Single Parenthood And Future Of Our Society

Collins dictionary defines a single parent as someone who is bringing up a child on their own because the other parent is not living with them. Single parenthood has always been known to occur due to divorce, death, birth outside marriage and break up.
Today, however, the number of single parent families in the country soars daily as many men abandon the duty of raising children to their wives. There is a growing trend of men sending their wives and children overseas or to bigger cities in the country like Abuja and Lagos to settle while they reside in other states or countries, thereby becoming visiting fathers. Some of them, especially those whose families are abroad visit may be once or twice a year, stay two to three weeks and return to the country.
Mrs Charity Michael (not real names) is one of such parents.  According to her, she has lived in Abuja with her four children for over seven years, while her husband stays in Warri and visits the family every month or every other month, depending on his official engagements. In her words, “My husband decided that we relocate to Abuja because of the high rate of insecurity in Warri. Though l supported the idea initially, I regret it now because the burden of raising these four kids alone is killing me. With both parents it’s not easy, not to talk of only one. I don’t encourage it at all”.
The worrisome practice has become a focus of much interest and discussion in recent times. Recently, Ondo State Governor’s wife, Mrs Betty Akeredolu, lamented the increasing number of single-parents in Nigeria, saying mothers were over-burdened with the task of raising children alone. According to her, many men are absentee fathers which is the reason we live in an imbalanced and unprosperous society due to the absence of healthy families. She emphasised the need for a progressive society where there was mutual respect and genuine love in the family noting that for a man to respect and value his wife did not mean he was weak.
For Monsignor Cyprain Onwuli, the Judicial Vicar, Port Harcourt Diocesan Marriage Tribunal, the practice of living apart for whatever reason does not promote family building.  He said the family should always be together in order to raise the children and help each other, adding that both the husband and wife get themselves exposed when the other person is not there and the children are not properly cared for.
The renowned marriage counsellor opined, “it is killing the concept of marriage and running away from the duties required of us as parents. It can never be for the good of the family.  If you claim you are sending your family away so that the children will have a better future, what of the parents and who will give the required training to the children. The mother is a woman, she is not a man. What she can contribute as a lady is different from what a man will contribute. I don’t think we should approve that.
“When God created us, he made us male and female. He never allowed us to be separated. So, we should not abuse God’s creation and his intention for marriage because of economic reasons. If the man says he wants a better environment for the kids, he should be there to enjoy it with his family. If it is his job that takes him away from his family and he goes to see them as often as the job permits, it’s understandable. But to visit your family once a year, spend a few days and come back? Is that how to play the role of a father? It is dangerous. It does not help anybody. The lady suffers too much in many ways”, he continued.
In the views of Barr (Mrs) Roseline Obiageli Nwosu, Accredited Mediator, Center for Effective Dispute Resolution (CEDR) (UK), a family is made up of a father, mother and child/ children and both parents have their different roles that will aid the proper development of the children.
She noted that children are the leaders of tomorrow, our future and everything must be done to ensure their total development viz physical, intellectual, emotional and social; the family is the bedrock of society; It is the first place where children’s habits and values are formed; the parents are the first teachers of their children and in most cases, their role models. Parents provide encouragement, support, access to activities that enable the children to have a well-rounded development that will ensure that they grow into responsible adults. It is, therefore, imperative that both parents stay together to jointly play these roles.
She said, “both parents play different but complementary roles in the life of their children. The father is the pillar of the family, bread winner (though things are changing now and, in some cases, the mother provides) protector, disciplinarian, the authority and the leader of the family.
“A father definitely has a very important role to play in the lives and wellbeing of his children. Studies have shown that children look up to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce them and to provide security both physical and emotional. Fathers influence how their children relate with people as they grow. A father shows his daughter what a good relationship with a man looks like while his sons model themselves on their father’s character. Children that are securely attached to their fathers are more confident, do better academically and are more sociable/ enjoy stronger social connections with their peers.
“A father’s presence in his children’s lives has positive benefits that last a life time. His absence from their lives leaves a big gap that cannot be filled by any other person. Children leaving with one parent alone have a higher level of psychological complaints.  We must distinguish this from cases where a family loses its father and has no alternative than to move on. In most of such cases, another male figure either in their father’s or mother’s family steps in to bridge the gap and children grow up normally.
“For a well-balanced growth and personality and for a better society, every child needs his or her father’s presence in his/her life.”
She opined that though the harsh economic situations in the country, job security can compel a man to leave away from his family, “it is inexcusable for the father to abandon his duties to his wife and children because of those circumstances. The least he can do is to manage the situation as best as he can and ensure that he not only provides financially for the family but that he is also there for them and is part of their lives.”
The legal icon noted that Section 1 of the Child Rights Act states that the best interest of the child (18 years and below) should be of paramount consideration in all actions concerning children. Also, Sections 2 and 14 state that a child shall be given such protection  and care as is necessary for their wellbeing and that every child has a right to parental care and protection and accordingly, no child shall be separated from his parents against the child’s wish except if it is for his education or by order of a court.
She advised families living apart to come back together in the best interest of their families. “Where the reason for the separation is economic, I will advise that one party moves to join the other with more economic muscle and that together they will establish a small business for the partner that has moved. With time, the business will grow but most importantly, the family will survive and avoid divorce which is common in such case”, she further admonished.

By: Calista Ezeaku