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Between Marriage And Happiness

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So much has been said
about the relationship between marriage and happiness: some view it as the beginning of happiness for every responsible person, while others see it as one form of enslavement or the other.
This, perhaps, explains the reason why while some are stepping out of it almost by the day, others would do anything to “get hooked up together”, as they fashionably put it these days, even if it is just for a short while.
No matter how one looks at it, marriage is originally supposed to be a traditional union hinged on happiness. The Bible, the holy book for Christians also acknowledges this when it say, he who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing”.
The “good thing” here implies  that couples are expected to bring about happiness to each other. Reality has however made it such that marriage often does not amount to happiness.
A critical analysis of the word “findeth” reveals that the holy book actually expects one to search for his or her spouse in order to find him or’ her. But developments, or realities, have shown that the mode of search applied by various individuals, their mindset at the point of the search, their temperament, and other factors have been the problem in either finding the spouse, or the happiness accruable therein.
In spite of these obvious impediments to finding a spouse, and, expectedly, happiness, it is now common knowledge that realities of life” society, orientation, and the like, have separated finding a spouse and automatically finding happiness.
The result is either extra-ordinary happiness in marriages that often becomes the envy of people around, who may, for whatever reason worked assiduously for its success or failure, as well as extra-ordinary unhappiness in marriages as a result of sudden realisation  of incompatibility. Each of these scenarios has its appendages that may be too broad to discuss within available space:
The essential thing to note is that as a result of the fore-going realities, four key types of people are easily identifiable in matters relating to marriage: those who are happily married; those who are unhappily married; those who are unhappily unmarried, and those who are happily unmarried.
Depending on the side it would take a’ lot of confidence, self-determination and willingness to openly accept the part one fits into, especially if one finds it difficult to accept ones’ realities (if not openly, personally) and work towards  resolving  it without laying the blame on his/her spouse.
For those who are happily married, they often do not appreciate what they have until they have cause to complain about a perceived ill-treatment, carelessness, lack of understanding, etc, on the part of their spouse to a true friend or relative.
Experience has shown that it’s only a true friend or relative, with requisite knowledge and willingness, that can look at you eye-ball- to-eye-ball and tell you things straight, whether you are right or . wrong.
If you are unfortunate to complain to the wrong person, it could be the beginning of the end of the marriage, or courtship, for that matter. This is simply because not everybody believes that a couple could have such a relationship that even when there is disagreement, it is viewed strictly as a corrective issue, not an opportunity to make problem.
If they see it that way, it does not only becomes possible to take instant correction and avoid a re-occurrence, but also doing so becomes uppermost in their minds. If they see it from any other perspective, the relationship will in the near future nosedive into separation.
For those who are unhappily married, the simple truth, no matter how you look at it, is that in most cases, something else brought them into the relationship.
There was this marriage that ended in less than six months after the wedding. The only thing that kept it up to over a year was that the woman got pregnant shortly after the wedding.
Investigations revealed that the man got carried away by the fact that the woman had Masters Degree, and could discuss fluently in what he called “well-polished” English. He did not bargain for another fact that being an introvert, that same quality she has could also be too much for him to handle when he is the target, as it turned out.
This does not mean that genuine love cannot turn sour when the beneficiary is the wrong person. The fact that he or she turns out to be the wrong person is, at the end of the day, proofs that the relationship was based on some level of falsehood, usually on the part of the recipient of the genuine love.
In essence, if genuine love is not a two-way thing, if it’s one-way, coming from either only the man or the woman, the relationship may at best be marking its time. But then, there are also situations in which recipients of genuine love at some point suddenly realise it and reciprocate. These are rear cases.
Experience has also shown that most of those who are unhappily unmarried turn out to be sadists. Sometimes not because they want to, but often because they cannot help transferring the aggression.
Unconsciously, they always want to prove to society that they can be better in anything they do.
The worst of them can hardly accept their faults, sometimes because they feel that society is already crucifying them because of their fate, even before giving them opportunity to prove themselves right. The good thing about them is that they can be good in whatever, just to prove themselves.
For those who are happily unmarried, such happiness most often lasts as long as they feel young enough to have their flings. They enjoy the euphoria of basking in the cheap popularity accorded by society, only to realise when it’s too late that the same popularity has become their greatest undoing.
The sincere ones among them accept their fate and take life the way it comes, often consoling themselves by recounting “the good old days” at  the least opportunity. The insincere ones, on the other hand, blame everybody but themselves for their’ plight, with a possibility of getting angry at everybody at some point, especially when society judge them to be losers.

 

Soibi Max-Alalibo

Women at a public function in Port Harcourt. They are pillars in matrimonial homes

Women at a public function in Port Harcourt. They are pillars in matrimonial homes

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Women

The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage

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A woman needs a man that is honest,  trustworthy,  nice,  loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money,  it is always difficult.


Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire  shall be unto you……..
That is one aspect  the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy,  at least helping to do one or two things.   A man that is educated and intelligent.
She knows that there is a trait that her husband has.  Traits of taking care of people,  giving freely to people and caring for her family.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family,  remembering his family even as he is away from home.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.


According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit.  Don’t be a monitoring spirit.  Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband.
The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.


The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man.  A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

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What Women Want In Yet-To -Be Husbands

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What women want in their yet-to- be husbands matters a lot as far as marriage is concerned.
A woman desires a good fnancial prospect. Interestingly, some modern women place a man’s financial potential as more desirable than they have in the past.
Many decades ago, women ranked it lower on the list. It still comes in after items like love and maturity, but perhaps today’s women realise that a good economic partner is good husband material.
Good health has been an important characteristic for women through the 20th century and remains so these days. One might argue that because we’re living even longer, health plays a huge role in the success of a marriage. Women are anxious to know that their partners are healthy to be able to run the family together.
You discover that in most faith based organisations, would- be couples are mandated to go for medical tests to ascertain their health status as it concerns HIV/AIDS, Genotype and other related ones. This according to stakeholders is to ensure that couples raise healthy families.
Ambition has become less important to women over time, though it still being considered even if women nowadays are thriving in the workforce competing with the male folk. It may be because more women are thriving in the workforce, they want a husband who has earning power but are not looking for him to be the sole provider.
More women want husbands with pleasing disposition. They may not want a man who is always moody. A man who is always cheerful is whom they desire.
Surprisingly, a man’s likes do not rank as high on women’s list of wants as it used to. Until recently, women are more willing to accept a man for who he his, despite the inevitable mood he may be.
Sociability from both men and women rank very high on their marriag material list. And for both sexes, it has been steadily moving up the list for many years. The rise of the “love marriage,” a partnership based on attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status) might mean that married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends.
A lot of couples want to associate with others and then socialise. Attending parties of other friends forms part of their marriage requirements.
Women have placed education and intelligence top making it one of their most desirable male traits for decades. This timeline coincides with more and more women receiving college education themselves. Once education becomes important in women’s lives, it is a more attractive trait in potential husbands.
Of course when a woman is educated, she is likely to go for an educated man. When they are gainfully employed, their income boost the family affairs faster.
Today, women are much more attracted to men who are interested in home and family than they ever have been. Men who have desire for their home and children is whom they desire.
After a days job, a man will come home to ensure that his children are comfortable. Because most women today are expecting to be in dual-earner relationships, they want husbands who will be happy and willing to contribute at home. More women today even report that they hope he will take the lead at home.
A woman wants a man who is emotionally stable and mature. Growing big physically is not the issue but maturity in the heart.
Men, too, place a heavy emphasis on a potential wife’s emotional maturity, signaling that it is a key quality for a stable partnership. Women seem to look past appearance to the heart of the matter.
A woman wants a man who is not easily provoked. Dependable character is what some women want in marriage.
Women want husbands that they can count on, and this has not changed in recent years. Yes, women look to their spouses to be lovers and friends, they also want them to be supportive and trustworthy. They want to know that their husbands will be there and remain loyal. Men, too, desire dependable character from their yet-to be wives.
Mutual attraction and love from the first appearance is what they want till they become old.
The highest-rated characteristic women seek from men is mutual attraction and love. Some no longer look for a man who will provide everything, afterall they are also educated and are gainfully employed, they want to be in love.
For some women, even when the man do not provide household needs, the love shown on her is enough. When women had no job prospects and needed to marry, they desired love . The women’s movement has not only helped women pursue careers, it has also given them more choice in love.

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Echoes Of IWD : Need To Invest In Women

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As this year’s Internatinal Women’s Day (IWD) has come and gone, there are calls from different quarters on the need to invest in women so that we can achieve accelerated growth.
It was, indeed, a thing of joy when Rivers Women Unite For Sim, took delivery of large quantities of sanitary towels and some bags of rice provided them for this year’s celebration.
Many young women expressed joy that they got such gesture since some of them have financial problems getting sanitary towels whenever they are on.
Some secondary school students were also lucky to have a share of the benefits. They also got some sanitary towels.
The Rivers State Commissioner for Women Affairs organised a platform to celebrate and honour the women for the remarkable jobs they perform in their homes and society.
Addressing women on the occasion, the Hon. Commissioner for Women Affairs, Dr. Roseline Apawari Uranta, noted that women from time immemorial have been great pillars in achieving remarkable heights and stressed that IWD across the globe is pivotal all women for the roles they play in bringing, nurturing and sustaining life.
Dr. Uranta said that IWD, which started in 1911 and celebrated annually on March 8, is a global day that provides women a platform to address economic inclusion, participation in political and public life.
She said the day was set aside to look into lack of access to education for the girl-child, gender-based violence, child marriage, child trafficking, harmful cultural practices as well as other challenges facing women around the globe.
The Hon. Commissioner, who described March 8 as a day to celebrate the socio-economic, cultural and political achievements of women, emphasised that it is a day that offers women the opportunity to reflect on progressive achievements.
Noting that it is an opportunity to call for change, she stressed that it is also an opportunity to celebrate acts of courage and every achievement made by ordinary women who did extraordinary things and are remembered in history.
She noted that the IWD2024 theme:”Invest In Women, Accelerate Progress”, is timely and apt because according to her, to achieve gender equality, we must ensure that the rights, responsibilities and opportunities of women do not elude them.
Her words: ” We must see investing in women as a human right issue and consider investing in women as a social tool to eradicate poverty since women are helpmeet in the homes while a handful are breadwinners in their respective families”.
The commissioner urged women to uphold the deliberate act of investing in themselves, be it furthering formal education, developing a new skill as well as learning a trade.
“Shun idleness, always find something positive and productive to do, regardless of your age, social status and financial capabilities”, she said.
In a paper presentation, Dr. Dabota God’swill Jumbo, reiterated that investing in women would attract good and positive dividends to herself and the society at large and noted that it is essential in addressing poverty, hunger and climate change.
The guest speaker said women need more opportunities in elective and appointive positions, hence the need to encourage and support them in politics.
According to her, when you invest in women, they will be able to create safer environment devoid of gender-based violence.
In a goodwill message, the spokesperson, Rivers Women Unite For Sim, Mrs Charity Deemua appreciated the organisers for making it possible for women to gather and celebrate themselves.
She commended those who created a day like March 8 of every year to celebrate women and regretted that the girl-child was seen as a second-class person decades ago.
The former commissioner, Rivers State House of Assembly Commission, described those who taught it wise for women to celebrate as conquerors, tough and strong.
International Association of World Peace Advocates, a world-class organisation with the United Nations, honoured different categories of women.
In Cross River State, 150 women were empowered with about N15m to boost their small and medium scale businesses.
According to stakeholders, the women empowerment is vital in addressing social, economic and political challenges and will make them self-reliant.
An NGO, Association of Professional Women Engineering Technologists (APWET), said it’s aim is to promote professional excellence among engineering personnel, advocating for women and girl-child education.
With what we saw in terms of response to women’s call on issues affecting them from relevant authorities, we are optimistic that the women will do better whenever they are empowered.
If we must kick out cervical, breast and other forms of cancer in women, underage marriage, prostitution, we must invest in women.
There were goodwill messages from National Council for Women Societies (NCWS), International Federation of Female Lawyers (FIDA), Medical Women Association of Nigeria (MWAN), Nigeria Copyright Commission (NCC, Nigeria Association of Female Journalists (NAWOJ), among others.

By: Eunice Choko-Kayode

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