Men are naturally created to be superior and authoritative over women. This nature permeates virtually every aspect of life with marriage inclusive.
As the ‘higher being’, the man and ofcourse, the husband, shoulders the responsibilities of his home leaving the woman (wife) with that of conjugal, child- rearing and home chores.
However, as the time progresses, society gets tougher denying the man of his natural image or duties. It takes empowerment or employment to man the affairs of the family and where this is absent even for the married man, life must continue amidst its rigors and challenges.
Around the 80’s, this situation was not 50 popular until recently when it assumed an unprecedented dimension leaving in its trail, the tales of bitterness, sorrow, malice, rancour and chaos in most homes.
As natural and common as it is that the man is ‘incharge’ of his home, a closer view reveals that most married men especially of the below average class are either idle, near jobless or even both.
This situation naturally increases the job description of the wife in a geometric progression. This is one of the reasons for which wives with babies of less than two months old are sometimes seen under the hot scorching sun or in the thundering rain struggling to sell off their tray-pepper, salt, kerosene or even plantain just to ensure that the family feed for the day.
Ordinarily, love conquers it all but when the reverse is the case, there is no limit to the level of havoc or misfortune this can cause the home. It is worse when pride is present in the life of the couple and where this abound in marriage, heaven alone can settle the scores.
For the man who clings unto his natural self, the impact is more destructive to the marriage.
As much as he feels that whatever he does for the up-keep of the home (things that would be done even when he has the job) is as a result of his incapacitated situation, some with little or no conscience become bullies, even cheats. Putting on a unique carriage that betrays their appearances outside their homes, they go as far as settling with sugar mummies (popularly known as Sisi Eko), spending on other ladies yet leaving their wives and children vulnerable to hard life. Others, however, who are humane and humble contribute their best efforts to seeing that the family scales through the period – a plus to the love and development of the family.
The women too have their own package. The woman does not naturally seem fulfilled when she is spending her own money. She rather prefers that whether she has or not, the man spends on her and when the expectation is less, she resorts to ill-exhibitions.
Imagine this scenario: a wife fends for the family always leaving her husband and kids at home. Rather than having someone (even a maid) help out in some of the house chores, she expects her husband to perform the duties to keep himself busy. Each day she returns home and finds fault in her husband’s performed duties, scolds and calls him all sorts of ill-names.
One evening, one of the children, a boy of about four years old was pressed and calling on the father’s attention to help him out, he said, “mumu daddy, I wan shit”. The father still dared not touch the child because doing so would let heaven loose on the home that night.
As disgusting and annoying as this is, that was the result of the running-mouth, self-acclaimed super woman on her husband and children. All these acts ofcourse, certainly will neither help the couple nor the children who are the future homes and couples.
But, some other women are different and remain what they should be to their husbands. Though difficult to cope with such situation in today’s setting where there is a high level of social and marital competition among women/wives, they have strived to letting no love lost between them and their spouses. They depend more on directives of their husbands in disbursing their earnings/salaries without grumbling.
Success is never achieved through strife. To move the family which is the extension of the society, it must be devoid of such egoistic feelings and in this case, of a Superwoman.
Gifts are different, the same with level of patience and tolerance in homes and marriages.
Faced with such situation is hard but it behoves on the woman to handle it with care and caution for the future of herself and her family.
A ‘real’ woman would not capitalize on the jobless condition of her husband and neglect her duties as a wife. Even in the faces of that, treat your husband as the man that he is. This will certainly attract love, respect, affection and dignity from the real husband.
Forget about complex. Rather than feeling inferior, own up to your situation and strive to go higher.
What’s the point gossiping your husband with your friends. Certainly not for empathy or even sympathy because they would have nothing to offer except feeling like ‘Lord’ over you and leaving you to relax in the arms of your shame and complex.
Do not let the children understand the situation. As a matter of fact, for their own good in the future, make them believe that everything is coming from daddy in order to avoid their feelings of having a worthless and irresponsible daddy.
Scamp for job opportunities for him. This should however, not lead you into promiscuity as some men would like to take advantage of your situation.
Change is permanent. Depending on your views and actions, the situation may not last long.
Remember that nature cannot be cheated. That you are fending for the family does not change the natural thus, trade settle and win the race.
In marriage, it has been proven that humility and submissiveness on the part of the wife conquers it all.
By: Lady Levi Usende
Rape, Assault Allegation: NAWOJ Wants Unbiased Investigation
The Nigeria Association of Women Journalists (NAWOJ) has called on the Kogi State Government to ensure accelerated and unbiased investigation of the alleged act of assault and rape committed by the state’s Commissioner for Water Resources, Mr Abdumumuni Danga.
The association made the call in a statement signed by its National President, Mrs Ifeyinwa Omowole, in Abuja, and made available to The Tide, last Monday
It would be recalled that in a video, which had gone viral on social media recently, a beauty queen, Elizabeth Oyeniyi, alleged that Danga abducted, assaulted and forcefully had sex with her over a Facebook post.
According to the victim, she had earlier appealed to the commissioner to assist his family member, who is also a friend of the victim, on her Facebook wall in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown.
Oyeniyi, however, explained that the commissioner got enraged with the post and ordered some boys to pick her and his sister from Okene to Lokoja where the commissioner personally flogged them and raped her.
She further alleged that her phone was smashed and the commissioner intimidated her to recant her Facebook claims through a make-believe video in which she apologised and spoke nicely of him.
Although, the state governor has reportedly suspended the commissioner and ordered an investigation into the matter, human rights organisations, civil society groups, including the National Youth Council of Nigeria (NYCN), have all called for justice.
However, NAWOJ in its statement, urged Kogi State Governor, Alhaji Yahaya Bello, to ensure that objective and unbiased investigation is carried out promptly on the allegation and the accused adequately punished, if found guilty.
“While the media is awash with false information that the commissioner had been suspended, NAWOJ reliably learnt that the commissioner was yet to be suspended and no punishment had been meted out to him.
“Although a probe has been initiated by the state Governor, Yahaya Bello, NAWOJ wishes to urge the panel and the governor to fast-track the probe and not unduly delay it.
“It is worthy of note that many days after this allegation, the said commissioner is yet to deny the allegation against him, pointing to the fact that he may be guilty as alleged.
“NAWOJ also notes that although the victim has already indicated interest to seek legal redress, the onus still lies on the state government, if it is not complicit, to take a decisive action against the erring commissioner.
“Governor Yahaya Bello must take a clear stance to be against violence and assault on women by taking a decisive action against the commissioner, an action that would serve as a deterrent to others with similar traits,” the statement read in part.
The association, therefore, called on the state governor to ensure that the accused is made to step-down as a public office holder so that he does not intimidate the victim or her family.
It added that other women groups and lawyers would be rallied to ensure that Oyeniyi gets justice.
“We can no longer have people in authority who should be custodians of the law breaking same laws with impunity and yet attempting to hold onto supposedly honourable positions,” it stated.
Stories by Susan Serekara-Nwikhana
COVID-19: Women Journalists Urge Gender-Sensitive Approach
The Rivers State chapter of the Nigeria Association of Women Journalists (NAWOJ), has called for the implem-entation of a gender-sensitive approach in the management of the efforts to contain Coronavirus in the state.
A statement by the state Coordinator of NAWOJ, Mrs Lilian Okonkwo-Ogabu, in Port Harcourt, argued that such policy should make adequate provisions for women participation in the process, particularly because women play critical role in the affairs of society.
The statement reads, “During situations like the COVID-19 pandemic, women make essential contributions as leaders and frontline responders.
“But they are also hit harder by the health, economic and social impacts of the novel outbreak.
“At this time, there is no doubt that women are at increased risk of infection, domestic violence and loss of livelihoods, and have less access to sexual and reproductive healthcare services as healthcare systems become overstretched.
“As advocates for gender equality, the health and rights of girls and women, NAWOJ in Rivers State calls on multinationals, government at all levels, humanitarian organizations and well-meaning individuals to apply gender lens to all COVID-19 responses, having in mind that women are playing outsized role responding to COVID-19 as frontline healthcare workers, media workers, caregivers at home and as mobilizers in their communities, and as such, more vulnerable.
“While the pandemic lasts, NAWOJ Rivers State is of the view that if we truly want to deliver health, wellbeing and dignity for all, girls and women must be at the centre in the emergency responses or palliative delivery.
“Above all, let’s be safe by taking precautions, be smart by staying informed, and finally, be kind by supporting each other”, she added.
Stakeholders Reflect On Women’s Day Celebration
All over the world International Women’s Day celebrated on the 8th of March every year, as a focal point in the movement for women’s rights. The Executive Director of Our Lady of Perpetual Help Initiative, Loretta Ahuokpeme, identifies this day as one dedicated to honoring the achievements of women across the globe in the social, economic, cultural, and political spheres throughout history.
For her, it is typically a day for women from different backgrounds and cultures to come together to fight for gender equal opportunity, access and women’s rights. “Gender parity is a statistical measure that looks at women and men through their income, education, and work hours, among other points.
“ This sociological matrix helps researchers understand how society is progressing or retrogressing in specific areas. It’s also an important tool for policy makers striving towards equal opportunities and access.”
Of course, the global celebration of International Women’s Day is a time for reflection on how far women have come, advocacy for what is still needed, and action to continue breaking down barriers. With over a century of history, IWD is a growing movement centered on unity and strength.
And that strength can be drawn from Women supporting their kind in all facets of life. Be it in farm work, health related matters, technology, homes, religion, workplaces, business and above all, representations in communities, local government, states and national decision making levels. Women have always been known to stick together over the years. What changed along the line?
Women have very strong social ties and a mind to achieve anything they agree to do which is why we must work together to eliminate all forms of discrimination, marginalisation and segregation against us and exclusion of women in peace building.
Violence against women is real and women are the drivers of this violence by keeping quiet in the face of such acts or supporting and insisting that those activities be carried out to the latter. Men made these cultural and traditional laws and policies and women are the custodian and drivers of them. From harmful widowhood practices, early marriage, female genital mutilation, to rape, gender discrimination in homes
For us to achieve gender equal opportunities and access, we must stand together by believing in the same things and working towards the elimination of all cultural, religious and social harmful activities towards women. We must promote women representation in all fronts because it is only women that can present women issues better and press that our issues be given serious attention.
Women at the rural areas must be adequately engaged and advocated to for the desired effects and impact. Laws, conventions and policies must be broken down and translated into local dialects and explained to all for women to understand how our roles have to be improved and to men for them to understand the laws against those harmful practices.
Women Political aspirants must advocate to other women in position of authorities as well as women in business who can give financial backing to their aspirations and ambitions. We must also start thinking about crowdfunding and sourcing for our women political aspirants who are genuinely ready to serve. Women in Politics and positions of authority must also adopt women mentees so that at the end of their tenures or when they expire by way of natural end, there will be people walking into their shoes to take over and continue from where they stopped.
For the Chairperson, Nigeria Association of Women Journalists (NAWOJ), Rivers State Chapter, Mrs Lilian Ogabu-Okonkwo, this year’s international women’s day which marks 25 years of Beijing Declaration and action, is the most progressive roadmap for the empowerment of women and girls everywhere .
It also marks the 5 years milestone in the drive to achieve the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) adopted in 2015 and the 20th anniversary of the adoption of the United Nations Security Council Resolution UNSCR1325 on Women Peace and Security adopted in 2000.
Reacting to this years theme; “I am Generation Equality: Realizing Women’s Right, she said there is need for everyone to galvanize efforts to mobilize nation and global action as to achieve gender equality and human rights of all women and girls.
Okonkwo pointed out that the celebration is used to reflect on progress made by women as well as to call for change and celebrate acts of courage and determination by ordinary women who have played extraordinary roles in life.
However, she regretted that despite all moves, achievement is yet to be recorded in the 12 critical areas of concern of the Beijing platform for action, adding that real change has been agonizingly slow for the majority of women and children.
In all, the Executive Director, Kebetkache Women Development and Resource Centre , sees the “need for women at all levels, including the top, to change the dynamics, reshape the conversation, and make sure women’s voices are heard and heeded to, not overlooked and ignored.”
Okonkwo believes that for positive change to be achieved, every woman ought to break barriers, smashe stereotypes, disrupts the system and speak up for equality, demands justice and fights for human rights, among others.
By: Susan Serekara-Nwikhana
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