woman should respect her husband.
Caring for her own children as well as others is very crucial.
Do not despise children from other mothers. Discipline the child who is going the wrong way.
Ensure family bonding, show love and don’t discriminate. Connection with children is very important, especially the females. Find out who is her friend. Also find out the kind of lives they live. Caution, counsel and guide so that they make good partners.
Teaching children the dos and donts should start from birth. Inculcate the word of God in them so that when they grow, will not depart from it.
From the Scripture, some women influenced their families positively. Virgin Mary influenced the world, she never destroyed herself hence she gave birth to Jesus Christ.
Elizabeth, despite her age, God blessed her as she waited patiently.
A wise should curb favouritism in the family and love children equally. Whether a child is your biological child or not, it is necessary to show love equally. Reprimanding the children should be the function of both man and wife.

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