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Nigerian Homes And Burden Of Infidelity

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Infidelity in marital relationship has been an age-long cancer that is eating deep into marriages. A lot of couples and families that began well as lovebirds are now battling with unfaithfulness on the part of one spouse or the other.
Terribly, this monster is trickily creeping into some Christian homes. Both ministers of the gospel and church leaders are falling prey to this vice.
When a man or woman leaves his wife or husband and starts a hide-and-seek relationship with the opposite sex or even with same sex, as the case may be with homosexuals and lesbians; that spouse is an infidel and in for trouble, according to the word of God in Proverbs Chapter 6 Verse 27 which states thus: “can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothe not be burned”.
Marriage is all about transparency and honesty. Apart from unsatisfied sexual relationship in marriage, the next wicked enemies of marriage are dishonesty and lack of patience and transparency.
Can you imagine a couple that shares ideas and opinions on all the happenings of the day with each other, all of a sudden, a spouse becomes indifferent, insensitive and reserved? What has taken place? The forbidden fruit has been eaten and someone has gone hiding.
If there are secrets in your life which your spouse does not know about, and you are not ready to change from that which you are harbouring; you derive joy in breaking the heart of your spouse by living in adultery, then, you are a hypocrite, a suspect, a dishonest and unfaithful partner.
When infidelity creeps into a marriage, a husband or wife that used to be transparent will begin ‘to police’ his or her mobile phones and diaries like ballot boxes. He or she may even tie them to his or her waist and label them “Our-of-bound” from everybody including my wife or husband.
Security codes will be placed on all his social networks and he may decide to do his laundering himself lest his sins will find him or her out.
An unfaithful wife on her part may develop high blood pressure of unknown origin because her heart skips and pants at every sound of her ringing tone. If there is no toilet to run to hide and answer her calls, she will tag the call “wrong number”.
Causes Of Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages can be caused by the nagging and quarrelsome wife or husband especially over trivial issues, disorderly, unkept home, sexually-starved and abused. Others are lack of attention by husband or wife, dishonesty, suspicion, fear of the unknown and many more.
Effects Of Infidelity
Some of the effects of infidelity in marriages include fear, insecurity, heart-breaks, frequent ill-health, bitterness anger, children’s future not secure, possible home-breakage, unwanted divorce, spoilt relationship with the Almighty God and above-all, painful death.
Tackling Infidelity In Marriage
There are several steps to be taken so as to renounce secrets that cause infidelity in our marriages. These include being not in a haste to take decisions. The decision to quit and end the marriage at this time is never the best. Infact, that is just the desire of the enemy, and I believe you would not want to be its victim.
Be a little patient and have self-control so that you don’t do something stupid and regrettable.
Prayer
I know that the body may be weak at this time, but the spirit is always willing. So take time to pray ceaselessly. Run to the altar of God and sincerely pour out your heart and tears to God.
Only He can understand your unending groanings.
Be Positive To Yourself
You should study your Bible more than ever before and listen to gospel inspiring songs than bemoaning your fate and nursing your heart-breaks, shock, anger, pains and fear. Move ahead in 2018 and beyond as a truly changed person despite the present circumstances of life.
Having Flash Back
You are expected to have a flash back of the good times you both shared together and focus on them with sensitivity and sincerity.
Examine Yourself
It is also advisable you search yourself if you are the cause of your spouse’s infidelity. May be, your character has exposed your husband to a strange woman; or your wife has engaged in prostitution and lesbianism because you are always on the move, – “businessman”.
Choosing Convenient Time
You should choose a convenient time to talk it out. No third party should be involved but only the both of you. Make sure the environment is safe and secure.
Be Practical In Word
You should choose your words carefully and be practical in them. Don’t pronounce things from your mouth you will later regret about.
Attack Wisely and Constructively
You should not attack your spouse rather the problem. If there is anybody to take sides with, it is your spouse; if there is any place to run to, run into his arms. He has all it takes to heal that broken heart.
Open Your Heart For Reconciliation
You should ensure that you open your heart for your spouse for reconciliation. According to the gospel of Jesus Christ in 2nd Corinthians chapter 12 verse 9a, “My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness”.
Conclusively, couples and would-be couples should denounce prostitution, infidelity, poverty, sickness and death in their various marital relationships and shun the temptation of facing the wrath of God in all ramifications in as much as life is concerned. Let us think positively and fear God (Hebrews 10:31).

 

Bethel Sam Toby

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Women

The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage

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A woman needs a man that is honest,  trustworthy,  nice,  loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money,  it is always difficult.


Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire  shall be unto you……..
That is one aspect  the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy,  at least helping to do one or two things.   A man that is educated and intelligent.
She knows that there is a trait that her husband has.  Traits of taking care of people,  giving freely to people and caring for her family.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family,  remembering his family even as he is away from home.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.


According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit.  Don’t be a monitoring spirit.  Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband.
The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.


The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man.  A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

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Women

What Women Want In Yet-To -Be Husbands

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What women want in their yet-to- be husbands matters a lot as far as marriage is concerned.
A woman desires a good fnancial prospect. Interestingly, some modern women place a man’s financial potential as more desirable than they have in the past.
Many decades ago, women ranked it lower on the list. It still comes in after items like love and maturity, but perhaps today’s women realise that a good economic partner is good husband material.
Good health has been an important characteristic for women through the 20th century and remains so these days. One might argue that because we’re living even longer, health plays a huge role in the success of a marriage. Women are anxious to know that their partners are healthy to be able to run the family together.
You discover that in most faith based organisations, would- be couples are mandated to go for medical tests to ascertain their health status as it concerns HIV/AIDS, Genotype and other related ones. This according to stakeholders is to ensure that couples raise healthy families.
Ambition has become less important to women over time, though it still being considered even if women nowadays are thriving in the workforce competing with the male folk. It may be because more women are thriving in the workforce, they want a husband who has earning power but are not looking for him to be the sole provider.
More women want husbands with pleasing disposition. They may not want a man who is always moody. A man who is always cheerful is whom they desire.
Surprisingly, a man’s likes do not rank as high on women’s list of wants as it used to. Until recently, women are more willing to accept a man for who he his, despite the inevitable mood he may be.
Sociability from both men and women rank very high on their marriag material list. And for both sexes, it has been steadily moving up the list for many years. The rise of the “love marriage,” a partnership based on attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status) might mean that married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends.
A lot of couples want to associate with others and then socialise. Attending parties of other friends forms part of their marriage requirements.
Women have placed education and intelligence top making it one of their most desirable male traits for decades. This timeline coincides with more and more women receiving college education themselves. Once education becomes important in women’s lives, it is a more attractive trait in potential husbands.
Of course when a woman is educated, she is likely to go for an educated man. When they are gainfully employed, their income boost the family affairs faster.
Today, women are much more attracted to men who are interested in home and family than they ever have been. Men who have desire for their home and children is whom they desire.
After a days job, a man will come home to ensure that his children are comfortable. Because most women today are expecting to be in dual-earner relationships, they want husbands who will be happy and willing to contribute at home. More women today even report that they hope he will take the lead at home.
A woman wants a man who is emotionally stable and mature. Growing big physically is not the issue but maturity in the heart.
Men, too, place a heavy emphasis on a potential wife’s emotional maturity, signaling that it is a key quality for a stable partnership. Women seem to look past appearance to the heart of the matter.
A woman wants a man who is not easily provoked. Dependable character is what some women want in marriage.
Women want husbands that they can count on, and this has not changed in recent years. Yes, women look to their spouses to be lovers and friends, they also want them to be supportive and trustworthy. They want to know that their husbands will be there and remain loyal. Men, too, desire dependable character from their yet-to be wives.
Mutual attraction and love from the first appearance is what they want till they become old.
The highest-rated characteristic women seek from men is mutual attraction and love. Some no longer look for a man who will provide everything, afterall they are also educated and are gainfully employed, they want to be in love.
For some women, even when the man do not provide household needs, the love shown on her is enough. When women had no job prospects and needed to marry, they desired love . The women’s movement has not only helped women pursue careers, it has also given them more choice in love.

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Women

Echoes Of IWD : Need To Invest In Women

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As this year’s Internatinal Women’s Day (IWD) has come and gone, there are calls from different quarters on the need to invest in women so that we can achieve accelerated growth.
It was, indeed, a thing of joy when Rivers Women Unite For Sim, took delivery of large quantities of sanitary towels and some bags of rice provided them for this year’s celebration.
Many young women expressed joy that they got such gesture since some of them have financial problems getting sanitary towels whenever they are on.
Some secondary school students were also lucky to have a share of the benefits. They also got some sanitary towels.
The Rivers State Commissioner for Women Affairs organised a platform to celebrate and honour the women for the remarkable jobs they perform in their homes and society.
Addressing women on the occasion, the Hon. Commissioner for Women Affairs, Dr. Roseline Apawari Uranta, noted that women from time immemorial have been great pillars in achieving remarkable heights and stressed that IWD across the globe is pivotal all women for the roles they play in bringing, nurturing and sustaining life.
Dr. Uranta said that IWD, which started in 1911 and celebrated annually on March 8, is a global day that provides women a platform to address economic inclusion, participation in political and public life.
She said the day was set aside to look into lack of access to education for the girl-child, gender-based violence, child marriage, child trafficking, harmful cultural practices as well as other challenges facing women around the globe.
The Hon. Commissioner, who described March 8 as a day to celebrate the socio-economic, cultural and political achievements of women, emphasised that it is a day that offers women the opportunity to reflect on progressive achievements.
Noting that it is an opportunity to call for change, she stressed that it is also an opportunity to celebrate acts of courage and every achievement made by ordinary women who did extraordinary things and are remembered in history.
She noted that the IWD2024 theme:”Invest In Women, Accelerate Progress”, is timely and apt because according to her, to achieve gender equality, we must ensure that the rights, responsibilities and opportunities of women do not elude them.
Her words: ” We must see investing in women as a human right issue and consider investing in women as a social tool to eradicate poverty since women are helpmeet in the homes while a handful are breadwinners in their respective families”.
The commissioner urged women to uphold the deliberate act of investing in themselves, be it furthering formal education, developing a new skill as well as learning a trade.
“Shun idleness, always find something positive and productive to do, regardless of your age, social status and financial capabilities”, she said.
In a paper presentation, Dr. Dabota God’swill Jumbo, reiterated that investing in women would attract good and positive dividends to herself and the society at large and noted that it is essential in addressing poverty, hunger and climate change.
The guest speaker said women need more opportunities in elective and appointive positions, hence the need to encourage and support them in politics.
According to her, when you invest in women, they will be able to create safer environment devoid of gender-based violence.
In a goodwill message, the spokesperson, Rivers Women Unite For Sim, Mrs Charity Deemua appreciated the organisers for making it possible for women to gather and celebrate themselves.
She commended those who created a day like March 8 of every year to celebrate women and regretted that the girl-child was seen as a second-class person decades ago.
The former commissioner, Rivers State House of Assembly Commission, described those who taught it wise for women to celebrate as conquerors, tough and strong.
International Association of World Peace Advocates, a world-class organisation with the United Nations, honoured different categories of women.
In Cross River State, 150 women were empowered with about N15m to boost their small and medium scale businesses.
According to stakeholders, the women empowerment is vital in addressing social, economic and political challenges and will make them self-reliant.
An NGO, Association of Professional Women Engineering Technologists (APWET), said it’s aim is to promote professional excellence among engineering personnel, advocating for women and girl-child education.
With what we saw in terms of response to women’s call on issues affecting them from relevant authorities, we are optimistic that the women will do better whenever they are empowered.
If we must kick out cervical, breast and other forms of cancer in women, underage marriage, prostitution, we must invest in women.
There were goodwill messages from National Council for Women Societies (NCWS), International Federation of Female Lawyers (FIDA), Medical Women Association of Nigeria (MWAN), Nigeria Copyright Commission (NCC, Nigeria Association of Female Journalists (NAWOJ), among others.

By: Eunice Choko-Kayode

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