Just Before You Say “I Do”

As cases of marriage today divorce tomorrow  make regular headlines  on the dailies, some  sound minds and  marriage counsellors, are of the view that  this enigma if not checked, could  possibly bring marriage; a hitherto ordained  institution of integrity to disrepute.

Mrs Nzokurum Mercy, a marriage counsellor and educationist (nurse educator) with 35 years of nursing/occupational health  practice and a mother of 3, is one woman that is passionate about the development of the marriage institution.

In her books, “Living  For One Another and Marital Bumps … How To Ride Them In Style”, which  were recently  launched,  Mrs  Nzokurum unraveled some possible obstacles that tend to pose serious challenges to couples and possibly terminate a relationship  that was supposedly intended for a life time.

She also, highlighted the importance  and criticalities of family health; its impact on marriage and family at large, while also unraveling the bumps which militate against some marriages.

Describing bumps as such that tend to slow down speed, make people give extra attention  to their course, pose danger and draw  attention to the  need for a fix, she stated that marriages are not exempted from it even though they are contracted with the intent of bliss.

However, she insisted that the  responses of the key players to these challenges determine to a great extent  how much of the goals are attained,  hence the need to pray for God’s guidance while in search for life partners as well as be duly guided before they say “I do”.

In her words, “when health challenges ensue,  there is the need to be  resilient, hold  on to the rock of their union, keep to their vows in sickness and in health”.

Mrs Nzokurum, who believes  that bliss full marital  relationship is realistic agrees that though couples could come  from different backgrounds with diverse  cultural differences, it is imperative on them to blend as the author of marriage (God) demanded.

On why some marriages work and others don’t, the marriage counsellor maintained that the divergent views in marriage stems from the fact that some key factors enter into it  without commitment to working it out, pointing out that with the pressure of life, this grade of people are bound to give up.

On the other hand, she continued, “some people who have not witnessed their parents breakthrough in marriage find it extremely difficult to break the vicious cycle while some get determined to make it in spite of all  odds  and because they are positive, it works for them”.

According  to the educator, some of the decisions taken prior  to marriage could mar or make  it eventually. A priority to health status  like getting to know genotypes  and possibly bowing out of the proposal for a lifelong relationship when not  suitable,  rather than adamantly going into it must not be risked, she insists.

In her words, “we have seen some people take  that  bold step and make it eventually, it all depends on one’s faith in God and the kind of health challenge faced. Some would-be couples discover a partner is HIV positive or they are both sickle cell carriers and still forge ahead to marry, trusting God for healing and medical care, it may have paid off for some but some have had to burry spouses untimely of course the case of sickle  is better imagined than experienced.

Generally, Mrs Nzokurum is of the opinion that those with genotype  ‘AS’ should find out that of their would-be  spouse early enough before their love gets established. They  should  ensure they pair up with AA to forestall the  procreation sickle  cell children  and its heart-breaking effect on the family.

Youth, she advised should endeavour  to adhear  to the advice of marriage counsellors as a guide to successful marriage.

Mrs Nzokurum, who wishes to run an NGO that would act as marriage mentor where such individuals who may not have  access to marriage counsellors could be helped, advised parents to see themelves as role models and avoid lives that are not worthy of emulation so as not to cause the young  ones to fail in both their marriages and service to God  and humanity.