Unheard Voice Of The Teens (II)

The last time, I talked about how parents end their kids’ dreams by forcing a particular career on them. Well, this time I am here to talk about parental relationship and communication. You, as a parent, do you know your child? And you as a child, do you know your parents?
50 per cent of teens do not know their parents well enough and that creates a little inner hatred for their parents because, they don’t know them enough to understand their decisions and actions. 65 per cent of our parents do not know their children also, which caused a lot of misunderstanding and havoc in our homes. The teenagers need to be drawn closer to their parents especially their mom or preferably, both. Why did I mention mum first? Well, that’s because most of us see our fathers as very strict, tough and like some would say, “No Go Area”. I said mum because I feel like our mum will be able to get us more than our dad.
Yes, a father is meant to be strict and hard on a child so that they can sit up or should I say buckle up, but then again it’s also good for them to draw us back and try to communicate well with us. I feel that a father who communicates well with his child, will get the chance to know the child better. Because of the harsh treatment most parents show up or put out, most teens have found it really hard to be open to their parents. Our parents are supposed to be our best buddy or best friends, especially our mum. I’m not saying a dad can’t be our best friend too but for me, I think mums would make a better best friend. But these days, neither mum nor dad makes a good or better best friend and it’s very bad. For instance, in “Sweet Sixteen”, Aliya was close to her dad more than her mum. She was close to her dad in the sense that she could tell him anything, whether good or bad, without getting a bad reaction from him. That is the kind of relationship most kids want with their parents. But in most homes, it’s impossible because the moment you tell them you get shoved off or get scolded. In most homes too, the parents are a way  too busy for some chit-chat.
I wouldn’t say only the girl gender needs that kind of relationship, because, the boy child also faces difficulties and they also need to pour out their heart to someone and also get advices in return. They also need to be put on the right track. Parents shouldn’t expect them to figure out everything themselves because they are male children. It doesn’t make sense. I see communication as a way of getting to know about your child’s daily activities and welfare. I see communication or parental relationships as a chance of knowing how the child feels. I mean, it’s such a lovely thing and it helps build a home.
Communication or parental relationship isn’t just something you build anytime especially at an older stage of a child’s life for example, at the age of 12 or 13. It is something you build or start at an early stage of a child’s life. Some parents may feel like they know their child too well but what they don’t know is that their children can put on a façade. Some kids are like blank pages on the outer side. They let you see what they want you to see and hide what they don’t want you to see. I mean, why will some kids hide some things and emotions from their parents? Is it that they don’t trust them? Well, I feel the answer is  No they don’t. I mean, you failed as a parent to bring them close and communicate with them, so why should they trust you enough to open up to you? By communicating, I don’t mean asking them how was class? How is everything going? How they are and all those random questions. I mean heart to heart conversation. The type where you push your parental features aside and act like a best friend or childhood friend.
You can’t put up a parental feature and expect a child to be open. You can’t tell us to tell you things because you’re our parents and you have the right to know. No, it doesn’t work that way and you also don’t expect us to spill anything that way. At this communication stage, we don’t want our parents, we want our age mate. No seriousness, no scolding, just all attentive, contribution, advices and calmness. In our african homes, dating is prohibited. At an early stage our parents tell we, the girls, how bad it is to date a guy because it’ll ruin us and our future or we might derail from our path. Honestly, I feel it’s not to just sit the child for three hours to five hours talking and advising a child about sex and dating because if there’s lack of communication skill between them, they’ll still do it at your back. Well, I’m not saying all children are that stubborn or I’m not saying all children/teens do not adhere to this “No dating” rule. I’m just saying communication is very very important. It’ll help the mother a lot to know what the child is up to and also the reason. Sometimes, I wonder if our African parents aren’t jealous of how close the American child and their mum are. Or don’t our African parents crave for that kind of closeness or relationship?
Also, I don’t see the need for house prisoning or over protectiveness because I’ve seen cases or situations where the over protected ones are the ones who mess up the most. Some don’t mess up or misbehave because they want to. They do it because of peer group influence. And by the way, you can’t lock or monitor a child’s movement forever. I mean, they go to school and you are not in school, so anything can happen. There have also been cases where students fall easy from school. There have also been cases of a pastor’s daughter getting pregnant. If you watch well, these are over protected children. Isn’t it surprising? I mean, after all the strict training and over protectiveness? How come?
There are children that are so hard to please. Children that are never contented. You buy them almost everything and also give them almost everything yet, they don’t get satisfied. Yet people can still get them with other things. Yes, we have children like that. There have been situations where the ones you give almost everything to, still goes out. For instance, the book “Precious Little Darlings” their parents pampered them to nonsense because they were the only children they had after their many years of childlessness. They gave them everything a growing child need, they were treated like royalties yet they still decided to become useless.
To be contd.

Peer group influence and over pampering spoiled them. Not being contented with what they have, put them into trouble. Because, I see no reason why a child who can get anything they want will still decide to be foolish. To we, the readers, it was over pampering but to the parents, they were trying to make life comfortable and contented for them
Too much of everything is bad though. Too much strictness, over pampering, over protectiveness etc. Is bad. There is also time for everything. Time to be serious, time to be strict, time to play and so on. As a growing child, we deserve lots of parental attention and communication.
Before I drop my pen, I’ll love to address the matter of parents leaving their child with neighbors. Especially those parents with one child. It is very bad and dangerous. Why? Because, those children will eventually pick out the bad and wrong things. Children tend to learn the wrong things first and fast. Also, they could be harmed or abused but you’ll never know. Most kids are very secretive and quiet, especially when threatened by their abusers. So please and please do not leave your kids with your neighbors. No matter how you trust them. And please parents should try so hard to build a parental relationship with their kids. It is very very important. You’ll see the beauty of it when you do it. Most of the teens crave for it but can’t get it because it’s too late while some of teen are very lucky to have listening parents. So please my advice to our lovely parents out there, is for them to create time for us and draw us close. We appreciate all your efforts  and we love you. And my advice for my great teens out there, is for them to try and get closer to their parents so as to get to know them better. You’ll eventually find out that they aren’t as bad as you see them and whatever they do is for your good.

These are just how we teens feel and see things.   Low-key teens want them but lack the courage to ask

By:  Cherie Akwu