Women
Is Feminity Also A Disability?
In spite of being disadvantaged by gender, a number of Nigerian women, particularly from the Igbo and Yoruba ethnic groups, have made their marks in different fields. Nevertheless, the profile of the Nigerian woman shows her continuing disadvantaged position in comparison to her male counterpart. A majority of them are afflicted by poverty, the causes of which could be traced to gender discrimination. One major cause of poverty among women is their low access to credit and income-earning opportunities, as well as their marginalisation from major economic activities. Referring to this economic disempowerment of Nigerian women, Okoye (2000:209) shows how, in comparison to men, women are worse hit as a result of their very limited involvement in economic activities in relation to their male counterparts.
Women are equally economically disadvantaged and impoverished in terms of ownership of the means of production such as land. In all but a handful of ethnic groups in the country, tradition has decreed that the Nigerian woman cannot own or inherit land. Writing about this unfortunate situation, Nwankwo (2001: 1) explains, “Traditionally, women do not own land and therefore cannot inherit land either from their fathers or husbands.”
The Nigerian woman’s economic powerlessness is also reflected in her subordination not only to her husband but also to her own male children. If she outlives her husband, she is debarred by culture and tradition from assuming the headship of the family and has no right to administer the estate of her late husband, especially where there is an Okpala or first-born son (among the Igbo). Here, “A woman is not allowed to inherit her husband’s estate. Instead, she is inherited along with the estate by another male in the family… Customary law has denied the female sex every right of inheritance, her contribution to the acquisition of the estate notwithstanding”, Nwankwo (2001:1,4). Most Nigerian women are also afflicted with illiteracy, as poverty and illiteracy often go together. Globally, most illiterate women are poor rural dwellers and millions of such women are living in abject poverty all over the developing world, most of them in Asia and sub-Saharan Africa. The worst hit is Africa where by the last decade of the twentieth century, two out of three adult rural women were illiterate. The situation has not changed much. As Stromquist (1990) explains, the very high illiteracy rates among rural women in the developing countries is attributable to the very heavy arduous task which women perform to ensure family subsistence – a situation which places poor rural women in inescapable domestic servitude and allows them little or no time to acquire formal education. The fate of such women and even the fate of their daughters are described thus by Stromquist:
“The existence of intensive domestic work, coupled with conflictual family dynamics, renders literacy an unattainable dream for a large number of women and even a dream for some of their children, particularly their daughters who early in life tend to be assigned the same domestic roles their mothers perform”.
This situation is very much applicable to Nigerian women. The Nigerian woman is also characterised by low self-esteem because the society has continued to regard her as unimportant and inferior to her male counterpart. Right from the beginning of life, society prefers the boy child to the girl child. All through her growing-up years, the girl child is socialised to accept her subordinate position even when it is well known that Liberal Feminist Theory is correct in its argument that boys and girls are born with equivalent potentials that could be fully realised, given the proper and conducive environment. However, cultural practices often deny the girl child this type of environment through child-rearing practices that put her in a disadvantaged position. CIRDDOC (2001 :1) makes this point about the role of nurture:
“Gender refers to a system of roles and relationships between women and men that are determined not biologically but by the social, political and economic context. Gender can equally be seen as the process by which individuals who are born into biological categories of male and female become the social categories of men and women through the acquisition of locally defined attributes of masculinity and femininity .. beyond biological differences, all other differences between men and women are socially constructed and have no logical relationships with their biological compositions”.
From this disadvantaged beginning, the Nigerian girl child’s journey into adult life becomes one long battle against harmful traditional and cultural practices that threaten her life and put her down generally. In some parts of Nigeria, harmful traditional practices that dehumanize women still include:
- Female genital mutilation to control her sexuality.
2.Disproportionate emphasis on marriage as the only acceptable status for a woman. This undue emphasis, particularly in Igbo society, puts enormous psychological pressure on women. From an early age, a woman begins to worry about ‘finding a husband’, a ‘task’ she is constantly told is a do-or-die affair because ‘men are scarce’. Consequently, not being married becomes a stigma which most women become desperate to escape from as they get older. Indeed, so constraining is society’s emphasis on marriage for the female gender, that an unmarried mother, a divorcee or spinster is a monstrosity (Ojiakor, 1997:219).
- Child marriage – a reflection of society’s emphasis on the ‘virtue of virginity for women at marriage – in which little girls are married off to men who most times are old enough to be their fathers. The disparity in age ensures that the wife has little or no power of decision-making in the marriage.
- Polygamy which subjects women to harrowing psychological trauma often brings out the worst in their character, in the face of the vicious competition that characterises most polygamous households.
- All manner of violence comprising battery and assault of women by husbands and other male partners: sexual violence including rape even by husbands. Wife beating is accepted by Nigerian culture as a legitimate instrument of authority by a husband over his wife. Citing Chukukere (1992), Ojiakor situates this dehumanisation of women within the overall power relationships in marriage:
“Indeed, no matter the level of education or enlightenment, relation between husband and wife is a power-based one, where the woman expects orders and gives in return total obedience. The man’s prerogative to command his wife include (sic) beating her physically and denying her sexual rights”.
6.Dehumanising widowhood practices In the event of a woman outliving her husband. “These include the physical and emotional torture which a woman is subjected to, ranging from the violent shaving of her hair to making her drink the water used to bathe the corpse of her husband [to prove she has no hand in his death]” (CIRDDOC, 2002:8).
In the area of politics, the plight of Nigerian women is equally pathetic. Although women make up at least half the electorate in Nigeria, their presence in policy/decision-making positions is very low. Again, a number of factors militate against their effective participation in democratic politics. These factors, many of which have their roots in women’s subordinate position in society, include: illiteracy, poverty, low self-esteem, ignorance, lack of confidence in other women, violent and non-conducive political environment (money politics, intimidation and violence), cultural stereotypes, religious barriers, high registration fees (which most women cannot afford), harmful traditional practices etc. Above all, the chauvinistic tendencies of the male rulers of the land have over the years denied women any meaningful participation in politics. For instance, all through the years when Nigeria was under military rule and people in positions of political power were appointed rather than elected, not a single woman was appointed as governor of the many states in the country or a member of the highest policy-making body (the Armed Forces Ruling Council). What Mba (1982:304) said several years ago about the political marginalisation of Nigerian women, is still very much applicable:
“Nigerian women must come to recognise that politics determines the allocation of all resources in the society, and that their alienation from politics means that their special interest will continue to be neglected”.
Ami resides in Port Harcourt
Aggo Patience Ami
Women
Justice Prevails Over Osinachi’s Death
Unfortunately, the widower of the late gospel singer, Mrs Osinachi Nwachukwu, has been sentenced to death by the Federal High Court in Abuja.
The husband of the deceased, Mr. Peter Nwachukwu, was sentenced to death by Justice Njideka Nwosu-Iheme.
The Federal High Court Judge, reports say, found Mr Peter Nwachukwu guilty of culpable homicide leading to the death of his wife, Osinachi, which occurred on April 8, 2022.
The ruling on the death of Mrs Osinachi Nwachukwu, deserves a big clap for the Nigerian Judiciary because of the high rate of domestic violence on women in the society.
This, I believe will serve as a deterrent to others now and in the future.
Lessons learned from her death are numerous, girls and women especially must be able to distinguish between oppression and submission. A woman has to be heard before she dies.
According to reports, Mr. Peter Nwachukwu has been sentenced to death by the Federal High Court in Abuja. How will the children feel? What about the Nwachukwu family?
Ordinary people like us may not be able to judge but the judiciary has finally done justice to late Osinachi’s case.
Time has come when families have to start checking out on their kinsmen concerning marital affairs. Families who give out their daughters and sisters in marriage need to do a follow-up from time to time, to ensure they are comfortable. This does not mean total control in anyway.
Everybody is born of a woman, who is someone’s sister, daughter, wife, daughter-in-law, niece, aunt and so on. Like the saying, “rain does not fall on one person’s roof”.
Women are weaker emotionally, so should be handled softly. No matter how large in size some women may appear, they are very frigile.
Late Osinachi Nwachukwu, was one of Nigeria’s gospel singers that her music was so inspirational. During crusades and religious programmes, the kind of crowds she gathered was something encouraging.
The “Ekwueme” song she featured in, is one of the most inspiring gospel music of our time. Till her death, I never knew she was a contributor to that beautiful music.
The impact of Osinachi’s “Ekwueme” song in the hearts of believers can never be over-emphasised.
Unfortunately, she has gone to be with her creator but will be remembered by all the good lyrics she contributed to produce.
About three years ago, the news of the late gospel singer became viral with so many persons expressing their views on what would have caused her death. So many stories were told but the issue of late Osinachi was that allegedly she sustained injuries from her husband as a result of domestic violence.
According to late Osinachi’s elder sister, who gave account of what happened to her sister, she died of blood clothing in the chest from her husband beating her chest. She said her late sister was exposed to inhuman treatments from her husband before her untimely death and denied her sister dying as a result of cancer. “She did not die of cancer”, she exposed.
Osinachi’s family sources explained that severally before her demise, they had told her to leave her marriage, having seen what she was passing through, but she never accepted the advice.
It was gathered that the family members had advised her to separate from the husband at least, since it was not divorce but she refused.
Osinachi as a believer and gospel singer might have felt that she could pray to overcome the challenges of marriage.
She would have also thought that if she left or separated from her matrimonial home, that would affect her ministry. She might have felt that God is against divorce.
As humans, there are certain things you can never easily agree with. But I think that when it comes to saving life, it is better to adhere to advice.
Of course, two good heads are better one. No one person knows it all. As a believer, she saw separation as a sin and not to save her life and take care of her children. She would tell them to relax while praying for her husband to have a change of attitude towards her.
Let us assume that the husband beat her on the chest, she refused to tell her family but good enough, she told a friend who lives in Ebonyi State that her husband hit her on the chest.
Unfortunately, they refused to tell the doctor that kind of thing occurred, so as to administer the right drugs immediately. She died leaving her children behind and her husband.
When domestic violence continues to occur in the home, what should the woman do as church people? The issue of “For Better, For Worse”, during holy matrimony by the pastors, our spiritual fathers should be looked into and we need to understand in better ways.
Different people have come up with various opinions about whether marriage should continue or ‘separate’ when domestic violence is on the peak.
Some support while others disagree. Should a woman remain in a marriage when danger is looming? We are not unaware that men too suffer domestic violence, but they do not have much challenge since they may claim to own the home. Sometimes they live outside their homes.
The only regret in calling for separation or divorce is about the well-being of the children. But for marriages that have not been blessed, we need more explanation.
It is becoming more worrisome because when marriages break, the children are at more risk as parents will not live together. I think the best way is to nurture and train kids together. The negative effects of separated homes are so much.
A lot of women have left their matrimonial homes to give peace a chance. Is it the best option? The “worse” during solemnisation cannot be relied upon to encourage enduring matrimonial violence or any other manner of one- sided wickedness. It only refers to shared burden.
It should not be interpreted to accommodate one party in a marriage practising wickedness to the other. Marriage was created as a mutual support and comforting institution and not for anti-social behaviour.
One of late Osinachi’s sons according to reports, revealed that his father told them(his children) that beating women was good and in one of the occasions, they witnessed how he pushed their mother out of her car. They also alleged that their father seized their late mother’s two cars.
It is good to be careful while taking certain actions in the presence of children in homes. Whether it is true or false, the children are watching and must have something to say when time comes.
One of the gospel singers of our time, Osinachi, is late with rumours of her husband contributing to the cause of her death. But the husband denied being responsible for the death of his wife.
He said all the allegations levelled against him were false and claimed that his late wife was sick from year 2021 before she died in 2022.
What can anybody do? Osinachi is not alive to narrate what happened. If only a lesson can be learnt where women especially, will be able to speak out when involved in any form of domestic violence, it will be better.
She would have lived to take care of her kids if she had spoken out on time. She might have been sick of other ailments but because of the revelation coming out of her children, relatives and friends, anyone can just conclude that she died as a result of maltreatment from domestic violence.
Domestic violence affects women the more. When it continues to occur, what should the woman do, separation or divorce?
Osinachi was a native of Isuochi in Abia State and married to Peter from Nnewi in Anambra State.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
Women
The Christian Teaching Mother (II)
A Christian teaching mother is one who imparts knowledge to her children and others by adhering strictly to the Christian doctrines and practices .
A real and devoted teaching mother should not ask her children and wards to keep malice.
Mothers should know that the way the teaching mother dresses speaks volumes about her while the children are watching. Teach them to dress decently either in your presence or absence.
It is important to teach the children how to respect constituted authorities, especially teachers in schools, at every educational level. Teaching them how to greet and respect elders in their neighbourhood and society at large. Obedience to parents and other elders can help children attain long life.
According to the Scriptures, “obey your parents so that your days may be long on earth”.
Furthermore, a mother should teach the children how to work hard academically instead of sending money to them to buy results and pay mercenariees in examinations.
A situation where parents go to fight teachers on disciplinary actions against their children should be discouraged.
A good teaching mother should teach what she practises as well as keeping the rules because they are watching. It is dangerous to tell lies before the children and of course, they may point such it out immediately. The mother must lead exemplary lifestyle.
The primary role of mothers is to nurture the children to adolescence because some of them cannot differentiate their left from their right.
Devotion of more time to children is very important no matter how tight the mother’s schedule may be. The mother must work hard to make ends meet since only the man cannot bear the responsibilities of keeping the home but the girl-child needs more attention. The children, especially the females need to be guided so as to avoid unwanted pregnancy, they need to be the mother’s friend.
The boys are not left out of the sight of the mothers so that they do not involve in social vices. The mother ought to monitor the boy-child so that he does not impregnate an underaged girl.
Furthermore, women are solution providers because sometimes, men may be soft with the children. Women should utilise the attributes and skills given to them by God.
Regular teaching without ceasing in the homes, church, school and in the public. The mother can spare the rod and spoil the child. Teaching does not only come from the mother, it is a combined effort with the man who is the head of the home. Even when the mother is the breadwinner, she cannot teach alone.
Regrettably, there are challenges hindering women from teaching good morals.
Moreso, busy schedules and absence of the father can hinder women from effective teaching. Mothers may not be teaching everything they are supposed to teach.
Late teaching when the children’s bad behaviour would have got out of hand is very dangerous, so, women must start early so as to catch them young.
A good teaching mother should not feel that the children should bear their father’s name and so if they turn out to be miscreants in future, their father should be held responsible.
King Solomon actually admonished his son thus, “My son, keep thy father’s commandment and forsake not the law of thy mother”.
Truly women need support when they teach. According to the Scriptures, train up a child in the way of God, so that when he or she grows up, he will not depart from it.
It should be noted that one of the tools for teaching is prayer. Daily devotional and constant fellowship with them where you teach the word of God are vital. Living by example by listening to music and differentiating between earthly music and gospel vibes will go a long way in effective teaching.
It is worrisome to note that peer pressure is one of the challenges affecting effective teaching in both schools and homes nowadays. The society is now having negative impact on the adolescents via social media, celebrities and entertainers just to mention but a few. But is better the children choose the right ways of life and eschew bad attitudes.
Good teaching mothers should not make comparison among the children because that may lead to withdrawal syndrome.
By: Eunice Choko-Kayode
Women
Women Can Go Without Artificial Beauty
Looking good is some women’s business. Looking beautiful for some persons is more important than food. Some prefer to appear trendy instead of attending to household pressure.
Beauty they say is in the eye of the beholder. Every woman by creature is beautiful but some persons feel that the way they were created is not enough. They feel that perhaps the creator should have added more features to their physic.
Artificial beauty did not start today, it has been there as far as man exists. From time to time, there has been one form of additional make-up or the other that women especially, must add to their natural look.
When you look at some of our elders, especially women, you notice certain drills or symbols (tattoo) on their skins, mostly on their hands and legs, in form of designs with dark prints. That is a form of artificial beauty. These days, some young ones still use such to beautify themselves.
It is not only women that are involved in artificial beauty, some young men also have likeness for it. It is common nowadays to see younger male folks spend money to pierce their ears to wear earrings. They also style their hairs in various forms to appear like women so as to look more handsome. This no doubt costs them more money than being in their natural look.
Every generation grows with it’s own new systems, items, styles of artificial beauty. Before now, African women generally and Nigeria in particular had their hair in natural form.
As civilisation and westernisation continued, Nigerian women started copying, for instance, perming of their hair to look like the White women. They started using western-produced chemicals (relaxers) to make their hairs look sleepy and smoother.
Nigerian women used to plate their hair with black thread or go with their hair well cut at low level. In terms of weaving, it was without attachment. The issue of women weaving hair with attachment came with civilisation. That is also a form of make-up.
The quest for extra beauty aside the way women were created has been from one generation to another.
Two or three decades ago, ladies used mascaras to darken and thicken their eyelashes. But in this 21st century, another system has evolved. Fixing of artificial eyelashes has become the order of the day.
In that case, it becomes difficult for them to scratch their eyes Incase of any itches. Some of their eyes turn reddish because of the touch.
There was a lady who was fixing her eyelashes in a salon, unfortunately, she got a phone call that her mother was late, as she started crying, it was difficult for her to clean the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.
The reason was for fear of the eye lashes falling off while cleaning the tears off her eyes.
One funny thing about fixing of artificial eyelashes is that some persons cannot close their eyes properly. The beauty they have in mind before fixing is not really achieved as their look become something anybody cannot behold. Both the shape of their eyes and facial outlook automatically change. One begins to wonder if that is the beauty they are looking for. Instead of looking beautiful, the reverse becomes the case.
As years go by, artificial beauty becomes more sophisticated in the society. The price and cost for looking more beautiful than women were created naturally becomes higher than their natural look.
The cosmetic industry becomes one of the most viable industries worldwide because some women desire artificial beauty. Some engage in cosmetic surgery to alter any part of their body which does not give them pleasure especially the fatty parts. Some go for surgery to make their slacked breasts to return to their original shapes as well as those with big tummies.
It is interesting to note that currently, Nigerian ladies have started to give preference to their natural hair and this is attracting a lot of admiration for them. Many prefer that natural look with low cuts. With that, the cost of maintaining the hair by ladies is reduced.
I think this is commendable as it will save the women from the negative effect of chemical used in manufacturing hair relaxers.
It is also common to see ladies on low cut hairs that are either light complexion, red and other funny colours.
People have been addicted to artificial beauty to the extent that they insert certain substances into their bodies to make them become more robust and attractive to their admirers.
I don’t understand why we should be crazy about adding more to our natural look. Every woman wants to look attractive in a packaged manner without recognising the implications of artificial beauty and make-up.
In fact, women’s quest for beauty has taken different dimension as they tend to appear trendy at home, in offices and as they go about their businesses. That is just to feel belonged and achieve self-esteem.
I recall a few years back, my pastor who trained as an Engineer advised women against the use of lipstick. He said that one of the chemical components of lipstick is lead and that it is dangerous to humans. Many women may not understand the reality of what he said until it manifests.
I think those who are naturally beautiful should not go for artificial make-ups. They should be satisfied with the work of their creator. Women should not continue to paint their faces to look like masquerades and should not lose value due to artificial beauty.
It may interest you to know that persons who apply make-ups excessively are mocked instead of being admired. Make-ups can be applied lightly.
Fixing of nails is another business. After fixing nails, some women find it difficult to perform house cores. Washing their personal belongings becomes a problem. The artificial nails become so long and sophisticated to the extent that the bearer cannot handle objects properly. Those in that habit also find it difficult to eat food with the fingers.
There are people who feel they should have been born in certain colour but when the reverse is the case, they seek artificial make-up. Use of skin-toning cream and soap becomes the option for artificial beauty. This happens to the extent that the users start having dark spots on the skin. Blisters occur on their faces and legs.
Unfortunately, this is an era when there are different kinds of cancer affecting women especially. It becomes difficult to identify the kind of make-up that can be cancerous.
It is high time people had stopped following trend to the detriment of their health.
Ladies should not present themselves as laughing stock with unnecessary make-up as they can still be cherished in their natural outlook.
Eunice Choko – Kayode
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