Always remember that in marriage there are two people involved even though the scripture says the two flesh shall be one. It is a commitment of one imperfect person to another imperfect person and can only survive when both partners are committed to each other.
The marriage institution was established by God. The scripture in Genesis 2 says after God has created everything, he saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone he caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and took a rib from him with which He formed the woman. Verses 24 and 25 of Chapter 2 of Genesis say, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed”.
Therefore to attain success in marriage, the author of marriage who is God, has to take a central place in every marriage. Because God instituted marriage, He has a divine order for it. All we need do, on daily basis is to find out this order from Him and follow it precept upon precept. And note that it is true that the family that prays together has a greater chance of sticking together. Commitment to strong religious faith enhances marital success hence the need for each partners to have a personal relationship with the author of marriage if they must succeed.
Beside the spiritual angle to successful marriage, there is the aspect of both partners having the resolve to make their marriage a success. This, of course, does not come by chance but through constant effort by persistently practising the following principles outlined by Dick Innes.
Sorting out your roles: Radical changes have brought a mass confusion of roles, which has helped contribute to the skyrocketing divorce rate. This is notably so among young couples under thirty who are four times more likely to get divorced than their parents. For a successful marriage, both partners need to spell out and agree on their roles and responsibilities.
Based on our background, we come into marriage with preconceived ideas of what it should be like. And most times what we experience are contrary to the expectations that we came with into the marriage. In other words our expectations do not match with the reality on ground for instance, if you felt you did not have enough love from your parents, chances are you may unconsciously try to get your partner to be a substitute for your parents. But to have a healthy marriage, couples should develop realistic expectations.
Again, any marriage without commitment is useless. To be committed means a conscious effort by each of the couples to do every thing necessary to make the marriage work. Commitment to each other’s well being, growth and development materially, spiritually, emotionally and socially also comes in here. Always remember that in marriage there are two people involved even though the scripture says “the two flesh shall be one”. It is a commitment of one imperfect person to another imperfect person and can only survive when both partners are committed to each other.
Another important principle is responsibility. People who choose to get married are responsible for their choice, for fulfilling their responsibilities and for doing all they can to make their marriage succeed. The wellbeing, growth and development of their children are the responsibilities of the parents. Everyone going into marriage brings into the relationship his or her personal problems and pockets of immaturity. Therefore it is the responsibility of both partners to stand up to these problems by finding a way to resolve it.
Stressing further, Innes said “each partner is responsible for his or her own happiness, reactions and feelings. Nobody else can make us happy. If we haven’t found happiness before marriage, marriage won’t provide it. Happiness is a by-product of maturity. For that, each one of us is responsible. Only happy people make happy marriages”. This is not to say that if you were not happy before marriage you can not be happy in marriage. It is all about one’s mindset as you go into marriage. A situation where one goes into marriage with the mindset that her partner must give her the happiness she did not have prior to marriage, and she does not contribute her own quota to bring happiness to her home can not of course get her expectation. This is because you can only reap what you have sown.
Knowing how to communicate effectively is another secret of successful relationship. And effective communication is based on knowing our thoughts, desires motives and feelings and being honest with them as you creatively express them. When you deny and suppress you inner feelings and true desires, communicating them becomes ineffective and you can never discover true intimacy in your relationship.
Also, having quality time with each other and sufficient time to meet each other’s needs keep the relationship intact. There should always be mutual understanding for it is the proper basis for a stable marriage. Trying always to see it from the perspective of your partner. Remain Blessed.