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Dressing For The Wrong Reasons

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Modesty amongst men
and women is a natural instinct dating back to Adam and Eve who used fig leaf to cover their nakedness as recorded in the Bible. Not satisfied with the make-shift fig leaf aprons, God himself became the first dress-maker He further admonishes women to adorn themselves modestly and sensibly in seemly apparel and with a virtuous life. However in recent times, so much importance is given to the outward forms of beauty while the main aspect goes “unhonoured and unsung”.
Status symbols have never had more power than they have today because modern liberalism treats modesty as dull and unattractive. Thus, all sorts of names are given to the few who still struggle to appear decent such as Mary-Amaka, Juu-guy, Deeper-life, Holy-nwa-eje etc.
As social beings, we all want to be loved and accepted, to belong and to blend in. Thus, most people in a bid to belong allow the trend of things to set the standard for them. As a result, they lose their true identity and charm and become poor carbon copies of the famous beauties they initate and so end up more bewitched than bewitching.
Beauty is a tricky business. It changes from country to country, from decade to decade and from man to man. But despite this variation, every culture has an acceptable dress code. Any code that deviates from the acceptable set moral standard of the people is termed indecent. Indecent dressing has eaten deep into the fabric of the society. A keen observer will notice that it is now difficult to differentiate a man from a woman, a woman from a girl or an insane from a sane person. People dress any how they like all in the name of fashion. This unwholesome disease has negative sequences which may not be known to those who dress immodestly. It is in this light that this write up examines the causes and effects of indecent dressing and suggests ways to uproot it from the human society.
Clothes reflect the aspirations and psyche of the wearer. Clothing no matter how artfully designed, how fashionably styled must always be judged on the basis of its relationship to the wearer. There are clothes for various occasions namely,’ office, wedding, dance, party or informal get-together etc. Thus, some clothings are inappropriate for some occasions, place, time and age while some are. Any pattern of dressing that does not put this into consideration and that is also likely to shock or offend people is termed indecent dressing.
Your dressing can shock or offend people when parts of the body that should be covered such as the breasts, thighs, buttocks, back, armpit etc are unduly exposed or when your dressing unduly reveals your figure or body parts or when your dressing reveal your under-wears i.e. the bra, pants, singlet etc. Again, indecent dressing is not restricted to clothes, there are also indecent hair styles, make-ups foot wears etc.
Most people accept hook, line and sinker all they see around. They trust their fashion magazine implicitly and so are easily swept off by the fashion in vogue all in the bid to be beautiful. Thus, when the issue of indecent dressing is raised, modern liberalism immediately invokes liberty of conscience and advances all kinds of false arguments such as,
·  What is wrong with what I am wearing? (something is wrong because the opposite sex can be provoked by your exposed body).
·  Those who see me this way are not forced to sin (your indifference can coax others into sin).
·  Every other person dresses this way (you should not be like others. Every human person has the freedom, privilege and duty to pursue virtue).
·  I do not mean to do evil (yes but you can send the wrong signal with body language),
·  I feel I should be in style and up-to-date (moral law does not change with style and popular taste),
·  There is no universal standard for modesty (there is, consult the accepted ethical norms of your people),
·  I refuse to be a bigot and hypocrite (there is nothing false about being decent).
·  Men want me this way (one day you will render an account to God not to your husband or boyfriend).
·  Beauty is supposed to be seen (yes but beauty may be living or dead. Living if it attracts souls to goodness not evil)
·  It is the heart that matters (yes but Christians are meant to be light of the world).
·  But I feel hot (the same people who dress scantily to church and other sacred places because of  heat, dress modestly to the law court and other civil offices)
·  There are bigger problems and bigger evils than this (yes but evil is evil).
·  One can sag responsibly (there is nothing responsible about sagging).
Some examples of indecent dressing for females include, all types of scanty wear such as, spaghetti tops, sun-suits, off shoulder; all types of ostentatious or over ornamented wears such as bum-shorts, knickers, body hugs, miniskirts, tight fitting slacks or jeans, sheer and transparent outfits, low waist(sagging),  off-colour hair-dos, heavy make-ups, artificial nails or eye lashes etc. And for the males, earrings, tight fitting T-shirts and jeans, braiding, permed hairs, plaited hairs, shirts or any wear revealing the arm pit for male, low waist etc. Others are some beauty enhancement therapies such tattoos, breast enlargement or reduction, facial up lift, hip enlargement, tummy trunk etc.
In recent times, virtue is sadly on the verge of extinction. There is total lose of the sense of the sacred. People dress any how even to Church and sacred places. It is unfortunate that most people  who suffer from identity crisis copy all sorts of  fashions introduced  by  fashion designers. They forget that every action we take has either a positive or negative effect on our family and the society in general.
Indecent dressing can  sexual harassment, rape, unwanted pregnancies, ritual killing, acid bathe, road accident, lying, stealing, etc. This is because since the original sin, appetite for sex in all men and women is not always subject to direct control of the will and intellect. This appetite is so powerful that it does not take much to arouse the desire of the procreative faculty. As a result of this weakness it is imperative to safeguard virtue by dressing modestly in strict justice and charity. A keen observer will easily notice the high rate of sexual promiscuity among the youth. Incest is now even common in the society. These evils are possible because you are addressed the way you dress.
On the other hand, modesty in dress helps safeguard the virtue of purity and is demanded by the mortal laws of God. Decent dressing depends 6n good taste and good judgment. which is defined as a refined look, leaning more towards the conservative and simple than a flamboyant spectacular look. While good judgement is self-awareness i.e. a clear picture of whom and what you are, your goals in life, your values and beliefs as well as the accepted ethical norms of your culture.
Thus, decent dresses in a typical African society have sleeves extending to at least the elbows (or quarter-length sleeves because of impossible market conditions) and skirts reaching below the knees. Decent dresses require full coverage for the body, chest, shoulders and back and conceal rather  than reveal the figure of the wearer. Women and girls who follow these standards will have no problem of modesty in dress.
The problem of indecent dressing requires an integrated approach because of its manifold causes and effects. To curb the menace of indecent dressing in the society, parents should serve as role models. They should by words and examples emulate the virtues of modesty and chastity. A mother who dresses decently can easily inculcate it in her children and vice versa.
Civil and religious laws should be enacted and enforced by the government and all relevant agencies to check the abuse of indecent dressing. Churches and religious bodies should go an extra mile to champion this cause.

 

Marie C. Obasi

A typical example of indecent dressing

A typical example of indecent dressing

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Women

The Desire Of Every Woman In Marriage

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A woman needs a man that is honest,  trustworthy,  nice,  loving and financially stable.
There are no two ways about finance in marriage. No matter the level of love, If there is no money,  it is always difficult.


Referring to the Biblical belief in Genesis 3:Your desire  shall be unto you……..
That is one aspect  the woman expects her husband to take care of.
A woman wants a husband that is not lazy,  at least helping to do one or two things.   A man that is educated and intelligent.
She knows that there is a trait that her husband has.  Traits of taking care of people,  giving freely to people and caring for her family.
A woman wants to love a husband that has family interest at heart. A man that spends time with his family,  remembering his family even as he is away from home.
A woman should not antagonise her husband because of one error or the other. No matter the level of offence he may have committed, you still show some love.


According to the Scripture, it is with wisdom that the women builds her home.
It is not as if the woman will not monitor her husband, but to certain limit.  Don’t be a monitoring spirit.  Don’t allow anything to take your joy.
Don’t loose trust in your husband.
The idea of checking your husband’s phone should be discouraged. The more you check your husband and his phone, the more you loose your joy.


The home should not be a battle ground for a woman and man.  A woman should be able to ask herself if the check on her husband will pay her any good.
Draw a line to a point where you checkmate your husband’s activities.
A woman wants a man that will love her and telling her you love her will be all she desires.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

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Women

What Women Want In Yet-To -Be Husbands

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What women want in their yet-to- be husbands matters a lot as far as marriage is concerned.
A woman desires a good fnancial prospect. Interestingly, some modern women place a man’s financial potential as more desirable than they have in the past.
Many decades ago, women ranked it lower on the list. It still comes in after items like love and maturity, but perhaps today’s women realise that a good economic partner is good husband material.
Good health has been an important characteristic for women through the 20th century and remains so these days. One might argue that because we’re living even longer, health plays a huge role in the success of a marriage. Women are anxious to know that their partners are healthy to be able to run the family together.
You discover that in most faith based organisations, would- be couples are mandated to go for medical tests to ascertain their health status as it concerns HIV/AIDS, Genotype and other related ones. This according to stakeholders is to ensure that couples raise healthy families.
Ambition has become less important to women over time, though it still being considered even if women nowadays are thriving in the workforce competing with the male folk. It may be because more women are thriving in the workforce, they want a husband who has earning power but are not looking for him to be the sole provider.
More women want husbands with pleasing disposition. They may not want a man who is always moody. A man who is always cheerful is whom they desire.
Surprisingly, a man’s likes do not rank as high on women’s list of wants as it used to. Until recently, women are more willing to accept a man for who he his, despite the inevitable mood he may be.
Sociability from both men and women rank very high on their marriag material list. And for both sexes, it has been steadily moving up the list for many years. The rise of the “love marriage,” a partnership based on attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status) might mean that married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends.
A lot of couples want to associate with others and then socialise. Attending parties of other friends forms part of their marriage requirements.
Women have placed education and intelligence top making it one of their most desirable male traits for decades. This timeline coincides with more and more women receiving college education themselves. Once education becomes important in women’s lives, it is a more attractive trait in potential husbands.
Of course when a woman is educated, she is likely to go for an educated man. When they are gainfully employed, their income boost the family affairs faster.
Today, women are much more attracted to men who are interested in home and family than they ever have been. Men who have desire for their home and children is whom they desire.
After a days job, a man will come home to ensure that his children are comfortable. Because most women today are expecting to be in dual-earner relationships, they want husbands who will be happy and willing to contribute at home. More women today even report that they hope he will take the lead at home.
A woman wants a man who is emotionally stable and mature. Growing big physically is not the issue but maturity in the heart.
Men, too, place a heavy emphasis on a potential wife’s emotional maturity, signaling that it is a key quality for a stable partnership. Women seem to look past appearance to the heart of the matter.
A woman wants a man who is not easily provoked. Dependable character is what some women want in marriage.
Women want husbands that they can count on, and this has not changed in recent years. Yes, women look to their spouses to be lovers and friends, they also want them to be supportive and trustworthy. They want to know that their husbands will be there and remain loyal. Men, too, desire dependable character from their yet-to be wives.
Mutual attraction and love from the first appearance is what they want till they become old.
The highest-rated characteristic women seek from men is mutual attraction and love. Some no longer look for a man who will provide everything, afterall they are also educated and are gainfully employed, they want to be in love.
For some women, even when the man do not provide household needs, the love shown on her is enough. When women had no job prospects and needed to marry, they desired love . The women’s movement has not only helped women pursue careers, it has also given them more choice in love.

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Women

Echoes Of IWD : Need To Invest In Women

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As this year’s Internatinal Women’s Day (IWD) has come and gone, there are calls from different quarters on the need to invest in women so that we can achieve accelerated growth.
It was, indeed, a thing of joy when Rivers Women Unite For Sim, took delivery of large quantities of sanitary towels and some bags of rice provided them for this year’s celebration.
Many young women expressed joy that they got such gesture since some of them have financial problems getting sanitary towels whenever they are on.
Some secondary school students were also lucky to have a share of the benefits. They also got some sanitary towels.
The Rivers State Commissioner for Women Affairs organised a platform to celebrate and honour the women for the remarkable jobs they perform in their homes and society.
Addressing women on the occasion, the Hon. Commissioner for Women Affairs, Dr. Roseline Apawari Uranta, noted that women from time immemorial have been great pillars in achieving remarkable heights and stressed that IWD across the globe is pivotal all women for the roles they play in bringing, nurturing and sustaining life.
Dr. Uranta said that IWD, which started in 1911 and celebrated annually on March 8, is a global day that provides women a platform to address economic inclusion, participation in political and public life.
She said the day was set aside to look into lack of access to education for the girl-child, gender-based violence, child marriage, child trafficking, harmful cultural practices as well as other challenges facing women around the globe.
The Hon. Commissioner, who described March 8 as a day to celebrate the socio-economic, cultural and political achievements of women, emphasised that it is a day that offers women the opportunity to reflect on progressive achievements.
Noting that it is an opportunity to call for change, she stressed that it is also an opportunity to celebrate acts of courage and every achievement made by ordinary women who did extraordinary things and are remembered in history.
She noted that the IWD2024 theme:”Invest In Women, Accelerate Progress”, is timely and apt because according to her, to achieve gender equality, we must ensure that the rights, responsibilities and opportunities of women do not elude them.
Her words: ” We must see investing in women as a human right issue and consider investing in women as a social tool to eradicate poverty since women are helpmeet in the homes while a handful are breadwinners in their respective families”.
The commissioner urged women to uphold the deliberate act of investing in themselves, be it furthering formal education, developing a new skill as well as learning a trade.
“Shun idleness, always find something positive and productive to do, regardless of your age, social status and financial capabilities”, she said.
In a paper presentation, Dr. Dabota God’swill Jumbo, reiterated that investing in women would attract good and positive dividends to herself and the society at large and noted that it is essential in addressing poverty, hunger and climate change.
The guest speaker said women need more opportunities in elective and appointive positions, hence the need to encourage and support them in politics.
According to her, when you invest in women, they will be able to create safer environment devoid of gender-based violence.
In a goodwill message, the spokesperson, Rivers Women Unite For Sim, Mrs Charity Deemua appreciated the organisers for making it possible for women to gather and celebrate themselves.
She commended those who created a day like March 8 of every year to celebrate women and regretted that the girl-child was seen as a second-class person decades ago.
The former commissioner, Rivers State House of Assembly Commission, described those who taught it wise for women to celebrate as conquerors, tough and strong.
International Association of World Peace Advocates, a world-class organisation with the United Nations, honoured different categories of women.
In Cross River State, 150 women were empowered with about N15m to boost their small and medium scale businesses.
According to stakeholders, the women empowerment is vital in addressing social, economic and political challenges and will make them self-reliant.
An NGO, Association of Professional Women Engineering Technologists (APWET), said it’s aim is to promote professional excellence among engineering personnel, advocating for women and girl-child education.
With what we saw in terms of response to women’s call on issues affecting them from relevant authorities, we are optimistic that the women will do better whenever they are empowered.
If we must kick out cervical, breast and other forms of cancer in women, underage marriage, prostitution, we must invest in women.
There were goodwill messages from National Council for Women Societies (NCWS), International Federation of Female Lawyers (FIDA), Medical Women Association of Nigeria (MWAN), Nigeria Copyright Commission (NCC, Nigeria Association of Female Journalists (NAWOJ), among others.

By: Eunice Choko-Kayode

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