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Can Spouses Cheat And Still Love The Cheater?

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It is impossible to love someone and cheat on them. People who cheat on others are not necessarily bad people (most likely they are), but they definitely know nothing about love. Cheaters are almost always very insecure. They are insecure because they did not experience love, being wanted, in their formative years. They don’t know love, don’t recognize love, cannot recognize it when someone loves them. They really don’t know what it is, and have insanely unrealistic ideas about it, usually acquired from storybooks and movies. Or from desperate fantasies resulting from extreme emotional deprivation in the past (as the fasting person dreams beautiful dreams about steak and ice cream). They wring others dry trying to get their fantasy to come true. And have little use for people who cannot make those fantasies real. And no one can. We all know that cheaters cheat, and never just once, and never just on one person. No one can satisfy them.
So they distrust others who claim to love them, because it never looks beautiful and true enough. They feel that the other person is lying to them, doesn’t love them, is perhaps playing them for a fool, and probably cheating on them. They don’t feel respected or valuable, are so self-absorbed and hurting, and are always distrustful, suspicious.
They are always busy protecting themselves from all the bad people in the world, including you. If you tell them that you love them, you are a liar. You are really out to use them and cheat on them.
They have very little energy to care about anyone else. Their energy is all used up fighting against ghosts.
Cheating is natural for such a person. For them, it’s not even really cheating. It’s protection, revenge. It’s the name of the game. (“She’s probably thinking about cheating on me anyway. I’ll cheat on her first. Payback in advance.”) Love and trust are not even on the radar. They are constantly looking for validation, for soothing, looking to be convinced that they mean something. They “love” someone to the extent that they get what they seek: a taste of the love that they dream about. But very soon, they see flaws in the other person. The other person does not meet up to their dreams. The other person “clearly” does not really love them. The other person is dishonest. Or manipulative. Or dysfunctional. Or a cad. Or a slut.
At this point, cheating becomes natural, not a big deal at all, because the other person (the cheatee) has ceased to have any real value, and has “proven” that they are unable to meet the needs of the cheater.
(In fact, for the cheater, his ability to hurt his partner is proof (to him) that he has value, that he means something, and is a demonstration of the love that he looks for. Cheaters feel worthless, unseen, insecure, unsure, unacknowledged. The power to hurt someone, to make someone cry because of them, is near ecstasy. ”My God! Look at those tears. She must really love me!” But that euphoria lasts for maybe a few hours. The cheater is insatiable.)
It makes no sense to say that you can cheat on someone you love. It makes more sense to hold that if you cheat on a person, you don’t give a darn about him or her.
Compare the cheater to the person who would no sooner cheat on his or her partner than punch a baby or kill a puppy. There are people who think that cheating on their partner is an abomination, as bad as anything you can do, and would find it impossible to do.
There are some people who find a love, never cheat, never think about it. They are in love, never stop being in love. And even if they stop being in love, they gave their word and intend on keeping it. They are much different from the person who finds someone, and proceeds to lie to, hurt, and cheat on that person.
There is such a thing as love. And it does not involve cheating. If someone cheats on you, don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that that person loves you. They do not.
If someone cheats on you, you have been cheated. You have been duped, tricked. You have been slapped in the face. You have been lied to, disrespected, devalued, shat upon. Even people who Hate you don’t treat you that badly! If you go on to trust or depend on that person, be sure that you will one day be very sorry you did. And then it will be your fault.
In fact, what better proof could there be that your partner does not love you, than if he or she cheats on you? What more do you need?
Culled from Question-Quora https://www.quora.com.

 

Compiled By Sylvia ThankGod-Amadi

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Women

Women, Birth And Population Control

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Some persons due to religious belief are not in support of family planning. For birth control to be effective, we must redefine our religious belief of “Na God dey give pikin”. Some believe that family planning is evil. Let such practice not deceive women.
It is important to have children for many reasons but it should not be abused.
Women should be sensitized in this regard. Not just that, empowerment is also necessary for such category of women. When a woman is empowered and busy, she produces less unlike when she is idle. Her spouse may want her to be producing as many children as possible since that may be the only work she can do.
The woman’s body needs rest. She does not have to stress herself every year to make babies. Pregnancy is not food that can be forced into a woman’s mouth.
The awareness should start from the rural areas because that is where the issue is. Although many of them have been sensitized severally. There are also those in the urban and it’s environs have got enough information about family planning.
Another way women can help solve the problem is when they refuse to make themselves available as second, third and fourth wives. Women should not present themselves as second-hand materials.
The female gender need stay alive to nurture the ones they have got. I’m not sure there’s any award for highest child bearing family.
There’s always competition in polygamous homes where some women want to be seen as the champion in highest number of children they cannot cater for. If a lady gets married to a single man, both of them will plan the family the way it will suit them.
It is worrisome to see a family whose income is below standard giving birth to seven to ten children. Taking 3-square meal becomes a problem. Children fighting on small quantities of food. In such situation, a lot of the children drop out of school and engage in social vices.
Another measure has to do with avoidance of illicit sex. Women should discuss and note when to meet their husbands. The mentality that my husband will not support should be discouraged. If women seek the opinion of their husbands in the right way, definitely they will get their support.
There is nothing wrong about that.
Women experience safe period monthly so should calculate appropriately. They can have protected sex which will not produce a child at the end of the day.
When you visit the health facilities, especially during anti- natal sessions, the professionals always teach the women what to do.
There are instances where women discouraged their folks from family planning and at the end of the day regret when pregnancy occurs. Women cannot control child bearing by listening to older ones in the neighborhood. That someone is older than you does not mean that she will help you control unnecessary child- bearing.
Time has come when husbands should support their wives in that regard.
It has also been recorded that some cultures go against birth control so orientation and re-orientation should continue in families, community and the society at large.
Recently the world observed world population day and it was discovered that population is increasing rapidly.
Report has it that population rate in Nigeria is approximately 229.1m.
Unfortunately, some births are allegedly not registered in the approved health facilities as it becomes difficult to get the accurate number of births per day.
Government at every level can help with policies that can help control birth and manage population. Beyond that, families should be assisted in providing social needs because having more children will increase poverty.
Maximum of two to three children can help reduce population. In years past, relevant authorities had proposed four children per family but I am in doubt if that policy is still working.
When population is reduced, everyone in the society will be carried along including People Living With Disability.
Government has a great role to play but the human beings who bear and produce children have greater role to play.
This year’s theme is: “Leave no one behind, count everyone”.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

 

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Women

Why Ladies Should Go For High, Quality Shoes

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One of the easiest ways to tell how fashionable and stylish a woman is, is through the quality of her shoes. Yes, expensive shoes separate the women from the girls. Someone can have fashionable wardrobe without paying a fortune for it, but when it’s time to buy fashionable shoes, one should expect to spend more time and money to select quality and expensive shoes.
Some people may argue that it is waste of money spending thousands of naira on a pair of shoes when they can use the same amount to buy three or more pairs that are of low quality. But on the contrary, buying expensive shoes signify wisdom, because they last longer than the cheaper ones. And so, you can have three or four expensive, quality pair of shoes and not border about shoes for many years.
The truth is that it is better to buy quality shoes that are more expensive than buying cheaper ones that will not last.
Besides, luxurious shoes are usually hand-made, which means people will take care of sewing quality shoes and guarantee a quality finish.
Quality shoes should therefore, have less manufacturing mistakes, have a better overall finishing and should last longer. The little details added in the finishing create an extra element of style. They will also increase the durability of the shoes.
Apart from the quality and durability of the shoes, wearing exclusive ones will definitely help polish one’s image. The quality of shoes a lady wears will tell the public the kind of person and the kind of job or business she is engaged. This image can make a big difference between an ordinary woman and a woman with expensive shoes during ceremonies. In addition, note that poor quality shoes are especially noticeable when someone is well dressed because of the contrast it creates. Low priced shoes are usually associated with cheap mannerisms and I wonder how many women like cheap ones.
One important thing to note about high shoes is the fact that they are suitable to short and average height ladies.
The high healed-shoes can increase their heights artificially. These heely shoes may not be necessary for tall ladies.
They may not also be suitable for those who are advanced in age.
So why don’t you spend more money on quality shoes and prove that you have arrived?

By: Eunice Choko-Kayode

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Women Can Build Formidable Marital Homes

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Building formidable marital homes starts before marriage. Single women also need to pick the right kind of person they think can build a formidable home with them.
When you marry the wrong person, the home will be a terrible place. Remember the person you will marry will leave with you forever as marriage is a life long affair.
To build a formidable marriage, you must consider who you marry. Ensure the person you pick mWomen can build formidable marital home with you.
The person you pick matters a lot. The quality of person determines the quality of marriage.
Marriage does not change people so it is important you understand who you marry early enough.
Marriage reveals who people are. A lot of people hide their characters and habit before marriage and showcase them when marriage is mature.
When you talk of marriage, you are talking about the future of your life, future of the children and all that concerns them. The way you manage your partner will encourage of discourage him or her.
A wife may have interest in doing a paid employed job, but the spouse may not allow her to do that. There are kinds of businesses that some women may want to engage in but their spouses will shut them down.
For Christians, it is expected that not much should be done about women in every circumstances since they can should build formidable marital homes.
It is assumed that as believers, they will understand each other. But two believers may have different doctrinal believes. Both may be Christians, your ideas may differ. Partners who are believers may not think the same way when it comes to giving in the things of God.
Most problems for couples is assumption. Two people must work together when they agree. A partner may like every contribution in church and giving to the need while his wife may be considering their level of income.
Marriage should be an intentional thing and nobody should be coerced into it. There should be no compromise. The idea of marrying because others are should not be the case.
Good marriages don’t make the news but bad ones do. It may interest you to know some women chase their husbands away from home. No matter the level of anger in a woman, it shouldn’t be that a woman uses harmful object on her husband.
When venturing into marriage, the issue of age should not discourage you. Yes, it is necessary but that can be your own time to get married. A situation where you lament that others are all married and rush into marriage, may be disastrous.
You must be prepared before going into marriage.
Marriage is not an employment where you can resign at a time you like. Even in employment, you give some notice for resignation. It is not easy to quit marriage. Consultation must be done from experts and stakeholders in marriage, that is why you don’t rush into marriage.
Before going into marriage, you must ask questions to know who you want to marry.
Remember, better woman will make better society.
When a husband and wife have disagreement in the home and the matter is reported to the elders in the local palace, the woman is always blamed and sometimes mandated to apologise to the husband.
That may appear humiliating. Some persons say it is wrong to judge the woman in the presence of the husband.
What about a situation where the man is at fault? The truth is not always said in the public or before the man and his wife.
Some people argue that it is a way of protecting the marriage and the man cn be cautioned behind the wife by his kinsmen.
Women should bear in mind that the elders in the family do not hate them by supporting the and asking the wife to appologise when disappointment occurs in the home.
Protection of the home as far as husband and wife are concerned is very important. There is the belief by men that if the man is blamed before the wife, that will warrant her to raise shoulders.
Elders also say that will prevent the woman from reporting every little issue that comes up in the home.
Women should not think that they are being cheated and should continue to be better builders of the home and society.
Acknowledging faults in issues relating to your marriage does not mean weakness but a sign that peace reigns in the home.
Remember, “home is a person”.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

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