There Is Life After Rape – Banigo

Have you ever been sexually abused, how does it feel like? Come to think of it, when it is someone close to you that is the culprit, you may have not only felt humiliated, but dehumanised and probably felt the world should collapse on you. 
The heaviness of this vicious element upon its victims, is the reason they choose to remain silent. No! You probably do not understand the plight of these ones.
Survivors of sexual violence who decide to speak out publicly go through inexplicable emotional trauma. Often times, they feel a sense of abandonment by friends and family who have difficulty accepting their stories.
 It is particularly difficult for survivors of incest or individuals who are accusing a respected member of the community. In an abusive family, the survivor who seeks help is often denounced by the rest of the family.
 Family members sometimes resent the fact that the survivor went public with their secret or exposed the problem. She even risks being accused  of ruining the family or lying to get attention. Thus, the feeling of abandonment or ostracism. If this has happened to you, realise that you are not alone. You deserve to heal from your trauma. 
Remember, the Sexual Violence Survivor’s Bill of Rights states that no one has the right to abuse you or anyone else.  No one deserves to be assaulted or abused. You have a right to stop the abuse that is happening to you or anyone else. You have a right to pursue healing and justice for the abuse that has happened. Sexual violence is wrong. The abuser is wrong.People who protect the abuser are wrong. You are not to blame You did not destroy the family or betray their trust by speaking out about your abuse. The perpetrator destroyed the trust of the family every time he/she committed an act of abuse.
In line with this,  Rivers State Deputy Governor, Dr.  Ipalibo  Banigo has called on the survivors of sexual abuse to  speak up for the perpetrators of the heinous crime to be punished.
Dr. Banigo, reiterated this during a sensitisation campaign on the theme, “Dealing with Mental Health and Sexual Abuse in Unity Schools”,  organised by the Support  the Girl – Child Initiative Programme of her Office at the Federal Government College in Port Harcourt.
  Dr. Banigo, who through her Senior Special Assistant, Barr. Inegogo Fubara, said the programme was put together because of the importance she attaches to the  mental and psychological health of the young people,  urged  students to  speak out whenever they face any form of abuse.
“I want you to understand that the fact that you have been sexually abused is not the end of life, there is life after rape, and there is life after sexual abuse. Do not keep quiet about it, even if it was done at home or in school please speak up.”  Dr Banigo quipped.
According to the Deputy Governor, “rape is a criminal offence that is punishable, and the punishment for rape is life imprisonment”. She said even children could be jailed for rape, adding that for a child the punishment could be 14years in imprisonment.
Dr. Banigo said in 2018, the Protect the Girl Child Initiative, organized its first Mental and Sexual Abuse Seminar at the Federal Government Girls College Abuloma, where links about sexual violence and how to stop it and ensure that the voices of survivors were heard was set up.
According to her, “at the seminar in Abuloma, a female student who had been violated repeatedly, since she was eight years old, came out, and the Protect the Girl Child Initiative, in the Office of the Deputy Governor was able to take her out of the environment, provided a safe home for her and ensured that the perpetrator was reported to the police, today she is in her 200 levels in the University”.
She added that, a similar programme for about one thousand three hundred students was held at Holy Rosary College in 2018, where for the first time many students understood what it means to be sexually abused, and realised that it was not the end of the world.
Sexual assault is a life-altering event. Many survivors are affected by the trauma for the rest of their lives. They may suffer from depression, low self-esteem, flashbacks, fear, and difficulty with intimacy. Unfortunately, many of these symptoms are compounded by silence and secrecy.
Often, survivors of sexual assault do not speak out about their experiences because they are ashamed, feel guilty, or blame themselves. Some survivors keep silent out of a sense of duty to family or fear of being ostracised for what happened to them. 
During your victimization, (Rosenbloom & Williams, 1999) opined, you may have learned to not express your feelings. To express them may have increased your risk of being harmed. You may also have learned that saying “no” did not work to protect you. In such circumstances, silence may have been the only choice that made sense 
As a way of regaining their power from an event that robbed them of control, some survivors find talking about their assault an essential part of the recovery process. Others would want to disclose their experiences to a few close friends and/or family members to end the loneliness or break the family silence. A few  may also want to speak out publicly in an attempt to empower themselves and educate others about sexual violence.
Whether you are speaking to a group of one or one hundred, it takes an enormous amount of courage to tell your story. Telling can be transformative. It can help you move through the shame and secrecy that keeps you isolated. It can open doors to understanding and support. Telling is one way you can become a model for other survivors. 
It can be empowering to speak out against someone else’s crime. Speaking out can lift the burden of silence. Speaking out publicly is not right for everyone. No one should be pressured to tell their story. Survivors are heroes whether they speak out or not. Speaking out can mean many things – it can mean putting your story on paper for yourself in a journal entry, telling one trusted person, speaking at a national conference of advocates, or testifying on legislation at your state’s legislature.
There are many different levels of telling. Telling a counselor, a friend, a family member, telling publicly, telling in writing will all feel different. You may tell with detachment, anger, sadness, or occasionally, even humor (Bass & Davis, 1988). 
In any case, you may need to consider the following before going public. What motivates you to go public? What do you hope to gain? What could you lose? Can you achieve your goals through another means?  Is someone or something internally/externally pressuring you to disclose your abuse history? Who and/or what is pressuring you? Are you going to use your real name or a pseudonym?  Will you wear a disguise of some sort?  Will you be paid? If so, how much? Will the perpetrator be in the audience? Will your perpetrator’s friends or loved ones be there? Is there a chance that others will exploit you or your story? Are there safeguards available to protect against exploitation?  Will speaking out publicly hurt you in your present or future career, social life, or family life (including your spouse and children)? Are you willing to take that risk? Have you thought about safety issues? What are they for you? Would telling sever ties to your family that you would like to preserve?
You may also ask yourself if you could  live with the possibility of being excluded from family gatherings (i.e. holidays, weddings, funerals)? How would you deal with the loss? Would telling sever ties to friends with whom you would like to stay connected? How would you deal with the loss? What if responses from people are hostile? Are there ways to get grounded as a way to protect against victim-blaming comments and reactions from others?
 How might you cope if everyone around you denies your experiences and refuses to believe you. How would the anger you might face from others impact you? What if your audience had no reaction? How would that feel? How would you process and manage your own anger and/or other feelings? What support system is available to you before, during, and after the event? Are friends, family, coworkers, community members, advocates/counselors or members from communities of faith available? Which support people agreed to be available before, during, and after the disclosure? Can you realistically imagine both the worst and best outcomes that might result? Could you live with either one?

By: Sylvia ThanksGod-Amadi