Speaking The Truth In Love

The 57th World Day of Social Communication 2023 focuses on the theme of “Speaking With The Heart – The Truth in Love,” which is based on a biblical verse from Ephesians 4:15. The theme resonates with an African proverb which states “Truth should be in love and love in truth.” In his message, Pope Francis emphasizes the importance of seeking and communicating the truth with charity, which means doing so with love, kindness, and empathy towards others. He explains how words and actions have a significant impact on relationships, especially in today’s world where communication and media are more accessible and widespread. He encourages everyone to cultivate a culture of honest and compassionate communication.
Currently, there are numerous books that focus on teaching skills for effective communication, public speaking, and speech theories. However, there is a shortage of literature that stresses the importance of speaking the truth with kindness. Although speaking is considered an art, it is wise to communicate truthfully with a compassionate approach. Wise people say knowledge is the awareness of what to say, while wisdom involves understanding when and how to express it. Plato, the ancient philosopher, believed that it takes seven years of silent inquiry to learn the truth and an additional fourteen years to master the ability to convey it to others. In the Hausa language, there is a well-known proverb that says, “knowing how to talk (speech) is an asset” (Magana jari ce). Parents, preachers, teachers, leaders, media practitioners, and everyone need not only to learn the art of speaking but how to speak with compassion.
Frequently, we tend to discourage other people through our manner of speaking, teaching, and preaching. Our criticisms often lack positivity and encouragement, and instead are filled with condemnation without any commendation. For example, as parents, preachers, teachers, and leaders, we have a tendency to be harsh on children, congregations, students, and subordinates, as we dwell solely on condemning them without finding creative ways of parenting, preaching, teaching, and leading.  Often, preachers forget the aphorism which says, “Love the sinner, but hate the sin.” Preaching requires speaking with compassion and love, bringing back sinners into the sheepfold, and making the gospel message attractive even to those who appear to be irredeemable. The Apostle Paul urges his readers to speak in a way that is uplifting and appropriate for the situation, imparting grace to those who hear us (Ephesians 4:29).
Furthermore, the media has a responsibility to communicate truth with compassion. Pope Francis advocates for kindness in the media to avoid fueling bitterness, anger, and conflict. Instead, media should help people reflect on reality with a critical but respectful attitude. Films and cinema often aim to address important issues such as hate crimes, politics, intolerance, and prejudice. However, some movies may unintentionally perpetuate stereotypes and misrepresent people based on their ethnicity, race, religion, gender, profession, or disabilities in an attempt to convey a certain message. In these cases, the truth portrayed in the film becomes biased, distorted, and lacking in compassion.
More still, Journalists have a social responsibility to balance truth with compassion. Investigative journalists play a crucial role in uncovering the truth about public servants and the quality of service which they render to the public. It is important for journalists to remain unbiased and not shower undue praise on politicians or forget their responsibility to hold them accountable. Journalists must act as watchdogs and point out areas where politicians could improve their service to the public. In as much as there are seasoned investigative journalists who have worked assiduously in unfolding the truth through the media, there are also many gossip media outlets that thrive on rumours, gossip, and fake news. Socrates’ triple-filter test avers the importance of speaking truth with love. In this test, Socrates would only listen to a story only if it was true, good, kind, useful, and necessary. Journalists should also strive to follow this test and only report on stories that meet these criteria.
The danger of Gossip Media is their inclination to spread false information and damage the reputation of people without verifying their sources. While the media have a duty to expose wrongdoing and hold public officials accountable, news stories should be guided by the truth and compassion. Journalists can imbibe the principles of constructive journalism that encourage them to seek and share the truth in a positive and engaging manner. Constructive journalism becomes even more urgent in today’s world where love can be blind to the truth, and where truth can be spoken without love. The 2023 message of the Pope reminds media practitioners and people of goodwill about the importance of balancing love and truth.
The theologian Eberhard Arnold once said that “Truth without love kills, but love without truth lies.” Therefore, it is important for everyone, not just media organizations or users, to speak truthfully in love. The habit of speaking the truth in love requires wisdom, taking into account timing, circumstances, communication channels, approach, tone, and word choice. The biblical story of Prophet Nathan and David provides a good example of how to approach truth in love. Prophet Nathan was tasked with confronting King David about his adultery and murder. Nathan approached David privately and began his speech with a parable. He rebuked David with love and fearlessly declared God’s verdict, leading David to admit his faults. Everyone needs a Nathan in their life – the government, friends, and authorities – someone who can combine love, courage, communication skills, and wisdom in speaking the truth.
The truth can be difficult to handle, but there’s an obligation to challenge evil, debunk falsehoods, and refute errors. When administering an injection in a hospital, the nurse or doctor usually uses a gentle approach that encourages the patient to willingly submit. Similarly, fraternal correction involves communicating the truth with love, particularly when addressing someone who has done wrong and is vulnerable. Our choice of words, tone, and demeanour are crucial in conveying our message effectively. It is more important to communicate with kindness and sincerity than to merely state the truth. We all desire friends who speak the truth in love rather than sycophants who inundate us with flattery. The Bible verse from Proverbs 27:6 suggests that criticism from a friend can be trusted, while praise from an enemy may be dangerous. We often feel the need to express our opinions forcefully and without regard for others. However, the World Communication Day message challenges us to communicate difficult truths with empathy and compassion.
Many truths are spoken in a negative way, with bitterness, resentment, or rudeness. This can be hurtful and counterproductive, causing the person to become defensive or shut down. I completely agree with the idea that speaking the truth in love requires prudence. It’s important to consider the feelings and circumstances of the person or people we are speaking to when sharing the truth with them. We should aim to speak with kindness, empathy, and sensitivity. An African proverb, “Do not tell the man carrying you he stinks,” is a great example of this. It underscores the importance of showing gratitude and respect for those who are helping us, even if we may have some criticism or feedback for them. We should strive to speak the truth with grace, choosing our words carefully and speaking with a kind and compassionate tone.
I appreciate St. Paul’s letter to the Colossians. He admonishes us to let our speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt. This means that our words should be both gracious and wise, adding flavour and meaning to the conversation. By doing so, we can help others receive the truth in a way that is constructive and helpful. There is much to learn from Jesus who is rightly called the perfect communicator in the way that he approached sinners with love and compassion. He was able to speak to their hearts and show them the way to salvation through his affectionate and empathetic language, as well as his manner of approach. What sets Jesus apart from other religious leaders of his time, such as the Pharisees, was his approach to communicating with people. Unlike the Pharisees who were quick to judge and condemn, Jesus spoke with love and understanding. He was able to reach out to public sinners and those who were lost in sin, and his message of love and forgiveness attracted them to him. Even when he spoke to the Pharisees, who were resistant to his message, Jesus was brutally frank and direct, speaking the truth about their hypocrisy and self-righteousness. He could balance speaking the truth with love and compassion while being firm when necessary. By imitating the example of Jesus, we can learn to communicate with love and compassion and help others see the truth in a way that is constructive and life-giving.
In conclusion, examining our motivation for speaking the truth is important. Are we driven by negative emotions such as ego, pride, malice, hatred, vengeance, or envy? Or are we motivated by love? If our motivation is not love, even if we speak an eloquently and impressive language, it will be like a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal (1 Corinthians 13:1).

By: Gerald M. Musa
Rev. Fr. Musa is the Director, Centre for the Study of African Culture and Communication (CESACC), Catholic Institute of West Africa (CIWA).