Arts/Literary
Unheard Voice Of The Teens (II)
The last time, I talked about how parents end their kids’ dreams by forcing a particular career on them. Well, this time I am here to talk about parental relationship and communication. You, as a parent, do you know your child? And you as a child, do you know your parents?
50 per cent of teens do not know their parents well enough and that creates a little inner hatred for their parents because, they don’t know them enough to understand their decisions and actions. 65 per cent of our parents do not know their children also, which caused a lot of misunderstanding and havoc in our homes. The teenagers need to be drawn closer to their parents especially their mom or preferably, both. Why did I mention mum first? Well, that’s because most of us see our fathers as very strict, tough and like some would say, “No Go Area”. I said mum because I feel like our mum will be able to get us more than our dad.
Yes, a father is meant to be strict and hard on a child so that they can sit up or should I say buckle up, but then again it’s also good for them to draw us back and try to communicate well with us. I feel that a father who communicates well with his child, will get the chance to know the child better. Because of the harsh treatment most parents show up or put out, most teens have found it really hard to be open to their parents. Our parents are supposed to be our best buddy or best friends, especially our mum. I’m not saying a dad can’t be our best friend too but for me, I think mums would make a better best friend. But these days, neither mum nor dad makes a good or better best friend and it’s very bad. For instance, in “Sweet Sixteen”, Aliya was close to her dad more than her mum. She was close to her dad in the sense that she could tell him anything, whether good or bad, without getting a bad reaction from him. That is the kind of relationship most kids want with their parents. But in most homes, it’s impossible because the moment you tell them you get shoved off or get scolded. In most homes too, the parents are a way too busy for some chit-chat.
I wouldn’t say only the girl gender needs that kind of relationship, because, the boy child also faces difficulties and they also need to pour out their heart to someone and also get advices in return. They also need to be put on the right track. Parents shouldn’t expect them to figure out everything themselves because they are male children. It doesn’t make sense. I see communication as a way of getting to know about your child’s daily activities and welfare. I see communication or parental relationships as a chance of knowing how the child feels. I mean, it’s such a lovely thing and it helps build a home.
Communication or parental relationship isn’t just something you build anytime especially at an older stage of a child’s life for example, at the age of 12 or 13. It is something you build or start at an early stage of a child’s life. Some parents may feel like they know their child too well but what they don’t know is that their children can put on a façade. Some kids are like blank pages on the outer side. They let you see what they want you to see and hide what they don’t want you to see. I mean, why will some kids hide some things and emotions from their parents? Is it that they don’t trust them? Well, I feel the answer is No they don’t. I mean, you failed as a parent to bring them close and communicate with them, so why should they trust you enough to open up to you? By communicating, I don’t mean asking them how was class? How is everything going? How they are and all those random questions. I mean heart to heart conversation. The type where you push your parental features aside and act like a best friend or childhood friend.
You can’t put up a parental feature and expect a child to be open. You can’t tell us to tell you things because you’re our parents and you have the right to know. No, it doesn’t work that way and you also don’t expect us to spill anything that way. At this communication stage, we don’t want our parents, we want our age mate. No seriousness, no scolding, just all attentive, contribution, advices and calmness. In our african homes, dating is prohibited. At an early stage our parents tell we, the girls, how bad it is to date a guy because it’ll ruin us and our future or we might derail from our path. Honestly, I feel it’s not to just sit the child for three hours to five hours talking and advising a child about sex and dating because if there’s lack of communication skill between them, they’ll still do it at your back. Well, I’m not saying all children are that stubborn or I’m not saying all children/teens do not adhere to this “No dating” rule. I’m just saying communication is very very important. It’ll help the mother a lot to know what the child is up to and also the reason. Sometimes, I wonder if our African parents aren’t jealous of how close the American child and their mum are. Or don’t our African parents crave for that kind of closeness or relationship?
Also, I don’t see the need for house prisoning or over protectiveness because I’ve seen cases or situations where the over protected ones are the ones who mess up the most. Some don’t mess up or misbehave because they want to. They do it because of peer group influence. And by the way, you can’t lock or monitor a child’s movement forever. I mean, they go to school and you are not in school, so anything can happen. There have also been cases where students fall easy from school. There have also been cases of a pastor’s daughter getting pregnant. If you watch well, these are over protected children. Isn’t it surprising? I mean, after all the strict training and over protectiveness? How come?
There are children that are so hard to please. Children that are never contented. You buy them almost everything and also give them almost everything yet, they don’t get satisfied. Yet people can still get them with other things. Yes, we have children like that. There have been situations where the ones you give almost everything to, still goes out. For instance, the book “Precious Little Darlings” their parents pampered them to nonsense because they were the only children they had after their many years of childlessness. They gave them everything a growing child need, they were treated like royalties yet they still decided to become useless.
To be contd.
Peer group influence and over pampering spoiled them. Not being contented with what they have, put them into trouble. Because, I see no reason why a child who can get anything they want will still decide to be foolish. To we, the readers, it was over pampering but to the parents, they were trying to make life comfortable and contented for them
Too much of everything is bad though. Too much strictness, over pampering, over protectiveness etc. Is bad. There is also time for everything. Time to be serious, time to be strict, time to play and so on. As a growing child, we deserve lots of parental attention and communication.
Before I drop my pen, I’ll love to address the matter of parents leaving their child with neighbors. Especially those parents with one child. It is very bad and dangerous. Why? Because, those children will eventually pick out the bad and wrong things. Children tend to learn the wrong things first and fast. Also, they could be harmed or abused but you’ll never know. Most kids are very secretive and quiet, especially when threatened by their abusers. So please and please do not leave your kids with your neighbors. No matter how you trust them. And please parents should try so hard to build a parental relationship with their kids. It is very very important. You’ll see the beauty of it when you do it. Most of the teens crave for it but can’t get it because it’s too late while some of teen are very lucky to have listening parents. So please my advice to our lovely parents out there, is for them to create time for us and draw us close. We appreciate all your efforts and we love you. And my advice for my great teens out there, is for them to try and get closer to their parents so as to get to know them better. You’ll eventually find out that they aren’t as bad as you see them and whatever they do is for your good.
These are just how we teens feel and see things. Low-key teens want them but lack the courage to ask
By: Cherie Akwu
Social/Kiddies
Need For Girl-Child Education In Society
Girl-child education is a way by which a girl- child is being exposed through formal education for proper education.
It is a process whereby a girl-child is being exposed to some certain things according to “teachmit@wp”.
Girl-child education refers to the aspect of education that ends at developing the skills and knowledge of girls and women no matter their backgrounds.
Some parents think that educating a girl- child is wasting of their resources. No. When a female child is educated, it gives her that respect even the husband cannot treat her anyhow because he will know her worth.
The importance of educating the girl- child cannot be overemphasised. It helps to empower the country and makes them have a better life. Once they are educated, they realise the importance of exhibiting good hygiene habits.
It may interest you to know that when a girl-child is educated, she has a sense of belonging in the society. In Nigeria nowadays, they have the potential of becoming governors, chairmen of local government areas, among others.
The tendency of taking cognisance of the importance of reduction in child bearing is high. When a woman is educated, the level in which she will give birth will reduce considering the dangers inherent.
Firstly, she will calculate herself and know when to conceive, although with the consent of her husband and the numbers of children she wants.
A girl who is educated will know how to educate her children properly. She will be of good benefits to the family.
Truly, a girl who is not properly educated will suffer lack of knowledge, fall into early marriage which will lead into early pregnancy. Some of these can cause domestic violence.
Women need education because without proper knowledge, a woman cannot run her home properly. A woman that is educated leads her home aright.
Some men use and take advantage of uneducated women by rendering all kinds of abuses on them, some rape their wives in course of making love and others insults their wives in public all because there is no education. In life, males and females should be educated without discrimination.
Furthermore, educating a girl-child is like investing in a big business that one will not run into a loss.
According to Dr Shaifali, girls’ education is like sowing the seed which gives rise to a revitalised, cheerful and full-grown family plants.
She also said educated women have the capacity to bring socio- economic changes.
Growing up from the family of three, my father told me that he was not ready to train a female child and when I asked why, he said: ” because when you will grow and become great, then, a man will come from nowhere and marry you and all my money will be wasted. When you marry, your name will be changed that means all your riches and wealth will become your husband’s own because you people are one”.
Frankly, I was very bitter with myself and I started questioning God that why was I not created as man, but I took it upon myself that weather the devil likes it or not, I will prove my father wrong by going to school and I will show the difference.
As parents when training children we should not think less of any child because every child is important and have value.
Every child is a blessing from God. This is a clarion call to all men of our present society to accord their wives the respect they deserve. A man can develop his wife after marriage.
Education plays an important role in the life of a girl-child. Let every girl-child be educated. The government should provide the society with basic amenities such as good schools that are well-equipped.
Parents from time to time should be re-oriented in this regard taking cognisance of the importance of developing the girl-child. None should be misled by saying that the girl-child need not attend formal education.
Since some parents do not have the wherewithal to sponsor their children, governments at all levels should introduce free education to give room for equal opportunity. Bursary payment should be re-introduced in all higher educational institutions.
Education is the bedrock of any society therefore women education cannot end in the kitchen.
Princess Npapa
Princess Npapa is a student of Pan Africa Institute of Management and Technology.
Social/Kiddies
Celebrating Woman As An Icon Of Strength
A woman is a dynamic multifaceted individual who embodies resilience, courage and determination.
She is a game changer and a force to be reckon with, a confidant empowered, supportive, adaptable and inspirational.
Many had asked why women are being celebrated even as recorded in calendar so frequently unlike men and I said, a woman being multifaceted and embodies resilience and determination is worth being celebrated unlike in the 80s when women were meant to understand that their place was in the kitchen of their husbands’ houses.
What an amazing level of development where women can choose a career and work on themselves and know that there is more to life than being in the kitchen and ending up in a man’s house with nothing to show for it.
Women are the strongest versions of the gender of humans in the world even in their silence, women hold a depth of emotions, questions and unspoken thoughts. Their smiles often conceal their true feelings, masking their fears, doubts and desires.
Despite these challenges, women continue to rise above, shattering glass ceilings and pushing boundaries.
Today innovative, women are enterprenuers, leaders, and change agents. Inspiring women like Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Chimamanda Adichie and many others have paved the way for future generation, their achievements serve as testaments to women’s strength, resilience and capabilities.
The calendar tell us how unique the woman is and her significance in the home and society at large. As a woman, she holds power and I celebrate every woman out there in the world irrespective of how you may have fallen, you shall rise above the challenges, support one another and celebrate collective strength and resilience.
Woman as an icon of strength is not just about individual achievements but creating supportive networks, uplifting others and celebrating collective success, defying expectations and redefining what it means to be a strong woman.
The strength and bravery of women are worthy of celebration by the entire world as none is unique as the epitome of nation builders, character molders and pacesetters not just in their family but to the society at large.
A woman is a selfless mother, lover and care giver to her family, a daughter who supports her parents, as a sister’s unshakeable bond with her siblings and a friends unconditional empathy and understanding.
These acts of kindness and love are not most times talked about but hold families and communities together and bonding strong women are powerful beings who have impacted the society, shaping the foundation of the world from the 80s to date, I personally want to celebrate all the icons of strength who had fought and are still fighting , that our voices as women are heard even unto the ends of time.
I celebrate you all amazing women for standing strong and paving ways for the future generation for equality, justice and human rights. To the rising child, teenager and adults who happen to be a ‘woman’, I celebrate our collective efforts, our strength in helping one another to rise, irrespective of our differences in our backgrounds.
We are super humans, unique beings, no wonder the Bible acknowledges the importance of our strength. Therefore, let’s celebrate every woman out there.
Kate Chisom Isiocha
Isiocha, is a student of Temple Gate Polytechnic.
Social/Kiddies
Children And Basics Of Family
It is the idea of God that family should exit. Children form part of the family. God loves family so much that Jesus was born into the family of Joseph.
Everyone’s family is good and important. Children should not look down on their family whether they are rich or poor.
Children should respect and honour their family and foster love among their siblings. They should work together and make peace in the family. They should always stand in the gap. It is good for family members to carry all along since everyone may not be doing well.
The Christianity that children learn is practised in family. Faith-based organisations do a great job in moulding children’s character. Those are the behaviours that children exhibit towards siblings in family.
Every child born in a family is there for a purpose. A baby born into a family is supplying something. It may be joy, wealth and so on. Everyone is important in a family.
Adolescents who have graduated from school but may not be contributing financially can do one or two things at home. You can engage in preparing meals at home while parents are away for a job or business. Contributing in house chores will go a long way to relieve parents of stress after a day’s job.
What do you contribute to your family, especially during holidays both in nuclear and extended family?
The family you were born is constant but friends are temporary. You can decide not to continue in friendship but you cannot cut off your family. No matter how bad you think your family is and you decide to leave home, you must surely return. Your friends can harbour you for a while.
The child’s first identity comes from the family. What the child learns first comes from the family.
Family is the centre of love and care. People have started playing down on marriage because of neglect on basics of family. Marriage starts today and and the next few months, it is threatened. Respect for family plays a crucial role in marriage.
No child grows without parental control and influence. If a child refuses to grow without taking instructions from parents, he may grow up being wild. There are consequences when children do not obey their parents. There are those who want to be rebellious against their parents. They should know that their length of days are tied to their parents.
Your bioligical parents know you more than every other person. There is the wisdom and knowledge your parents have that you do not so it is proper to listen to them before choosing carriers both in academics and job. A young man or woman can choose who to get married to, but a greater role in the choice of who to marry and the marriage proper comes from the parents.
They know what is best for you. No matter how modern trends will influence you and prove it wrong, parent is the key. No one can love you more than your parents because they are your blood.
A lot of parents have been traumatised due to the fact that children they nurtured and trained turned their back on them at older age. Children should not abandon their parents for any reason.
As you grow up, situations may arise in marriage when you decide it is over with your spouse, but no matter the level of provocation with your parents, they will not despise you. Parents will also play a role in that regard. Problem arises in every family but how it is handled matters a lot.
Some children honour their mentors more than their parents. Although there are parents who shy away from their responsibilities. It is important that parents take full responsibility of their children. You cannot bring a child to the planet earth and refuse to perform roles as a parent. But parents may not quantify what they spent from childhood to adolescence. That is a blessing children cannot get from another person.
There are people who have attributed their failure in life to the fact that their parents, especially mothers are witchcraft. It is wrong to feel that your mother is instrumental to your failure in life. The only way to success is hardwork.
Let money not determine the level of love for your parents. Wherever a child goes, family is constant.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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