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Whither The Family Values?

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Children are the future
leaders of any soceity,” therefore, a broken soceity traces its decay to the family.
The family as the strength and pillar of every society is known for good moral which is usually inculcated from one generation to another through the children and even to the children unborn. It is the primary responsibility of every parent to ensure cultural values of societies do not go  extinct. The family is highly regarded because character and societal value are molded from infancy. Morals and good values are passed on to the children through their parents and such trait is maintained  in building a habitable society.
Today, the rate of moral decadence is so alarming that one begins to wonder where the family is heading for.
In Nigeria, each ethnic group is known for their peculiarities which is not devoid of respect, good ethics, holding of  cultural values in high esteem, hospitality, respect for elders, loyalty to authorities, adherence to parents’ training, exemplary living, obedience to parents decissions, adherence to societal rules and regulations.
Disappointedly, twenty-first century families have witnessed pains in homes, different levels of immoralities, disrespect to elders, and disobedience to societal laws. This is simply becaus the family has failed in its core role of molding lives and values. Everything is shifted to the ¢hurch as the quest for wealth acquisition, education, career building, politics, has replaced the importance placed on family values in Nigeria.
However, we are today faced with a society where family values are irrelevant, culture is no longer vital, internet has replaced every importance of  cultural inclination that is imbibed in people as they grow and receive training from their family starting from the cradle. We are now battling with the devastating negative influence brought to us by popular culture not only that the magnitude and approach employed the cable stations is encouraging the popular culture in strengthening their channels by capturing our airspace, dictating for us and our families what food we should eat, what:we should wear as in being trendy (fashion) , what language we should speak what our manners should look like, how we analyse issues of importance and things like that.
It is disheartening to note that with all the decadence going on, no attention or measure is put in.place to check the situation.
As each.day passes by, we are faced with more and more decay which springs from the lapses the family has created, degenerating into the larger socicty thereby resulting in high crime rate and corruption in all sectors of our economy and government.
Instead of sitting back to strategise ways of curbing our dilemma, we abandon it for more wealth pursuit while we fold our arms and watch the crime rate escalate in a geometric progression on daily basis.
It is no longer news that children cannot speak their dialect, even those leaving in state capitals of their own states cannot speak their own dialect fluently and one may begin to wonder, what will become of this nation Nigeria in 20years to come if parents still treat this decadence with laxity?
The twenty first century generation needs to be called back to order and the ball is in the court of the family to repair the damage done already. The family is the smallest group out of the larger society and if things are not properly done; we would keep suffering the crime which is usually the resultant effect of family negligence which spreads to the society at large.
We need to restructure our homes by having consistent family meetings starting from the nuclear families of just the father, mother and the children, to the larger family.
There is an urgent need to bring order and sanity to our homes. We all have a part to play if we must enjoy our old age. If we ignore these family values the way it was passed to us by our own parents, grand-parents, when men treasured culture and family values, posterity will definitely ask us and certainly, we will be held responsible for whatever harm our laxity causes in the future.
Moreso, if we keep quiet and feel it’s not our business  we will be like Eli, of the Bible story, who reaped the consequence of his children’s misbehaviours simply because he kept quiet where he was supposed to and ofcourse the resultant effect was more damaging than anticipated.
In looking at this repair of family values, we must understand that children learn by example. We only make impact if we can make out time to stay with them regularly to instruct, teach and correct, not leaving them in the hands of house helps just because our work do not permit us spend quality time with them. We must choose which is more essential to us, our children or our jobs and career?
We can only make huge sacrifice if we see the need to be responsible for our families individually and collectively as a society. We will never cease to appreciate our parents who had many children and, yet they were able to nurse, carter and stand by us, made themselves avaialble at all times.
Perpahs we need to imagine what would have become of us if they had abandoned us the same way we are handling our own children today.
To all and sundry, espeically thos that are hoping to have family they would call their own it is a clarion call to  note  that family does not just end with marriage to a heartthrob or to the love of one’s life as we proclaim, it does not also end in producing children because one is fertile and productive. it does not end at having the money to take care of a woman and do the necessary traditional rites.
Marriage is a full responsibility that everyone who ventures into is held bound to make it work by seeing that the society which is the identity of every individual does not fail because of craze and quest for money and career.
All hands must be on deck to ensure we build a better future for our soceity. It is pertinent, therefore, to fight the raging negative influence popular culture now has on us.
The harm of cultural decadence is numerous. The incessant increase in co-habitation among young people especially in our tertiary institutions cannot be over emphasized. Parents lose their children quarterly to the young boys who impregnate them.
No  child who receives proper home training would think of living with a boy or even a man who has not paid her bride prize, but, the lapse has been created by popular culture and young people now see this trend as a norm to live together without the knowledge of their parents on campuses, even in cities like Lagos, Portharcourt and every other major city in our country Nigeria.
Parents may not understand the magnitude of co-habitation in our campuses, but the truth is that it has become a trend that when anyone of both sexes says he or she doesn’t have a boy friend among their peers, they make mockery and caricature of such one whereas, where values are cherished and upheld, such can never be any issue of contention because, children raised in a family with good values always have at the back of their mind that it is not in any way allowed or permitted to live with anyone, man or woman where all the necessary traditional rites are not conducted and completed.
Personal hygiene is an aspect that is totally lacking in this generation of children. This is simply because, parents surround their children with numerous house helps, some families have as many as six maids and house chores are shared among them and the children just fold their hands on their laptops, keep surfing the net, pinging, browsing from one social media to the other and watching all manner of nude pictures and all manner of horror films, at the end, we see where rape, incest has become a life style in homes with or without the parents idea.
Parents have refused to monitor their children because of the free hand and internet access available at their disposal.
However, we can still revive our family values if we see the need to take up certain jobs that can allow us stay close to our children like teaching and entrepreneurship. The media also has a huge role to play in re-orientating people especially, the electronic media through play-lets, dramas as were seen in the days of Zebudiya. There is the need to create programmes that are family value – oriented for a better society and schools from primary school should review their curriculum and programme in such a way that various channels should be used to impact on the lives of these young ones.

Njoku resides in Port Harcourt

 

L-R: Permanent Secretary, Ministry Of Women Affairs, Hajiya Habiba Lawal; Minister of Women Affairs, and Social Development, Hajiya Zainab Maina; Head of The Civil Service of The Federation, Alhaji Bukar Goni-aji And Permanent Secretary, Ministry Of Tourism, Culture And National Orientation, Mrs Nkechi Ejele, During A Courtesy Visit By The Head of Service To The Minister Of Women Affairs In Abuja, yesterday.

L-R: Permanent Secretary, Ministry Of Women Affairs, Hajiya Habiba Lawal; Minister of Women Affairs, and Social Development, Hajiya Zainab Maina; Head of The Civil Service of The Federation, Alhaji Bukar Goni-aji And Permanent Secretary, Ministry Of Tourism, Culture And National Orientation, Mrs Nkechi Ejele, During A Courtesy Visit By The Head of Service To The Minister Of Women Affairs In Abuja, yesterday.

Chidima Njoku

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Women

The Wise Woman

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The wise woman builds her home. Mothers are supposed to live exemplary lives. The roles of mothers in the building of the modern Christian home cannot be overemphasized.
The function of the mother is to help the man build the home. She is a helper. A helper to the husband when the man is not doing well. It is important for the wise woman to assist when the man is not able to meet up with the items needed in the home.
A wise woman needs to reference God first and then the husband. Also the wise woman should respect her husband.
Caring for her own children as well as others is very crucial.
Do not despise children from other mothers. Discipline the child who is going the wrong way.
Ensure family bonding, show love and don’t discriminate. Connection with children is very important, especially the females. Find out who is her friend. Also find out the kind of lives they live. Caution, counsel and guide so that they make good partners.
Teaching children the dos and donts should start from birth. Inculcate the word of God in them so that when they grow, will not depart from it.
From the Scripture, some women influenced their families positively. Virgin Mary influenced the world, she never destroyed herself hence she gave birth to Jesus Christ.
Elizabeth, despite her age, God blessed her as she waited patiently.
A wise should curb favouritism in the family and love children equally. Whether a child is your biological child or not, it is necessary to show love equally. Reprimanding the children should be the function of both man and wife.

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Women

The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage

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Marriage is beautiful when there is love. Before and after marriage, couples show love to themselves. But you discover that after some years, that same love turn to be something else. A lot of people start going through emotional trauma in the hands of their loved spouses.
There are many things the woman desires to keep the love on as far as marriage is concerned.
Women are blesssed with feminine abilities that can be used for good in husbands lives. With your abilities, you can create a marriage that will last till couples get old.
A woman needs
man that is honest,  trustworthy,  nice,  loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, if there is no reasonable finance,  it is always difficult to manage the home.
Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3: “Your desire  shall be unto you…….. “
What this means is that whatever the woman desires in life shall be provided as far as she performs her role in her home. There are many things  the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy,  at least helping to do one or two things when he is at home.
A man that is educated and intelligent so that they will transfer such traits to their children.
Knowing that there are traits that her husband has,  traits of taking care of people,  giving freely to people and caring for her family. She expects him to exhibit them.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family,  remembering his family even as he is away from home.
No matter where he finds himself, he is not destracted by external influence. He returns home to his loved ones.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.
According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that a woman builds her home. As far as he rreturns home, you accept him as your own.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit.  Don’t be a monitoring spirit.  Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband. The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.
You can show some form of jealousy, but to an extent. Cooperation, respect and being honoured from time to time is what the woman desires.
The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man.  A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.

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Women

The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage

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A woman needs a man that is honest,  trustworthy,  nice,  loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money,  it is always difficult.


Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire  shall be unto you……..
That is one aspect  the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy,  at least helping to do one or two things.   A man that is educated and intelligent.
She knows that there is a trait that her husband has.  Traits of taking care of people,  giving freely to people and caring for her family.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family,  remembering his family even as he is away from home.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.


According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit.  Don’t be a monitoring spirit.  Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband.
The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.


The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man.  A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

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