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Gossip: An Evil Many Enjoy

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Introduction

There is the saying that, “small minds discuss people; average minds discuss events; great minds discuss ideas.” Certainly a great number of people fall into the first category: small minds. They find it extremely difficult to hold their tongue. Once they sit among friends or a group, they discuss people. They malign, slander, castigate, backbite, lie, criticize, and assassinate others’ characters, with no qualms. In many it has ‘become a habit and comes quite impulsively that little thought is given to its malice.

Honestly, it is hard to find someone who does not enjoy discussing others, especially portraying them in a negative light. Even aged folks who are supposed to have been taught by life itself, and people who themselves have been victims cherish it as one would cherish wine. Yet I have never seen a person who wants to be discussed by others and portrayed in a negative light. At such one feels deeply hurt, and the following lamentation could ensue, “I am being misunderstood and misrepresented ….”

In a certain discussion a person commended somebody who was well known to be doing very well in an area of his profession. The other person retorted, “Don’t mind that, these people you think are doing very well are not really good people, if I should open my mouth now you will shudder.” The third person came up in support, “think of it when he was in [he mentions the place], what did he achieve? Nothing.” I was there. The last speaker was of same profession with the person they are talking about, and has also worked in some places. I said to him, “what about you, do you not realise that somebody else might be somewhere saying you never achieved anything in more than four years you stayed in the places you worked?” He felt shocked; recoiled to himself, noticing that he would not like it in the least if someone were to be somewhere passing on him the same judgment he was passing on another.

Had I not broken the ‘chain of gossip’ the victim would have been torn to shreds before the discussion was over. And those who perhaps are hearing about him for the first time would find it hard to ever take that person as somebody of any substance again. When they see him in the future they are most likely to view him from that negative and biased perspective unless any of them has trained himself so well in the art of not taking gossip seriously which I try to teach here. When it concerns you, you will not like it to be taken seriously but when it concerns another, your guess is as good as mine.

What is Gossip

The Encarta dictionary defines gossip as “conversation about personal or intimate rumours or facts, especially when malicious.” And the gossiper is “somebody given to spreading personal or intimate information about other people.” To gossip or gossiping means to “to tell people rumours or personal or intimate facts about other people, especially maliciously.” Thus gossip can be used both as a noun and as a verb even as an adjective, gossipy.

The Oxford Advanced Learners dictionary says it is “informal talk or stories ~bout other people’s private lives that may be unkind or not true.” The verb gossip means “to talk about other people’s private lives often in an unkind way.” A gossiper is “a person who enjoys talking about other people’s private lives.” Chambers English Dictionary defines the gossiper as “one who goes about telling and hearing news, or idle, malicious, and scandalous tales.” These however differ from gossip as “a form of news characterized by its reference to personalities and its uncertain origin and reliability …. “ which is not our concern here.

Thus gossip has to do with meddling in other people’s affairs, rumors or facts; but then maliciously told. It may be “unkind or untrue.” You will agree with me that one needs to be an unkind person to tell unkind stories. And there is a serious friction between the unkind and the true. The unkindness necessarily thwarts the facts.

The gossiper “enjoys talking about other people’s private lives” and of course when it is negative. In other words it pleases the gossiper to hear that other people have gone wrong. So he or she ‘goes about,’ ‘telling and hearing’ idle, malicious, and scandalous tales. Does this not suggest one who is evil at heart? It takes such a person to tell, idle, malicious tales and to enjoy telling them.

Why do People Love to Gossip?

There is no gainsaying the fact that many people love gossiping and even swim in it Christians and non Christians alike. They do not care to verify a story before they tell it. And then, it spreads, only later to be discovered by those who make some efforts to verify, as frame-up or lies, in most cases! One wonders whether some people still find any relevance in the passage of the Scripture which says, “Nobody who fails to keep a tight rein on the tongue can claim to be religious; this is mere self deception; that person’s religion is worthless” (James 1:26).

Many reasons can be proffered for which people love to gossip: one which lies hidden in the subconscious, is the fact that gossip seems a very cheap way of establishing relationship or even gaining acceptance. Since majority of people have small minds and can rarely rise above gossip in their discussions, to flow with them you need to resort to one form of gossip or another. And for sure, many dance to this. That is why gossipers have many friends or rather, customers. However the relationship is built on sand; soon it either grows into partnership in crime or is broken up by gossip among the gossipers.

Thus one of the strengths of gossip lies in the influence it has on the other person: it makes him feel the gossiper trusts him. This makes it very difficult for him to posit any doubt or outright contradiction of what he is being told. More often than not he panders to the tale, becoming an accomplice in the gossip, believing the tale and is ready to tell it to another: “they said … “ Meanwhile the two have now something in common at the expense of the person about whom they gossiped. This is why when the one who heard the gossip sees the person about whom he heard he holds him in low esteem, loathes him, looks down on him, etc; but he likes the one with whom he gossiped, and when he sees him he feels at ease with him, and greets him with smiles. Is gossip not powerful?

Secondly gossip has the tendency of making people look away from the faults and deficiencies of the gossiper but to concentrate on the person gossiped about. He or she becomes a suspect and every of his or her action susceptible to misinterpretation while the gossiper is left alone and often his or her faults and deficiencies condoned or neglected. It is like turning the searchlight on someone else. Often the gossiper is afraid that his or her faults are obvious and that of another not quite obvious, he or she points to another: this or that person has also this fault I have. I am not the only one involves in this. Often too the gossiper points to people who actually seem to be worse than him or her so that his or her own faults will be viewed as minor.

Being a form of self expression, one who gossips wants to express himself or herself to the other and possibly to win the other to his or her side – that is why the tale must be tailored to the cravings of the hearer. In this respect gossip could be as a result of insecurity, lack of self confidence, inferiority complex, etc. Thus, “the experience of envy” which often shows itself through gossip, “has been described as a consuming emotion in which ones weaknesses or flaws feel physically apparent. Low self-esteem, anxiety, hostility, depression or decreased self-efficacy may result.”

Gossip can also be caused by jealousy; what the same writer called, ‘Envying the Wicked,’ in his book, ‘The Desertion of God ….. ‘Here some people who think that they are doing better than others, but are not spiritually enlightened enough, consciously or unconsciously, feel that evil doers are enjoying what they do not enjoy – wrongly thinking evil as enjoyment -; jealousy creeps in. Their hearts grow bitter; they castigate them at the slightest opportunity. However this type of people are not truly steadfast. Most of them keep the law or God’s commandment merely out of the sense of decency. So it is not even that they avoid evil, they commit it more ‘responsibly,’ and perhaps not as much frequently. Another element in this, is pride. That is why you see some people who appear to be very good Christians but what comes out of their mouth against another is horrible.

Another reason why people like to gossip is because they are bitter in heart owing to the evil which lies hidden in them. Their eyes are therefore blurred. They hardly see any good in others; they hardly appreciate anything, and are hardly satisfied. This category of people is easily identified as they complain almost about everything. They carry their complaint about in search of support. Another element of this is that many people want everybody else to seem worse than they are or at least as bad as they are. You notice that people who are involved in certain evil are always eager to hear that another has committed such evil. They wouldn’t like to doubt it, it gives them some consolation. They go about spreading it.

The content of gossip is more often than not, character assassination, backbiting, castigation, etc. And when it has to do with colleagues, the element of envy comes into play. According to some researchers in the area of envy “it is easy to imagine how the nature of organizational life gives rise to frequent social comparisons that may give rise to envy.” By this they mean that social comparison is a fact. And it is almost always applied to people who work in a group, organization, Churches, parishes, institutions, etc.

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Living/Style

Dry Skin, Chafing

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With the harmattan season drawing closer, there is the need for ladies particularly to become sensitive to their skins in terms of applications in the most natural ways in order to overcome the season and remain radiant and attractive. Here are some tips for you.
Symptoms: The skin is evenly dry and there can be a tendency to chafing (more so during this period).
There is both water and oil loss in the skin. This may seem to be a matter of little concern but it can be a sign of more serious problems like essential fatty acide deficiency that can result in cardiovascular disease such as stroke, heart attack etc.
Dry Skin can also be a sign of an underactive thyrond.
If you are supplementing with Vitamin A in amounts over 100,000 units daily, dry skin may be the first warning of overdose. It is dangerous to take too much of vitamin A.
Natural Remedies:
Diet and Nutrients –
*Eat a nutritious diet of vegetables, fruit, grains, seeds, legumes and nuts. High sulfur foods like garlic, onions and asparagus help keep the skin smooth and youthful.
*Avoid animal fats, hydrogenated oils and fried foods
*The situation to this problem is not superficial creams which contain Vaseline or aluminum but obtaining enough unsaturated fatty acids in the diet. These would be uncooked vegetable oils, such as wheat germ oil, corn oil, seseme seed oil and soy oil. Take additional Vitamin E Supplementation of about 800-1,200 units a day.
*If you are not taking supplemental Vitamin A, begin taking a moderate amount (not over 25,000 units a day for a few days. Carrot juice (or 15 mg beta carotene daily) will also help.
*Take a B-Complex Supplement, Vitamin C (1,000mg 2-3 times) daily and zinc (15mg daily).
Applications:
*’Misting’ is helpful. Spray your face with a fine mist of water atleast three times a day. To increase the effect, add some aloe Vera to the mist water.
If you do, you must not spray into the eyes.
*For your shower, rinse off every day with lukewarm water using as little soap as possible. Do not use hot water.
*For itchy skin, add vinegar to the bath water and take two tablespoon of vegetable oil daily. Helpful herbs include yarrow, violet and margoram. Dry-brush message your skin, to tone it up.
*Add two to three drops of lavender essential oil to warm water and apply a warm compress to your face.
This will hydrate the skin and stimulate the water and oil glands.
*Ripe, mashed avoicado alone or mixed with ripe banana is an excellent moistening mask. It will deep over the throat and face (except the eye area). Wait 10-15 minutes, then rinse off.
*Drink an adequate amount of water and keep the house or room cooler.

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Banking/ Finance

The Cost of Living: Finances and Comfort

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Have you ever wondered how much it costs to live every day? And by living we mean our day to day expenses. If for instance, we had a financial advisor keeping track of your day to day expenses how much would that cost? For the number of years that you have lived have you ever really thought about the cost of loving?

The cost of life

As we go about our day to day lives, we buy, we live, and we spend. That is why it is very important for us to always keep track of our finances, just like online betting ca. And that is also why we have a retirement plan because we want to make surethat even when we are older, we try to live a life of comfort.

We have budgets, we have loans and credit schemes all to make sure that our youth and adult life, we live the best lives that we can. And all this accredited to the cost of living, or rather should we say the need of comfort?

How the need for Comforteffects of finances

We all want to live comfortably. As we mentioned earlier that is why we even save up for retirement. So, one can easily say that is it because of this need for comfort that our finances are depleted every day. Even when it comes to games, we realised that the arcades were not comfortable so we created online versions of them. That is why we have best usa casinos onlinegames . So that you pay in the comfort of your home. You see, it all seems to go down to the need for comfort.

The mortgages that we take, the loans and the jobs that we have. It all because we want to live in comfort. And because we want to live in comfort, we will do all that it takes. Even if it means working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year all just because we want to live in comfort.

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Lifestyle

Try These Top Dating Services If You Are Still Single

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Digital technology has redefined our society in more ways than one. With the use of computers and smartphones, as well as other mobile devices, it is easier to do a lot of things, such as to shop and pay bills. Even dating has changed! Nowadays, online dating services offer the perfect platform for those who are looking for a partner, whether it is for a casual or serious relationship.

If you are still single, chances are, you have not yet discovered the magic of dating websites and services. Clueless about where to get started? Check out https://www.thetop10sites.com/online-dating/ to find the best for you! Below, we will be listing down five of the top choices that should be on your radar!

 

  1. Zoosk

According to Mashable, Zoosk is an online dating service that is favored by many because of its user-friendly interface. The design makes it easy to navigate, although there were some complaints about how it tends to get spammy. With the latter, you have to be more careful to have an assurance that you will be dating only legitimate users.

One of the best things about Zoosk is its size. The company takes pride in having more than 35 million members who live in over 80 countries all over the world. With this, there is surely one who will be a match for you! You will never run out of choices, regardless of how picky you are.

Zoosk also comes with a dedicated mobile app! This makesit easy to search for a potential date even when you are using your smartphone.

Looking at the demographics of the users of this online dating service, there are about 52% females and 48% males. The average age of users, on the other hand, is 27 for females and 24 for males.

Zoosk has also gained a reputation for being inclusive. It is for everyone. Even for gays and lesbians, the dating app is perfect!

 

  1. Elite Singles

If you plan to try your luck in love using an online platform, this is one of the best dating sites you might want to take into consideration.

It is not easy to get started with this online dating service. While creating a profile is pretty much straightforward, there are tons of questions that you have to answer, which can take up to 45 minutes to complete. However, this is actually a good thing since the site is trying to get to know you to be able to find your perfect match.

The matching algorithm in Elite Singles is based on the Five Factor Model Theory. Aside from your personality, your match will be determined by factors like location, age, and occupation. You will be set up with up to seven matches in a day.

If you are looking for young love, this is probably not the site for you. This is not exactly designed with the needs of millennials in mind. In fact, the age of their users ranges from 33 to 50 years old. This is geared towards those who belong to the group of working professionals.

 

  1. Match

This is another option that should make it on your list of the best dating apps and services. One of the biggest selling points of the website is their satisfaction guarantee. You will find your match within six months of creating your profile! If you are unable to do so, they promise to provide you with six months of free membership. Good deal, right?

To create a profile, you will be asked to provide details about your physical appearance, faith, and hobbies, among other things. You can complete it within a few minutes. Even finding a match is almost effortless. You will be able to see only one profile at a time and you will decide whether it is a match or a pass.

One of the most important things that should be pointed out about Match is with regards to how its members are serious about dating. This is not one of those dating services where people are only after sex.

 

  1. OurTime

Online dating is for people of all ages. It is not only for millennials. Thankfully, with online services like OurTime, seniors who are looking for a date are given the perfect platform to search for their match. Whether you are looking for the opposite or same sex, this dating service can extend a helping hand.

OurTime claims that they understand what it means to be over 50, including the difficulty of finding a date. With this, they have developed an easy-to-use app that matches mature users. The app is free to download, but to be able to take advantage of its full features, you have to subscribe to one of the paid plans.

From the website of OurTime, they say that you can meet more than 50 singles in your area. The number is not as overwhelming as what you can most probably expect with the top three sites mentioned above.

 

  1. Silver Singles

This is another dating service that is made specifically for people who are aged 50 and above. Since it was launched in 2002, it has been one of the leading dating sites for seniors. It is a dating platform with an international network in countries like the United States, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, and Germany.

On average, the users of Silver Singles are 41% males and 59% females. It is also estimated that there are 85,000 active monthly users.

As for the match system, as a part of the profile creation process, members will need a comprehensive personality test. This will provide the website with the data that is needed to match the user with the other members of the community. Every day, the website will recommend three to five compatible profiles.

For people on the go, it is also a good thing that a mobile app has been developed for both iOS and Android.

 

 

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