Better Life For Widows

For the past one month, I have saddled myself with a responsibility I never craved for I have had to educate my brothers and  men around me on the need for them to write their will, stating clearly who their next of kin is.

Of course, I’m not a lawyer, with an indepth knowledge of the procedures for the drafting of the legal document. I had never also been bordered about how a man wishes to dispose his property and holdings after death, not with the belief and impression that someone, particularly a woman who suggests the making of will to her husband wishes him dead.

But all that have changed since last month when a close friend lost her husband and her life has been literally turned apart by her late husband’s relations. As soon as they learnt about the man’s death, they rushed to his house, laying claims on every available property. But for the woman’s family, she and her three daughters would have been homeless today as they were disposed of all the man’s belongings because she has no male child who is the only one culturally authorised to inherit the man’s property.

She was however, told that she could inherit those property only on the condition that she gets re-married to a member of her late husband’s family.

It’s been a fierce battle between my friend and her husband’s family since then as she refused to get married to any of her late husband’s relation and swore not to fold her hands and watch people take away all that she laboured with her husband to acquire.

My friend is not the only widow caught up in this dilemma. The plight of widows in different parts of the country is very pathetic. Some of them are condemned to lifes of rejection, trauma, deprivation and poverty. In many communities, a wife is usually accused of being responsible for her husband’s death. She is subjected to all kinds of dehumanizing treatment including sleeping in the same room with her husband’s corpse for some days, drinking the water used in bathing her husband’s corpse and many more.

Their challenges are innumerable. Apart from mourning their dead husbands and agonising over where the next meal will come from, they are subjected to pathetic living conditions, vulnerable and unprotected life. They are left out of government’s policies and legislations, forgotten in the scheme of things.

That is why one finds the effort being made by the Vicar General, Catholic Diocese of Port Harcourt, Msgr Cyprain Onwuli to ameliorate the sufferings of widows in the diocese very commendable. He was moved by shocking, gory tales of some widows he heard in 2004 to start a widows association in his former Parish, St John’s Catholic Church, Rumukwurushi. Today, the association which started with only about 50 widows, has over 500 members and has spread to more than twelve parishes in the diocese.

The Priest has, with the help of his friends, rendered medical, legal, financial and spiritual assistance to this category of vulnerable women. He has given scholarship to many of their children.

At the diocesan inauguration of the body recently, the Priest who was highly elated by the progress made by the widow in the area of skills acquisition, said his dream was to establish the widows association in all the Parishes especially those in   rural areas where  there are larger number of widows so that more lives would be transformed.

He called on government and other well meaning individuals to join hands in making life more meaningful for widows in our society. He noted that, “those in authority have not done much for the poor, especially the widows. They give to those who have in the name of charity and those ones they help do not help each other”.

He appealled to the authorities to improve the welfare of widows to help them cushion the effect of the demise of their husbands.

Similarly, the president of the association, Lady Priscilia Ekeke appealed to government at different levels to assist in empowering the widows, especially the indigent ones. She called for the abolition of some obnoxious laws against widows in many states of the federation.

Indeed, life could be made more meaningful for widows if the society actually sees the need to help them. Many widows die in frustration having been left in the lurch in their hours of need. There is need for government to improve their welfare by creating more opportunities for them.

Widows also should help themselves. They should not see their state as a state of incapacitation whereby they cannot do anything to help themselves but depend on others for their livelihood.

As the Chaplain of the widows association, Fr Eric Bien advised, widows should emulate the biblical Judith, who used her beauty, intelligence, power and courage to win victory for the Israelites. God has used widows to do great things and deliver nations in the past and the present day widows can also be used if they are willing and ready to work.

But most importantly, men should see the urgent need for them to write their will so that their wives and children will not be subjected to unnecessary torture and hardship when they are gone.

Calista Ezeaku