Women

Parents And Children’s Character Moulding

Published

10 years ago

October 17, 2014

Good manners are in a
state of flux as they were never before. One can no longer turn to the rules that worked 50 or even 20 years ago. Casual life styles seem to be the order of the day because good manners are regarded by most people as formal and rigid in outlook. Thus, in the bid to survive the harsh economy of our time, most people trade pleasing personalities for bread and butter. This is very unfortunate because one’s actions and behaviour will be observed by others and a wrong first impression is more lasting than any number of good deeds that may follow.
The kind of manners and etiquette you have, reveal a lot about you, especially your home upbringing, your class, your personalities etc. It is unfortunate that it is those who are devoid of class that continuously remind themselves and others of possessing an abundance of it. Have you ever heard some persons who talk of their most recent trip abroad, their imported household goods, their fleets of cars, their intellect and fame, their good accent and diction to mention but a few. All these do not constitute pleasing personality themselves but good manners, etiquette, modesty, honesty, politeness, sincerity etc.
Sound manners and good etiquette are based on three most enduring of all human traits-kindness, thoughtfulness and consideration for others. The primary enemies of good manners and etiquettes are anger, impatience, greed etc. Because of human nature, sometimes even very civilised or well-behaved people can be found wanting in good manners. If you want to save your reputation, keep your temper or desires in check and respect the rights of others. The benefits of good manners and etiquette cannot be over emphasised. Good manners are essential in building good relationships with other people. A person with a fine sense of etiquette exudes confidence. Such person is able to put everybody at ease regardless of their social rank or status.
Thus, by cultivating correct mannerisms and using them constantly, one is sure to be able to tackle various occasions with confidence.
Children are at the learning stage, they have an uncanny sense of perception and memory. Children not only learn what you teach them but also observe your behaviours, attitude and ways of dealing with them and others. That is why teaching your children basic manners take top priority. Just as you provide them with the best of food, clothes and education, teach them the best of manners so that they can do the right thing at the right time.
Thus, to inculcate good manners and etiquette in your children, it is very important that you observe these golden rules at home regularly. For instance, studies have revealed that when parents and elderly members of the family show proper respect for servants/subordinates, children will emulate this behaviour and are equally respectful to their teachers/guardians.
But a child whose parents shout and abuse the servants/subordinates is usually very disrespectful to the teacher/guardian. Again, a young lad who has the habit of pulling out the chair for the elderly members of his family at the dining table and offering the comfortable chair he has been sitting in when his mother comes into the living room will easily do so to other women and elders in the society.
Although manners can never be completely standardised, various societies place emphasis on the proper forms of behaviour. For instance, in a typical African society, one of the ways to access a thorough bred individual is the way he or she holds himself or herself.
It has become a common sight now to see some young persons stand slumped over like a loose-joined puppet with their hands tucked in their pockets and shuffling their feet lazily as they walk. Good posture habits include the way you sit, stand or walk. How you stand, walk and sit strongly influences people’s judgement of you because posture is very closely associated with one’s nature. If you sit erect, use your hands properly and know how to manage your legs while sitting in a group, you portray an image of a confident and composed person but if you plonk down on a chair or scrabble for a seat or sit with legs wide apart revealing the most private of all areas and with unrelaxed hands, you portray an image of lack of an aura of sincerity and poise.
Thus, by teaching your children good posture habits, you have not only saved their physique but a lot of future embarrassments as well.
Another way of judging one’s breeding is greeting. It is polite custom to greet people at least the first time you see them each day. Greeting enhances your image, break the veneer of formality and spells goodwill. There are several forms of verbal greeting, namely, a friendly smile, a nod, a wink, a handshake, a hug, verbal greetings etc. Verbal greeting is the universal verbal forms of greeting which is acceptable in most situations. In this part of the world, it is good morning or good afternoon. In this age of casual lifestyle, instead of good morning or good afternoon, most young people say “how far” or even try to shake their elders. Children should be properly guided by parents on the various pattern of greeting. Leave-taking, dismissing or escorting someone is also part and parcel of greetings.
Another way of judging one’s class is conversations. Speaking is idiosyncratic. It is a reflection of learned pattern of talking and personality. For a child, the first rule for a good conversation should be politeness and respect for others. Slang should be out of “polite” conversation and when talking with your elders, family friends and superiors.
A child should also be taught not to interrupt while two persons are talking. People with communication problem frequently and rudely interrupt others. Polite words such as please, thank you, excuse me, bye, hello etc should be essential part of their speech.
Another area of judging one’s breeding is table manners.
Lack of table manners can make one ridiculous. Good table manners are second nature to someone who has been taught correct manners right from cradle. It is embarrassing that in some homes, toddlers feed from the floor while their plates are empty.
Teach the child gently yet firmly all that he should gradually know starting with the basic things first. A practical method of teaching is always better. Seat your child beside yourself when you eat and show him or her what to do.
As a general rule, when used with spoon or knife, fork is held in the left hand with the prongs facing upwards but when used alone, fork is held on the right hand with the prongs facing upwards. All gravy dishes such as rice, beans etc may be eaten with a spoon not a fork. Chicken can either be eaten with fingers or knife and fork while fish is eaten with a fork and knife and salad with fork. African eating habits rely upon our God-given five fingers and do not demand the strict use of knife or fork or even spoon.
The worst table manners are those that suggest greediness or show an entire lack of consideration for others such as chewing with the mouth open, eating fast, shoveling food into the mouth in large forkfuls, swallowing with gulps, noisily sucking through the teeth, licking the fingers, talking through a mouthful of foods, blowing hot food to cool it, crumbling bread into tea, tearing the last clinging bits of meat from a chicken or any other bone with the teeth like dog, asking for another helping like Oliver Twist, spitting out hot food etc.
Other signs of ill breeding includes, cleaning your nose or your ears or your fingers in public, yawning without bringing your hand to your mouth, sleeping with mouth open, appearing in public with disorderly hair or clothings, standing with hands on the hips, cracking vulgar jokes in the presence of a lady banging doors, clattering down the stairs, using another’s property without permission, nagging, not remembering birthdays of family members etc.
Lack of good manners and etiquette is simply an indication of one’s level of sophistication and on the whole put one in poor perspective. Charming personality begins from the home. Some part of behaviour pattern in time becomes a part of our personality. Thus, ill breeding in the family if not corrected can degenerate into some social menaces such as robbery, violence, corruption etc because as a being is so the being acts.
Obasi is a student of Catholic Institute of West African (CIWA), PH .

Marie C. Obasi

School children at a public event in Port Harcourt. Photo: Obinna Prince Dele

Women

The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage

Published

2 weeks ago

April 5, 2024

The Tide

A woman needs a man that is honest, trustworthy, nice, loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money, it is always difficult.

Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire shall be unto you……..
That is one aspect the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy, at least helping to do one or two things. A man that is educated and intelligent.
She knows that there is a trait that her husband has. Traits of taking care of people, giving freely to people and caring for her family.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family, remembering his family even as he is away from home.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.

According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit. Don’t be a monitoring spirit. Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband.
The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.

The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man. A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

Women

What Women Want In Yet-To -Be Husbands

Published

3 weeks ago

March 29, 2024

The Tide

What women want in their yet-to- be husbands matters a lot as far as marriage is concerned.
A woman desires a good fnancial prospect. Interestingly, some modern women place a man’s financial potential as more desirable than they have in the past.
Many decades ago, women ranked it lower on the list. It still comes in after items like love and maturity, but perhaps today’s women realise that a good economic partner is good husband material.
Good health has been an important characteristic for women through the 20th century and remains so these days. One might argue that because we’re living even longer, health plays a huge role in the success of a marriage. Women are anxious to know that their partners are healthy to be able to run the family together.
You discover that in most faith based organisations, would- be couples are mandated to go for medical tests to ascertain their health status as it concerns HIV/AIDS, Genotype and other related ones. This according to stakeholders is to ensure that couples raise healthy families.
Ambition has become less important to women over time, though it still being considered even if women nowadays are thriving in the workforce competing with the male folk. It may be because more women are thriving in the workforce, they want a husband who has earning power but are not looking for him to be the sole provider.
More women want husbands with pleasing disposition. They may not want a man who is always moody. A man who is always cheerful is whom they desire.
Surprisingly, a man’s likes do not rank as high on women’s list of wants as it used to. Until recently, women are more willing to accept a man for who he his, despite the inevitable mood he may be.
Sociability from both men and women rank very high on their marriag material list. And for both sexes, it has been steadily moving up the list for many years. The rise of the “love marriage,” a partnership based on attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status) might mean that married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends.
A lot of couples want to associate with others and then socialise. Attending parties of other friends forms part of their marriage requirements.
Women have placed education and intelligence top making it one of their most desirable male traits for decades. This timeline coincides with more and more women receiving college education themselves. Once education becomes important in women’s lives, it is a more attractive trait in potential husbands.
Of course when a woman is educated, she is likely to go for an educated man. When they are gainfully employed, their income boost the family affairs faster.
Today, women are much more attracted to men who are interested in home and family than they ever have been. Men who have desire for their home and children is whom they desire.
After a days job, a man will come home to ensure that his children are comfortable. Because most women today are expecting to be in dual-earner relationships, they want husbands who will be happy and willing to contribute at home. More women today even report that they hope he will take the lead at home.
A woman wants a man who is emotionally stable and mature. Growing big physically is not the issue but maturity in the heart.
Men, too, place a heavy emphasis on a potential wife’s emotional maturity, signaling that it is a key quality for a stable partnership. Women seem to look past appearance to the heart of the matter.
A woman wants a man who is not easily provoked. Dependable character is what some women want in marriage.
Women want husbands that they can count on, and this has not changed in recent years. Yes, women look to their spouses to be lovers and friends, they also want them to be supportive and trustworthy. They want to know that their husbands will be there and remain loyal. Men, too, desire dependable character from their yet-to be wives.
Mutual attraction and love from the first appearance is what they want till they become old.
The highest-rated characteristic women seek from men is mutual attraction and love. Some no longer look for a man who will provide everything, afterall they are also educated and are gainfully employed, they want to be in love.
For some women, even when the man do not provide household needs, the love shown on her is enough. When women had no job prospects and needed to marry, they desired love . The women’s movement has not only helped women pursue careers, it has also given them more choice in love.

Women

Echoes Of IWD : Need To Invest In Women

Published

4 weeks ago

March 22, 2024

The Tide

As this year’s Internatinal Women’s Day (IWD) has come and gone, there are calls from different quarters on the need to invest in women so that we can achieve accelerated growth.
It was, indeed, a thing of joy when Rivers Women Unite For Sim, took delivery of large quantities of sanitary towels and some bags of rice provided them for this year’s celebration.
Many young women expressed joy that they got such gesture since some of them have financial problems getting sanitary towels whenever they are on.
Some secondary school students were also lucky to have a share of the benefits. They also got some sanitary towels.
The Rivers State Commissioner for Women Affairs organised a platform to celebrate and honour the women for the remarkable jobs they perform in their homes and society.
Addressing women on the occasion, the Hon. Commissioner for Women Affairs, Dr. Roseline Apawari Uranta, noted that women from time immemorial have been great pillars in achieving remarkable heights and stressed that IWD across the globe is pivotal all women for the roles they play in bringing, nurturing and sustaining life.
Dr. Uranta said that IWD, which started in 1911 and celebrated annually on March 8, is a global day that provides women a platform to address economic inclusion, participation in political and public life.
She said the day was set aside to look into lack of access to education for the girl-child, gender-based violence, child marriage, child trafficking, harmful cultural practices as well as other challenges facing women around the globe.
The Hon. Commissioner, who described March 8 as a day to celebrate the socio-economic, cultural and political achievements of women, emphasised that it is a day that offers women the opportunity to reflect on progressive achievements.
Noting that it is an opportunity to call for change, she stressed that it is also an opportunity to celebrate acts of courage and every achievement made by ordinary women who did extraordinary things and are remembered in history.
She noted that the IWD2024 theme:”Invest In Women, Accelerate Progress”, is timely and apt because according to her, to achieve gender equality, we must ensure that the rights, responsibilities and opportunities of women do not elude them.
Her words: ” We must see investing in women as a human right issue and consider investing in women as a social tool to eradicate poverty since women are helpmeet in the homes while a handful are breadwinners in their respective families”.
The commissioner urged women to uphold the deliberate act of investing in themselves, be it furthering formal education, developing a new skill as well as learning a trade.
“Shun idleness, always find something positive and productive to do, regardless of your age, social status and financial capabilities”, she said.
In a paper presentation, Dr. Dabota God’swill Jumbo, reiterated that investing in women would attract good and positive dividends to herself and the society at large and noted that it is essential in addressing poverty, hunger and climate change.
The guest speaker said women need more opportunities in elective and appointive positions, hence the need to encourage and support them in politics.
According to her, when you invest in women, they will be able to create safer environment devoid of gender-based violence.
In a goodwill message, the spokesperson, Rivers Women Unite For Sim, Mrs Charity Deemua appreciated the organisers for making it possible for women to gather and celebrate themselves.
She commended those who created a day like March 8 of every year to celebrate women and regretted that the girl-child was seen as a second-class person decades ago.
The former commissioner, Rivers State House of Assembly Commission, described those who taught it wise for women to celebrate as conquerors, tough and strong.
International Association of World Peace Advocates, a world-class organisation with the United Nations, honoured different categories of women.
In Cross River State, 150 women were empowered with about N15m to boost their small and medium scale businesses.
According to stakeholders, the women empowerment is vital in addressing social, economic and political challenges and will make them self-reliant.
An NGO, Association of Professional Women Engineering Technologists (APWET), said it’s aim is to promote professional excellence among engineering personnel, advocating for women and girl-child education.
With what we saw in terms of response to women’s call on issues affecting them from relevant authorities, we are optimistic that the women will do better whenever they are empowered.
If we must kick out cervical, breast and other forms of cancer in women, underage marriage, prostitution, we must invest in women.
There were goodwill messages from National Council for Women Societies (NCWS), International Federation of Female Lawyers (FIDA), Medical Women Association of Nigeria (MWAN), Nigeria Copyright Commission (NCC, Nigeria Association of Female Journalists (NAWOJ), among others.