Why Are Men Not Wearing Wedding Rings?

For about 12 years

now, Dave has not worn his wedding ring on his finger and this has made Dora, his wife, very suspicious of  him. Unable to contain her worry any longer, Dora recently confronted him, demanding to know why he abandoned his wedding ring, which symbolised their matrimonial tie.

Ruffled by his wife’s inquiry, Dave claimed that he misplaced the ring and had not known how best to brief her on the loss.

As a matter of fact, these days, wedding rings are fast disappearing from the fingers of married men and the ladies are increasingly becoming suspicious of their husbands’ avowed fidelity to them. Some wives often accuse their husbands of not wearing the wedding rings because they seek to advance their promiscuity and unfaithfulness in marriage.

“Some men just refuse to wear the rings, to create immediate impressions before young ladies that they are not married,” says Dorothy Kolawole, a middle-aged woman.

While Dave’s explanations may be taken on its face value, some perceptive observers think that failure of some men to wear their wedding rings clearly symbolises distress and loss of affinity in their marriages.

For instance, Lagos-based Olugbenga Adebayo says he no longer wears his wedding ring because it does not make any meaning to him anymore, largely because of  his wife’s insubordination.

For Messrs Benson Ikongwu and Jack Odunayo, however, their reasons are somehow weird!

Quite unwilling to quit their amorous escapades even in marriage, the duo says that wedding rings scare away their prospective girlfriends.

“Wedding rings easily give you away as married men and some of us still want to play around; so we keep the ring off our fingers,” insists Odunayo.

For Boni Etuekwe, he does not wear the ornament anymore simply because of his inability to buy another, having lost the original one sometime ago.

A lawyer, Mr Ola Ogunbiyi agrees that the wearing of a wedding ring gives a man a definite identity as a married person, which most unfaithful men strive to avoid.

“People will easily know that they are married, when they wear rings’’ he says.

Ogunbiyi, however, explains that he personally avoids the ring not because of infidelity on his part but because the ornament inconveniences him.

“Marriage is a thing of the mind and not the ring,’’ he argues.

Mr Spurgeon Ataenen, also a lawyer, believes that wedding ring imposes much responsibility on a man.

“Some of them are married under the native law and custom and they avoid wedding rings because of the implications. The ring reminds them of their marital responsibilities, so they try to play safe,’’ Ataenen says.

Observers say that it is not only men that are caught in this web of failure to wear wedding rings, as some women also find themselves in the mess.

“Some women also do not wear their wedding rings any more,” says Mr Boniface Elemmuo but he insists that the women’s failure to wear the rings is mostly as a result of loss of their rings and their inability to buy another.

Historians say that the wedding ring, a recognisable symbol of love and nuptial tie between a man and a woman, originated in the deserts of North Africa, where the ancient Egyptian civilisation sprang up along the fertile flood plains of the River Nile.

Sedges, rushes and reeds, which grew alongside papyrus on the river bank, were twisted and braided into rings for fingers and larger bracelets for wrists.

The ring, as a circle, symbolised eternity for the ancient Egyptians, as well as other ancient cultures.

Since then, the ring has been associated with love, in the hope that such emotions could take on the characteristics of the circle and be endless.

A marriage counsellor, Mrs Ada Ogumma, notes that many cultures across the globe have imbibed the culture of exchanging of rings as a symbol of love and marriage.

She adds that religious groups equally recognise wedding rings as a symbol of love in the joining of persons as husband and wife.

He, nonetheless, notes that the abandonment of wedding rings is more rampant among middle-aged men, as very negligible proportion of women does not wear wedding rings.

She expresses concern that the non-wearing of wedding rings may translate into lack of respect for the marriage institution, which in turn, may gradually tear marriages apart via unnecessary suspicions.

Ogunma challenges married couples to always wear the ornament as a reminder of their marriage covenants.

A cleric, Rev. Fr. Anthony Afariogun, who lectures at the Catholic Major Seminary of All Saints, Ekpoma, Edo State,, says that the church holds the wedding ring in high esteem.

“The ring is a symbol of love and unity between a man and his wife. It goes beyond the metal frame of the ring; in fact, it can be an issue between a couple, if not respected,’’ he says.

Another catholic priest, Rev. Fr. Andrew Ogidan, the Youth Chaplain, Lagos Catholic Archdiocese, is particularly irked that most married couples refrain from wearing wedding rings with zeal as they ought to do when they grow older.

“It should not be so,’’ he says, insisting that churches have a major responsibility to enlighten couples more on the significance of the ring.

“A wedding ring is a symbol of holy matrimony and should be constantly worn by married couples.

“The ring should ordinarily remind a married man or woman of his or her marital vows and so, should make him or her committed to the union,’’ he says.

An Islamic cleric, Alhaji Abdulraheem Abata, says that Islam attaches great importance to marriage and accepts any presentation such as wedding rings, to symbolise the sanctity of the institution.

He, however, points out that presentation of sadaaqi (dowry) is the major thing that Islam recognises in marriage.

This notwithstanding, Abata, the Chief Missioner, Ansarul-Li-Islam Society of Nigeria, notes that presentation of wedding rings in marriages is still very much in vogue.

“This is quite acceptable in Islam; so far, the intention is to further cement the relationship for good,” he says.

While it is obvious that faithfulness in marriage does not rest with the wearing of rings alone, it may well serve as one of several ways to foster harmonious relationships in families, which are the basic units of the society.

Popoola writes for  News Agency of Nigeria (NAN)

Ijeoma  Popoola