Coping With Idiosyncrasies Of Pregnancy

Ordinarily, pregnancy is a thing of joy, especially when it occurs within the confines of a lawful marriage. In most cultures of the world, it is considered a blessing and couples eagerly look forward to it, while its delay often becomes a source of anxiety.

Nevertheless, pregnancy comes with diverse and varied characteristics, which can sometimes be weird and unpleasant to the spouses at various times. For instance, some pregnant women suddenly become rash in behaviour, while others develop short tempers. Another category develops increased appetite or total distaste for sex and a wide variety of foods while in such a state.

To these manifestations, there are often mixed reactions from spouses. While they can be frustrating to some husbands, others take on the challenges with equanimity. “Some husbands are ready to share the trying times with their wives by giving them just what they want, to satisfy them and make them happy.

“Others don’t just have the patience to bear the challenges,” says a middle-aged woman, who simply identified herself as Madam Veronica.

For Mrs Rose Olabode, pregnancy is a different ball game entirely as she recalled her experience when she was in the fifth month of her pregnancy for her first child.

“I suddenly developed great love for the smell of insecticides. I would just want to lie on the bed and sleep off after spraying the room to kill off any mosquitoes.

“My husband, Yemi, and our family doctor warned me against such practise but it persisted. I would never be satisfied inhaling my new-found smell if my husband was not lying with me on bed to cuddle me to sleep.

For Mrs. Edeh Isah, hers was loss of appetite for rice and beans, which had been her favourite foods before pregnancy. She said that she suddenly developed new appetite for very hot semovita with peppery soup, while she slept more often than usual.

“First, I did not notice any significant change in my body but my husband, who had been expecting me to take in, insisted that I go for a pregnancy test and when I did, I was already three weeks pregnant.

“That was when the doctor told me that the pregnancy was the cause of loss of appetite for my favourite foods and the sudden appetite for hot semovita and peppery soup. “

Mrs. Favour Kolade, who also shared her experience said that she developed the habit of chewing ice blocks during her first pregnancy, besides her fondness for vegetable soup with “ogiri’’, a local condiment.

“Even at midnight, I would go to my freezer and get iced blocks to chew. I think it affected my son, who since birth, has been reacting badly to cold; he can barely withstand it. “With my second pregnancy, however, it was entirely different. By the fifth month, I had started selecting the food I ate. I could no longer eat in my office canteen because of my sudden change in choice of foods. “

For other women still, the experience of pregnancy is very thrilling and interesting as it makes them “much stronger and energetic”.

Such was the case of Mrs. Funke Idowu, who said that her third pregnancy did not have any negative impact on her.

“Unlike my first and second pregnancies which got me weak and sickly all through, coupled with a huge appetite, my third pregnancy was a total blessing all through.

“I was much stronger and I did my home chores with more energy; even in my office, I was ready to work overtime. This was a big surprise to my husband, family and close friends, who knew how much my first and second pregnancy, weighed me down.”

For many husbands, nonetheless, the experiences of their wives’ pregnancies came with mixed reactions. Rose’s husband, Yemi, said he had to cope with inhaling the smell of insecticides, which his wife became fond of in the bedroom, besides cuddling her to sleep every night.

He said he did not find the experience funny at all but all the same, he had to persevere for the love of his spouse.

“I could not wait for my wife to pop the baby off her stomach at delivery time. “I was already counting the days to her Expectant Date of Delivery (EDD) because of her funny behaviours which became unbearable at a point.

“But, I had no choice but to yield to whatever she wanted, although our family doctor intervened to advise her against her new found habits, considered not healthy for her and the baby’’.

Mr. Celestine Idowu, claimed to have “always been there” for his wife during pregnancy, pointing out, however, that the third was easiest for him as his wife “was in total control of the situation”.

“When Funke was pregnant with our first and second children, she was like a baby as she complained about every little thing and wanted me ‘babying’ her all the time.

“I must confess that I got very tired and would scold her sometimes, especially when I was left to do the cooking and home chores alone.

“But when she was pregnant with Tayo, it was a different ball game all together. I can’t explain it all but that pregnancy was just something else as she had a lot of strength and was up and doing. The house was sparkling clean all the time. “With the last experience of our third baby, I think I should get her pregnant again,’’ Celestine joked heartily.

Some prospective couples have also shared their understanding of pregnancy, expressing their expectations and fears. While some spinsters look forward to it when eventually married, they are somehow scared stiff of loosing their body shapes during pregnancy.

For Miss Sandra Wiafe, it is something she cannot wait to experience as it is the peak of womanhood. Her fear, however, is the labour and delivery aspects, especially when a vaginal cut becomes inevitable to allow freer passage for the baby.

“I hear it is very painful and this scares me you know! “I am really looking forward to that time of pregnancy but another fear is controlling my short temper and adding much weight during the period. Just wanting to experience it overwhelms my fears though,’’ she quipped.

Miss Esesua Garba, on her part, said she really would not know how to handle pregnancy until it comes, especially the labour and delivery aspects.

“I would want my husband to be by my side all through the experience. My husband will just have to bear with whatever unpleasant attitude I put up during the period.”

For some prospective husbands,  managing pregnancy is the joint responsibility of the couples and not just that of wives alone since the baby from it belongs to both.

Mr. Eleojo-Aba Ojodale says that taking care of a child starts from the point of conception through delivery, up to such an age that the child can fend for himself or herself.

“I will be physically, psychologically and emotionally there for her all through because, at that point, she will be so delicate that every little care and attention will mean the whole world to her.

“I wish we can share the burden of carrying the pregnancy in my own tummy for three months but unfortunately, that is not biologically possible.”

He said that though he may not be perfect at meeting all his wife’s needs as certain flaws would inevitably be exhibited by him, he would try to brace to the challenge as “it is a cycle every prospective father must go through.’’

For  Mr. Oliver Okoji, he would strive to brace himself to the challenge when the time comes to make his wife pregnant.

“Women may not need love all the time but they need to be understood at all times and what makes a man is not to run away from his responsibilities, of which, this is one of them  managing his wife’s pregnancy.

“I will cherish, pamper and make her feel very comfortable; I will make her laugh, walk with her and make her realize that she is not only carrying her baby but our baby our continuous future.

“I know it could be a daunting task but I will be there for her.”

Medical experts say that 85 per cent of these behavioural changes in women during pregnancy are natural, while others may arise from depressions and individual situations at different stages of pregnancy.

Mr Emmanuel Abayomi, a gynaecologist with the Kelina Hospital, Gwarimpa, Abuja, explained that syndromes of behavioural changes in some women during pregnancy were due mainly to natural factors, which include hormonal changes experienced by the woman in such state.

He expatiated that experiences in pregnancies ranged from vomiting to increase or decrease in the women’s libido  the urge for sex in women.

Abayomi, however, pointed out that when some pregnancy symptoms become grave, medical experts’ attention should be sought promptly as there could biological, psychiatric and psycho-social dimensions to the conditions.

He said that some conditions could also be induced by infections, malaria, marital and emotional problems and other related causes.

The medical practitioner said that experience had shown that some men failed to meet their wives’ increased libido in the pregnancy state, thus occasioning emotional stress for them. Conversely, women’s low libido often led their husbands into extra-marital affairs, which, when discovered, also caused emotional stress for the women.

Dr Abayomi urged men to be of utmost encouragement and constant sexual understanding to their wives during pregnancy as such tendencies were the “normal call of nature”.

Another medical practitioner, Dr Moses Shaibu, who works with the Federal Medical Centre, Lokoja, said that the syndrome of nutritional changes in some women during pregnancy was normal and due to hormonal changes in the body.

According to him, Anorexia as a nutritional change during pregnancy is usually a normal phenomenon.

He explained that while some women had little appetite for foods, others had increased appetite, underscoring the peculiarities in women.

He, however, pointed out that abnormal nutritional behaviour such as “Pica” the craving for things like sand, wall paints, chalk and lots of weird substances, called for medical attention.

Medical experts, nonetheless, advice that despite the peculiarities of pregnancies, spouses must lean to show understanding to themselves as such experiences were temporary and were eventually obliterated by the joy of safe delivery.

Agbaji writes for News Agency of Nigeria

Lizzy Agbaji