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Why Frustrate The Widows?

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Mrs. Daba .G. Amachree, wife of late Elder Gabriel Amachree with some family members, during a condolence visit of the Rivers State Government to victims of the Rerun National and State House of Assembly elections in ASALGA.      			           Photo: Egberi .A. Sampson

Mrs. Daba .G. Amachree, wife of late Elder Gabriel Amachree with some family members, during a condolence visit of the Rivers State Government to victims of the Rerun National and State House of Assembly elections in ASALGA. Photo: Egberi .A. Sampson

Without mincing
words, the death of a loved one, especially one that leaves a remarkable vacuum in the life of the living, is an experience that calls for sympathy and probably practical gesture that would be aimed at reducing the impact of the loss.
To many, the loss of a breadwinner, places them in an unstable state, that takes them a long time to rediscover themselves and see meaning in life again.
This precisely is the story of many widows who had leaned earnestly on their late spouses. The news of the death of their spouses do  not only throw them into a big shock, it destabilises their stronghold; economically, socially and otherwise.
To these ones, it takes the intervention of philanthropists to make life meaningful again to them.
Only those who know what it means to lose a pillar of one’s life,  know how to manage the remains of the living. Ohiowale Rachael Chukwueroka, popularly known as Ehidiana of Wazobia Radio FM, Port Harcourt, is one among many that had taken a stand to reduce the pains and burdens of widows in our neighbourhood. Her yearly charity gesture, known as “A Day With the Widows”, provides a platform for her to touch the lives of widows and put smiles on their faces so they can see reason to live on and flow along with others.
Apart from Ehidiana, our daily news is replete with names of politicians, philanthropists and some religious outfits who also visit the widows to alleviate their plight.
Yet, amidst these ones with the heart of gold towards humanity, exist others who feed well in the tears of people. Such ones would hardly see any reason to sypathise with the widows and so would stop at nothing in making sure that their pains and sorrows know no end.
They are men and women who would want widows to lose everything not excluding their own lives all because they lost their husbands.
How does it feel to lose one’s status, livelihood or property, all for a loss of husband? Painful! I guess, yet this situation has become the portion of many widows in our society today.
At various times in different localities, cases have been reported about how widows are treated at the demise of their husbands. While some are foced to drink their husband’s corpse’s bath water, others are subjected to sit on bare floor, bare bodied and with their hairs shaven without recourse to the health hazard these actions predispose the victims to.
The sin of these widows cannot be far from the death of their husbands which is often suspected to have been caused by the living widows, but how true is this allegation?
To address this worrisome culture, the United Nations set aside June 23rd every year as “International Widows Day,” to stress that, “no widow should lose her status, livelihood or property at the death of her husband.
Unfortunately, millions of our widows face persistent abuse, discrimination, disinheritance and destitution. As a result of this development, the Federation of Women Lawyers has at various time championed the defense of many widows who had faced one form of torture or the other from their in-law homes but for how long will this last? What about those who cannot reach the women lawyers for assistance and cannot also take their case to the law court for lack of financial and moral support?
Many at times it is hard to believe that a man would lose his spouse, and he is being sympathised and not just that, he attracts genuine sympathy from people, he is assisted to bear the burden and be eased  of his sorrow. This same man can resume his work the next day while the late wife remains unburied and even after burial he is encouraged to remarry in less than one month yet the society does not frown at it. Should that which is good for the geese not be good for the gander?
There is whatsoever no reason for any woman to lose her status, livelihood or property because she has lost her husband.
In as much as the life of the woman does not terminate at the demise of her husband, there is every need for her to be given the enabling environment so as to gather the pieces of her life and live it well. The woman is not a lesser mortal to the man and so, every human right violation on her, stemming from the unjust view of the woman as having a diminishing value must stop.By the message of the United Nations General Secretary, Ban Ki Moon, last year. “We must erase the social stigmatisation and economic deprivation that  widows are faced with eliminate their high risk of sexual abuse and exploitation and remove the barriers to resources and economic opportunities that constrain their future. We must also advance widows equal rights to inheritance, property, land and other assets.
The vision of a life of dignity for all will remain a mirage without a resolve to end all discriminatory attitudes against widows and ensure that widows of all ages enjoy equal human rights, including the right to shape their future and to participate fully in society.

 

Sylvia ThankGod-Amadi

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Women, Birth And Population Control

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Some persons due to religious belief are not in support of family planning. For birth control to be effective, we must redefine our religious belief of “Na God dey give pikin”. Some believe that family planning is evil. Let such practice not deceive women.
It is important to have children for many reasons but it should not be abused.
Women should be sensitized in this regard. Not just that, empowerment is also necessary for such category of women. When a woman is empowered and busy, she produces less unlike when she is idle. Her spouse may want her to be producing as many children as possible since that may be the only work she can do.
The woman’s body needs rest. She does not have to stress herself every year to make babies. Pregnancy is not food that can be forced into a woman’s mouth.
The awareness should start from the rural areas because that is where the issue is. Although many of them have been sensitized severally. There are also those in the urban and it’s environs have got enough information about family planning.
Another way women can help solve the problem is when they refuse to make themselves available as second, third and fourth wives. Women should not present themselves as second-hand materials.
The female gender need stay alive to nurture the ones they have got. I’m not sure there’s any award for highest child bearing family.
There’s always competition in polygamous homes where some women want to be seen as the champion in highest number of children they cannot cater for. If a lady gets married to a single man, both of them will plan the family the way it will suit them.
It is worrisome to see a family whose income is below standard giving birth to seven to ten children. Taking 3-square meal becomes a problem. Children fighting on small quantities of food. In such situation, a lot of the children drop out of school and engage in social vices.
Another measure has to do with avoidance of illicit sex. Women should discuss and note when to meet their husbands. The mentality that my husband will not support should be discouraged. If women seek the opinion of their husbands in the right way, definitely they will get their support.
There is nothing wrong about that.
Women experience safe period monthly so should calculate appropriately. They can have protected sex which will not produce a child at the end of the day.
When you visit the health facilities, especially during anti- natal sessions, the professionals always teach the women what to do.
There are instances where women discouraged their folks from family planning and at the end of the day regret when pregnancy occurs. Women cannot control child bearing by listening to older ones in the neighborhood. That someone is older than you does not mean that she will help you control unnecessary child- bearing.
Time has come when husbands should support their wives in that regard.
It has also been recorded that some cultures go against birth control so orientation and re-orientation should continue in families, community and the society at large.
Recently the world observed world population day and it was discovered that population is increasing rapidly.
Report has it that population rate in Nigeria is approximately 229.1m.
Unfortunately, some births are allegedly not registered in the approved health facilities as it becomes difficult to get the accurate number of births per day.
Government at every level can help with policies that can help control birth and manage population. Beyond that, families should be assisted in providing social needs because having more children will increase poverty.
Maximum of two to three children can help reduce population. In years past, relevant authorities had proposed four children per family but I am in doubt if that policy is still working.
When population is reduced, everyone in the society will be carried along including People Living With Disability.
Government has a great role to play but the human beings who bear and produce children have greater role to play.
This year’s theme is: “Leave no one behind, count everyone”.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

 

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Why Ladies Should Go For High, Quality Shoes

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One of the easiest ways to tell how fashionable and stylish a woman is, is through the quality of her shoes. Yes, expensive shoes separate the women from the girls. Someone can have fashionable wardrobe without paying a fortune for it, but when it’s time to buy fashionable shoes, one should expect to spend more time and money to select quality and expensive shoes.
Some people may argue that it is waste of money spending thousands of naira on a pair of shoes when they can use the same amount to buy three or more pairs that are of low quality. But on the contrary, buying expensive shoes signify wisdom, because they last longer than the cheaper ones. And so, you can have three or four expensive, quality pair of shoes and not border about shoes for many years.
The truth is that it is better to buy quality shoes that are more expensive than buying cheaper ones that will not last.
Besides, luxurious shoes are usually hand-made, which means people will take care of sewing quality shoes and guarantee a quality finish.
Quality shoes should therefore, have less manufacturing mistakes, have a better overall finishing and should last longer. The little details added in the finishing create an extra element of style. They will also increase the durability of the shoes.
Apart from the quality and durability of the shoes, wearing exclusive ones will definitely help polish one’s image. The quality of shoes a lady wears will tell the public the kind of person and the kind of job or business she is engaged. This image can make a big difference between an ordinary woman and a woman with expensive shoes during ceremonies. In addition, note that poor quality shoes are especially noticeable when someone is well dressed because of the contrast it creates. Low priced shoes are usually associated with cheap mannerisms and I wonder how many women like cheap ones.
One important thing to note about high shoes is the fact that they are suitable to short and average height ladies.
The high healed-shoes can increase their heights artificially. These heely shoes may not be necessary for tall ladies.
They may not also be suitable for those who are advanced in age.
So why don’t you spend more money on quality shoes and prove that you have arrived?

By: Eunice Choko-Kayode

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Women Can Build Formidable Marital Homes

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Building formidable marital homes starts before marriage. Single women also need to pick the right kind of person they think can build a formidable home with them.
When you marry the wrong person, the home will be a terrible place. Remember the person you will marry will leave with you forever as marriage is a life long affair.
To build a formidable marriage, you must consider who you marry. Ensure the person you pick mWomen can build formidable marital home with you.
The person you pick matters a lot. The quality of person determines the quality of marriage.
Marriage does not change people so it is important you understand who you marry early enough.
Marriage reveals who people are. A lot of people hide their characters and habit before marriage and showcase them when marriage is mature.
When you talk of marriage, you are talking about the future of your life, future of the children and all that concerns them. The way you manage your partner will encourage of discourage him or her.
A wife may have interest in doing a paid employed job, but the spouse may not allow her to do that. There are kinds of businesses that some women may want to engage in but their spouses will shut them down.
For Christians, it is expected that not much should be done about women in every circumstances since they can should build formidable marital homes.
It is assumed that as believers, they will understand each other. But two believers may have different doctrinal believes. Both may be Christians, your ideas may differ. Partners who are believers may not think the same way when it comes to giving in the things of God.
Most problems for couples is assumption. Two people must work together when they agree. A partner may like every contribution in church and giving to the need while his wife may be considering their level of income.
Marriage should be an intentional thing and nobody should be coerced into it. There should be no compromise. The idea of marrying because others are should not be the case.
Good marriages don’t make the news but bad ones do. It may interest you to know some women chase their husbands away from home. No matter the level of anger in a woman, it shouldn’t be that a woman uses harmful object on her husband.
When venturing into marriage, the issue of age should not discourage you. Yes, it is necessary but that can be your own time to get married. A situation where you lament that others are all married and rush into marriage, may be disastrous.
You must be prepared before going into marriage.
Marriage is not an employment where you can resign at a time you like. Even in employment, you give some notice for resignation. It is not easy to quit marriage. Consultation must be done from experts and stakeholders in marriage, that is why you don’t rush into marriage.
Before going into marriage, you must ask questions to know who you want to marry.
Remember, better woman will make better society.
When a husband and wife have disagreement in the home and the matter is reported to the elders in the local palace, the woman is always blamed and sometimes mandated to apologise to the husband.
That may appear humiliating. Some persons say it is wrong to judge the woman in the presence of the husband.
What about a situation where the man is at fault? The truth is not always said in the public or before the man and his wife.
Some people argue that it is a way of protecting the marriage and the man cn be cautioned behind the wife by his kinsmen.
Women should bear in mind that the elders in the family do not hate them by supporting the and asking the wife to appologise when disappointment occurs in the home.
Protection of the home as far as husband and wife are concerned is very important. There is the belief by men that if the man is blamed before the wife, that will warrant her to raise shoulders.
Elders also say that will prevent the woman from reporting every little issue that comes up in the home.
Women should not think that they are being cheated and should continue to be better builders of the home and society.
Acknowledging faults in issues relating to your marriage does not mean weakness but a sign that peace reigns in the home.
Remember, “home is a person”.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

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