Women

When Intimacy Is All You Need

Published

6 years ago

April 27, 2018

Relationship goes through different stages before it results into an intimate one. Intimacy, as the name implies, has to do with deep connection. At this point, you can say the two people involved are in love.
For intimacy to be established, you must take your relationship through three stages.
The first stage is introduction. At the introductory stage, the both parties get to know each other for the first time, they get to know their names if they are formally meeting for the very first time, who they are and where they reside. They exchange contacts, as well as get to know what each other does for a living.
I happened to interview six guys randomly on the streets of Port Harcourt on what their experiences were in starting up a relationship with their partners, their response was, “first you ‘Chyke the girl”. This means you first introduce yourself to the girl. This depicts the fact that most relationships start with introduction. Rather than jumping the gun, first things should go first.
The next stage involves mingling and tingling. At this stage, both parties thrive to get fond of each other, sometimes the guy goes out of his way to impress the girl by taking her to movies, eateries, amusement parks etc. Most bad girls do take advantage of such times, feeling it’s the best time to eat anything they like at the expense of the guy.
Meanwhile, the supposed essence of this stage is to get to know each other better; his likes and dislikes, her likes and dislikes. Sometimes they get to tell each other about their families, parents and siblings.
This is a critical stage in building a relationship into intimacy. Most guys use this stage to study and judge a girl’s appetite for food, lust for flashy things and taste for excessive spending.
A typical example is the case of Jude who was in search of a serious relationship. He had to end his relationship at this stage because the girl he was about to go into a relationship with didn’t know how to control her appetite, she ate everything she saw. Jude said whenever they went out, she always ordered for the most expensive items on the menu. He really wasn’t that type of an excessive spender but a meticulous budgeting type of guy. He had no choice but to terminate the relationship at this stage.
Bonding happens to be the final. At the stage of bonding, the partners are already used to each other, there is less trying to impress each other, rather they are now fond of each other. They both desire each other’s company, this mostly involves less outing and more home visit and privacies. They both take turns on inviting each other home. In a typical African relationship, the girl is often given the responsibility of preparing the meals at either of the both parties’ house. This props up some emotional and sexual feelings, a strong connection between each other, the term ‘just friends’ now gives way and an intimate relationship begins.
If any relationship goes through these three stages and survives, then you know the both parties involved are meant for each other.
Some relationships crash at the first stage, some at the second, while others manage to get to the third stage and the fear syndrome steps in, they start feeling scared, start asking questions like: should I do this?, is this real?, won’t he/she dump me later for someone else?, is he or she the right person? etc.
Chisom, who is a banker said when her guy started to invite her over to his house, she became scared, she kept asking herself, “what is really happening between I and Kola?” Kola was her date, she kept feeling Kola’s proclamation of love to her wasn’t genuine, even when Kola went all the way to introduce her to his friends and family, she was still skeptical of advancing to the bonding stage. This took her a couple of months to trust and fully give herself into the relationship but thanks to Kola who remained steadfast, patient and committed to the relationship. She overcame this fear gradually with frequent visit and Kola’s patience in not rushing her into anything intimate paid off. Today, they are married with two lovely kids.
It is always good to indentify the stage your relationship is and know what to expect at every stage. Don’t take advantage of your partner, always have an open heart, past relationships only teach lessons but should not cloud your judgement on your present relationship.
I believe with time, we would handle the different challenges of all three stages and how to overcome them, for the mean time keep living, keep loving and keep having fun.
Azodoh, a freelance journalist, resides in Port Harcourt.

Chinasa Azodoh

Women

The Wise Woman

Published

16 hours ago

April 26, 2024

The Tide

The wise woman builds her home. Mothers are supposed to live exemplary lives. The roles of mothers in the building of the modern Christian home cannot be overemphasized.
The function of the mother is to help the man build the home. She is a helper. A helper to the husband when the man is not doing well. It is important for the wise woman to assist when the man is not able to meet up with the items needed in the home.
A wise woman needs to reference God first and then the husband. Also the wise woman should respect her husband.
Caring for her own children as well as others is very crucial.
Do not despise children from other mothers. Discipline the child who is going the wrong way.
Ensure family bonding, show love and don’t discriminate. Connection with children is very important, especially the females. Find out who is her friend. Also find out the kind of lives they live. Caution, counsel and guide so that they make good partners.
Teaching children the dos and donts should start from birth. Inculcate the word of God in them so that when they grow, will not depart from it.
From the Scripture, some women influenced their families positively. Virgin Mary influenced the world, she never destroyed herself hence she gave birth to Jesus Christ.
Elizabeth, despite her age, God blessed her as she waited patiently.
A wise should curb favouritism in the family and love children equally. Whether a child is your biological child or not, it is necessary to show love equally. Reprimanding the children should be the function of both man and wife.

Women

The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage

Published

16 hours ago

April 26, 2024

The Tide

Marriage is beautiful when there is love. Before and after marriage, couples show love to themselves. But you discover that after some years, that same love turn to be something else. A lot of people start going through emotional trauma in the hands of their loved spouses.
There are many things the woman desires to keep the love on as far as marriage is concerned.
Women are blesssed with feminine abilities that can be used for good in husbands lives. With your abilities, you can create a marriage that will last till couples get old.
A woman needs
man that is honest, trustworthy, nice, loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, if there is no reasonable finance, it is always difficult to manage the home.
Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3: “Your desire shall be unto you…….. “
What this means is that whatever the woman desires in life shall be provided as far as she performs her role in her home. There are many things the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy, at least helping to do one or two things when he is at home.
A man that is educated and intelligent so that they will transfer such traits to their children.
Knowing that there are traits that her husband has, traits of taking care of people, giving freely to people and caring for her family. She expects him to exhibit them.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family, remembering his family even as he is away from home.
No matter where he finds himself, he is not destracted by external influence. He returns home to his loved ones.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.
According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that a woman builds her home. As far as he rreturns home, you accept him as your own.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit. Don’t be a monitoring spirit. Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband. The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.
You can show some form of jealousy, but to an extent. Cooperation, respect and being honoured from time to time is what the woman desires.
The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man. A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.

Women

The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage

Published

3 weeks ago

April 5, 2024

The Tide

A woman needs a man that is honest, trustworthy, nice, loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money, it is always difficult.

Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire shall be unto you……..
That is one aspect the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy, at least helping to do one or two things. A man that is educated and intelligent.
She knows that there is a trait that her husband has. Traits of taking care of people, giving freely to people and caring for her family.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family, remembering his family even as he is away from home.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.

According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit. Don’t be a monitoring spirit. Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband.
The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.

The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man. A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.